There are many shatterlings. There are nine who are guardians. There is one who is the overseer guardian. He allows himself to be called Fletcher. He, alone, knows all the children, the shatterlings of my self. He is the guardian angel sent for this particular mission. The children gather and exist in groups, although there are a few who stay alone by themselves. The alone-ones have Fletcher as their guardian. The other nine guardians watch over two groups each. Generally, each group came about from a particular traumatic event with the strongest becoming the spokesperson.
Although it is difficult to speak of my self as different selves, still it becomes a true path - if not truth. And perhaps it is just the true path that matters, for its final port-of-call is Truth. So, then, I think of Fletcher... Fletcher who really doesn't want to be "Captain" of the "Ship" - Captain of our Crew. He never really has wanted to be Captain. Fletcher has been first mate - always finding a helmsman and captain appropriate to the situation. He seems to always appear after "sessions" with abreactions, with traumatic re-experiencing of childhood abuse. And I could hear in my head the chanting of many children: "Fletcher! Fletcher!" Because Fletcher needed to take command because I, the presenting adult, the Outworld Interactionist, was not functioning well at that point. But it has occurred to me that Fletcher was reluctant to assume command...that he does so when no one else is strong enough for the current situation...to hold everything together. So often it feels like I'm going to "nova" and explosively disintegrate all over the universe.
But then, the question becomes - if the helmsman is the Outworld Interactionist, and Fletcher is not usually the Captain...who is? Ah, who indeed? Well, the answer that comes is this... that broken autistic child up in the crow's nest - the corechild, the child of origin ... there's the original captain -- locked within that tragic piece of childhood lost. What a strange vision.
To the Counselor from Fletcher:
9-22-98
"You are doing a good job. You are good enough to be a captain or a pilot or even a first mate. It's not easy to get everyone to work enough together to get the ship moving long enough in one direction to reach any destination. At first, it seemed to others that I was in charge. But I just keep up the "shield of normalcy" and try to keep the crew getting along all right. I kind of am in charge because nobody else wants to. I know how to protect the kids. It is my highest priority. I work hard incorporating your work with that. It is very important. And you are good. Thank you."
9-29-98
"Just letting you know that things are ok. The "sea" is a bit choppy, and "storm clouds" are near, but with each mile on the journey, we all work just a bit better with each other. The more we understand each other, the better we can cooperate towards a common destination. And the more focused a consensus can be. Integrity is the password."
10-8-98
"This is Fletcher. It is a most interesting understanding that we have come to . I can see now the web that holds our existence together within the one. I can see how we are all interrelated and interconnected. I have passed this information on to all the others, and all are in contemplation of it according to their level of awareness and growth/ healing. It has caused much concern among us - but for the good. I think that this will increase both communication and cooperation. Therefore, arriving at consensus will be more attainable for more circumstances. Although I can see myself as that main thread in the web that is all-vigilant and holds the web together, we have not discovered who the spider may be. It is true that is D's (the presenting adult) shamanic journeys into the animal realm, she is referred to as "Spiderwoman" by them (or whomever "they" see when she journeys). Still, it is important to take only one step at a time - to be patient - to not try and push the river. The concept of the Web-within is already requiring much thought and feeling and accomodation. It is enough for now."
10-25-98
"Almost everybody has gone to their safe places now. It is this way whenever there is a perceived threat to the ship or crew. I would think that perhaps the difference this time would be that several no longer hide alone, but have a friend, or two, or more, to hide with. It is an interesting development. I do not know when a safe harbor will be found. I suspect it will probably be after there is closure to this "freon" incident. When everyone hides away like this, it makes it very hard for me to deal with extra stress as I am already holding every bit of the ship together while providing protection and guidance."
10-27-98
"We have encountered amongst ourselves a few children who appear to be autistic savants. Joshua is a Vienna- boy chorister who sings 1st soprano which is very high and very beautiful. Asher is a reformed Jew (by his account - accepting Jesus as Messiah) and he reads scripture in such a way as to bring it alive. Tabor is a tenor. Zack is a high-speed pilot. Tommy lives in a box (I don't know if he has a special gift yet). Marie sits and rocks in a corner (I don't know about her, either). And Brandon refuses to talk at all, right now."
11-7-98
"I know that it is important to have up-dates, to review where one has been and where one is now to determine how successful the journey, how deep the healing, how soon the morning light. Though there are still moments of deep despair, turbulence enough to capsize, and storms so huge that there seems to be no way out, still I know that enough has changed, enough healing has occurred, that there is hope for making home port without any casualties. It seems ironic that the successfulness of your healing is no more visible than the crew of this ship - and just as valuable. I wish there were some way I could express how much you have helped, assisted, guided, and healed so many here. As ship's Healer, you know you are more than welcome anytime to come aboard. I would hope you would be able to remain ship's Healer for a long time, but reality being what it is and bureaucracy being what it is, that may not happen. In that case, I would re-structure and re-strengthen the "shield of normalcy" to protect the children until we reach Home-port."