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Thoughts



17th June 2003

School has ended, the end of an era. Should I be excited? Probably, but for some reason that I don’t understand I feel a great sadness. One whole chapter of my life has ended so suddenly. Sure, people talk about the endless amounts of things they’ll be going once they’ve completed school, but right at this moment, I have no idea what to do with myself. As the thunder thuds on, the lightning flashes, and the rain drips in the alley outside the window, I think about school, what happened, and what will never happed again. I’m bored. I never thought I’d say it about all this time off, but I’m so damn bored. Realistically I should get a job, because I need money so badly, but something’s putting me off. I don’t feel motivated to do anything; perhaps it’s the rain, my lack of sleep, the cold I have acquired, or just sheer laziness! I’m sure I’ll get over it… one day… But for now, the melodic music takes over my mind, as I try to think up a way to make myself go to sleep tonight. I don’t really have anything more to say; I don’t know what to think anymore, I think maybe I’m stuck in the lesser of two evils, school or total boredom. Need a job. End. Well, maybe this week I need some entertainment! “Lets start a war, start a nuclear war” that seems to be George Bush’s philosophy… but enough of the politics, lets get down to some serious gossip. Well, there isn’t really any, not even after an eventful night at Joe’s House! much drinking, but most of what happened is either confidential, or somewhat X-Rated! But that’s for certain people to know only… sorry!

Angelfire x


12th June 2003

Well, I’ve been trying to think up some new things to say on here, for the new look and everything. And I came up with fate. Some of you may or may not know that I am a great believer in fate. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Like meeting a person, if you don’t see them or take any notice of them the first time you meet them, fate keeps on throwing them back at you until you do decide to talk to them properly. Someone, possibly reading this has given me some great advice recently, I wont go into any detail about the type of advice, but what I will say is that I listened. This person cares about me an awful lot, and I care about them so much too, but the person is irrelevant to this. The point I’m trying to make is that I believe that I was supposed to hear what his person had wanted to say for a long time, it hurt a lot when they said it, and I’m not sure why, but all I know now is that I feel so much more enlightened and happy about everything. It’s weird; it feels like a huge load of heavy weights has been lifted off my shoulders. I was supposed to hear what this person had wanted to say for a while. I wish they had said something earlier, and had told me the honest truth and not hidden things from me. I really do hope that people read this and take note of where I’m coming from. Things are meant to happen for a reason; so when they do, don’t try to hide from it, deal with it. If you feel like you want to say it, say it, as long as the person you said it to understands why you did it, they should understand! I don’t want this to seam like a preaching, more like letting my feelings out. This was emotional. To the person: you know who you are, I’m sorry, and thank you.

Angelfire x


8th June 2003

This morning I checked my Hotmail inbox for the first time in several days, and what did i find?! The usual array of forwards from Chris Howden, a philosophical email form Debbie, an email about Marilyn Manson from Max, and 34 Porn emails! 34!!It annoyes me just a little bit. grrrrrr. So anyway!
What have I been doign this last few days is the question I know you're all (not) wanting to know the answer too!
Well, exams mainly, the final week of Exams is just opening before us, and it'll all be over by Friday(well, for me at least! some finish on Wednesday!) Well, as well as exams, I have been messing about, mainly at Jen's house, dressing up!hehe! just ask Spandex boy(Joe) about it hehehe! We're too mean to him! Jens and me have shared some quality girlie time this week, and to be honset, we've needed it! Guys just wouldn't understand eh Jen?! hehe! OOH and then we played with Barbies! It was sooooo funny, you kinda had to be there i guess... :-)
Yesterday, I chilled at Mark's house... it was really cool, we went over to the pub (just opposite- soo lucky!) and messed about there It's so hard to leave him at the end of such perfect days! :-(
But yeah, thats just about it for the moment! Sign the damn forum, or i'm gonna get rid of it!

Angelfire x


2nd June 2003

I've been thinking up some random crap to say today, Katie reminded me to do this (thank you!) My brother went off to Wales at 7 this morning, so I was up at 6 to say bye to him (sob sob) it's certainly weird around here without him, so constant cartoon's playing, and one less person to chuck me off the PC! :-D I have completed over three hours of exams today, it's more than enough! But for now, i'm working hard (kinda) after all, its stupid to give up so late in the game eh? (Raja)
I was thinking today, the human mind and body experiences so many different emotions and feeling during just one day. It can be such a rollar coaster a lot of the time. Depending on you're gender, you experience such different thoughts, or are they really different?! From experience, most girls believe that guys think about very few things, some of these being sport, sex, food, TV and sex, sex, sex. But are the females amongst us (and including me) totally innocent to scrutinize the intense testosterone thoughts of the male mind? Surely not all males think in this way, well not all the time anyway! I certainly know of some males where all conversations end up being about sex, no matter how innocent they started off as. But a lot of girls I know (including me) are also the same. Our lives are filled with innuendo, we can't help being exposed to crude and rude images, but maybe this is a part of growing up? At 16 we're legal to have sex, and old enough to have a child. I bet not many of you thought about it that way but just in the sense of "i'm 16, how quickly can I lose it?". Maybe the law is wrong, I certainly don't believe that many people at our age could cope with having a child. Just a thought, i'm not sure if it makes sense, I just felt like pouring it out.

Always use a condom! (oh-cliché!)

Angelfire x


1st June 2003

Well, yesterday, I went to France with a few people in my family, it was really good, we went to a war grave cemetary, and paid our respects to a relative. Sounds sad I know, but the poor guy was only 17, and he died in the first few weeks of the war. Think about it, that's only a year older than most of you lot, and the same age as others, do you think you could hack being machine-gunned down or have your lungs filled with chlorine gas with only a stick stolen from a dead friend to protect you? All I will say is that it was a moving experience, such peace in a place of past war. We owe our lives to those brave people.  It certainly made me want to make the most of my time on this planet, no matter how long, or short, it just brings everything flooding back, the pointless arguments and falling-outs, they don't mean anything, they never did, but I still let them happen, maybe out of my own stubbornness, I don't know.  But then it made me think of some of the fantastic moments I have shared with my closest friends and relatives.  Life is short, even though it is the longest thing you'll ever do.  No matter how long you live for, you probably wont complete every single thing you want to do.  Now I believe that everyone is put on this world for a purpose, and after we complete this purpose, we move on to another world, maybe a different body, to be given a new purpose; a new life to live, new mistakes to make, new lessons to be learnt.

I'm going to enjoy my current life, I don't care if no one understands what I've just written, I do.


Angelfire x


29th May 2003
Wow, another beautiful day! (I sound sooo English!) But I had to waste the morning in hospital getting prodded and poked by some woman!
"does this hurt?"
"yes"
"does this hurt?"
"yes, that's exactly where you poked me before"
And now i'm all aching! :-( Mark was cheering me up earlier, but i'm bored now! hehe!
Not really much to say today... far to x-rated!!;-) (joke)hehe!

Angelfire x


28th May 2003
Blue skies, sunshine, and holidays! What more could a girl ask for? Well lots; here's my list:
1. £50 to pay off my phone bill
2. £100 for my Reading ticket
3. £27 for a train fare from the Lake District
4. A job, to pay for all this...
5. A miracle to help me through my GCSE's
6. More time to spend with my mates
7. More time to spend with Mark

wow, I don't ask for much!

Today, I was playing with my website, after getting up nice and late. Then I cycled over to Nutfield (god knows what possessed me to do that!!) and spent some really good time with Mark. We talked about anything (as usual) it was just really cool to talk to him! Then I cycled back home... geezas, it was damn hard work! hehe! Got home, nearly broke off the shed door trying to get my bike in (oopsy) and then found out I had a physiotherapy appointment for my knee (which I injured whilst skiing) sound kool to have somebody massaging your legs? My physiotherapist is a woman, oh well... hehe!
I was checking out Mark's site earlier at his house, looking at all the html, it's written much more cleverly than mine! and he keeps trying to confuse me with all his technical jargon! oh well, it's just something i'll have to learn to live with! :-)
Write more soon, remember to keep signing that guest book, i'm looking into getting for forum up on the site soon, i'll keep you all posted!

Angelfire x