Misc
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at her church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem-my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?" "I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hat pin with you. I'll be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg with the pin." In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "...And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones. "Jesus!" cried Mr. Jones as his wife jabbed him in the leg with the hat pin. "Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs.Jones. "God!" cried out Mr. Jones as he was stuck again with the hat pin."Right again, Mr. Jones," said the minister, smiling and continuing his sermon. Before long, Mr. Jones dozed off again. However, this time the minister didn't notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to wake her husband again. She was just sticking her husband with the hat pin again when the minister asked, "...And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" Mr. Jones shrieked, "You stick that god damned thing in me one more time and I'll break it off and shove it up your ass!!!!"
A cabby picks up a Nun as a fare. He decides to see if he can embarrass her. The cabby says, "Sister, what do Nuns think about oral sex." The sister replies, "A lot has changed in the church. We tend to think of oral sex about the same way as masturbation. It's only acceptable as long as it doesn't violate the tenants of marriage." The cabby decides to press on, "Sister, what do you personally know about oral sex?" The sister replies, "I have read about various techniques, but I am a little shy on practice." The cabby senses an opportunity. "Sister, how would you like to practice on me?" She answers, "Well, you must be Catholic and single." The cabby replies, "Yes Sister, I am." So they pull off the road, the driver moves to the back, and the Nun gives him the most incredible oral sex he has ever had. The exhausted cabby moves back to the front of the car and starts driving. He finally has to speak, "Sister, that was the best I've ever had, but I have to tell you something. I am actually Jewish and I'm married." To which the Nun replies, "That's O.K., my son. My name is Greg and I'm on my way to a costume party."
