I stood silent, tears threatening to spill from my eyes as he finished telling me his secret. ‘How in the hell could he have kept this to himself for so long?’ I wondered. He was so drunk that his speech was slurred, yet he had chosen to reveal this intensely personal secret to me at of all places...the record company’s party. Why? Had the severity of it all finally gotten the best of him, or was it simply the alcohol talking? I looked around to make sure that no one was close enough to hear what he had said and was relieved when I realized everyone was consumed within their own conversations. In some petty way, it made me feel good knowing that I was the only person that he had told, however, in my heart I wondered if he would even remember telling me the next morning. I had noticed a change in him over the last few days, an alarming change, but I didn’t want to pressure him so I had not asked. I simply let him know that I loved him and he could tell me anything, regardless of what it may be. I had certainly never expected to hear this. Especially not in this setting, not in the manner in which he confessed.

"We need to go now, Age!" I said helping him stand and motioning for Markus to help me get him to the car.

"I’m not ......um, I’m not going....." he began to say, rather loudly.

I glanced around to see if we were drawing attention and saw that Kevin was watching the scenario play out from where he stood, talking to one of the producers. He raised an eyebrow and I turned, not wanting to deal with his ‘holier than thou’ attitude at this moment. He had been giving AJ a lot of crap lately over different things and I was in no mood to hear it tonight. That sickening feeling began to spread throughout my stomach, knowing that when the truth came out, Kevin was going to be a force to be reckoned with.

"I don’t care what you want, we are leaving. Right now!" I snapped.

Markus looked at me and smiled. No words were spoken between us but I could tell that he agreed with how I had just handled AJ. I’m sure he had wanted to say something similar to him many times in the past when his drinking was out of control. Call it respect, call it pity, call it whatever you want, but for some reason Markus had always remained calm and been a gentle friend to AJ during such times. How ironic that such a big burly man, working to protect AJ from harm could be such a teddy bear. I smiled back at him.

"I have a 4 year old daughter. Her mother died a few days ago and I want to take custody of her."

As the sun began to peak over the horizon, I sat alone on the balcony of our beach house in my terry-cloth robe, my hair blowing in the cool ocean breeze. I had always loved the sunrise. I definitely wasn’t a morning person and my mother always called me a ‘vampire’ because I seem to come alive at night, but nothing beat watching the sunrise after a night out on the town. Now my thoughts were with this little girl that had inevitably been thrown into my life by circumstance, a little girl that I had never met, a little girl that had just lost her mother. I needed more answers. Who was her mother? How had she and AJ met? Were they in love? Why did they separate? How did they manage to keep the baby a secret? My head ached and yet my mind continued to run at full strength, wanting to know more. It would have to wait though because the only person that could answer my questions was still sleeping off his liquor in the bed that we had shared for the last three years. How was it that I loved him so much, yet never knew such an integral part of his life existed?

As I sat quietly, the tears flowing freely down my cheeks, things began to fall into place. It was beginning to make sense now, the reason why he would take off occasionally to ‘clear his head’ as he put it, the reason why he seemed melancholy during the holidays, and the reason why he always paid close attention to children laughing. It was because he was missing out on the greatest joy a man can know- fatherhood. How sad. How terribly sad for him and for the little girl that belonged to him. The warm sun must have lulled me to sleep, for I awoke to him placing soft kisses on my forehead.

"What are you doing out here, babygirl?" he asked.

"I couldn’t sleep so I came out here to watch the sunrise."

I studied his face for a hint of remembrance of what he had told me the night before. Nothing. He simply had a distant hint of sadness in his eyes. Before I could say anything, he kissed me.

"I have to do something important today. It will be late before I get home. Okay?"

I waited for him to give me more details. I needed him to give me the chance to understand, to help him through this difficult time. He said nothing more. About to explode with emotion, I took a deep breath, counted to ten and then proceeded to ask him more about his plans for the day.

Stunned, he said nothing. He bowed his head as the grief overtook his worn out body. I pulled him into my arms and held him against my breast, comforting him as best I could. As his sobs grew louder, I ran my fingers through his hair, stroking him tenderly. When at last he had regained control, he sat up and looked at me lovingly.

"I’m sorry that I told you the way that I did last night. At first I thought I had dreamed the conversation, but when I looked into your eyes a few minutes ago, they told me that it was real. Can you ever forgive me?"

It was my turn to cry now as he looked at me helplessly. My heart ached for him.

"I’m hurt that you didn’t tell me sooner, but I’m sure that you had your reasons. Please let me go with you today and help you through this. You can tell me everything when you feel that you are ready, until then- I just want to comfort you."

He pulled me against his bare chest and kissed me passionately, caressing my face with his long thin fingers. His bottom lip quivered as he pulled away and stared deep into my eyes.

"I don’t know Kat-my attention is going to be focused on my little girl today. She needs me desperately."

It seemed so odd to hear him say those words. His little girl. It was so final, so unbelievably real hearing him say it like that.

"What’s her name?"

"Who?" he asked, his mind drifting to what lay ahead of him.

"Your daughter. What’s her name?"

He smiled proudly. "Emily."

"Well, if we are going to raise ‘Emily’, then don’t you think she should see us united on a day like this? Don’t you think it would be beneficial for the people that have her to see that you have someone stable in your life to help raise her?"

"You actually want to be part of our lives? You love me enough to stay with me and help raise her?" he asked surprised.

"I love you Alex. I’m not scared easily. If I had been- I would have packed my things while you were sleeping and left quietly. I’m not going anywhere baby, unless you want me to."

"Nothing. Now let’s get ready for the funeral. We have a long day ahead of us and we have many plans to make."

My stomach was tied in knots wondering what ‘Emily’ looked like and how her little heart would handle her mother’s death. I wondered if she would be excited to see her daddy or upset with him for not being there more often. My mind simply would not stop racing and wondering...it was driving me crazy! Had I made a mistake in coming today? Would I be intruding on something so personal for this little girl and her family? Would I be shunned? My worries were put to rest when AJ parked the car and leaned his head against the steering wheel, tears falling upon his black slacks and my hand. The sight of this gorgeous man that I so loved, crying, made me want to take him in my arms and make love to him in an effort to wash away his pain. He took off his sunglasses and wiped his eyes before turning to me.

"I know you are confused about all of this baby. I promise that I will tell you everything tonight, just follow my lead and bare with me."

I leaned over and kissed him softly. "I love you and I know that we will get through this together."

Smiling sadly, he got out of the car and opened my door for me. I took his hand as we started toward the chapel. People were milling around outside talking, hugging and crying but there was no sign of a little girl. He held my hand tight as we walked side by side toward what would prove to be a heart wrenching display of devotion to the woman that had passed. Several people glanced our way, the look of possible recognition yet confusion in their eyes. A few teenage girls gasped, but respectively kept their distance from us.

"Where is Em?" he said in a voice barely audible.

"She’s with Jade’s brother getting a Pepsi."

Denise took my hand and whispered into my ear. "I’m sorry that you found out this way Katrina. Please know that we wanted to tell you several times but for Emily’s sake we couldn’t. AJ loves you deeply and will explain everything to you later."

Dabbing at my eyes I shook my head to let her know that it was okay. From the left side of me, a shrill voice pierced my ear as I saw the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen come running towards us. She eagerly jumped into AJ’s waiting arms and hugged him tightly.

Her dark hair hung in ringlets against her olive colored skin and she rested her head against his shoulder as he soothed her. After a few moments she opened her eyes and kissed him sweetly.

"Uncle AJ, my mommy went to heaven and I won’t get to see her anymore. I want to go to heaven too, can you take me there?" she asked innocently.

My heart felts as if it were breaking for this little girl. I have to admit that I was surprised that she had called him ‘uncle’ instead of daddy but was sure there would be a good explanation for that as well. The pain was evident in AJ’s face as he tried to decide what to say to her. Her big brown eyes spilled tears as she spoke once again.

"Please Uncle Alex. You loved my mommy. Don’t you want to be with her like I do?"

He sighed before speaking. "Em, sometimes people that we love have to go away, even though we don’t want them to. Heaven is for those people and we can’t go there until Jesus decides it is time for us to go. Your mommy loves you very much and she will always be smiling down at you, but you can’t to heaven right now angel. Believe me, if I could go and get your mommy, I would."

Her bottom lip trembled beneath her pout. "It’s not fair. Who am I going to live with now?" she asked. Her face brightened a little as she said, "Can I live with you? Please? I’ll be a good girl and go to bed when you tell me to."

Glancing my way, he smiled and said, "Em, there is someone I want you to meet."

The little girl followed AJ’s gaze and smiled as we were introduced for the first time. My arms ached to hold her, to comfort her as I had with AJ. It was too soon. She didn’t know me and I needed to go slow, although she had already stolen my heart within the few minutes of interaction I had witnessed.

"Hi Emily" I said sweetly.

"Hi" she said cautiously. A chill ran down my spine as I noticed how much she looked like AJ when she smiled and lowered her big brown eyes. Those eyes, those same pools of brown chocolate that melted my heart each time AJ looked at me. There was no mistake that she was his child.

"Emily, would you like to go and get a snack while Uncle AJ visits with your grandmother?" I asked, hoping to give Alex time to view Jade’s body and speak with her family.

She told me that she was going to start school in the fall and that her mommy had promised that it would be fun. I felt that we forged a bond as we talked. Realizing that it was almost time for the service to begin, I took Emily’s hand and went in search of AJ and Denise. I found them engrossed in conversation with a beautiful Italian woman and the man that I presumed to be her husband. They were Jade’s parents. As we approached, AJ stood and took my hand along with Emily’s.

"This is my fiancé Katrina" he said squeezing my hand tightly. My heart stopped so suddenly that I was afraid I would faint. Fiancé? This was news to me, but I played along, secretly wishing it were true. Three years had passed and we were deeply in love but we had never discussed marriage. Not yet anyway.

The woman stood and took my hand. "Nice to meet you Katrina. Alex has told us that you knew nothing of this until last night and I apologize for the circumstance under which we meet." she said. " I’m Maggie, Jade’s mother."

"Please do not apologize," I said. "I want you to know that I am so very sorry for your loss. I’m sure she was a wonderful woman."

"Thank you. If you are as wonderful as Alex and Denise say, you two would have liked each other."

AJ tightened his grip once again as Denise smiled at me. Maggie turned to Emily and said, "Em, we need to go take a seat in the chapel. Do you want to sit with me and grandpa or would you like to sit with Alex?"

Emily smiled innocently. "I want to sit with ‘uncle AJ’!"

Maggie nodded her head in agreement, trying not to cry. AJ hugged her and then took Emily in his arms and put his free hand on the small of my back guiding me into the chapel. I allowed my eyes to divert towards Jade’s coffin but it was closed. Instead, an 8x10 picture of her and Emily sat on top, allowing me to get a glimpse of the woman that had loved my Alex. She was breathtaking. Her hair had been long and wavy and her eyes were Emerald green. It was apparent that Emily not only looked like AJ but a lot like Jade as well. Staring at her picture made me even more anxious to know more about her and her life. It would have to wait. As we sat behind her parents, Emily faced the coffin silently, her head resting against AJ’s shoulder rather comfortably.

The funeral itself was gut wrenching, especially seeing how hard AJ was taking Jade’s death. Several times during the memorial, Emily would reach up and brush the tears from AJ’s cheeks. He held my hand tightly in his while his free arm held Emily upon his lap. After the funeral service and the burial, the immediate family members gathered at Maggie’s home. AJ and I were invited and gladly accepted the invitation so that we could discuss raising Emily. Upon arriving, I took Emily into the backyard and played with her. The discussion in the house was something that she did not need to hear, and I felt as if I should distance myself from it also at this point in time. About an hour after we had gone outside, Emily curled up in my lap as we talked. It was there that we both fell asleep in the warm Florida sun.

I woke up to Alex taking Emily from my arms. She remained asleep as she laid her head on his shoulder. He smiled as he carried her inside to lay her down and Maggie made her way towards me.

.

"Sure. I would like that."

She sat in the chair next to me and handed me a glass of tea. Taking a sip, I waited for her to begin. It was evident that she wasn’t sure where to start the conversation as she stared at the table. I waited.

"Katrina, Alex loves you very much. And to tell you the truth, I’ve never seen Emily take to someone so quickly. I’ve spoken with Denise and she says that you are truly are a wonderful woman and that you have been very good to Alex."

I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks as I blushed. "Thank you. My love for Alex runs very deep and Emily is as cute as can be."

She sighed heavily and then smiled back at me. "Alex wants to take Emily home and raise her. How do you feel about that?"

"I know that your heart is aching more than I could ever possibly understand over the loss of your daughter and you probably feel like we are trying to take your only grandchild, but I assure you that is not the case. Emily needs to know her father and needs to be with him, especially now. I know that he would NEVER keep her from you."

I couldn’t believe my ears. I was so stunned that Jade had known about me that all I could do was shake my head as she continued.

She only wanted Alex to be happy and as long as he remained part of Emily’s life, she was okay with the arrangement. She had wanted to meet you but unfortunately fate stepped in before that could happen."

I watched this remarkable woman sitting in front of me, giving me intimate details of her daughter’s life and was amazed at well she composed herself. I couldn’t help thinking that she must have been a wonderful mother and best friend to Jade. I had never had that kind of relationship with my mother and it t made me yearn to be that type of surrogate mother to Emily.

"I will allow you and Alex to raise Emily if you promise me that you will keep Jade’s memory alive in Em; if you promise to love her like your own and if you promise to make sure that Alex’s celebrity status doesn’t get in the way of her well being. I will allow her to come and live with you ONLY if you agree to these terms and ONLY after you two get married."

The shock on my face must have prompted her to ask the next question.

"You have set a date, haven’t you?"

Before I could answer, AJ spoke up from behind me.

"Yes. The wedding is next weekend, actually. With all that has happened, I didn’t think the time was appropriate to announce it to you" he said as he put his arms around me and smiled.

"Well then, we will move Emily into your home right after you return from your honeymoon if we are all in agreement to the terms."

"If it’s okay with you Maggie, we would like to take her with us" he said squeezing my hand.

Maggie looked at him and then to me as I said, "Yes, we need to focus on her right now, not us."

"Don’t say a word. We will talk about all of this when we get home."

The remainder of the afternoon we mingled casually with Jade’s family and played with Emily once she awoke from her nap. Before dark, we excused ourselves with the promise that we would return in a few days to tell Emily that AJ was really her father and not her uncle. We had much to do in the way of preparing for her arrival. Saying goodbye, we left.

Instead of going home, AJ drove to our favorite spot on the beach and parked. He got out and walked around to my door and opened it. Taking my hand, he led me onto the beach with a smile. As we walked, hand in hand, the cool ocean breeze teasing our skin, he finally spoke.

"I know you probably have a million questions and I promise that I will answer all of them, but first I want to tell you something." He cradled my face in his soft gentle hands and whispered, "I love you Kat-you are an amazing and supportive woman. Most women would of ran away from this whole situation and yet you stand strong and poised, willing to take on anything that I throw at you without so much as a disapproving look. I can’t tell you how much that means to me, baby."

"I love you Alex. I know that you have reasons for not telling me everything that has happened and I can overlook that-as long as it doesn’t happen again" I said with a smile.

He kissed my lips lightly and then got down on one knee. Pulling a small velvet box from his pocket, he looked up at me through tears and said, "Will you marry me?"

I was stunned. "Oh god Alex, I want to be your wife..."

"Why do I hear a ‘but’ in there?" he asked hurt.

"I want you to have your daughter back, but I don’t want to marry you for that reason alone. I need to know that you want me as your wife because you love me and want to spend your life with me, not because you want to appease Jade’s parents."

He stood, once again taking my face in his hands. "I was going to ask you to marry me this weekend, before I ever found out that Jade had been killed. I had already picked up the ring and had made special dinner arrangements. Unfortunately Jade’s passing made me change the timing of my proposal."

"I know that you want a traditional wedding and you will have it! However, we only have a week to put it together. We can get my mom to help and I’m sure that Brian and Howie’s wives will help too."

"That doesn’t matter to me anymore, baby. All that truly matters now is that I am going to be Mrs. Alex McLean and we are going to raise Emily together."

He kissed me softly, taking time to savor the moment. "C’mon, let’s go home. It’s been a long day and we have a lot to do. I need to call the guys and invite them over tomorrow so we can explain everything."

I felt that sinking feeling in my stomach again, afraid of their reactions. Well, mostly afraid of Kevin’s reaction. Wearily I said, "I’ll be right there with you baby. We’ll get through this."

We went home, changed clothes and snuggled for the rest of the night, letting the answering machine catch all of our calls. AJ explained that he and Jade had been best friends for years until the relationship turned romantic. They had been deeply in love when Emily was conceived but Jade did not want to hinder his newly budding career so she had ended their relationship, thinking it would be best for all of them in the long run. They had decided to tell Emily that he was her ‘uncle’ to protect her from the media with the understanding that when she was older, they would tell her the truth. Until then, he would see her as often as he could and spend as much time with her as his schedule would allow. Jade’s parents loved him and respected the decision their daughter had made. Jade and Emily’s house had been a present from AJ and he continued to pay all of their bills, including the note on Jade’s suburban. He wanted to make sure that they never wanted for anything and that Jade could spend her time at home with Emily until she started school. He also admitted to having feelings for Jade during the first year that we dated.

What I was really worried about was the media attention this was going to draw and who would be hurt by it all. I prayed that it would be short lived and not have such a negative affect on everyone involved. However, knowing how the media liked to trash AJ (or the ‘tattooed freak’ as they called him) and the other guys as well, I knew that I had to be prepared.

I answered the door with a warm smile, hoping to soften the mood.

Howie hugged me first and then Brian. Nick smiled shyly as usual and walked past, leaving Kevin standing on the doorstep. I guessed that he was a little worried, considering the look I had given him the night before at the party.

"Is it safe?" he asked playfully.

"Yes silly, come on in" I said, pulling him into the house.

I went over and sat down by Alex, placing my hand on his knee. The rest of the guys, sensing something was up, sat waiting for AJ to speak.

After a deep breath he began. "Kat and I have some major news that we need to share with you," he said as the guys looked at each other and then back at us. "First of all, we need you to clear your schedules for next Saturday to attend our wedding."

"Married? It’s about time!" Nick said excitedly as he got up to kiss my cheek and hug AJ.

"That’s awesome news!" smiled Howie as our eyes met. He winked at me, causing me to giggle. I’ve always loved it when he winks at me and at the cameras. It had become a running joke with us about how he was such a ham and could spot a camera in the most crowded of rooms. Since then, he winks at me every chance he gets.

Brian hugged AJ, giving us his ‘congratulations’ and then me. Kevin was smiling but his eyes told me that he knew that there was more to the story. I nudged AJ and he looked over at Kevin, hesitantly. He squeezed my hand tightly, needing support for what he was about to say.

With a somber look on his face he continued. "Thanks guys. You all know how much I love Kat and I’ve been preparing for this moment for months. But, something else has happened that I need to tell you about. I hope that you will listen to me before you pass judgement."

"What’s up, Age?" Kevin asked.

With tears in his eyes he asked, "Do you guys remember Jade?"

"Yeah, how could we ever forget her?" Nick smiled. "She was like one of us for a couple of years. I never told you this, but it broke my heart when she stopped coming around."

Brian elbowed Nick, almost sending him spiraling off the arm of the couch. "What about Jade?" he asked shooting Nick a disappointed look.

"She was killed in a car accident earlier this week" AJ said as I put my arm around him lovingly. "We buried her yesterday."

I looked at Howie first, his face pale. He had a look on his face that I couldn’t quite understand until a few minutes later when he would reveal something that none of us knew.

I then looked over at Kevin, whose face had softened. "I’m sorry. I know how much she meant to you at one time and how hard this must be for you" he said.

The tears were flowing freely down AJ’s cheeks as he muttered a ‘thank you’ to Kevin. He was trying to hold himself together but I could see that he was having a hard time. As Brian knelt before him and told him that they were all here for him, AJ blurted out the next part of his secret, silencing them all momentarily.

"That’s not all of it. Jade and I have a four year old daughter together and I am getting custody of her next weekend after the wedding."

I looked around the room, trying to read their thoughts from their facial expressions. Brian, still kneeling at AJ’s feet simply reached up and hugged him. He then smiled at me before returning to the couch. His face was sympathetic.

"You have a little girl?" Nick asked, completely shell-shocked. "Why didn’t you tell us?"

There it was.....the question that we both had dreaded. Before AJ could reply, Howie spoke up.

"It all makes sense now," he said as he sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He ran one hand through his hair as he sighed heavily.

Angrily, Kevin said, "What makes sense?"

"I saw Jade leaving a restaurant a few months after she and AJ broke up. She was very pregnant and I assumed it was another man’s baby" he said solemnly. "She looked at me as if she wanted to say something, but I turned away from her. I didn’t know what to say. Now I feel terrible about it all."

"Don’t feel bad, D. I’m sure she understood, besides-she wanted it that way" AJ said, avoiding Kevin’s stare.

"I can’t believe you kept this from us for so long. How the hell did you manage to keep it out of the media?" Kevin snapped. Then reality set in. "Oh great, if you are getting custody of her next week, the media is going to have a field day with this. Just what we need right now, another damn scandal!"

"Fuck you, Kevin! Can’t you see that he is hurting?" Nick shouted as he stood up and walked towards the chair Kevin was sitting in.

"Shut up, Blondie! You should be happy that someone else has screwed up this time and it’s not you catching the heat for once" Kevin said as he stood toe to toe with Nick.

That was the last straw for me. Seeing AJ with his head hung low, his heart torn in so many directions, I became angry as hell and they were all about to hear about it whether they liked it or not. I stood up quickly and unleashed all of my pent up frustration.

"Sit down, both of you!" I yelled out as I grabbed Kevin’s forearm. "I don’t know who the hell you think you are. You may be the oldest of this group but you damn sure are not a saint. You have every right to be upset with him for not telling you, but you have no right yelling at him or anyone else for that matter. He and Jade did what was best for their little girl and you honestly have no idea what he lost because of it. Jade broke up with him so the group could stay together and your image wouldn’t be tarnished. They were in love but she did not want to compromise his career, or yours, for that matter! How dare you stand here with that self-righteous smug look on your face and berate him for not getting your approval first. If I were a man, I would kick your ass right now!"

My body was shaking and my head felt as if it were about to explode. I could tell that my face was flushed as I stared at Kevin and the surprised look on his face. For a split second, I could have sworn that he smiled. I didn’t care. I was too angry. From behind I felt AJ wrap his arms around my waist in an attempt to calm me.

"C’mon baby. You need to calm down," he said pulling me towards him.

"I’m sorry. I didn’t know" Kevin said as he leaned against the wall, his eyes fixated on the floor below him.

I missed the look that Brian and Howie exchanged. AJ later told me that it was quite comical. Howie had apparently raised his eyebrows as if to say, "Did you see that?" as Brian tried not to laugh out loud.

"What’s her name?" Nick asked softly from behind me. "When can we meet her?"

"Emily. Her name is Emily but we call her ‘Em’. You can meet her later this week" AJ said as he smiled. "Kat and I still have to go and explain that I am her father."

Once again, the guys were shocked and waited for an explanation. AJ told them why Emily called him ‘uncle’ instead of ‘daddy’ as Kevin became more and more apologetic, realizing the lengths Jade had gone to in protecting all of them from the media. However, it wasn’t all for them, it was to protect Emily as well.

"She must have loved you and Emily an awful lot to sacrifice so much" Brian said.

"A self less woman with a huge heart" Kevin said in his deep southern drawl. He hugged AJ and then turned to me and touched my face tenderly. "And you are a fierce, loving woman to defend your man the way that you just did and to take on the responsibility of raising a child who just lost her mother. I admire that, Katrina-and I apologize from the bottom of my heart."

From behind, Howie spoke up excitedly. "Do you have any pictures? What does she look like?"

"I’ll go get them" I said as I touched AJ’s hand. I still needed to cool down and thought it might be helpful to give them all some time. As I topped the stairs, I could tell the conversation was becoming easier for them all and it seemed to help in healing their wounded hearts also.

I smiled happily. The secret was no longer a secret and I for one was relieved.

Stories By Kryss