(( The show opens up outside of the arena in Las Vegas....the lights the glamor..the sounds...a car pulls up and the Gambler jumps out of the car. He blows a kiss to the lady in the car as she pulls off))
Gambler: ahhhhhhhhhhhh home!!!!! Right where I belong!!!And just in time it seems...
(( He walks up to the door to the arena...Maniac runs up to Gambler))
Maniac: Hey man it's about time!!!! The show's about to start and your match is first!!!
Gambler: Well then let's go...and let's show these people what the Gambler is all about!!
(( Maniac and Gambler walk into the arena and the camera cuts to a shot of the crowd. Amoung the signs in the crowd are "Lashley for President 2000" " I want to be Judged!!" " Limit Breakers = New Kids on the Block??" and "Deluxe 3:16 Eye jus gout meye ass beet!!" The pyro explodes and the crowd goes nuts... camera cuts to a shot of Eddie Danniels and Travis Best. Eddie is dressed up in a tuxedo while Travis is wearin a purple outfit reminisant of Austin Powers...))
Ed: Welcome fans to Snakeyes!!! This is gonna be a great PPV folks!!! I'm Eddie Danniels and with me as always...the man stuck in a time warp...Travis Best!!
Travis: It's groovy here in Las Vegas and Eddie you look like a penguin!!
Ed: A hell of a lot better than that crap you are wearing!!
Travis: Ouch Eddie...very ouch!!
Ed: *shakes head* What am I gonna....
(( KMFDM's Meglomaniac plays and the Office comes out. The crowd gives a loud chorus of boos and throws garbage at Mr. Lashley, Tru Soulja and Joey Starr. Lashley grabs the mic in the ring....))
Lashley: Welcome one and all to the PPV extravaganza Snakeyes!! (loud boos) I want to thank all of you here for paying to see us, and I'll make good use of that money as Tru, Joey and myself plan to visit a fine number of "adult" establiments, and rest assured, I WILL be using your money!!
(( The crowd starts a loud "asshole" chant...lashley looks around with a smirk on his face...))
Lashley: Yes I may be an asshole, but I got you morons to come out here didn't I?? (more boos) Anyways, Tru my friend (places hand on Tru's shoulder) I have a big surprise for you. Let me get my offical contract here...(pulls out a folded piece of paper..unfolds it and reads) Tru Soluja will be defending his HWC World Heavyweight title against....... BOB SAGET!!!
(( The crowd is in amazement at the announcement...Tru has a huge grin on his face...))
Ed: BOB SAGET!!!?? What a mockery!!!!
Travis: YEAH!!! Throw up yo soulja rag!!!!!!! whoooo!!!!!!!
Ed: God Travis sit down!!! The Office is leaving...and listen to all those boos!!!
Travis: So what?? The Office is where it's at baby!!!! yeah!!!
Ed: God, you are such a stooge. Let's just get to our first match...
Announcer: This match is one fall.....first, weighing in at 345lbs...the Gambler!!!
(( The Gambler walks down to the ring...he gets a mild applause from the fans))
Announcer: And his opponent...weighing in at 267 lbs....Co-Dog!!
(( Co-Dog comes out with NO boos or applause at all))
Ed: The crowd seems dead tonight Travis.
Travis: If you was watching this match, you'd wish you was dead!!
Ed: Travis!! These two are up and comers here in the HWC.
Travis: Yeah, and Nell Carter just got asked to pose for Playboy.
Ed: Damn it Travis...Gambler is wasting no time as he is beating the living hell out of Co-Dog.
Travis: When all you done is sit on your ass and did nothing, I'd get my ass kicked too.
Ed: And you probably will by Tikishi...
Travis: JUST CALL THE MATCH!!
Ed: Damn Travis a bit touchy aren't we??...Anyways, Gambler bodyslams Co-Dog...runs into the ropes..and hits with a nice legdrop. Gambler picks him back up and puts Co-Dog across his knee for a vicious backbreaker. Gambler stands up and is kicking Co-Dog in the head!!
Travis: Doubt you'd knock any sense in him...
Ed: (ignoring Travis) Gambler has Co-Dog in the middle of the ring....he's looking around...and he hits the Ace's Wild!!!! 1....2....3!!! It's over!!! Gambler takes out Co-Dog in a very quick and brutal match!!!!
Travis: The only brutal part is watching these bozo's go at it....
Ed: Travis!!! Geez....
(( Camera cuts to inside the parking garage where Ixon is getting out of his car...the crowd cheer loudly and Ed and Travis talk over the scene))
Ed: There IXON!!!! Ixon is in the building!!
Travis: Wait!!! It's that masked man!!! He's attacking Ixon!! Good!!!!
Ed: Ixon is fighting back....and he just slammed the masked man's head into the windshield!!! Ixon's going for the mask!!!
Travis: I want to see who it is!!!!!!
Ed: me too, and we are about ot find out......OH MY GOD!!!! It's Bruno Von Gotch SR!!!!
Travis: What the hell?? The old man has lost it....he's gone senile.
Ed: It looks like it...Ixon doesn't seem to care though. Ixon is still beating on him and hits the Second Death!!! Von Gotch Sr is out!!!
Travis: And here comes security.....but ixon is still walking into the arena!!!
Ed: This is going to get interesting folks, but we got another match!!!
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen....this is a no dq matchup!!! First....from the Office...weighing in at 255lbs...Joey Starr!!!
(( Joey Starr comes out to a large ammount of boos...he takes no notice of it. Joey looks at Travis is gives him the thumbs up symbol...Travis does the same.))
Ed: What was THAT about??
Travis: You'll see. (laughs)
Announcer: And his opponent...weighing in at almost 600 lbs....Tikishi!!!!
(( The crowd goes wild as Tikishi comes out dancing...he turns around though and Joey jumps out of the ring to attack him.))
Ed: And Joey Starr shows what a lousy person he is by attacking the big man from behind.
Travis: That's the smart way of doing it Eddie ole boy!!
Ed: Don't call me that. Joey runs Tikishi's head into the ringpost...and oh no...they are heading this way...
Travis: GOOD!!!! Bring him here Joey!!!
Ed: You stay out of this match Travis!!!
Travis: (looking into Tikishi's now bloody face) YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME LARDASS?? (smacks Tikishi's face)
Ed: Damnit Travis!!!! ( Eddie grabs Travis hand) I won't let you do this!!!
Travis: Why i aught to...
Ed: (sitting back down) Tikishi elbows Starr and throws him into the steps!!! Tikishi is fighting mad and he throws Starr back in the ring.
Travis: CMON JOEY!!!!
Ed: Sit down Travis...Tikishi slowly gets back in....Starr goes to the ropes and tries for a flying splash...big mistake!!! Tikishi catches him and big splash!!!!
Travis: I'm not going to let my man lose...(gets up and heads to the ring)
Ed: Damnit Travis!!! My announcing partner has made it his buisness to go to ringside, and he's up on the apron arguing with the ref...Tikishi sees him and has Travis by the throat!!! OH MY GOD!!! Tikishi just punched Travis off the apron!! Tikishi goes up to the top rope....the crowd is cheering loudly here......and Tiksihi hits the Splomb on Starr!!!!!!1.......2.........3!!!!!!! Tikishi wins!!!! And Travis just tried to save Starr but he's alone with Tikishi!!!! Travis is backed up in the corner....oh no Tikishi isn't. Tiksihi is backing up.........STINKFACE ON TRAVIS!!!! STINKFACE ON TRAVIS!!! The crowd is going nuts here!! Travis is saved by Starr and they head towards the back!! We will be right back folks!!!
(( Camera cuts to an excited Bob Saget...sitting in his dressing room with John Stamos...))
Bob: I did it!!! All the hard work and now...I got a world title shot!!!
John: Bob, try to listen to me man. They are giving you the shot as a joke man. They don't think you have a chance in hell of winning
Bob: What are you saying??
John: I'm saying you're a big joke around here, and I'm tired of trying to convince you otherwise. I'm out of here.
(( John attempts to leave but Bob calls out for John))
John: What??
(( Bob hits the america's funniest finisher on john...knocking him out.))
Bob: Don't ever call me a joke....bitch.
(( Bob leaves the dressing room and leaves Stamos laying. Camera cuts back to Eddie and Travis at the announcer's table))
Ed: What action so far and my collegue is back....welcome back travis (snickers)
Travis: Shut up Eddie.
Ed: So how does it feel to get a face full of ass?
Travis: about as much fun as shoving my foot up your ass!!!
Ed: Well Travis, then both sides of you will smell like ass then. (laughs hard)
Travis: Just cut to the damn match.
Ed:(Still laughing) Well folks we are about to head right back to the ring for our next match which is a Triple Threat Match for the Television Title.
Travis: This should be a good match 'cept Dozer is acting like a chickenshit by not confronting his opponents.
Ed: Travis, your not allowed to say that on the air.
Travis: Hmmm.
Ed: Anyway, lets get to the ring...
Announcer: The following match is scheduled for one fall and is for the HWC Television Championship. Entering first weighing in at 230 lbs.....I2K!!!!!!
((I2K walks out to a great response from the crowd. He slaps a few hands and motions towards his waist as if he is going to win the title.))
Announcer: And his opponent weighing in at 288 lbs......SCORPION!!!!!!
((Scorpion walks out to a good response and slides into the ring and jumps up on the turnbuckle taunting the crowd. He jumps down as the announcer continues.))
Announcer: And their opponent weighing in at 348 lbs, he is our HWC Television Champion.....BULLDOZER!!!!!
((Dozer walks out to a bad response but he takes it lightly flipping off the crowd as he walks down the ramp. He throws down the title and slides into the ring.))
Ed: Hey Travis...how did it feel to get beat up by Scorpion??
Travis: What?? You mean that promo of his?? That wasn't me...he was using some stunt double. Scorpion can't even beat himself!!
Ed:(laughs) And we are underway. Dozer hits I2K with a powerful clothesline and then attempts one on Scorpion but Scorp ducks and hits him with a DDT. Pin, 1..kickout by Dozer. Dozer is helped to his feet by I2K and Scorp who then whip him into the ropes..double dropkick. Scorpion then holds Dozer in place as I2K goes up top. Leg Drop!!! These two are working well together.
Travis: That won't last long. I give it about 5 seconds.
Ed: Well we will see if you are right. Scorp goes for the pin, 1..2..broken up by I2K and now they are in a shoving contest.
Travis: See?? What I tell ya??
Ed: I guess you were right.
Travis: Damn straight.
Ed: You can't say that on the air!!!
Travis: For the last time...DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?!?!?!
Ed: No.
Travis: Exactly.
Ed: Nevermind, anyway Scorpion hits I2K with some punches and then ooh a kick that was suspiciously low. PILEDRIVER BY SCORPION!!! Pin, 1..2..broken up by a double ax handle by Dozer. Scorpion and Dozer exchange punches but Dozer gets the upper hand and his Scorp with a huge European Uppercut that sends Scorpion to the outside. Dozer is busy bad mouthing Scorpion BUT WAIT, ROLLUP BY I2K, 1..2..kickout!!! That was almost over.
Travis: I knew Dozer wasn't going to be beat by some elementary move. See Dozer is gonna win this cause he has all the experience over these two "wrestlers."
Ed: Maybe but so far these two wrestlers are giving him a run for his money.
Travis: Dozer doesn't need to run for his money, he has enough.
Ed: I'm not going to talk to you anymore.
Travis: I'm sorry what did you say?
Ed: Nevermind, anyway Dozer is quick to his feet and whips I2K into the ropes. Scorpion holds down the top rope sending I2K to the outside. Dozer takes advantage of being the only person in the ring and goes and grabs a chair...Now what is he going to do with a chair?
Travis: What do you THINK he is going to do!!! **Mumbles** Dipshit.
Ed: I heard that!!
Travis: Your point?
Ed: I hate you. Look Dozer is going to where his to opponents are fighting. OH, he just clocked I2K with the chair. He is going for Scorpion but wait Scorpion sidesteps and sends Dozer headfirst into the stairs. Scorpion grabs the chair and ooh he hits I2K into the next millennium.
Travis: Now how could he do that?
Ed: It is a figure of speech.
Travis: It sounds more like a figure of idiocy.
(Ed shakes his head looking down into his hands.)
Ed: Well lets get back to the match, Dozer is back up but he is visibly shaken. Scorpion lays Dozer out with a chair shot and then goes for the pin. But the ref is trying to tell him that it isn't falls count anywhere. Scorpion gets up and is now arguing with the referee but this is giving Dozer time to get up..Scorpion turns around DEMOLITION!!!! The match should be over but Dozer is to fatigued to make the cover he just falls backwards.
Travis: Now if I2K was smart he would get up and make the cover.
Ed: But it isn't falls count anywhere so that wouldn't matter.
Travis: Oh.
Ed: The ref is starting his count. 1...2...3...4...5...I2K starts to move..6...I2K is back to his feet. I2K gets up and rolls Scorpion in the ring. Pin, 1...2...3..NO 2 ½. Scorpion got his shoulder up. I2K can't believe it. He stands Scorpion up. Snap Suplex followed quickly by an elbow drop. Pin, 1..2..kickout.
Travis: GET UP DOZER!!!
Ed: Dozer is starting to move. Finally Dozer gets to his feet and slides into the ring. But is greeted with a leg drop to the back of the head by I2K. Scorpion is up, I2K turns around. SPINEBUSTER!!! Pin, 1..2..broken up by an elbow to the back of the head of Scorpion by Dozer.
Travis: That a way Dozer.
Ed: Dozer picks up Scorpion and whips him into the ropes. POWERSLAM!!! Pin, 1..2..broken up by I2K. I2K bounces off the rope front dropkick to the side of Dozer's head. That will give you a headache.
Travis: Here Dozer!!! Have some Advil. **Tosses a bottle of Advil into the ring**
Ed: You are strange.
Travis: Thanks.
Ed: Dozer has the bottle of Advil and he just shattered it over I2K's head. But I2K quickly gets to his feet along with Scorpion. All three men are standing now. Scorpion goes for a clothesline on Dozer but Dozer ducks and Scorpion hits I2K sending him inside out!!! Scorpion turns around BIG BOOT by Dozer!!! Pin, 1..2..kickout!!!
Travis: THAT WAS THREE!!! Count faster ref!!!
Ed: That wasn't three.
Travis: Sure it was.
Ed: Dammit, no it wasn't!!!
Travis: Fine, think what you want.
Ed: Dozer is to his feet but is met with a dropkick by I2K that staggers Dozer. Scorpion is up...LETHAL INJECTION ON DOZER!!! Pin, 1...2...I2K stands up Scorpion. The two exchange punches until Scorpion goes for a clothesline. I2K ducks...DEATH DDT!!!! I2K hits it wrong and both men are down.
Travis: No's the time to capitalize Dozer!!
Ed: Dozer is up. He taunts the crowd that the match is gonna end...NOW!! Dozer picks up Scorpion and whips him into the ropes. Scorpion reverses and sends Dozer into the ropes but Dozer hooks the top rope stopping him. Scorpion charges Dozer but Dozer falls down holding the top rope sending Scorpion careening over the ropes to the outside.
Travis: That a way Dozer.
Ed: Dozer surveys the destruction on the outside. He turns around, DEATH DDT!!! Pin, 1...2... SCORPION PULLS THE REF OUT OF THE RING!!!!
Travis: Thank you Scorpion.
Ed: I2K is mad as hell now. Scorpion is going to hit the ref!!! But look I2K with a FRONT FLIP OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!! Scorpion hit his head HARD on the barricade. I2K gets up and slides into the ring helping the ref get in. Dozer signals for another chair as I2K is helping the ref recover from the affects of the front flip over the ropes. Dozer then sets down the chair and connects with a stiff boot to the head of I2K. He then picks him up. He has him up for DEMOLITION!!!! WAIT I2K REVERSES...HURRICANRANA!!! Dozer is down and so is I2K.
Travis: Get up Dozer!!!
Ed: I2K gets to his feet and grabs the chair. Dozer is up...HE JUST BROKE THE CHAIR OVER DOZER'S HEAD!!!! Pin, 1...2...3!!!!!!!!!!!! I2K JUST WON THE TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!
Travis: I knew he would win all along. What I tell ya??
Ed: Oh shut up Travis. We'll be back after this!!!
(( Camera cuts to a quick commercial for the Snakeyes T-shirt. Be the first on your block to own the t-shirt to one of the most exciting cards the HWC has ever put out!!! Only 19.99 plus shipping and handling))
