Discovering my Shaman-Self

Journal Entry 1:
It is my birthday... and the Harmonic Convergence...My Path unfolds before me:
If I write of where I am, I may yet find myself, and why I keep wandering. Beyond dimensions of any world - in a geographical sense - I could be anywhere in the world and still be restless. It is true that my knowledge and awareness opens when I visit, but not experientially. Still I am restless. Time is no factor. I can travel past and future - almost to the point of experience - and still see reflections of my restless soul. I can enter dimensions labeled mythological, fantasy realms. I watch the parallels manifest themselves. I can ask the same questions, practice my same crafts, still seeking myself. I know how close I am to the full experience. It is a matter of belief beyond fear. Sometimes I get so close, I scare myself. I am scared by cognitive societal labels of the when and where of this existence. Nor do I understand their meaning for me. It is just a talent I have. Lately, I have conversed with all that surrounds me - my crystals, the trees, lizards, cats, the Earth, the Ocean, the beach Sand. Now I have opened myself up enough so I can feel them respond. I used to only hear them. I feel them now. As I stood in the Ocean, I called and said, "Absorb me so we are One." I was so close to letting go, I felt such Oceanness that I was filled to almost letting go. I wondered how the Ocean felt to have so much of Me-ness in its soul. We let go of each other til we were more ready. I make the misassumption often that all of Nature holds such abilities as a natural part of its experience. I'm not so sure this is so. That evening I held my crystal sphere in my cupped hands, sitting in the midst of my Circle in my room. I opened myself up to her, as we seemed so close. "Come; be one with me", I called. And tried to relax. The more I relaxed, the more I felt her careful crystal feelers work through and around me. It was a gentle consummation -- not a complete control -- nothing that engendered fear. In fact, whenever she touched on fear, she maneuvered around it so our union would be a peaceful co-existence that we could share. When I share with a tree, I allow myself to become the tree and feel roots and branches, tiny tendrils growing out leaves - feeling the breeze, the sun, and breathing - drawing up water - feeling the lives upon me. And my communion with the Earth is friendship and unique. It goes beyond becoming her and feeling what she feels - we can see each other within the other til there is no other - til we breathe the same breath, hear the same song, cry and rejoice in the same vision. Til we are beyond the physical and senses and all referential guideposts. It is a Oneness - and only my fear limits me. Still I cannot let go - completely. But I can talk as a "we" to those who listen. The Earth and I have communed and co-absorbed and opened to each other. And in all the dimensions I travel, I find it is so. My talents are my own. I just don't understand their usefulness. My own self-insecurity binds my freedom as I build my own maze of becoming. Still I know I need only let go - these walls are only my illusion.

Journal Entry 2:
Whatever I want comes to me. Whatever I choose crosses my Path. Whoever I call - even beyond my own awareness - comes. I am beginning to respond now. Used to be I just accepted and acted with what seemed "answers". Now I know I can mold my own future Knowing what is mine will come to me. I want to go back to the Kiva - Chaco Canyon - there is a secret there waiting for me to hear it in the breath of its Circle. Alone. I need to discipline myself more to write. It seems I have experienced so much I don't know where to begin. The other place I must spend more time in is my Elven dimension - though I do not wish to label it as such. Labels are so limiting. And I know my words are to. Only someone who understood me in my depths could even approximate my full meaning. There is a blight also on their Sphere, though it is thought of in the terms of that Sphere - not this Gaia of technological putrification. Still the solution has its parallels and as my Elven friends have called for the talents I possess, so I see some use for them here. I have seen recently that in my impatience with my own unfolding that I become frustrated trying to maneuver - push - the Universe into my own desires. I may die from my own ignorance.

Journal Entry 3:
So strong is the need to move - travel - change. So strong. Somewhere else must open up for me. Somewhere else must cast a welcoming light on a path so I can follow. And knowing me as I do, I'm going to need a push, pull, yell, say "Hey, you coming or what?" When I lose my humor, I become even too serious for the Universe. I need to let go. And everyone's saying, "Yeah, go ahead, let go"... but they're not the ones jumping - they're just believing in me. I sure wish I did.

Journal Entry 4:
My Spirit-Guide introduced himself to me yesterday. A sense of humor, a deep intuitive knowing that lit his path. Knowing me, ahead of me, acting on that knowing and making me smile. Slight build, more to average, light auburn hair, sparkly blue-green eyes, an aura of green and mischief and seriousness about him. And a smile - always a ready smile. A childlike maturity unencumbered by the types of darkness I'm addicted to. Not Elven, but a friend of theirs, as if he had spent much of his childhood with them. They are slighter build than he - shorter by half a foot or so - but no less ingenious, intuitive, or mischievous. And somehow, serious.

Journal Entry 5:
How to focus all my energies to my Mother Earth. How to devote all my time in her rebirthing - our rebirthing, she reminds me. It is a mutual deliverance. I had not thought of myself as a midwife, and yet, it is one of the aspects of the shamaness. I have found the writings that support my web of energy that lies interdimensionally, 3-D and beyond, about Gaia. In the 600's in Southern Britain, it is the philosophy, the cosmology, of the shamans then. But what do I do with the talents I have, where to go, who to share with so the power multiplies and strengthens. I must become one with the change to be there when Mother Earth needs me. I cannot waver of what I know needs doing. Neither can I engage in any other distraction or career. I must concentrate my energies because of its extreme importance. So I ask the Universe, the One behind, beyond, within, us all to open the doorway and say, "Go and prepare for the Coming, the Birthing, of a New Hope." It scares me sometimes because all I have to compare my thoughts and mind-set to seem consumed by madness and there are times I do not know the difference, nor do I know whether I am mad or not. It is my cognitive that allows me to cope - it is my cognitive that denies my letting go. I am afraid of the people who might decide my case.

Journal Entry 6:
Still, as I write, I do not know where I am wandering - just that I am wandering away from danger that may or may not be real - it is truth, if only mine. I need to build a sanctuary in the hills, in a cavern, where those who wish to let go to the spiritual inside them can, where those who intuitively and/or holistically commune and harmonize with all the Universe can, where shamans live, where life exists in every grain of sand and every dream. Where love fluorishes because judgment does not exist, nor limits, nor any restriction on being completely who one is - not tolerating harm, but allowing fantasy - extinguishing fear through all-encompassing, unconditional love. My kiva calls me.

Journal Entry 7:
I do not have to trance-out or deliberately re-focus my energy to converse with Nature - it comes inherently now. I do not need to draw Tarot to know what card will show - nor to pull a Rune - nor to call on any of my totems. It is a complete part of me. My crystals know with me who should be my companion at any particular time. My staff and I are friends and my rod and I are close as well. My clear crystal sphere and terminator both interact with me without conscious deliberation. And so with all the elements. I have become so tuned that every breath, every occurence has meaning and is correlated to me. I understand the unique and distinctual properties of every plant, animal, mineral, and shade of light and sound. I draw myself into that awareness more and more. It is my only answer. It is who I am. Everything that comes to me, comes in answer, comes to enlighten, in some way. If I do not see it, I do not dismiss it as nothing, but hold it in reserve. My memory holds it all. I know when the bush reaches out to touch me - it is a deliberate contact. I see my self as an equal in the presence of equals that many, if not all, of the natural essences of life have as much consciousness as I do, as much depth of feeling as I do.

Journal 8:
I am not separate. All is interdependent. ALL. But the word is limited by the perceiver. So I say, ALL. Not just all men or all mankind, or all one culture, or all one cosmological group, or all one religion, or all one political view. ALL. Everything. Everyone. But not just all people. Animals. Plants. Minerals. Natural resources. Energy. All creation. ALL. Everything you can envision or dream of. Everything of your best hopes and worst fears. Everything you can say exists. And everything you say doesn't. ALL. ALL is interdependent. And ripples do cause ripples which cause ripples which affect other dimensions to send ripples off interdimensionally within every possible realm you can conceive of. And then beyond your conceptions. There are no islands not touched by water, sun and air. There are no islands. There can be no shrugging off of responsibility by that claim. We are responsible for who we are, where we live, and why this is such a mess. Because we are not separate. It's just that I cannot immerse myself in my profession anymore. Not that it isn't a worthy one - performing a service for children and performing it well. It's just that, something else is calling. Something else is saying, "if you don't do something, there will be no place to learn; there will be no schools, no books, no children, no nothing." So what good then of such talent. And for whom? So I am plagued with the need for change, for a place to focus and refine my energy, for a support group like me to grant more power for a new vision of life, a positive change, a healthy birthing for Gaia. Someone needs to turn the back porch light on so I can find my way Home, even if the path is treacherous. This area of my life has so little map-work, so few guide-posts, that not only am I easily lost - I'm easily convinced of my being lost when I am not.

Journal Entry 9:
It seems obvious to me that having been somewhere before seems to facilitate being there again. And it may be that certain languages and customs are learned easy having learned them before. It could substantiate the idea of reincarnation. But there have been many changes in my own concept of reincarnation. I do not believe that my living and re-living is inextricably tied to some time-continuum precept. Mostly because I do not believe time as a continuum - only a dimension, as simply as space is (or as complex - depending on one's perception). It is a matter of growing - of being in a situation that fosters growing and awareness. It may be that easy access to the "past" is only being able to enter the dimension where that reality exists - not remembering, necessarily, but entering that dimension where your alternate self is in a different learning situation. I have no trouble re-entering any of the places I have been - no trouble re-establishing the terrain, the cosmology, the society, and the interaction of those closest to me. Nor is it difficult for me to re-establish a scenario for someone else who asks me, because if they have been drawn to me then we have shared at least one experience - usually several - and I tap into those from my perspective. As talents and general personality traits do not change much, it follows that certain options continually recur in all our alter-lives. Still, it is not necessarily a chronological order in an Earth history sense. Learning, growing, awareness-training may need to occur within certain technological or environmental or societal confines. For those to be met may mean jumping far back to the "past" (as time is currently measured) or to a projected future or even within a realm that is not considered "real", in the Western cognitive domain. Depending on the individual needs, that's where they go. The object, however, is not in establishing the awareness and talent for "past-life" regression, but rather using such awareness to understand who you were, what you did, and most importantly, why? Why did you do or not do the things you did? What was the influence? What things in yourself were good or detrimental to your growth? How has that carried over? How are you re-dealing with them? How have you changed? Has that been a growing or regressing? What are you going to do about that? In all of this, and especially in the shared experiences, the most frightening aspect is the depth of emotions and feelings that are stirred up. The ability to open up and "dream-fast" (wholistically share each other) is quick causing me problems in the sense that my darkness and shadows deal with the emotions of other people and my own feelings in that interaction. I can, now - if I so allow - empathize in the truest sense of the word. If I hold someone's hand, I can, if I so choose, I can be in them (not of them) feeling their feelings. Sometimes that is disconcerting. And because "past-lives" are rather like once-removed from my cognitive control, it is even easier to tap into the feelings of that prior shared experience. Not having cognitive control means I'm usually caught off-guard by some interactional emotions as, generally speaking, the people who I share the experiences were very close emotionally and beyond. But if I focus on the growing pattern and all that existed so as to assist in the understanding of the who and why, so as to correlate it with the here and now, and maybe make some sense of it, then it's not so overwhelming.

Journal 10:
This communion with all the different variations of life, I wonder sometimes - does our conversation and communion exist because I believe and act on that belief? It is a question for my cognitive mind... it isn't even a concern for my intuition. It used to be I could go out and meet with Cougar, my animal totem, seeing his mountain wanderings and environment and just enjoying the "being there", the companionship and such. Now I take in all of his environment. I listen to the rocks, the rivulets, the breeze, the mountain plants. So I am almost as completely "there", as I am working at being completely "here". So that my level of awareness transfers with me to wherever/whenever I go. What a trip! But, all in all, the dis-ease which plagues my Gaia, my Mother Earth, does so in all my dimensions - there will be no escape of responsibility for helping the Earth to heal itself. I have chosen to heal. And I have chosen that knowing there is so much to learn - relearn - unlearn from this primarily cognitive technological realm. My awareness must be of ALL dimensions, all the domains, all that is of my Earth, my friend. So that my presumption in healing does not cause worse or remains ineffective. Continually, I try to expand my awareness in the "metaphysical- magic" realms. My cognitive awareness is ample enough for now. I need to balance that with the mystic power. And it comes. As I believe, it strengthens. As it strengthens, I open up more - learn more - believe more. And so, the Circle sustains itself in a spiraling of intensity, knowing and power.

Journal 11:
Still there remains a separateness within my own Self, within my own soul. A separateness that can convincingly affirm that none of this is real. That it is the creation of a mind unwilling (or unable) to deal with people, or even life. And it is so convincing that when its darkness has put my soul in shadow, it is like the extinguishing of a candle, so that I believe the darkness is the correct state and am afraid to light the candle because it seems to cause so much trouble with other people. It shouldn't matter what other people think, and yet, people in power can take control pronouncing me as unfit to control myself and then put me where they have control and feed me drugs to keep control. No, it takes a lot of courage to light my candle in the complete sense of who I am and what I choose to be doing in my life.

Journal 12:
It is extremely obvious to me that the use of color, sounds, energy and focusing tools, are all very subjective and are not meant to be taken strictly as the only way, the only kind, the only anything. Each person has different modes of interacting with the energy within and without him. The intuitive sense of knowing will let him know what works for him. What he accepts as working with him (because it is comfortable and he sees it corroborate his feelings) is what he should use and build upon. I have read many books on particular ways of doing one thing or another in the psychic, healing, divination, and self-development. It still centers solely on what works for the individual. The knowledge that exists in books and students of such knowledge can create a foundation from which to develop one's own creative power. But it is important to note that power already exists in every individual. You don't need anything to give you power. You have it when you believe it. All other information and tools merely focus it. You have to believe it first. Then you can develop it. Nothing given from outside - nothing developed from outside or in response to some external suggestion without the internal belief and desire can become anything with true healing force. Because it is all subjective - self-centered - definitions cannot exist in truth. They are external. Your perceptions are unique. No less true than anyone's. You are equal to all. But you must accept your uniqueness, your perceptions, and your power, for it to be your Truth. You will see in time as you cultivate your uniqueness, that you will at once feel separate from and more in tune with life. It is also important to remember that emotions are externally caused while feelings are yours to accept.

Journal 13:
I can sit and talk to you, my friend and Spirit-Guide, though it is more difficult to write. It is like writing a letter to someone who is sitting at the same table. Seems ridiculous. And yet, you understand, I need to write down at least how close we are, how your words and moves anticipate my own thoughts and needs and feeling. Yes, I need patience. I need to believe in you more. But then, how much do I believe in anyone? How much do I believe in myself? Am I as afraid of trusting you as anyone? And yet, you answer all my fears as soon as they form in my mind. I must confront my own self, my own fears. You give me nothing to fight against.

Journal 14:
It is so hard to tie in where I am to where I would rather be...To move my future in the wilds closer, to open my doorway to mystic challenges rather than my daily inundation of mechanical and measured and monitored life style. Always instead now, I envision building in the wilderness a center to focus on Gaia and on where we need to be going beyond technological awareness and correction, because it's going to take other dimensions as well. Mine, as well. Southwest Colorado, maybe. Back to Chaco. They knew, too. The Ancients. And all the natural living entities of that area. The Spirit-breath - I can breathe it, too. A cavern in a rocky mesa. The darkened breath of old, old thoughts. I can only be what I am. I want to be free. I want to be One with these natural beings, so I can better empathize with their cataclysmic antiquity - what they've learned.

Journal 15:
I build my Circle in my room. Evening has fallen, as darkness etches a waning moon. A cool breeze whispers in its nighttime colors. I face North and fill my Wholeness with Green. I build two pillars and a capstone to silhouette the Green-ness - swirling with energy - ferns, grass, hills, and healing. I face East, summoning its Springtime Yellow - dandelions, buttercups, and sunshine. I build its two pillars and capstone to cup its Yellow-ness in rock-hewn hands. I face South, and feel its Red energy echo the Inner volcano of my Self. Carnations and Dragon-lilies sway in front of a cedar door as if the heat's breath blew among them. The door contains my anger. At once, I wish to eliminate it and hold it in place. Perhaps I should only learn to pass through and back without losing control. I have not contemplated it much as so much else is happening and it is not interfering with my present development. Last, I face to the West, calling on the Blue. The spray of the Ocean, its whole Self lain out before me - its breath and voice within me. Blueness edged by the rocky pillars and capstone horizon. The Scottish heather embroidering the foreground. Its calmness reaches to release me to my Self. I sit down in my Center, drawing the Circle with crystal-white light, surrounding all my pillars into a Sphere of Magic. I relax and listen - I do not listen enough, I know. I hold my small crystal sphere in my hands. I have learned that size is a deception and limited perception as much as time and space are. I transfer my larger Circle into the small Sphere so that it is easier to re-kindle. We see each other within each other and know our own infinity.

Journal 16:
Shift...A shake and re-focus...a new terrain...calling me. Light sand on a rocky floor. Rock-fused sentinels, towers, and eyries - foundations to commune with the Universe. Somewhere nearby is an arroyo holding the greenness of shadows, the coolness of a whisper stream, shadows of aspen and lark, whispers of Middle Earth wind-words. Ferris (my Spirit-Guide) is with me always now. Smiling. It is difficult to write of someone who's looking over your shoulder. An interdimensional friend. Real. My inner Self reacts (even my physical Self reacts) to his presence - to his touch - to his thoughts.

Journal 17:
So easily, my mind detours into cognitive puzzle games. It surely would be easy to satiate that addiction to the exclusion of everything else. That's scary. But the preference is different now. I find those cognitive games very empty. Somewhat unfulfilling though the competitive challenge grips me at times. Just another pattern to solve. It's hard to relax, though. It's like shutting out everything but my own cognition. Everything - and so tense is the concentration, so demanding does its priority become - I do really misplace my values. I need to get away from the words and numbers interplay that have become so limiting and distracting in my life. This journal is but a road map of a legendary place whose landmarks shift in the fog, whose perception alters to my own creative will and needs. It may be possible to decipher where I've been, but knowing where I am now or where I will be is only guesswork. Intuitive empaths will get close, but others who believe they are will be left alone to that belief.

Journal 18:
As all life is but modified energy forms, and as the air interacts with my Self and my mind, so I can create energy spheres or pulses or projections. By taking such energy as I gather, and forming it into a usable type (focused), I can then direct it as a healing force, or for protection, or to bring into focus that which seems unclear. Usually, it is a golden light, but for particular needs particular colors are more helpful. Generally, the colors reflect Chakra frequencies when it is a physical problem. Sometimes these colors will cross over for emotional dis-ease, as in the energy of Red. Sometimes I use Blue fo calming - sometimes White. It just depends. I really just trust myself to know what is appropriate for that particular moment. My powerful colors ar gold and white and I use them unless another color insists on its priority. Green is a cool healing, but it relies more on the Self healing rather than the external source. I use it with discretion.

Journal 19:
You can change the way you react to certain people, situations, etc.; that these reactions are emotions and you do not have to be controlled by them. Feelings are real and need to be dealt with at face value, acknowledged as a Truth, and understood.

Journal 20:
When I sat with Ferris, today, we faced each other. I put Enya's cassette on and held my crystal sphere in my right hand and my terminator in my left (this seems often to be the most comfortable, even though it's polarized opposite to what is expected...). I held them out in my palms with my wrists resting on my brought-up knees. Ferris placed his palms over mine so the crystal energy was contained between our palms. When I began to relax some, I started releasing my golden energy through my palms watching it flow into him, as I received his silver energy. For some reason, I had trouble relaxing too much, but it may have been too powerful for me. Later, though, as I rested, we ventured to the Elven World, coming to be in a circle of our friends. It was a Power Circle, but also a Friend Circle, and we passed a pipe around. As I inhaled and breathed through it, I gave it to Ferris. In a few moments I caught myself drifting off to sleep - solid sleep - twice. Had I not had a deadline to be going somewhere else, I'm sure I would have just packed it in and gone to sleep. Oftentimes, at night, I prefer someone sleeping next to me for warmth, and Ferris will. His hand is always within reach. And he does wonders for my tense neck muscles. He always encourages me to use the power and knowledge that I have, to do something about whatever might be "bugging" me. I often create protective circles and healing energy glows whenever I want. I have begun to just let myself go this psychic path - I'm getting tired of the word "psychic".

Journal 21:
The Magician
It comes to me that the psychic powers I hold are advancing at an acceptable pace for me, but as far as manifesting in this realm, it doesn't seem as obvious or verifiable. And it also comes to me that if I were to be more public about all that I am and do and believe, I could easily be admitted to any mental health facility and left forever, or given drugs so I relapse to a left-brain cognitive golem. I've had to give this a lot of serious thought. It makes me consider very carefully who sees this. And who I talk to. And how I play. It used to be ok to play because I was just flexing my novice wings. I'm not a novice anymore. I'm an apprentice adept, and much of what I've learned and absorbed has infused itself so intricately in me that it is me. There has been a shift. My awareness of the interrelationship of all events (defined "coincidence, accident") has increased and is increasing to include the most inconspicuous, noting how it specifically relates to me, sometimes to other people. Signals, songs, messages, occurrences in the work place, detours, etc. can all be related to some path, need, growth, or whatever I'm drawing to myself. And beyond that, I'm also consciously aware is some message is being communicated by any animal, plant, crystal, or natural resource, just kind of incidental to my passing, listening or such - beyond any deliberate conversation which I initiate. The awareness clarity is so improved and improving that I have almost completely released all my Self to that attention. I have control. I am responsible. But I'm still terribly ignorant and resisting to much of what the Universe holds for me.

Journal 22:
I also have little need to visualize or analyze myself. I have little need for any prognosticating tools except to re-affirm my own feelings. I have no need for any future references as I am in control of my future, and how I will handle it. I do not have to draw Tarot, rune, or such, as the vision will come just from my own inner question or query. Learning my particular totems through Native American "astrology" has its positive aspects as far as centering or adding power in certain situations. But more positive and more powerful than that is the learning of all plant, animal, and mineral totems so that as the situation demands, these can be brought into my company (as "companions") so I can listen to their awareness, wisdom, perception of the situation so they can offer some gift I will recognize. My visual memory slowly is accumulating all the symbols I have seen. The Tarot deck, the Runic alphabet, number-figures (i.e., 3:triangle), and all the mystic visualizations connected to creating protective shields, magic Circles, relaxing or healing techniques, and all crystals. The more I bring to my visual attention, the more I am retaining - my ability to retrieve has also sharpened. The more I trust my Inner vision, the easier it has become to focus in on anywhere/ anywhen and see all the details. At that point, I have also improved in being able to holistically be there. In fact, it is possible for me to interact in that dimension - either with whatever natural life is there, or in the drawing of runes in the sand, etc. My talents follow me. So it follows that I also have control of my Self in any dimension I venture to, in any sense of traveling there.

Journal 23:
I hold to knowing that I would be able to connect and converse with the Consciousness within any Natural energy form. It is all-pervasive in Creation. It is everywhere. It is only a matter of choice as to "who" I will commune or converse with. Sometimes their choice, not mine. Sometimes an inner need or fear or query is answered and as often I am surprised by it, as I was not aware of my asking. Almost completely, all manufactured items do not hold this Consciousness. What generally happens is that the vibrational energy level of their elemental make-up is affected by my energy and , in intensive interaction, can become resonant and reactive to my own Self. Sometimes, as in iinstruments particularly made for Power and Communion use, a Consciousness does flow through that can be interrelated with. My Staff is such an entity.

Journal 24:
The Power becomes stronger when the visions can be held with my eyes open - when my natural state can include all visions without diverting or decreasing my attention or awareness in this reality. Each day that Power becomes stronger and stronger. Often, now, the physical manifestations in this realm duplicate themselves. Man-made items assume the reflection of the technology of whatever alter-realm I am focusing on (i.e., cars may be wagons, horses, or hovercraft). My healing talent develops as well with my Dwarven friends as it does here. Breathing colors has certainly increased my well-being, and sleeptime, as well. It is quieter inside me. Like a slow ocean on a clear day. Sometimes, when I can feel pieces of darkness nibbling at the edges of my control, it takes all I can do to hold center. But I do.

Journal 25:
I have finished my travel through the World of Wyrd. I read the book, "The Way of Wyrd", and found it validates my own beliefs and strengthens the Path I take, or rather my taking of it. I think of sharing. I think of how really powerful this afternoon was. I think how much I really was in, and then of, the Green Fire...and then the Fire of this World - Sol's fire - why not?
I think of a friend of mine. I envision us sitting cross-legged facing each other. I envision and feel her trusting me as I trust her. I tell her this is a vision-sharing. I put my hands, palm up, on my knees. I hold the sphere and terminator. I have her put her hands, palms down, on mine. Then I say to relax, to empty the mind of thoughts and pictures. The receptive and projective crystals begin a current running through us both until we experience each other and become One - no secrets, no limits. It is a powerful vision to experience. I will finish this when I experience this in Truth.

Journal 26:
It has come to me as extremely important to write this down to set it in my soul: if I take or do without permission, I am stealing someone's own Power. When I let someone take from me against my permission, I am giving away my Power. The ideal, of course, is to share -- to allow the interacting, as I have learned to do with peer-essences, but not in the Human world. It is important to not steal power nor let it be stolen, no matter if it seems "for the best". If I steal another's power, then I feel some control over them and that feeds my insecure need of power. If I let someone steal my power then I have given up my control out of fear or resignation. Both these needs need to be faced, acknowledged, and re-perceived fro this new vantage point. Already, I have been able to deal with the intense emotions some people draw from me: both good and bad; both pleasing and painful; both humorous and fearful. It drops more limits from my flight-plan, loosens more of the bonds around my soul. It is a very good feeling. I am glad that I am aware of the Change, and, even more, that the Change occurred.