The Alcohol Page
I have been given secret information that the FDA is considering thirteen additional warnings on beer and other alcoholic beverages. I have come up with a few of my own, that I shall submit to the FDA. *mischevious grin*
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some really, really big guy named Apple Head.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that you are invisible.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally "disappear".
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
Dispite all of this, the owners of this site are supporters of:
Because they are a compilation of our favorite
drinks.Just for all of those critics out there, I have enclosed a poem against drinking and driving.
*Near to the door*
*he paused to stand*
*as he took his class ring*
*off her hand*
*all who were watching*
*did not speak*
*as a silent tear*
*ran down his cheek*
*and through his mind*
*the memories ran*
*of the moments they walked*
*and ran in the sand (hand and hand)*
*but now her eyes were so terribly cold*
*for he would never again*
*have her to hold*
*they watched in silence*
*as he bent near*
*and whispered the words.....*
*"I LOVE YOU" in her ear*
*he touched her face and started to cry*
*as he put on his ring and wanted to die*
*and just then the wind began to blow*
*as they lowered her casket*
*into the snow....*
*this is what happens*
*to man alive.....*
*when friends let friends....*
*drink and drive.*