October 12, 2003
This has not been an enjoyable day for me so far
Sunday school was pretty good
although we have a girl from a bit of a problem family
so she's kind of hard to deal with
I think she may be slightly depressed
but we're doing our best to help her
the service was ok
church just seems so long lately
all the joy that I used to get from it is completely gone
now I have to force myself to listen
I don't know whats wrong with me today
I just want to sit here and cry
for some strange reason i've been feeling like that all day
I'm not really looking forward to ballet tonight either
I just feel like getting together with someone and talking
but not a girl
i'm sick of talking to girls
I'm sick of being comforted when something is wrong
I need somebody whos just going to tell it how it is and then let me cry
I need to hang out with a group of guys.
to not care what they think, but i do
and I can't help it
I never want to see him again and yet i want to see him so badly
I wish I could just stop thinking about him
to push him out of my life completely
but I can't, my heart is still crazy about him
even though i know that I need to get over him
I can't
How can he have such a strong hold on me?
I wish i was back in kindergarten
when guys had cooties
except they never did, my best friend was a guy
People are mean
and I hate it
words are so strong
but nobody stops to consider how other people are going to feel
they just say it
and it hurts, even if it wasn't intended to
I need somebody to tell me I'm beautiful
because I don't feel beautiful
oh man
life is difficult
oh well
I'll just carry on
this feeling won't last forever
I hope :S