(( The show begins with a homecamera type feel as Travis Best's huge face peers into the camcorder...the camera moves around and it ends up on the face of a driving David Tanjic...))
Travis: Travis Best here on the road with my good buddy David Tanjic...heading to do our show.
David: Travis, get that damn camera away from me.
Travis: Don't you want the fans at home to see what good pals we are??
David: What?? You tried to kill me at that..that...carnival last time and now you're calling us pals?? What are you smoking??
Travis: I don't smoke..you know that...anyways say something to the folks at home (the camera gets close in David's face...)
David: Get that out of my face!!! I can't see where I'm driv...ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
(( The camera goes black.....))
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The Serpent Vs Bang Man
Bang Man is waiting in the ring when the Serpent's symbol flashes on screen and sounds of Incubus fill the arena. The Serpent slowly makes his way to the ring. Bang Man waits on him in his own corner stretching against the turnbuckle. As soo nas the bell rings, The Serpent charges but the big man moves out of the way and shoves Serpent into the corner. A quick school boy and a two count. Serpent up fast but Bang Man beats him to his feet and hits a clothesline. Serpent gets up under his own power but Bang Man puts him down again with a body slam. The Serpent looks to be in pain as Bang Man gets another two count. Frustrated, he puts the newcomer down again and hooks the leg but only gets another two count. Serpent connects with a series of elbows to the stomach when Bang Man attempts to lift him up. Serpent runs off the ropes and hits a knee lift that staggers his opponent. A big clothesline but Bang Man is still on his feet. Serpent comes back and hits a drop kick that finally sends the big man to the ground. Bang Man is slow to get up. Serpent has climbed to the middle rope and hits a bulldog headlock. Ateempted cover and a near fall but Bang Man is able to get a shoulder up. Serpent climbs the ropes and hits an elbow and gets another two count. He picks Bang Man up and attempts a tornado DDT but Bang Man overpowers his smaller opponent and tosses him aside. Serpent gets up quik and charges but is met with a big boot to the face. Bang Man starting to get some momentum. He whips Serpent into the ropes and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Two count but a kick out. Bang Man is calling for the end. He goes for his patented neck breaker but Serpent breaks out and pushes him to the ropes and attempts his reverse DDT but Bang Man delivers an elbow to the stomach and lifts The Serpent up for a powerslam. Serpent wriggle free and falls behind Bang Man hitting the Bigger Bite and covering for the 3 count. Viper comes out from nowhere and beats Serpent with a chair...both Serpent and Bang Man are lying on the mat as Viper raises his hands high to a chorus of boos.
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(( The handheld cuts back on as it shows the van being hooked up to a tow truck...))
Travis: Damn deer shouldn't have jumped out in front of us like that.
David: JUMPED OUT?? You sticking that damn camera in my face caused me to swerve into a field...back out again...and into the deer...poor thing.
Tow truck guy: (in deep southern accent) Mr. Tanjic?
David: Yes?
Tow truck guy: That Travis guy isn't the smar'est guy in tha' world ain't he?
David: (looking at the camera) No....no he's not.
Travis: hey!!!!
David: Oh we were just kidd...(looks at the tow truck guy, who now has a shovel and is picking up pieces of the dead deer...) What are you doing?
Tow Truck guy: Well don't you boys know that road kill is good eatin?
David: (looking at Travis) I'm scared.
Travis: Do you hear banjo music??
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(Bruno and Dane enter a large office and sit down in a pair of chairs facing a desk. Behind the desk, an HWC official sits in a large leather chair looking at them and with a discouraged expression. Also behind the desk is a television monitor hooked up to a VCR.)
Official: Hello boys. I assume you know why you're here.
Dane: Actually we don't sir.
Official: Well it seems we've been getting some complaints about you possibly sexually harrassing a young lady at one of our events. This is serious business. It could cost us substantially.
Bruno: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Official: Well maybe your buddy does?
(Dane thinks for a second.)
Dane: Nope, not a clue.
(The official pulls out a remote control of some sort.)
Official: Well let's just take a look here.
(He pushes a button on the remote and footage of one of TKB's promos from last week comes on the monitor. Dane is strutting up to a girl and when he gets to her he says...
Dane: Pee on me.
The official cuts off the footage and turns back to TKB.)
Official: Now do you see what I'm talking about?
Dane: Yeah? So what's wrong with that?
Bruno: Goddamn David Lee Roth. Even in death he's screwing us over.
Official: Boys, you know that we have been very leniant to you. We have
allowed you to get away with alcohol and drug violations, the attempted murder of David Lee Roth, the kidnapping of Chris Murphy... But we've been sued. When we get sued we start to worry.
(Bruno and Dane look down at the ground in shame.)
Official: There is no excuse for this type of behavior. The HWC is one of the most open and educated companies in the world when it comes to sexual activity. I know that you are at an age when you have trouble communicating your feelings about girls appropriately. You're going crazy down there.
(The members of TKB look at each other as if to say the official is a complete tool.)
Official (cont.): We offer seminars regarding sexual activity and we have special programs for troubled boys like you every year.
(Dramatic beat.)
Official (cont.): And of course you know about our staff orgies...
(Dane and Bruno are caught off guard. The official takes the remote control and hits another button which brings a horribly disgusting scene onto the monitor. Deluxe, Triple XXX, Axeman, Bruno Von Gotch Senior, Gary Coleman, Bob Saget, and Raven and Hitman's old girlfreinds or wives or whatever they were are involved in a steamy orgy.)
Official: Well what do you think about that?
(We see only Bruno. He is quite disgusted.)
Bruno: That is the most repulsive thing I have ever seen in my life.
(The official does not respond. He sits and looks confused as he stares at the seat next to Bruno. Bruno looks over and sees that the seat where Dane was once sitting is now empty.)
(Both Bruno and the official stare at each other for a second wondering where Dane is. suddenly, they look on the monitor and see Dane enter the room where the orgy is taking place. He pulls off one shoe and starts to take off the other.)
Dane: Well well well, what have we got here?
(He unbuttons his shirt and takes it off. Dane starts to take off his belt.)
Dane: Oh yeah. Let's get it on.
(We see Bruno and the official looking repulsed. They sit and stare blankly as the horrible sounds continue and the light reflects from the screen on their faces.)
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(( A normal camera cuts to a shot of inside an auto repair shot...Travis is at the snack machine while David is waiting on his cue to start...))
David: Hello folks, and I must apoligize about what has happend so far. As Travis decided to cause me to wreck, we didn't get a chance to introduce not only that Tappa Kegga Beer promo we saw...but we missed our first match entirely as Serpent pulled off a win in his very first match. Unfortuneately, Viper made the victory short lived.
Travis: (at the snack machine) Dammit I want my ding dong!!!
David: (looking at Travis in disgust) Anyways, our next matchup is pitting the enforcer of the Highlords, Klaus Van Hammer, against Kyle Cartier.
Travis: Don't say that name!!
David: What Cartier???!!
Travis: Stop it!!!
David: Cartier, Cartier, Cartier...
(( Travis covers his ears and weeps as David keeps saying Cartier's name...))
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Klaus Van Hammer Vs Kyle Cartier
Rammstein's Sehnsucht hits the arena and the German Nightmare Klaus Van Hammer comes to the ring wiht Cypress Lavey. Kyle Cartier follows after him to a great crowd reaction. Fast action in the ring with
Cartier and Klaus exchanging control during a series of tie ups, counters, and counters to counters. Cartier ends up with a pinning situation on Klaus but only gets a one count. Both men up at the same time and Klaus connect with a clothesline. Klaus yells to the crowd and then goes back to work on Cartier nailing him with a short clothesline and a series of forearms to the back. Klaus tosses Kyle int othe ropes but he spins around within the ropes and lands on his feet in the ring. Van Hammer charges but Cartier pulls down the top rope sending the German to the outside. Cartier hits a baseball slide and ends up outside. Cartier tries to whip Klaus into the ring post but he reverses it. Kyle reverses the reverse and Klaus hits the steel hard. Cartier prepares to lay some fists into his opponent but Cypress Lavey grabs his arm. Klaus rolls back into the ring as Cartier stalks Lavey. Lavey runs inside. Cartier chases but Klaus is there to meet him with an attempted clothesline. Cartier ducks it, hits the opposite rope and lands a flying forearm. Cartier tries a suplex near the ropes but Lavey hooks his foot. Klaus falls on top of him and the ref begins to count 1...2... He notices what's going on and kicks Lavey's arms off of Kyle. Klaus goes after the ref allowing Cartier to get back into the match and hit a dropkick to the back of Klaus. Hammer bounces off the ropes and is met with a back body drop. Lavey gets up on the apron and starts to argue with the ref. Cartier will have none of it. He slingshots Cypress into the ring. Cartier calls for the Crazynator Cypress Lavey! He whips Lavey into the ropes but just as he is about to bounce back Klaus Van Hammer hits a big spear. Cartier lays motionless in the ring. The German Nightmare lifts him up and hits the hammer drop. 1...2...3! Big win for Klaus Van Hammer!
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(( Camera cuts to a shot of David and Travis sitting together waiting on the repair men....Travis's face is red from crying but he seems happy munching on a ding dong.))
David: We are back fans and a big win for Klaus as the Highlords have been proving their dominance as of late.
Travis: Thanks for the food David...I knew you liked me.
David: I only did that so you'd stop crying like a baby.
Travis: You say that, but I know better...pal!!
(( Travis hugs David..getting the chocolate snack all over him..David has a look of horror and disgust.))
David: GET OFF ME!!! Oh great now I look like I crapped myself...thanks buttmunch.
Travis: (points and laughs) Davey crapped himself!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!
David: Damn you!!! Don't call me Davey!!!
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(( Camera cuts to inside of HWC studios, where Chris Murphy is sitting at the desk...))
Chris: Welcome fans to yet another edition of Murphy's Laws.... I'm Chris Murphy. HWC outdid itself with a fantastic card in Retribution, and now the chance for HWC to shine is here in the form of the Clash of Champions!!! Without further ado, here are MY laws!!
- Look for Lockjaw vs Deranged to be a hot match at the Clash. These two OOCW have been fighting tooth and nail until Lockjaw was sent to the hospital due to Deranged. This match is no holds barred, so look for lots of bloodshed.
- The Powers of Pain team of 187 and Kyle Cartier look to be a great match.... I wouldn't be surprised to see these two hold the TV Tag belts soon.
- Speaking of surprises, nobody thought that Stumpy would win the Euro title from Jugabusa last week, but congrats go out to him...i think he'll do the fed proud.
- THE matchup people are waiting for is about to happen....I can't say much, but a secret will be revealed at the Clash.
- Rumor has it that Obake will be making his return in the next couple weeks. It'll be good to have him back, especially with the losses the HWC has had of late.
- Arron Marty and Donnie Dumas put on a good match last week....I can see these two as future superstars.
- And finally, with Bulldozer out....who will go after the IC belt? I'm betting on a Tiger Vs Cyrus Storm matchup soon.
Chris: Well that's all the time I have for Murphy's Laws....back to David and Travis....god I feel sorry for David.
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David: We are back and I'm here with Billy Joe Jim Bob looking at my van.
Man: My name is Cletus though.
David: Oh...sorry Cletus. So how does the van look?
Cletus: Nothing major really...hey do you wanna see my girlfriend?? She's real purty!!
David: (watching Travis pick up a pressure gun and playing like a cowboy...) Stop that Travis!!! Umm no, Mr. Umm Cletus, that's perfectly ok.
Cletus: She's right over there....say hi to the TV there baby!!
(( An autrociously ugly woman waves hi to the camera...She has about three teeth...giant hair..and huge boobs in a low cut blouse....David looks like he's gonna be sick.))
Travis: Look at the size of those...(accidently scrapes a car's paints off the side with the pressure gun) ...oh shit.
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187 Vs Mr. Gregr- TV Title Match
Mr. Gregr makes his way to the ring first. Cartier comes after him holding onto his recently won TV title belt. The two men waist little time. 187 hits a duck under but Gregr rolls underneath of him and turns it into an ankle lock submission which he breaks after only a few seconds. They pace around the ring staring each other down. Another tie up and Gregr gets the advantage with an arm drag into an arm bar. Cartier struggles for a second before catching Gregr's head with his own leg and delivering a solid shot to the nose. 187 takes over from there hitting a series of power maneuvers. Body slam followed by whip to the ropes and powerslam. Big whip into the turnbuckle where Gregr hits chest first and bounces back in pain. 187 grabs the legs of Gregr and hits a reverse powerbomb. Gregr lays motionless on the mat. Just as it looks hopeless for any comeback, Gregr pulls out a low blow behind the ref's back. With 187 bent over, Gregr runs in and hits neckbreaker. Both men are hurt but 187 still gets up first. He staggers over to Mr. Gregr but gets caught in a drop toe hold. Gregr and 187 get up at the same time. 197 swings high but Gregr ducks underneath of it and runs off the ropes. He comes back and ducks an attempted clothesline and hoes up into the crucifix position. 187 reverses it into a big death valley driver. 187 pulls his opponent up and whips Gregr into the ropes but it is reversed and Mr. Greger hits a huge spinebuster on his much bigger opponent. Gregr fights hard to get up but he beats 187 to his feet and hits the Eastern European economics elbow drop on 187! Gregr with a cover... 1..2...3! Gregr wins! He is the new TV champ!
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(( Camera cuts to David standing at the register waiting to pay his bill....))
David: Ok, what's it gonna add up to?
Tow truck guy: Well it all comes up to about 1050 bucks.
David: WHAT???? It was just some minor repairs!!!
Tow truck guy: Yeah, well if your friend hadn't had scratched up that their other car with our equipment...it woulda only been 300 bucks.
David: So that mistake costed us 750 dollars?
Tow truck guy: No only 700. The extra 50 is for your friend soling our ramp and scaring Cleatus.
(( Camera cuts to Travis jumping up and down on the ramp screaming " Top of the world ma!!!!!" A scared Cletus is in the corner being comforted by an ugly big breasted woman with big hair....David just puts his head in his hands..the show ends.))
