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Everything on TV sucks; thank God we still have infomercials. Sarcasm? You bet. Man.. who the hell keeps these people in business?? Every infomercial has three main elements:

Some amazing new product that does something trivial and utterly useless in "JUST SECONDS."

A smartass that knows everything about the product. And,

Some guy that doesn't quite know what the hell's going on.

Add to these ingredients some cheesy music and a penetrating narrator's voice, and you've got yourself a first class infomercial fit to be spammed on countless late-night networks. Why are infomercials written so poorly?! There's always the guy that's trying to sell the product standing around, clipping weeds/cooking pasta/polishing a car, when the guy that doesn't know what the hell's going on wanders onto the set. Without fail, the first words out of his mouth are: "Hey, what are you doing?" Like he really gives a rats ass (I know I don't). Then the other guy answers "Oh, just saving time and money." AAAGGHHH. I just want to hit the stupid bastards that come up with these scripts.

infomercials were made for the sole purpose of ruining my day.

Now here are some things that can make my day better: Not going into work. Seeing someone run towards me in the elevator while I press the "CLOSE DOOR" button. People's Court. Not letting people merge into traffic. Rolling my eyes when someone asks me a question. Arguing with someone when I'm obviously wrong to see how long it takes for them to catch on. Not waking up. Making someone's day worse. Patronizing people. Answering open-ended questions with open-ended questions. Honking my horn at an intersection, then pretending like I don't know who honked just to confuse people. Scaring children. Kicking my neighbor's ugly-ass sun flowers. Littering. Finding a good parking spot (mocking people that don't have one). Forcing people to take the wrong exit because I wouldn't let them change lanes. Saying something that pisses someone off even more than they're already pissed off. Seeing someone trip and fall. Pulling the door shut behind me when I see someone coming towards me with their hands full. Making someone feel bad about doing something I do all the time.