bio...who am i?


crazy drunken writings





this was supposed to be about some kick ass toy we had as a kid. it started out that way, but in the end it became kind of, well, evil.

i'm standing outside underneath the patio with my sister in the summer heat. shes running around in some half put together costume from the toy chest while i'm playing with my fisher price microphone/recorder toy. its some dinky little plastic piece of shit, but to my five year olds eyes it's the absolute coolest thing since tears for fears. the reason i love it so much is because with the microphone i can be even louder than usual. at this age i had an extreme case of short persons disorder and felt the need to be heard at all times. and with this toy, people that used to ignore me (hey mom and dad!) are forced to listen to me.

my sister is running around the yard with her blonde pigtails coming out of the rubber bands. i'm holding the little red microphone to my mouth and i'm bombarding her with questions about my dance recital. the s and p sounds come out sounding over pronounced since my mouth is so close to the microphone.

'hey cimarron, which one was your favorite dance? was it mine?'

no pressure

i get her attention and she stops spinning.

'yeah....i guess.'

right after answering she looks away and begins spinning again. i've lost my audience.

then, out of the corner of my eye, who do i see but kyle. my archrival since he stepped on my juice box and told me the bangles werent cool. and no one, NO ONE messes with my juice boxes. i tried to scowl and make a mean face at him, but i ended up looking like a squinting chipmunk.

'hi sunny, let me see your toy'

i thought long and hard about my response. i had to let him know whos boss. i had to intimidate him and make him realize he had no chance what so ever with winning this battle of wits.


'sunny, you are evil and you talk to the devil.'

'what! those are just rumors.' i said, while i kicked my pitchfork under the table.

'i just want to play with the microphone!' kyle protested.

'you just want it so you can take over the world!'

'ooo, um, erm, no thats not it at all.' kyle said while a big sweatdrop appeared on the side of his face.

'...is it just me, or did your eyes get bigger while your nose and mouth got smaller?' i asked him.


'huh? toh?'

we looked at each other and shook the japanimation out of our brains.

'but i was right wasn't i? about your plan to take over the world!'

'umm...maybe, i mean, no'

'HA I THAWRTED YOUR EVIL PLAN! SUNNY PREVAILS AGAIN!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!' as i'm laughing the background gets dark and lightening strikes randomly. oh no...i'm getting japanimation again.

'curses' said kyle.

i now see the toy differently becuase if i wasn't careful i would have ended up in the middle of some crazy political over throw of the entire world. even at five i was one step ahead of the game. thank you satan!