She had not wanted to be there. This was not the job the 28 year-old doctor
had in mind when she finished medical school. She had thought that she
would go to work at a hospital, research center or possibly the reformed
Watcher's Council, but not the CIA.

This was not a job she would have ever applied for. Then again she hadn't
applied for it. It had been forced on her. "Face it," she thought, "it was
this or jail." Willow wasn't so sure jail wasn't a better option. The
redhead stood in the middle of the lobby taking in all the features from the
metal detectors to the information desk. The lobby was large with the FBI
seal on the floor. Above her head were 3-tiers of balconies that clearly
had offices and hallways woven amongst them. Potted plants hung from the
guardrails around the building. All in all, it was a very large building.

Willow wasn't a very large woman. At 5' 5" and 110 pounds she felt dwarfed
by the armed officers surrounding her. Willow had never been an assertive
person unless she was cornered. Then she became a formidable individual but
in the lobby of the Los Angeles FBI headquarters she felt like the little
girl at the water fountain in high school - the one Cordelia Chase said had
"seen the softer side of Sears." It took all her willpower not to run home
to Buffy like a child.

Trying to get it together she took a deep breath and then headed toward the
counter. The blonde behind the information desk repeated the oft-spoken
phrase "Can I help you?"

"Um, uh, yeah.. Uh, I'm Willow Rosenberg and I was told to report to the
information desk this morning" Willow shyly stammered.

"Are you a new employee?" the blonde asked in a way that clearly said 'I
hate temp secretarial help' as she began to prepare her computer by
entering a long password.

"Uh, yes" Willow managed to reply.

The blonde automatically repeated a line she must say a thousand times a
day. "I need a picture ID. Either a driver's license or passport."

Willow quickly got her driver's license out and handed it with a shaky hand
to the blonde. The blonde typed in the name from the driver's license.
Seconds after pressing 'enter' the blonde's body language changed. Willow
couldn't tell if it indicated fear or respect. She had seen this same thing
in other people when they saw Buffy. Willow guessed it was most likely a
little of both emotions. She made a mental note to access the computer
system to find out what the blonde had seen to cause this reaction.

"Dr. Rosenberg. We were told to expect you this morning. Morris will take
you to get your IDs." the receptionist finally responded. Willow noticed
the plural on the word IDs but asked no questions. "Then he'll take you to
personnel to file your W-2s. Personnel will see that you make it to the
director's office after that, ma'am."

An hour and half later she was sitting in the director's outer office with a
CIA badge clipped to her jacket and two different badges / IDs in her
pocket. One for the CIA and the second a FBI consultant's badge. Her W-2s
were filed although she had almost come to blows with "Rachel", the
personnel office worker, about her emergency number and beneficiary being
"whoever the hell she wanted them to be" instead of a relative. Not that
she had any relatives any more now that her parents were both dead.

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They had survived on the Hellmouth all those years surrounded by demons and
vampires only to be killed by a 16 year-old drunken driver. Buffy had
become her family long before she had lost her parents though. Her mother
had even started calling Buffy by her real name instead of Bunny or Fluffy
or whatever name she picked for the day. Her father had been a lot better
about her life with Buffy. He actually liked the young blonde. The two of
them often snuck off with his friends from the temple to go fishing on the
pier. Buffy had started fishing with her father when Willow was in graduate
school as a way of bonding with him. She never thought Buffy would actually
like it but she had.

Willow smiled thinking about her parents and how they had realized there was
something going on between Buffy and Willow long before either of them had a
clue what was happening. It may have been all those years on the Hellmouth;
saving the world and facing death together. Or it could have been destiny
but somewhere between their sophomore and junior years of college they had
moved from being best friends to lovers. Neither had ever looked back.
Willow was just glad her parents had gotten to know the real Buffy before
they died.

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------------------

"Dr. Rosenberg. Please come in." Willow was startled out of her daydream
and she quickly stood and walked into the director's office to cover the
loss of time. Willow was by nature a shy person so the room full of people
around a table frightened her. She forced herself to keep thinking,
"Breathe Willow, breathe" as Buffy had taught her to do so her fear didn't
show as much as it would have in high school. The office was huge with a
conference table and another office in the back. That's probably where the
desk is Willow thought.

"Dr. Rosenberg, this is Deputy Asst. Mark Richards." Willow shook his hand
as she was lead around the table. "This is Deputy Asst. Martha Rease. She
is head of the division you will be working with from time to time. This is
the CIA liaison, Branch Director Charlie Marks. I believe you two have
already met. There is Dr. Peter Wheels. He will be your direct supervisor
and this is his second, Dr. Pamela Nichols. And this is Lt. Col. Simon
Luggues. He is the US Military liaison." Willow was shown a seat next to
Col. Luggues.

Dr. Wheels was an older man in his mid to late 60s. He was tall with
thinning gray hair and a scholarly, Einstein look. "And this is the woman
who broke into the CIA computer? She doesn't look old enough to be out of
high school. Are you sure she can help us?" Dr Wheels asked.

CIA director Charlie Marks spoke up. "Dr. Rosenberg has not only been into
our computer system, she has hacked into the FBI, World Bank, US Coast
Guard, Internal Revenue Service, US Postal Service, MI5 in England, Interpol
and the KGB computer systems just to name the few we know about." Charlie
was a bald man in his 40s who spent most of his time in the gym which is why
he was big, strong and muscular. He was not someone to be easily walked
over. Willow doubted if he was over being decked by Buffy. Martha Rease,
a short round women in her early 50s who was clearly disturbed by Willow's
exploits, asked "And why is she not in jail?"

"Martha, we went over this before but here it is again," Charlie answered.
He was clearly angered to be answering this question again for her. "She
broke into countless systems but she did not steal any money or secrets. As
far as we could find she received no personal gain besides the thrill of
opening the systems. Most of them she accessed before she was 17 years old
which is why she got past most of the detectors." The director who appeared
tired of this argument as well added, "Martha, think about it, she might as
well work here where we can watch her before we let her out in the world.
Most prisons have computers anyway."

Pamela Nichols, a tall brunette in her mid 30s spoke up. "Okay, so she
knows computers. I'm more interested in her other skills."

Willow was so used to everyone speaking about her as if she wasn't there
that she nearly missed the question Pamela asked of her.

"You are a medical doctor, Dr. Rosenberg? A board certified doctor?"

"Um, Yes."

"In what specialty?"

"Pathology" Willow replied.

"And you have some knowledge of the occult?"

"Uh, yeah a little." Willow had not expected that question.

"How did you gain this knowledge?"

"I went to medical school" Willow answered innocently.

"You received your knowledge of the occult in medical school Dr. Rosenberg?"
Pam asked relentlessly.

"Uh, no, I grew up on the Hellmouth" Willow answered before she knew what
she was saying. Thank the goddess I didn't say I was a witch Willow
thought, putting her walls up.

"A what?" Pamela asked.

Lt. Col. Simon Luggues surprised every one when he answered, "A center for
mystical convergence. Children raised on these centers have higher than
normal rates of contact with occult phenomenon."

"Colbert's paper" Peter Wheels added as both men shook there heads like they
belonged to the same fraternity and no one else could join.

The director being uncomfortable with this area of the conversation changed
the subject. "Let's move on. You can review her file later Pam and you
will see her every day so you can just ask her any questions then."

Turning back to Willow the director continued, "Dr. Rosenberg, you will be
working on a special investigative team - Project Raven. It is a combined
team of people from the CIA, FBI and the Military. It is under the banner
of the FBI even though you work for the CIA. You are considered on attached
service to the FBI because the CIA cannot operate within the boundaries of
the US without a lot of paperwork. That is why you are considered a
consultant." As an afterthought the director sternly added "And Dr.
Rosenberg, any misuse of the FBI resources will not be tolerated. That
means no surfing the net unless Pam, Charlie or Simon tells you to. Are we
clear?"

"Crystal, sir" Willow answered. She hated this and she wondered if this
would somehow hurt Buffy.

"I also understand your roommate has a history of trouble-making with many
arrests but no convictions." The director stared down at Willow who stared
back. She would not give in where Buffy was concerned; even if what he said
was true. After a few silent minutes the director stated, "I take it moving
out is out of the question."

"Yes" Willow answered loud and fast. She would go to jail first before
giving Buffy up.

"The FBI will not help your friend when she gets in trouble. I want to make
that clear; no special treatment. Is that understood?" The question was
more of a statement.

"Yes sir," Willow said quietly.

"Good. Now, if you and Pam would stay for a few minutes everyone else can
go."

5 minutes later Pam and Willow found themselves sitting on opposite sides of
the table. The director sat back down between them. Willow figured she was
in for more lectures and wished she could crawl under the table and hide.

"First off, Willow ... Is it okay to call you that?" the director asked in a
soft, kind voice.

Willow was unsure of the direction he was going. "Yes sir" she replied.

"Call me Bob, please."

"Bob" Willow repeated quietly.

The director had been a great field detective in his time. He knew people.
This girl was the shy, quiet type with fire burning on the inside. She
would respond to kindness. She was, as Charlie had said, a good kid at
heart. Charlie knew people too. He may have had to weasel the kid into the
job but she was perfect for it - over qualified in fact. "I am going to
talk about this issue once more, then I don't really expect to ever discuss
this again. Your private life 'within the law' is your private life but the
people you work with will learn about it and some will not like it. They
can make your life hell. I am referring to you being here and not in jail.
Pam has your file and it's her job to keep things running smoothly which is
why she is here. If you have problems, even little ones, you tell Pam. I
am not saying anything will happen but I still want you to report any time
anyone comments on your past criminal life. Understood?"

"Yes sir," Willow answered, still afraid, but starting to like the director
who seemed to be an honest and direct man like her father.

"Now this is the part that really is none of my business. I gather from
surveillance reports and from Rachel in personnel, who had a hard time
understanding your benefit choices this morning, that you are gay."

"Yes sir." Willow knew this would come up, but he was being honest. God
knew what they had from the videotapes and other bugs the CIA had placed in
their home. They still hadn't gotten all of them out of their belongings
even after they had moved to a new house.

"I take it you and your roommate are deeply involved. You have been
together since high school according to the CIA reports."

"Yes and no ... sir."

He smiled. He liked this girl despite himself. "Care to explain?"

"Well, we met my sophomore year in high school and were best friends but we
weren't 'together' until just before our junior year in college even though
we were roommates from freshman year. We dated boys before that." Willow
had no idea why she added that last part. It made her sound like a child
and she was a board-certified doctor. She was a grown up even if she felt
like a ten year old in this office.

Bob was smiling so broadly he was almost laughing at the girls honesty and
Pam chuckled a little too. Willow blushed from head to toe. She hated
babble mode.

"I like honest answers. Doc ... Willow, welcome aboard." Bob stuck out his
hand and shook hers. Bob looked up at Pam and they both nodded. "If you
would wait outside Pam will take you down to your office and start you off
on some files in a minute."

After Willow had left the room Pam moved closer to Bob. Both smiling like
kids. "So think you can work with her?" Bob asked.

"Nice kid. If her mind is half as sharp as advertised and she can do
pathology, then yeah, I think we got a winner" Pam stated.

"Pam, she was a good choice. Charlie out did himself. And if she doesn't
work out, she will be the first to tell you. She seems to be an honest
person."

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Chapter 2:
How To End A Long Day

It had been a long day. A long day that had frayed her nerves. Willow was
just glad to be home. She parked her car and was getting her keys out to
open the door when Buffy threw the door open and pulled the good doctor in
the house, encircling her with slayer arms and a kiss. Willow felt her
muscles begin to relax for the first time all day.

Buffy picked Willow up and carried her into the living room without breaking
the kiss. She carefully sat Willow down on the couch before breaking the
kiss. Then she handed Willow a glass of white zinfandel, her favorite wine.

"Ok, not the way I usually come in the door but it works for me." Willow
took a drink and then leaned forward to kiss Buffy again. After a long few
moments they broke the kiss.

"How was your first day at the office? Did you play nice with the other
spies and bullies?" Buffy asked. She had taken to referring to the CIA that
way after Willow was arrested.

"I did my best. Do you want to hear about my day?"

"All in good time. First drink your wine while I get dinner on the table
then you will not believe what I have planned for dessert." Willow loved it
when Buffy got these odd romantic ideas. Where she got them Willow had no
idea, she was just glad she got them. Buffy never failed to amaze her. She
was a true force of nature, all instinct and pleasure, yet at the same time
gentle and caring. They complemented each other. Willow was logical, Buffy
impulsive, but they shared the middle ground. They were two halves of the
same soul.

Buffy had made lasagna and salad for diner. Willow's favorite. Then she
had carried Willow to the bathroom. Willow protested half-heartedly that
she had legs. Buffy undressed her while filling the tub with bubble bath.
Then Buffy carefully placed Willow into the tub while keeping up a deep
tongue-laden kiss. Before Willow could blink Buffy was on top of her in the
bath. It was the first time they had ever made love in the bath. Sure lots
of times in the shower but never in the bath. Willow found herself
screaming Buffy's name into her lover's mouth as she came while splashing
water all over the bathroom. They dried quickly and ran to their bedroom.
Willow found herself screaming Buffy's name even louder and longer before,
exhausted, she fell asleep and Buffy went on patrol.

Willow woke to the sound of the front door opening. She rolled over to look
at her clock, 4 a.m. She felt the place where Buffy slept knowing it was
empty. Buffy came quietly into the bedroom. Willow could see her slaying
clothes even in the dark. No rips or tears, was always a good sign.

"Buffy its ok, you can turn on the light. I'm awake."

"Sorry, Will. I didn't mean to wake you. I thought for sure you'd be
asleep."

"Goddess knows I came hard enough. I really just woke up. Patrol go okay?"

"Nine vamps found, nine dusted."

"Good. Now come to bed. I need to snuggle."

"Just snuggle, huh?"

"Snuggle and maybe help you catch up on the orgasm trail, pardner" Willow
said in her best John Wayne imitation.

"You spend too much time with Xander. You know that, right?" Buffy was
already stripping as she said this. She slid under the covers. They kissed
slowly and their passion swelled. Willow wanted to be the aggressor this
time. She forced a willing slayer over on her back then she began to slowly
kiss her way down the slayer's body. She took her time and licked and
kissed all the most tender spots of Buffy's body strategically missing
Buffy's throbbing center. Willow prolonged this by probing inside her
navel, kissing the edge of her thighs. She knew the way Buffy was breathing
that she would soon be begging for release. Willow loved it when she made
Buffy beg. It was the cruel knowledge that she could control such a power
as the slayer's that gave Willow the extra edge to her lovemaking.

Buffy knew what Willow was up to but still the blonde held off begging for
as long as she could. In the end the mighty slayer gave in. "Will, please,
I can't stand it!" Buffy cried.

"Can't stand what?" the red head asked, grinning innocently.

"Willow, I am going to hurt you ..."

"Yeah the big bad slayer might but then would she get what she wants?"
Willow's fingers were now cruelly combing through Buffy's pubic hair and
brushing her lower lips.

"Willow please!"

This game always made Willow feel so powerful. "Please what, my love?"

"Touch me."

Willow knew she shouldn't tease Buffy anymore but she enjoyed the look of
frustration on Buffy's face. If her own need wasn't so great then she might
have dragged out the teasing longer but Willow simply leaned her head down
and began to lick the outer lips around her core. She slid two fingers into
Buffy as she sucked the enlarged clit into her mouth, flicking her tongue
over it like an artist brushing a work of art. It didn't take long until
Buffy was shaking the bed in release. Still, Willow knew she was a slayer
and could take more then an average person so she slowed her fingers but
never stopped them. She felt Buffy's body begin to still. She quickened
her pace and brought her back to the edge. Over and over again she repeated
this process slowing and stopping; teasing and turning her lover to Jell-O,
but not allowing her a second release. Willow would not relent.

Finally in self-defense Buffy flipped her lover over face down on the bed.
Only a slayer could have done this as quickly as she had without harming the
other girl. Pinning Willow to the bed and sitting on her back Buffy reached
into the drawer by the bed and fished out a strap on dildo and belt. While
still pinning the struggling Willow to the bed she began to fasten the belt
in place making sure the base of the dildo was correctly positioned over her
clit. Buffy wondered if she really could take another orgasm but threw
caution to the wind looking down at Willow. "Okay Ms. Doctor. We can do
this the easy way or the painful way. Which will it be Will?"

Will never missing a beat answered "Why not both?"

"Okay. The lady wants it rough."

The first time Willow had asked Buffy to do this to her it had frightened
the slayer like no demon ever had. Then she found that Willow had actually
liked it so Buffy became more comfortable with it. "So which do you want
first my dear?" Buffy knew the answer but she always wanted Will to make
the choice. She never wanted to really hurt her.

"Okay, big slayer. Do me in the ass first - that is if your woman enough."

Buffy reached into the drawer for lube and a second slightly larger dildo
for later. She still sat on Willow's back as she poured lube on the phallus
then she began to gentle work it into Willow's rear entrance. Willow purred
into her hands and tried to rise up and open herself to the slayer. Buffy
slid off of Willow and around her, positioning herself on her knees behind
Willow. She then worked the lube in pushing in one finger, then a second.
Willow moaned in both pain and pleasure. Buffy pulled both Willow and
herself off the bed and then positioned Willow leaning over the bed. She
returned the finger and stroked and stretched the back passage. She quickly
and expertly pulled the fingers out and slammed the phallus to the hilt into
Willow with a start. Buffy wasted no time in reaching a quick pace. She
knew the faster she got in the sooner the pain would fade and be replaced
with pleasure. At least that is what Willow had told her and Buffy would do
anything for Willow.

Buffy had always been an extremely gentle lover because she was always
afraid of hurting Willow. She had often waited for Willow to take the lead
in their lovemaking. Willow had loved this about Buffy but, for Willow,
there was always something missing. Willow had been allowed by fate to see
who she was in the darkest regions of her mind. She had seen her vampire
self and had never forgotten the truth about who she might have been. She
was in fact more than "kinda gay." She had stepped into the "I am
completely gay column" and never been happier but there was an even darker
side to Willow - the side that was offered the chance to become a vengeance
demon, the side that wore leather as a vampire.

Willow knew this side was there and it scared her. She had let Buffy in to
see this side of herself. Buffy would never deny Willow anything. Buffy
was also much stronger than most people, could heal quicker and take abuse
on a daily basis without flinching. Somehow, because of this, Willow felt
safe enough with Buffy to let her guard down. It had been hard at first,
more so on Buffy than Willow. Buffy was so afraid of hurting her she could
hardly enjoy the things they shared. It took years until they were both
comfortable enough with each other to allow themselves to let go.

When they did, they discovered that they liked tender and slow sometimes and
other times they liked hard and rough. In fact they needed a little of
both. Buffy needed to be rough with Willow from time to time. She needed
to let go and "find the fun" as Faith would say. Willow loved it rough but
she liked to tease Buffy and be the aggressor even more. To control the
slayer or to be conquered by the slayer didn't matter, just as long as it
was with her slayer.

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------------------

Willow had studied Buffy and Faith when she was in medical school and she
was fascinated at what she had found. Slayers were, in truth, not really
human. They seemed human and a simple blood test showed only an O-negative
blood type. Cat scans show a little over-active brain pattern but nothing
out side of the human norm. The MRI showed a human structure with slightly
thicker bones in some places. The difference was small but it was there.
It wasn't until you looked at the DNA structure that the truth was seen.
Slayers had XX chromosomes with an additional X chromosome and a fourth that
had never been classified. The DNA was entwined in a way that defied
analysis. There were other differences as well. Slayers had twice the
number of adrenal glands as humans. Their bodies produced 4 times the
amount of adrenaline that humans were normally capable of producing. Their
brains had areas that worked in a slightly different pattern then humans.

There were other things that Willow had found. First, which amused Willow
to no end, was that Faith was right. Slaying does in fact make you "hungry
and horny." It was a reaction to the adrenaline in the slayer's system.
When a slayer was injured their bodies boosted their strength and stamina.
It was like a last ditch effort to save itself. Then after an hour or more,
whether the slayer was safe or not, it collapsed. It just shut itself down
and turned its efforts towards healing the body. The downside of this was
that slayers went into an almost coma-like sleep. They could stay awake for
long periods of time but when they let themselves sleep it was a deep, deep
sleep. It also explained their prophetic dreams. Their brains went deep
into the dream world. Willow had never told Buffy any of this though. She
had spoken with Giles about it. Somehow she didn't think Buffy would like
to learn that chimpanzees have a 2% difference in their DNA from the human
race and Buffy had a 7% difference. Willow was sure if nothing else she
would pout for a day or two when she found out.

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------------------

At 7 a.m. Willow's alarm went off and both women awoke groggily. They had
fallen asleep still wrapped around each other from their early morning
tryst. It was a wonderful way to wake up. When Buffy carefully withdrew
from her lover Willow protested the loss.

"Damn! What a way to go, though," Willow stated.

"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you did I?" Buffy asked, ever worried that her
Slayer strength might have hurt the one she loved.

"Hurt wasn't the word I was thinking of. Did we really have that much
record-breaking sex yesterday or was it just an incredibly wonderful dream?"

"Yesterday, last night, this morning ... yeah, I think it was you I was
screwing. I hope it was you because if it was Xander, I'm killing myself"
Buffy replied as she rolled over and kissed Willow.

"I don't think we have the time or the stamina for that now, do we?" Willow
pointed out the dildo laying on the edge of the bed.

"Oh, yeah. I had better clean that. Are you really sore?"

"A little."

Buffy just stared at her with her patented Buffy-look that could cut the
unprepared in half.

"Okay, a lot, but it was worth it. I love you Buffy Summers."

Somehow, Buffy cleaned up after last night's events including the bathroom
floor, gotten Willow in the shower and dressed and finally fed her
breakfast. They had not discussed Willow's new job.

"Willow can I ride into work with you this morning? I have stuff to do in
town."

Willow knew that Buffy just wanted to talk with her. Buffy did have her own
car.

"It's sweet of you, but you really don't have to," Willow answered.

"I want to. I love you and we might actually talk in the car."

At this Willow laughed. "I don't know. We used to do some amazing things
in Giles' and your mom's
cars in college" Willow replied.

"You want more sex after last night? Damn you are insatiable."

"I do want more sex from you but give me a few hours honey" Willow joked.

"Hours?" Buffy was seriously startled.

"Talk would be great" Willow said switching the subject. Willow also knew
how guilty Buffy felt over her CIA job. Her arrest had wounded Buffy to her
very core but it hadn't been Buffy's fault. It had been Willow breaking
into the computer systems.

They headed out and got in Willow's car. They talked about groceries, how
Buffy would get home and her mom's birthday. Anything but what they needed
to talk about.

"Buffy, do you want to know how the job went yesterday?" Willow questioned,
not being able to take the beating around the bush any more.

"Yes" the blonde said sheepishly.

"It was fine. Weird, but fine. The worst part was in personnel and this
bitch named Rachel who did not want you to be my beneficiary. Which you
are, by the way, whether you like it or not."

Buffy just smiled and squeezed Willow's hand. They both had been through
personnel directors and paperwork mazes too many times before.

"Then I was in this big meeting where I was clearly the issue. Lots of
bigwigs. Lots of lectures. 'You are not to compromise the systems unless
we tell you to' kind of thing." Willow left out the part about them wanting
her to move out and away from Buffy.

"Then they showed me to my office and gave me a tour of the labs. They also
gave me a stack of autopsy reports to read. That was pretty much the way
the day went."

"So what exactly is it they want you to do. Autopsies on spies?" Buffy
asked.

"No. I'm working on something called Project Raven. The CIA is big on
project names. It's mostly FBI people, some ATF, DEA and military guys.
It's like an X-Files kind of thing I think. They all work together on
mysterious stuff. The cases they gave me to review were about drugs used in
Haiti in zombie ceremonies. At least that is the way they read. There is
this DEA chemist studying the drugs used in voodoo ceremonies. They are
bringing me some bodies to autopsy today. Soldiers that were stationed in
Haiti or the Dominican Republic. Details are scarce. Anyway, it's mostly
toxicology stuff."

"So they want you as a doctor, not a hacker?"

"I think they want me as both. I really don't know what to make of it."
Willow replied as they arrived at the mall. Willow pulled over at the
entrance and Buffy got out of the car.

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Chapter 3:
Organizing Your Desk and Life

The autopsies had gone well. The three soldiers' toxicology screens had at
first shown nothing but Willow did the test again on the brain stem and
there she found a chemical taken from the blowfish. Her colleagues were
impressed which Willow thought was a good thing.

Willow shifted in her seat. Again. She was sore and sitting just made it
worse but on the whole Willow was happy with the memories the soreness
brought to her. In the afternoon Willow was working on a case study when
Pam walked in.

"Heard you did a great job on the autopsy. You found something the others
missed" Pam stated.

"We'll need to do more tests. It is far from over." Willow shifted in her
seat yet again and looked up at Pam.

"Smart and cautious." Pam smiled at Willow noticing how uncomfortable the
girl seemed.

"Is there something you need me to do?" Willow asked, half afraid of the
answer.

"Yes, but first I would just like to talk to you."

<Now what?> Willow thought as she squirmed in her seat only to once again be
reminded of yesterday's activity. She knew she was blushing.

Pam picked up the picture Willow had placed on her desk. It was a picture
of Buffy and their friends.

"Which one is your girlfriend?" Pam asked changing tactics.

Willow walked around the desk needing an excuse to stand and then she
realized that wasn't such a good idea either. She knew Pam saw her
stiffness, making Willow blush again. The witch just hoped Pam took the
blushing as something else. Standing beside the taller woman Willow placed
a finger on the picture pointing out Buffy.

"She is very pretty. Then again so are you." Pam had talked with director
about the best way to work with the girl. She hoped he was right about
gentle kindness working. Willow for her part, just blushed deeper.

"Who are the rest of these people?" Pam continued, noting the deep red blush
on the young doctor.

Relieved to have something else to do besides blush Willow began pointing
out her friends. "That's Xander Harris. He has been my best friend since
we were five. We grew up together. That's his wife Amy Madison only now
she is Amy Harris. This is Oz. He's in a band. He was my first boyfriend
back when we were in high school. We're still good friends. That was the
girl he was dating when we took this picture only he isn't dating her
anymore. I think her name was Shelly or Kelly. I can't remember for sure.
And that's Cordelia and Doyle. They work for a private eye firm in town. I
went to school with Cordy. She once dated Xander but now she lives with
Doyle." Willow knew she was in babble mode but Pam made her nervous.

"This is Mrs. Summers, I mean Mrs. Giles. Buffy's mom and that's Giles,
Buffy's wat ... uh, stepdad." <Must be more careful> Willow chastised
herself. "And the little person all bundled up in way too many clothes is
Kir. They're all friends from Sunnydale only they don't live in Sunnydale
anymore except for Buffy's mom and Giles. I babble a lot I am sorry." With
that she put the picture back on her desk and sought shelter behind her
desk.

Pam continued to stare at the photo. There was something about it but she
couldn't put her finger on what it was she was missing. "It's nice to see
you have the same friends from childhood. Not many people can say that.
But I get the feeling they are more like family to you," Pam said
conversationally, as she continued to look at the photo.

"Yeah, they are definitely family." Willow didn't have to even think about
that. They really were her family.

"I read that your own parents were killed a few years ago. I'm sorry." Pam
did not know why she brought this up, but she was happy the girl still had
people who loved her.

"Been reading my file?" Willow questioned to change the subject.

"Yes and I can't believe you haven't broken in to look at it yourself." Pam
really wasn't sure the girl hadn't but she thought she should fish. The
young doctor really did have the skill to break in.

"I've already been arrested for that once this year. I try to keep my going
to jail down to a maximum of once a decade." Willow knew Pam was fishing
but didn't feel like biting just yet. She didn't trust these people.

"Sounds wise. If you want to look at your file, at least what I have, come
by my office and I'll let you take a look. Maybe that way we can forego
jail for a few years. Anyway, right now I need you to do some internet
searching on a supernatural matter. The Vatican has placed all its occult
books on file with an encrypted system. I would like you to see if you can
open it."

This was the second test of her skills, Pam knew. The soldiers' bodies had
been the first and the young doctor had passed with stunning accuracy and
skill.

"I won't get in trouble for this right?" Willow asked.

"No, the last time I checked the Vatican was in Rome and you're here in the
US working for the FBI on business. So, how long do you think it will take
you to break in, doctor?"

"That depends on what you want - the area or library you want to look at and
what you need to know."

Pam was stunned. The girl knew the basic structure of the Vatican computer
system only Pam wasn't sure why she should have this information. "I have a
list here. It's a long list but the first thing I need is what they have on
the Ahhasha Records and the Book of Azobel.

"Then you want the Kirinov section in the Saint Innation Library, right?
Willow answered automatically looking Pam in the face trying to read her
thoughts. "If I can use my computer it will only take me a minute."

Pam was dumbfounded. She had seven of the FBI's best people working on
breaking into the Vatican's system and none had even come close. In fact,
the man who had gotten the farthest had told her just yesterday that the
main problem was that you had to know what section or library something was
in to even begin to decrypt it enough to break in and find it. The most Pam
was hoping for was a list of libraries and sections. Still, she thought the
girl was too quick with her statement. A minute. She must be kidding.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------

Willow's file had indicated she was very good at decrypting computer systems
and a fairly good Doctor of Pathology but she was still a small town girl.
She still had the same friends from high school. She had lived her whole
life in a 100 mile radius so the question Pam was asking herself was why
would a kid like that have a need for this kind of knowledge. Pam had seen
many hackers over the years with the FBI. Most were just out for thrills.
Breaking into unbreakable systems. Most of them eventually went too far and
were caught. Many left viruses or took money to prove they had conquered
the cyber equivalent of Mount Everest. Willow just didn't fit the profile.
For starters she had not gone into a computer field. She was a pathologist
with a heavy chemistry background. Secondly, she never left a calling card
and she never took a dime. She just read files and closed them. This was
the part that made her hair stand on end. It was the profile of a spy. She
had seen CIA people with this behavior. The decrypting was a job. A way of
gaining information. The file she was given had large gaps in it leaving
unanswered questions.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------

Willow had turned around and was in her chair facing one of the two
computers in her office. She had it on and was typing code in at an amazing
speed. In about 3 minutes she turned around to Pam and said "Okay, I'm in.
What do you want me to get for you? Oh, you realize that anything the
Vatican has will be, at the very least, in Latin if not Hebrew or some other
dead language. They are not big on translations."

She waited for her boss to instruct her further. Pam blinked turning her
thoughts back to the here and now. "You can't possibly be in all ready!
You couldn't get in that fast! It has a complicated encryption system!"
Pam was trying to shake herself. She knew something big was going on.

"Uh, not to argue with you but the Vatican's system isn't really complicated
at all. It mostly just uses the whole
you-have-to-know-where-something-is-to-find-it method. Beyond that you just
have to push the right buttons. That and read Latin," Willow stated,
wondering if this had been a mistake.

"Show me. Show me how to get in." Pam answered in disbelief.

"Ok, I'll reboot and show you." After getting the system up Willow put the
internet address in from memory. She wrote it down for Pam and entered the
Vatican research site. Then she brought up the directory system. It was in
Latin. Willow picked the one that said, in Latin, "Archives." A password
was asked for. Willow typed in "The lord is my shepherd" in English.

"It doesn't matter what language you type it in as long as it is the first
line of Psalm 23." Then instead of hitting 'enter' she brought the arrow to
a midpoint in screen. Pam noticed that the page was a blue pattern with
repeating Greek script. "Instead of 'enter', hit the Greek letters that
represent 23" Willow explained. This brought up another directory. She
picked the Saint Innation Library then she repeated the same process as
before only typing in the second line and again picking 23 out of Hebrew
letters. Repeating the process once more, she picked the Kirinov section,
used the third line of the psalm, and clicked on 23 in Latin.

"It is always the same. First directory is the first line, the second uses
the second and so on. The trick is to know where something is. You have to
pick the right library or section. Those are very random. It is the random
layout they rely on. Other then that, it is designed for priests to do
research anywhere in the world in their native language. If the 23rd Psalm
doesn't work then try the Sermon on the Mount. In some weird places they
use the message from Gabriel to Mary or the Alpha and Omega line from
Revelations or the Old Testament list of names for Christ. You know; He
will be called wonderful, et cetera, et cetera. The lines usually have
something to do with the section in some way but mostly it's just the 23rd
Psalm" Willow explained barely looking up from the screen.

The redheaded hacker reached for a few discs in a drawer. She stuck a disc
in the machine then opened the Akkasha Records and began downloading it. A
few discs later she began the Book of Azbobel.

Pam could not believe that it was that simple. "I have had people working
on this for months. I can't believe it was that simple" she stated, not
even stopping to consider what she was saying.

"Well to be honest it took me about 3 months to break the system the first
time."

"When did you do that?"

"When I was in high school."

"How old were you?" Pam's mind was really half in fear and half in awe.

"I must have been about 17. No, wait. I must have been 16 because it was
right after the Master died but before Angel went bad." <Tell her
everything why don't you. You have to watch what you say> Willow scolded
herself.

"What?"

"Nothing. I was 16. I guess I have been doing this for a while." Willow
was going to have to watch herself. When she was nervous she babbled and it
might get her into trouble here or, rather, into more trouble.

"Tomorrow I want you to show the others how to get into the Vatican system
and then finish working with Dr. Cramer on the toxicology screens and
autopsies of the soldiers."

"Yes Dr. Nichols." Willow was glad when Pam left. Plus she really wanted
to stand up and move to a position that was more comfortable.

Pam went directly to her office. She went back through the personnel
records. At first it seemed complete. It had records of her activities
from her last year in junior high through her graduation from medical
school. She was arrested two weeks after her residency was completed.
Details about her known associates included one Xander Harris, owner of a
string of used car lots, and Buffy Anne Summers, her lover, with no constant
means of employment. Some temporary secretarial work, a stint as an aerobic
and martial arts instructor, a bouncer and some private eye work were a few
of the jobs specifically mentioned. She was kind of a jack-of-all-trades.

Then it struck Pam what was wrong with her records. They were, in a way,
too perfect, too complete. Why would the FBI under the guise of the CIA
have tabs on an average 15 year old? Why track her friends? There was
something she wasn't seeing and she knew it. And these records were missing
details. They listed the systems she had broken into but not the reason.
And if they had known she was breaking in to major systems why not arrest
when she was still in high school? Why wait until she got out of medical
school? Pam put down the file and wandered into Willow's office. Pam had
seen the redhead leave earlier so she walked around the office and examined
it. Neat and orderly was the only impression she got from the office but
the girl had only worked there two days. As Pam looked around her eyes fell
on the picture of Willow's 'family'. Picking it up, she looked deep into
the eyes in the photograph, looking for answers. There was something
familiar about the photo. She was missing something and she knew it. <But
what, and how do I find out?> Pam asked herself. She had tried pulling up
information on Willow out of the criminal database but it only repeated what
she already knew. Then it hit her. She hadn't looked up Willow's friends'
files. Maybe she could find the answers there.

Pam returned to her office and opened the FBI database. She typed in "Buffy
Summers". After narrowing down the matches she found the photo of Willow's
lover. And there she stopped. "No wonder Bob wanted her to move out." Ms.
Summers had been questioned hundreds of times for things relating to arson,
murder, assault ... beginning at age 15. She had been placed on probation
and expelled from Hemry High in LA for burning down the gym twice. A
warrant was issued for her arrest, at age 17, for the murder of a young
foreign national.

At age 18 she was identified by two policemen as one of two girls in a gang
called the Slayers. The two girls had been caught red-handed in a sporting
goods store. Cameras had caught their pictures as well as the police car's
internal camera. These same two girls busted out of the patrol car causing
it to crash and the officers to suffer mild concussions. The mayor of
Sunnydale himself had made the department drop any arrests or
interrogations. It was also believed that later that same night these two
girls killed the deputy mayor with some kind of wooden weapon. From there
her record led to almost 50 arrests for violent acts but not one conviction.
In every single case the charges were dropped. More often than not they
were dropped for lack of evidence or from an outside party's influence.

There were other things as well. Ms. Summers had no history of hemophilia
or any other blood disease yet she had received over 27 blood transfusions.
She had been admitted to the hospital dozens of times for broken bones,
fractures and blood loss yet in every case she recovered quickly. Pam
looked closely at both the crimes and the injuries. Willow's lover was
mixed up in the occult all right. The photos of her neck wounds, or "neck
ruptures" as they were called, were consistent with vampire bites. She had
seen tons of evidence of vampires. The crime scenes where she was arrested
were littered with occult items. The question Pam had to ask was: Is
Willow involved and how deep? Pam figured the best was to find out was to
ask the girl. Pam left for personnel to look up the address.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------

Willow got home in time to hear Xander and Buffy arguing in the house.
<This is not good.>

"Yeah and look what you have done to Willow! You've ruined her life!
Buffy, you are so selfish ... can't you think of some one else beside
yourself?" Xander said angrily.

Willow slammed the door. "Can you Xander? I wouldn't be alive if it
weren't for Buffy and neither would you or your kids. And while we're at
it, I wouldn't want to live without Buffy."

Xander just hung his head while Buffy smiled until Willow reached the couch
and flopped down, wincing as she remembered her sore bottom. Then Buffy
hung her head as well. "Okay, everyone have a seat and Buffy that means you
had better sit next to me and be nice."

Buffy used Slayer speed to land next to her lover. Giving her a soft kiss
hello before turning to Xander.

"Sorry, my mouth has never been my best ally" Xander said making eye contact
with Buffy.

"Mine either and I said things just as bad only Willow, thankfully, didn't
hear them. Else I would be on the couch with you tonight."

"I take it Amy kicked you out again," Willow concluded.

"Yes," Xander sighed.

"What was it this time?" Willow said switching to psycho-analyst mode. Amy
threw Xander out of the house about once every 6 months. Amy loved Xander
and Xander loved Amy and the kids. They had three, all under 6. It was
just that neither one of them had good role models growing up so they didn't
know how to do things without arguing. <At least Amy didn't turn him into a
rat.> Willow thought. Then another thought hit her. <I hope this isn't
about Anya ...>

Anya still loved Xander and being the nice guy that he was he often would go
over and try to help her. Anya needed a lot of help. Willow and Buffy had
also been called on to help but in Anya's defense she had only been human
for about 11 years and she was a demon for over a 1000. It wasn't easy for
her. She really did try to be a good human. Even as a demon she hadn't
been that bad as demons go but Amy was a jealous person and Xander was not
always in control of his own heart. Amy still got jealous over Willow who
she really liked. Even after Amy was sure Willow had joined the sapphic she
had twinges of jealousy.

"Okay, what happened?" Willow asked.

"It was all Larry's fault."

"Larry who?" Buffy asked.

"You know, gay Larry from high school."

"Oh, Larry who lives with Scott Hope, right."

"That's the guy. Good old Larry" Xander sang out in a sarcastic tune.

"Still lost," Buffy added. "Explain."

"Okay, so I sign up little Xan Jr. for tee ball only, after I sign him up, I
find out that Larry was going to be the coach and I didn't really want Xan
exposed to Larry so I asked for him to be put on another team. Well, when
Amy found out about what I did ..."

"That doesn't sound like Amy at all," mused Willow, still in Freud mode.

"It doesn't" Buffy added sternly looking at Xander.

"And you came here for a shoulder to cry on. Xander you really need to
think before you do things sometimes," Buffy added harshly as she took
Willow's hand.

Xander, only now realizing what he had done, felt truly ashamed. "It's just
that I don't think of you guys like that."

"Like what?" Buffy said defensively, ready to start battling with Xander
again.

"Enough, both of you. I am so not in the mood for this" Willow said rubbing
her temples.

Xander and Buffy sat perfectly still and no one talked. Then Xander said
sheepishly, "Maybe I should go."

"Xander, sit down. We fight but we are family. Here is were you should be"
Willow said.

"Yeah, you are definitely family" Buffy said leaning, over to kiss Xander on
the check. "I'm going for pizza, I'll be back in a little while."

Willow just tossed Buffy her wallet and keys. The witch knew perfectly well
the pizza place delivered. She also knew Buffy was on her way to pick Amy
and the kids up. <We should have become marriage counselors> Willow
thought.

Thirty minutes later Buffy, four pizzas, three kids and one witch heavier,
made it home.

Buffy and Willow fed the kids in the backyard while Amy and Xander talked in
the house. Later, Buffy and Amy took the kids to the car and Xander and
Willow hugged on the porch.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------
Chapter 4
A Very Long Night With Many Guest Appearances

The last thing Pam Nichols expected to see was Willow Rosenberg on her front
porch hugging a handsome man. As she pulled her car over she then noticed
the two women putting a toddler into a car seat. Pam was struck at how
beautiful the women seemed. It appeared that Dr. Rosenberg didn't know any
ugly people. The four adults noticed the car parking right away. Years of
living on the Hellmouth made them all cautious. Dr. Nichols got out of her
car and waved at Willow. The four met by the child-laden car.

"Pam, I didn't expect to see you here" Willow said, fear returning to her
stomach.

"Wait, I know you, don't I?" Amy said, looking at Pam. The other adults
just looked at her. "You're Dr. Nichols with the FBI occult crime unit.
We've been meeting with you on Wicca exchanges once a month. You know, the
'not all witches are evil' group."

"Yes, of course Mrs. Harris. I didn't know you knew Dr. Rosenberg" Pam
replied, the blocks tumbling into place. "No, wait. Willow, the picture on
your desk of your family you showed me today - Mrs. Harris was in it."

"Not the one from last Thanksgiving? I look awful in that" Amy answered.

"You don't look awful and besides, I like that picture" Willow said as she
leaned unconsciously against Buffy.

"Yeah, honey. I think you look good all the time" Xander said, kissing his
wife's cheek.

"You're in the dog house so you have to say that," but Amy was smiling as
she looked at her husband.

"Will, how about some introductions?" Buffy said.

"Of course. How rude of me! This is my boss Dr. Pam Nichols. I guess you
know Amy and this is her husband, Xander Harris. Their three kids are in
the car. The handsome guy peeking out is Xand Jr. The six-year old waved
at Dr. Nichols. The three-year-old is Jesse and the cute little girl is
Jenny. She is ... what, Amy? ... just about 18 months?"

"Yes, if you can believe it" Amy said with a sigh.

"She looks just like her mom" Xander added. The adults looked at the happy
children in their presence.

"And this is Buffy - my baby" Willow added, placing an arm around Buffy's
waist as they continued to watch the children.

"Oh, please," Amy whined, "If you keep that up I'll be sick. I just wish
Xander would get the idea though." The three women all laughed as Xander
and Pam felt lost on this long running joke.

"So, I'll follow you home honey. It's almost dark now" Xander said looking
at the sky.
In a few minutes Xander and his family had left and Willow had shown Pam
around their small house. Buffy had left Pam and Willow alone in the den
while she did dishes.

"Nice friends. So, you not only know the password to the Vatican, you know
the local president of L.A. Wiccans. Not many people can say that. Still,
with your science background, I would think knowing people who think they
are witches must make it hard on your friendship with her husband." It was
as good a place as any to search for answers Pam thought.

It was clear to Willow, Pam had concluded that Willow knew Amy through her
association with Xander. If she remembered the picture, she must remember
that she had mentioned that Xander and she had known each other since they
were five. Still she had to tread carefully. Willow thought it was time to
do some fishing of her own.

"She doesn't" Willow stated.

"She doesn't what?" Pam asked confused.

"She doesn't think she's a witch, she knows she is. A very powerful one,
which is why she is President of the California chapter, not just L.A. It's
usually someone much older. Age and experience are important to witches."
There. Willow had given her facts that she knew could be checked.

"I didn't know you knew so much about witches. Do you practice witchcraft
yourself?" That would explain some of her past Pam thought.

"I dabble."

It was at that moment Buffy came back in the room to ask if they wanted
drinks. "Dabble in what?"

"Witchcraft" Pam stated flatly.

"Oh. You dabble like Amy dabbles. Please!" Buffy said. Buffy realized too
late that she had overstepped her bounds. She was now on enemy turf.
<Bunch of bullies and spies> she thought.

"So, you know Amy from her awareness meetings" Buffy stated. <Time to play
ball> she thought. Then she added, half-jokingly and half-baiting Pam,
"Just don't piss her off. She's great at the 'turn you into a rat' thing.
It's the changing you back part that has the bugs. Besides, it leaves you
with this longing for cheese that never goes away." Buffy then turned to
Willow. "I just came in to see if you needed anything. Maybe something to
drink before I go to meet Angel. He has a job for me."

"You didn't tell me that," Willow said, forgetting anything she had said,
concentrating on her lover.

"Well with the Xander / Amy soap I didn't have time."

"Is it a paying job or ..." Willow stopped and looked at Pam, "the other
kind?"

"Paying, I think. You know his cop friend, Kate. She knows this guy who
has a daughter that is hanging out with one of those L.A. gangs. Anyway the
guy is going to pay me to go get her and then put her in rehab. Angel would
do it but he's booked and this is a one-time thing. If the kid goes back to
the gang, there's not much anyone can do. Angel thought I might have more
luck with her. Besides, it's work."

"Just be careful and remember, even you can't walk through bullets."

Just then the doorbell rang. "Please, God. Don't let this be Xander" Buffy
said as she went to answer the door.

Seconds later Buffy's voice could be heard "Oh. I thought I was going to
meet you at your office - not that I was looking forward to Cordelia." Then
there was a long pause and Buffy added "Oh sorry, you haven't been here
before. Angel, come in."

"Sorry about showing up but there has been a major change in plans. Turns
out it's not just a drug gang after all. The daughter is mixed up with a
chaos demon. It's connected with the other case I'm working on and the time
frame is not good."

"Okay. Let me get my equipment. Why don't you go say hello to Willow?
She's in the den with her new boss" Buffy said. With the emphasis Buffy had
put on the last two words, Willow knew she was asking Angel to check out Pam
because she didn't trust her.

Angel walked into the den and waved a greeting at Willow.

"Hi, Angel. This is my boss at the FBI/CIA thing, Pam Nichols. Pam this is
Angel."

"So you are a P.I. I am sorry, I didn't catch your last name."

"Smith," Angel replied.

Willow never knew what he would say. Sometimes it was Smith, sometimes it
was Jones. Once when he was with Buffy they were Mr. and Mrs. Fall.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Smith." It was at that moment that Pam looked back to
the mirror in the hallway, across from the den.

"Mr. Smith, were you aware that you have no reflection?" Pam said as she
reached in her jacket and checked on her gun. Angel turned around silently,
swearing to himself.

"Trick mirror" Willow said.

"What?" Buffy popped back in.

"Trick mirror" Angel repeated.

"Oh yeah, trick mirror. Very funny. Let's go. Willow, will you be okay?"
Buffy asked dragging Angel from the room.

"We'll be fine" Willow reassured Buffy.

Buffy pushed Angel out of the den, then turned back around and kissed Willow
quickly.

Pam was fuming. "Okay Dr. Rosenberg. Let's start over. You know witches
and you know a vampire. You have been into just about every occult library
in the world. I pulled your records. It took a while. Did you know the
CIA has records on you since you were 15. They have a lot of records. You
were once a practicing witch according to your credit card bills."

Pausing only to breath, Pam continued angrily. "Your lover, while not a
hacker, has an interesting record of her own. She has been arrested 50
times in 7 countries and hasn't been convicted even once. In fact she
hasn't even had a case go to trial. Every single charge, whether murder or
assault - and there have been a lot of assault charges - or breaking and
entering or arson, has been dismissed. Her records started at age 15 when
she burned down the high school gym, not once, but twice. Quite a record if
the information is correct. She's also burned down or destroyed 7 other
gyms, 4 stores, 15 abandoned buildings and, this is my personal favorite,
she blew up her high school on graduation day. And, still, not once was she
brought to trial."

"So much for your permanent records not following you around" Willow
dead-panned in response.

"Did you know most people go through life without ever needing a blood
transfusion? Your friend has been given 27 blood transfusions due to severe
blood loss. Usually from something called neck rupture. I'm a doctor and I
don't even know what a neck rupture is but, given the scar on her neck and
the fact that she apparently works for a vampire, it makes me wonder. No
wonder Bob asked you to move out on your girlfriend and Bob is not the least
bit homophobic. I was given some of this information but I never dreamed
you were this deep into the occult" Pam stated throwing her arms up in
frustration.

"So, you're thinking jail was a better idea."

"No!" Pam almost shouted "You are far too dangerous to leave unchecked. I
thought you were some naive kid caught up in the excitement of being kind of
bad without actually hurting anyone. Boy, was I wrong. Now doctor, what
the hell is going on?"

"Depends. Do you believe that vampires are real? Have you seen vampires
before?" Willow was familiar with the work of the Initiative so she knew
that someone in the government knew about demons but she didn't know what
Pam knew.

"Personally, no. I have seen enough research done by other CIA departments
and by people in my own department to know that they exist. You're all from
Sunnydale and your vampire friend seemed safe enough. Did Dr. Walsh At UC
Sunnydale treat your friend?"

"So, you know about the Initiative" Willow responded and then paused before
answering. "To answer your question, no, Angel was cursed with his soul by
gypsies."

"Cursed with his soul?"

"When you become a vampire your soul leaves because you die and the demon
takes over. It has no conscience and, in general, you can't trust vampires.
When Angel killed a young gypsy girl, her clan put Angel's soul back into
his body. He remembers everything he did as a vampire. He killed his own
family. He killed and tortured countless others. Pam, you don't have to
worry about Angel. He is good now and he helps people. He is trying to get
atonement for all the evil he did without his soul. Angel was Buffy's first
boyfriend. It's a long story."

Willow paused so Pam could absorb this information before continuing. "As
to your other questions, yes, I'm a witch. We fight the bad guys and
before Buffy closed the Hellmouth once and for all we had a lot of evil to
fight. The places Buffy destroyed, well, the gyms anyways, were full of
vampires and no humans and it was the only thing we could do. We blew up
the high school because the mayor, who was a demon, was about to ascend
which was very bad and very big - like size-of-the-high-school big. And a
lot of people helped which is why no one ever even arrested us even though
the whole town knew it was Buffy. I know it sounds crazy but if I were
lying why would the government be so damned ready to put me to work. I
don't think it's me you need to worry about but the guys who knew all this
before and hid it" Willow finished, wondering if she should have told her
about everything and everyone.

"You do have a point. Somebody wanted you in the CIA twelve years ago and
was willing to wait for you to get out of medical school. Somebody,
somewhere, sure was interested in keeping your girlfriend out of jail" Pam
said before abruptly changing the subject. "Can you prove you're a witch?"

"What? Do you want me to turn you into a rat or something?" Willow asked,
all to innocently.

"Um, no. Can you do something less ..." Pam didn't get a chance to finish
her sentence because she was staring at a floating pencil and then a
floating book. Soon a cup, a set of keys and a ruler joined the fray.

"Take one of them, go ahead it won't hurt you."

Pam reached for the ruler and held it in her hand. She turned it over,
checking it for strings.

Willow put the other things down, one by one, on the desk. "It took me
years to learn to do more than one or two objects at a time. But on the
other hand, it is fun to know the laws of physics can be broken" she
finished, smiling.

"So, Amy is a powerful witch too? You're in Amy's coven?"

"No. Amy doesn't really even have a coven. We get together to trade stuff
and to help each other out but no coven. At least not in the classic sense.
Amy really is a very powerful witch - she has massive power - but I have a
little more skill at the harder spells. Truth is, Amy is far to busy being
a mother to Xander and his three kids - and Xander is a very big kid. Most
witches are pretty innocent and most are good guys. Many, like Amy, come
from families of witches with handed-down powers and spells. Others are New
Agers who found they have a little talent. Some don't really have any
talent at all. In truth, it is the ones, as you might say, who play at
being witches that are the most dangerous. They have no idea what evil they
can do. And evil loves to feed on the innocent."

Pam and Willow continued talking until shortly before dawn when the front
door slammed.

"Okay. Where is she?" Cordelia's voice echoed through the house.

Willow jumped and went to the living room. Buffy was leaning on a
blood-soaked Cordelia but the blood wasn't hers - it was coming from Buffy.

"Damn. Cordelia, bring her into the kitchen."

"And hello to you" Cordelia said as she pushed Buffy forward. Pam raced to
Buffy's other side and took some of the weight off of Cordelia.

'Damn, Pam's still here' Willow thought before saying "Pam, this Cordelia.
Cordelia, this is Pam."

"What? Did Willow finally get smart and leave you Buffy?" Cordelia asked
the injured slayer.

Willow had water running and her medicine kit out by the time they reached
the kitchen.

"Thanks Cordy. Are you okay? What about Doyle and Angel? Are they okay?"
Willow asked.

"Well, my clothes are ruined, but everyone else is okay. Bumps and bruises
but otherwise okay. It was an ambush."

Willow cut Buffy's jacket and shirt away, tossing them to the floor.

Pam grabbed the towels and began cleaning the wounds to get a better look.

While Pam cleaned, Willow used a small flashlight and looked into Buffy's
eyes. "Yep, just as I thought. She has one hell of a concussion."

Cordelia asked, "How did you know that?"

Willow looked at Cordelia. "Because she hasn't argued with you once."

"Oh! That explains it" Cordelia thought out loud.

"She's going to need a lot of stitches. I'll call for an ambulance" Pam
said.

She was met with a chorus of emphatic "No's"

"I already have everything she needs right here" Willow replied firmly.

"Plus her being a real doctor" Cordelia added.

"Okay then. How can I help?" Pam asked.

Buffy had three large claw marks on her back and three across her stomach.
All were deep and needed stitches.

Willow gave Buffy a local anesthetic and started by stitching up the cuts on
Buffy's back. Just as Willow was starting on the stomach wounds the front
door flew open.

"How could you be so stupid? If you thought it might be a set up, why go
there in the first place?" a woman's voice said.

"But we weren't sure it was a set up and Faith isn't exactly the most
reliable source. You've said so yourself" a man with an Irish brogue
answered.

'Ow! My head feels like it's about to explode. I can feel it," Buffy
finally broke her silence.

As Doyle and Kate entered the kitchen Doyle went over to Cordelia. "Hi
honey. Is everything okay?" he asked as he hugged her.

"Other than my outfit being ruined" Cordelia stopped herself and then
whispered "I think she'll be okay once the slayer healing thing sets in."
Cordelia really did care about people. She just had a hard time showing it.

"So, what does the doctor and some person I don't know have to say?" Kate
asked. "Oh. Angel asked us to call him. He would have come with us but
..."

"Almost dawn" Buffy mumbled, the knowledge coming from her slayer instinct.

Willow tied off the last stitch on the first stomach wound and moved to the
second. "So how come no one told me Faith was involved because this is what
generally happens when she is" Willow stated through clenched teeth.

"Will, for once it wasn't her fault. She actually warned us and we didn't
listen. And before you say she probably knew remember that it's Faith, and
brain damaged Faith at that" Buffy said, having finally recovered most of
her senses.

"It doesn't matter! She has bad karma and I can blame her if I want to. So
we are never, ever, doing anything that Faith suggests again!!" Willow
replied angrily.

"Jealous much?" Cordelia asked.

"Redheads" Buffy answered.

"Witches!" Doyle said.

"I'm with Willow" Kate said, then asked "So, Willow. Who's your friend?"

"Cops!" the group said in unison.

"Kate, this is my boss Pam" Willow answered the detective.

"One of the bullies and spies?" Kate asked.

"Bullies and spies?" Pam asked puzzled.

"Just go with it" Willow said. "Yes, Kate. Only she's with the FBI, not
the CIA."

"A feebee, huh" Kate replied suspiciously.

They were all quiet.

"She knows. Well, not everything, but most of it from CIA records" Willow
stated.

"From the bugs?" Doyle asked.

"That and from the surveillance over the last 10 years of our lives. We're
very interesting to someone."

"It's just like the CIA to know stuff and not help" Kate said. "Is Buffy
really okay Will? She hasn't had a good comeback in a while."

"Concussion. How long was she out?"

"Only a couple minutes Will" Buffy answered.

"Try 40 minutes" Doyle said.

"So what happened Doyle?"

"Buffy followed us in as backup but they were waiting for us. A chaos demon
popped out into real space, picked her up and threw her into a wall."

"Hence the claw marks" Willow said.

"Anyway, they left her alone because she was out cold and fought with us for
a while. Then, well, we lost. About that time Buffy woke up and saved us
like usual. I never knew that a ceiling fan could do that to a chaos demon
before."

"Not to mention that whole thing with the electric can opener" Cordelia
said, adding "Can you say, eww!"

"Let me guess. Someone called the cops about the noise and you showed up"
Willow said to Kate.

"Actually she was there with us but otherwise that's right" Buffy replied.
"Besides they left the part out about the futon coach."

"Again, eww!" Cordelia, Kate and Doyle said together.

Willow finally finished her stitching and leaned over, kissing Buffy on the
lips.

"Do you have to do that here?" Cordelia asked.

"Cordelia, it is their house" Kate said, the irritation evident in her
voice.

"Besides, I think it's kind of nice" Doyle smirked until Cordelia punched
him in the stomach.

"You and Xander" Buffy said.

"Who and Xander?" Cordelia asked.

"Today Xander and Amy had this huge fight because Larry is going to coach
Xand Jr.'s. tee ball team. Well, you know, Amy loved Larry even in high
school and Xander was scared to death of him."

"Demons he could handle but a gay football player he freaked. I can see why
they would fight" Cordelia added. Then looking over at Buffy, "and I'm not
homophobic. Just because I don't want to watch Willow stick her tongue down
your throat does not make me homophobic" Cordelia said indignantly.

"She only kissed me Cordy, and you are."

"Well, I see Buffy's feeling better" Kate said. "If everything is cool, I'm
tired and I think I'll go home. If you need me, I've got the cell."

"Wait! Before you go, can you and Cordy give me a hand putting her in bed.
Can I get you some clean clothes Cordy? And you too, Kate. And Doyle, why
don't you keep Pam company?"

Kate went around to Buffy's side. "She wasn't this unbalanced before, well,
physically anyway" Kate said giving Buffy a quick smile as she helped Willow
stand her up. "Did you give her something?"

"Just a local but the blood loss and concussion along with the whole slayer
dynamic causes her body to react differently than most people. It draws on
itself when injured, first supplying more energy for self-preservation, then
it has to shut down a little while later" Willow replied.

The three women got Buffy into bed and into clean clothes. Willow handed
Kate a few names to check before getting Kate and Cordelia some of Buffy's
sweats and tee shirts to borrow.

Just before falling asleep, Buffy murmured to Kate, "Say good night to Angel
when you see him this morning."

Willow and Cordelia just laughed. "Kate, Buffy and Angel tell each other
everything" Willow whispered in way of explanation. "It used to unnerve me
too."

Returning to the kitchen they found Doyle with a glass of whiskey. "Your
friend or whatever, left. She said that she was assigning you to work at
home today and to call her this afternoon if the world doesn't end.

"Doyle, would you trust her?" Willow asked carefully. Doyle had good
instincts even if he didn't trust them himself.

"I don't know. She seems okay but I suspect she's just a pawn" Doyle
answered before taking another drink of whiskey.

"Your vision" Cordelia said. "He had a vision that you were a game piece on
a chessboard."

Doyle picked up where Cordelia had left off. "You weren't in danger but the
person that was using you was in danger as the game went out of control.
Faith was another one of the pieces. Faith along with Xander, Amy & the
kids, Angel, Kate, Cordy, Buffy and I were watching the game. We couldn't
do anything to help you. It wasn't one of my clearer visions. Sorry."
Doyle finished the whiskey off in one large swallow.

"Actually it makes perfect sense to me. And you're right; you guys can't
help this time. But I wish I knew how Xander and Faith fit in it. When did
she get back in town?" Willow asked distractedly.

"A couple of weeks ago. She showed up asking Angel if he knew were she
could get a job and, of course, he helped her. That's Angel" Kate answered.
"A bar owner owed him a favor. Faith is working behind the bar at the
Fosterage and she's sleeping in a room over the bar. Truth is, she seemed
kind of happy with it. Happy for Faith at least."

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Chapter 5
Paint the Ending In ...

Buffy was pissed and it didn't help that there were no 'damn' vampires to
take her frustration out on by pummeling them before dusting them. Here she
was in one of L.A.'s largest cemeteries in the middle of the night and there
was not a single thing going bump. With a cry of frustration she threw Mr.
Pointy into a nearby tree. The stake hit with enough force that it shook
the ancient tree and was buried four inches deep into the wood. "Great,
just great!" the slayer muttered to herself while stomping over to the tree
and trying to reclaim the stake. After a few, futile minutes of pulling and
kicking she knew it was hopeless and slid down the trunk, letting her tears
flow.

It had been two months since Willow had begun work for the CIA or, more
accurately, the FBI. Buffy had felt so guilty over Willow's loss of
freedom. She blamed herself for the arrest and sentence that put the love
of her life in that center of bullies and spies. Buffy always knew Willow
was smart and talented and would go far. She was just glad Willow let her
tag along. Then Willow had been arrested and Buffy had believed that, once
again, she had put the woman she loved in danger and ruined her future.

Buffy had spent the first two weeks of Willow's stay at the CIA pampering
and loving her lover. She had fixed her favorite foods and tried every new
way she could think of to make love to Willow. She went out of her way to
meet her at the door every night and send her on her way each morning. She
had tried so hard that Willow had gotten frustrated with it and told Buffy
to "stop acting like Donna Reed. I never wanted a wife in the first place."
It had cut Buffy to the core. Not so much the Donna Reed part but the fact
that somewhere in Buffy's mind she had considered herself to be exactly that
- Willow's wife.

She had taken Willow for better or worse, richer or poorer, until death do
you part. Buffy had always believed she would die first since slayer's
never led long lives. Willow was all she had ever wanted in her life,
whether she deserved her or not. They had never actually said the words or
worn the white dresses but Buffy had just assumed they were married. They
were forever but hadn't she felt that way about Angel? That had been a
disaster! She had taken his soul and sent him to hell - literally.

So now she knew that Willow didn't think of her in the same way. She could
live with that, or more exactly, she could learn to live with it, in time,
but another part of Buffy felt like she was losing Willow totally. Buffy
had expected that the work at the CIA would be punishment only to find that
Willow liked it. In fact she loved it! Willow had not been this excited
about anything since she and Tara had invented synchronized transmutation.
Willow had been given access to do research - something she had always
wanted to do. She was working with people that understood what she was
doing and appreciated what she was capable of. She had been making friends
at the office - friends that were smart and funny and were not also friends
with Buffy.

The two of them had always shared most of their friends. Xander, Oz and Amy
had been friends with them for so long they were family. Sure, Willow had
Tara and she had Riley and Kir, but they still hung out with the same
people. They still were part of the group, Buffy just felt left out.

Then it had happened. Last night Buffy had found the sacrificial altar of
the chaos demon cult she had been hunting. This included the sister to the
demon that had almost killed Buffy and her friends. Her back was still
healing from the injury she had incurred that night. The wounds had become
infected after Willow had stitched her up. Something to do with the demon
had caused the infection. Still, slayers could heal from almost any injury.

She had followed up on tips until she had finally found the altar but it had
been too late. Five people had died on it and their bodies were dumped next
to it. Since there was little she could do about it she had called Kate.
Kate brought in the police and then Kate's boss had called the FBI occult
unit. Within an hour of the call, Willow, Pam Nichols and four or five
others from Project Raven showed up. Buffy had stayed to watch from the
safety of a nearby doorway. She should have left but she wanted to watch
Willow work so she had hidden there, watching her love take charge of the
forensic team. She watched Willow laugh at Pam's jokes and as she watched,
her heart broke. It wasn't rational but Buffy wasn't always rational.

She had been so into watching Willow, she missed when the police started
doing a routine sweep of the area, looking for lurkers. The officers had
discovered her hiding place and had done a quick search finding her crosses,
Holy Water, stakes and crossbow. They then cuffed her and were ready to
drag her off to the precinct when one of Willow's new friends had recognized
her. Willow had taken her to a party at a co-worker's house the week before
and she had met most of the people Willow worked with.

All of this was normal routine for the slayer. She had been arrested too
many times to remember but this time was different. Mark. That was the
man's name that had recognized her and asked the officers to leave her on
site. She overheard Mark and another officer talking about her. She hated
slayer hearing. The police had already run her name from their police car
so when Mark and another FBI agent went over the usual things the computer
always spit out about her, it was business as usual. Then she heard someone
say "Mark, are you sure you don't want to let LAPD take her in? Holy Water
and a crossbow sounds occult-related to me."

"Nah. The girl is definitely a mental case but Dr. Rosenberg supports her,
even though she can't hold a job. She's harmless. I think she knows one of
the detectives as well. Langley, or something like that. She may have
even come with her to the site or she may have just followed radio calls
here to watch her girlfriend."

"Yeah. The blond seems like the positive type."

"Yeah, it's to bad."

"Yeah. She's a looker alright."

"No. It's not that. It's Rosenberg. I mean, okay, she's a dyke but she
could do so much better. She could be with somebody normal. You know,
someone with a job. Someone who doesn't need to carry stakes up her
sleeves. Rosenberg, is so smart but she's too nice for her own good."

"Yeah. Rosenberg does seem pretty competent. She probably just doesn't
know how to get rid of the girl. Man, I feel sorry for her."

"What are we talking about anyway? It's not like a girl that size could
have lifted the bodies, much less done this kind of damage."

It had been enough. Buffy then did something she didn't do often. She
cried. She thought about how she was holding Willow back as she cried.
Later, Pam Nichols had come over to the van and uncuffed Buffy. "I take it
you called detective Lockley this morning - that you found the bodies." It
was a statement. Pam knew who Buffy really was. Willow had told her
everything.

Buffy just nodded yes.

"Did you have anything to do with this."

"No! I don't do humans" Buffy snapped, turning to Pam.

"I know, but I had to ask. Do you 'DO' what did this?"

"Not yet, but I will."

"That's good to know. Ms. Summers, I'm afraid Willow is busy now but you
can wait for her if you want. Just stay here or by the other cars."

"Does she know I'm here?"

"No, not yet. I can tell her if you like."

"No! In fact, would you do me a favor and not tell her I was here at all."

"If that's what you want Ms. Summers."

"It is. Can I go now? It's been a long night."

"Yes." Pam's answer was short and to the point. Buffy figured she felt the
same way the other two officers did and Buffy felt like they were right.
That night Buffy left the house before Willow got home. She left to go
patrolling and now she was sitting on the ground, crying, with her favorite
stake stuck in a tree and her life falling apart.

Days passed while Willow did autopsies of the bodies that the occult unit
had removed from an abandoned building serving as a demon temple. Willow
had barely seen Buffy. At first Willow just thought she was still hunting
the chaos demon's sister who was responsible for the deaths. Willow had
pieced enough together from Kate and Angel to know the deaths were related
to the same demon that had left the latest scars on her lover. Buffy
sometimes got like this when she was hunting a specific demon so she had
just left her lover be.

Two things happened to change Willow's mind. First, Angel had phoned her at
work to ask her to try and call off her feebees until nightfall. Kate was
holding back the LAPD. He and Faith would destroy the body. Willow was
clueless as to what he was talking about. Angel was also surprised that
Buffy hadn't told Willow. Buffy had found and killed the chaos demon late
the night before but was too tired to hide the body. Chaos demons were
large and hard to hide and since Buffy had left the demon's body on the
rooftop overlooking the crime scene there was a chance some of the officers
would return to the scene of the crime. Secondly, Mark had come in to get
an autopsy report and let it slip that Buffy had been caught at the scene of
the crime but Pam had let her go.

The demon part she accepted. Demons were a part of Buffy's everyday life
but she always told Willow when she was arrested or picked up by the cops.
One time, Buffy had been severely beaten while in jail. It turned out that
the officer primarily responsible for the beating was a demon. Because of
this and other run-ins she'd had, Buffy was very mistrustful of authorities.
If the jail experience had not been enough, there had been the Initiative.
Riley had turned out to be a nice guy but Buffy never trusted authority
after that.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------

Pam was sitting in her office looking over crime reports for yet another
crime that would go officially unsolved. She would turn in the real report
to the CIA. The demon was dead. She knew this because a surveillance
camera placed at the scene had picked up the slayer killing the beast. Pam
was comforted to know that the slayer was good for her word but she was
uncomfortable with what she had actually seen. It was the most frightening
thing she had ever seen. The thought that the petite blonde was strong
enough to take on that creature had left her numb and, more to the point, it
frightened her even more when she shared this knowledge with the agency.

It turned out that the CIA had already known Ms. Summers was the slayer.
They had even told her to keep the slayer out of operations and, more
importantly, to keep her out of jail. Pam wondered how much of her work and
her discoveries over the years were just yesterday's news. The agency had
known. Even now the cameras at the scene were waiting to see who came for
the demon's body. They didn't care what they were going to do with it, how
it was to be disposed of or what it was made of.

No! Science was not the point. They already knew. It was about who was
involved. That was what they needed to know! Dr. Nichols had even been
given a list. If it were any of the slayer's known friends, nothing was to
be done. But if it was someone not on the list then they were to be
reported. The agency would handle it from there. Pam idly wondered if
vampires would show up on camera. Did it matter if the film had silver
nitrate? If they did not see anyone, how would she know if it was the
detective vampire or another vampire?

Even with all this running through her head there was one other thing on her
mind. She had put it off for days but she knew sooner or later she would
need to address it. She had overheard most of Mark's and Tom's conversation
about the slayer. She had guessed someone at the agency had planted some of
it with Mark. He was the office gossip and planting ideas with him usually
worked. She had done it herself. Why they had planted it was another
story. She suspected the slayer had heard them as well. The girl had been
crying when she had uncuffed her. From what she knew of Buffy, she didn't
seem like the type to cry and she had been arrested far too many times
before to let that bother her to the point of tears. Pam was lost in
thought, when she looked up to see Dr. Rosenberg in the doorway of her
office.

"Pam, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Yes. This is about Buffy isn't it?"

"How did you know?"

"I've always been a good guesser. So what can I do for you?"

"Why didn't you tell me that Buffy was at the crime scene?"

"She asked me not to."

"Oh!"

"Actually I really wanted to talk to you about it. I just hadn't figured
out how to broach the subject with you. Why don't you shut the door and
have a seat?"

Willow did as asked. She took a seat across from Pam and waited with a bad
feeling in her stomach.

Pam noticing the look on Willow's face said "Don't worry. It's nothing
official. The agency knows Buffy reported it and that's why she was in the
area. At least as far as the police or the FBI is concerned, that's the end
of the story."

Willow sighed with relief. "Good."

"You're not going to think so in a minute. I think the reason why your
girlfriend left without telling you was because of a conversation she
overheard. It wasn't nice. Some of the agents heard about the equipment
she was carrying. Things used for slaying like stakes, etc. They ..."

"They thought she was mentally unbalanced. We've heard it before" Willow
said in relief.

"I wish it were that simple. The gist of what they said was more about you,
emphasizing how you have to take care of someone mentally unbalanced. I
know that isn't true. Your girlfriend must be one of the most mentally
sound people in the world, especially given her line of work." Pam slammed
her hand on her desk with a thud and continued "Fuck it! I think some of
the people here should still be in junior high school. What they said was
cruel and I think she was hurt. No. I know she was but I just didn't know
if I should get involved. I should've said something earlier. I am sorry
Dr. Rosenberg."

Willow was stunned. Her mind was blank and she didn't know what to think.
Between Angel and Pam she felt like she was two feet tall. She had missed
all the signs. She had been a bad friend and a bad lover.
"Can I go home early?" was all she could say before turning and leaving, not
even waiting for an answer. She had to get there before Buffy left without
seeing her again. She got there just in time to see Buffy walking to her
car.

"You're early" the slayer said.

"And you were trying to leave before I got home."

"Was not."

"Buffy, I don't want to argue in the street. Come inside, please?"

"So, are we going to argue?"

"Probably. Won't be the first time."

"Fine." But it wasn't fine, Buffy thought. She wondered if she should've
just stayed at Xander's and Amy's or Cordelia's and Doyle's. Maybe she
should just stay with Angel. Buffy was resigned to the fact that Willow had
come to her senses and was throwing her out. Buffy didn't think she would
survive this.

They both marched into the house, taking up opposite sides of the room
before sitting down in silence.

"Will, I have places to be, demons to slay, so can we?"

Willow cut her off. "No, you don't! Angel called me and, apparently,
you've already slain."

"Is that what this is all about? I didn't tell you I slew a demon. Do I
have to ask your permission now to do my job? Yeah, my job! Or do you and
your friends at the CIA think they can do better?"

"That wasn't it Buffy. Most of them are nice and this isn't about them."

"Then what is it about Will? Tell me! Because I don't know. I don't seem to
know anything, anymore! And that's really the problem, isn't Will? I'm not
smart enough to hang with you and yours. I ..."

Buffy didn't get to finish her rant because Willow slapped her across the
face. Buffy was stunned. She had expected for Willow to throw her out but
to hit her - that was new. Willow had never hit her before. Well, at least
not in the face and never in anger. Those other times had been in fun, but
this wasn't fun.

"Hey, look! I'm sorry Will. I'll save you the trouble of throwing me out.
I'll come back when you're at work and get my stuff." Buffy tried to walk
around her but Willow put her hand on the slayer's arm, stopping her.

"This is really about the job isn't it? All the silence has been about the
job. Buffy, you know I can't quit."

"Well, I quit. I quit, Will. I can't do it all and, quit frankly, loving
you is a job I could do without."

Willow slapped Buffy again. She was not sure why she had developed this
need to slap Buffy. It was all her fault. She was the one in the wrong but
something in her snapped. Maybe the job was getting to her. No, not the
job itself. She actually liked her job but felt guilty for liking it. That
was an issue she wasn't ready to deal with and now was not the time for
those thoughts. She had just slapped her love twice and she had to do
something that would end this. Whatever this was.

"Buffy Anne Summers." Buffy was struck at how much like her mother Willow
sounded.

"You can't quit us. It's not that easy. We have been through apocalypses
and your mother walking in on us. We are not going to just walk away
because if you do that then you'll be walking away from the best thing that
ever happened to us!"

Buffy slumped to the floor. "Willow, I know you're the best thing that ever
happened to me. I just don't want to hold you back."

"I think I once told you that I wanted in, I wanted to fight the forces of
evil. I don't do it because of you though you are a big part of it. Buffy,
I do it because it is part of who I am, who I want to be! Buffy, I love
you. Only you. You're who I want to spend the rest of my life with! For
better or worse, I need you. I am nothing without you!"

"Did you mean what you said?"

"Depends. What did I say?" Willow hated it when Buffy jumped track. The
workings of her mind was still a mystery.

"You said you didn't want a wife. Willow, I've always thought of you as my
wife."

'I never wanted a wife.' Willow's mind ran through conversations and she
remembered what Buffy was referring to. "Honey. I do think of you as my
wife. I really do. It was the acting like Donna Reed part, that's what I
meant. I don't want you to think you have to take care of me. You were
giving me Xander flashbacks, from when we watched The Donna Reed Show and
Father Knows Best on Nick at Night. You were way over-compensating."

"I guess I was. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I should've noticed what you were feeling. I have been so
wrapped up in my world that I haven't been paying attention to you, the most
important person in my life."

"Will, I was being a jerk."

"No you weren't." Willow decided now was not the time to deal with the
conversation she had with Pam. Things between them had gotten out of control
and the facts did not match the reactions which usual meant feelings were
running below the surface. No, now was the time to make love. Willow
reached over and grabbed her love's hand and pulled her towards the bedroom.
The witch pushed the blonde onto the bed, pulling off clothes as she went.
She spent a long time kissing the slayer's lips.

"Okay, Buffy. I'm going to make love to you. The only question now is,
hard or soft?"

"Well, you have already slapped me twice. I say finish what you started."
Buffy leaned in to kiss Willow, suddenly getting serious and added "Willow,
I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm losing control again. Please, I
need you to help me. Okay?"

This wasn't good. Buffy liked to play rough. Emphasis on the word play,
but when she felt out of control, Willow didn't think she was playing
anymore. Willow had dated a werewolf so she knew what it meant to have a
lover feel out of control, be out of control.

But that would have to wait. Willow didn't want to lose the moment so she
kissed the slayer for awhile, pushing her back toward the headboard. The
redhead lifted her lover's arms above her head and gently closed the
slayer's eyes. Buffy lay still as Willow gathered supplies and laid them
out. She blindfolded the slayer and handcuffed her to the headboard.
Willow then spread her legs and tied them to the legs of the bed with
restraints before changing her mind and untying one of the legs. She rolled
the slayer on to her stomach. Then with her hand she began to spank the
slayer, at first playfully, but Buffy asked for it to be harder. Willow did
as asked. She spanked the slayer for what seemed like a lifetime. The
doctor had to take breaks and rest. It took a long time to even raise a red
mark on the slayer.

Buffy demanded bruises. Bruises that would fade with in an hour or two but
she needed bruises. It took being in love with someone for more then a
decade to know these things about the one you love. Willow simply knew
Buffy needed this. Why didn't matter. It was just like trying to explain
magic. The words didn't seem to exist. All in all, the witch had spent
more than an hour at the task before she felt Buffy was ready for the next
step.

Willow rolled Buffy onto her back and tied her tightly, spread-eagled on the
bed. She then spent time kissing the slayer. First her lips and then both
breasts and then the healing scars on her stomach. Finally, she reached the
slayer's core. Willow truly was a doctor of anatomy when it came to going
down on someone. She knew how to use her tongue and after the slayer had
began to moan loudly, she added her fingers. This was something she loved
to do. She could die from the taste of the slayer. It was what she thought
heaven must be like. Willow lost herself in the act until she felt the
slayer's muscles contract around her fingers and her legs started to shake.
Willow sucked harder on her lover's clit and added another finger. Buffy
only moaned her name. Willow kept this up until the slayer was through the
climax. She slowed her finger thrusts and then slid up the slayer's body,
kissing her lips. Willow then began to slide the phallus into the blond.
Willow started out slow and gradually picked up the pace. When the slayer
began to shake, the witch found her clit and stroked it hard. Buffy leaned
up and took Willow's lips and said "I love you." Afterwards, Willow let the
slayer rest and sat next to her on the bed to watch her mate. She slowly
began to untie her but when she removed the handcuffs Buffy grabbed her
hand. "Will, it's not enough. I need more. I need you to do it."

Willow knew what it was. It was something Willow loved Buffy to do to her.
Had, in fact, begged Buffy to do to her, pleaded with her to do but Buffy
had never liked it done to her. Willow had assumed that slayers might be
more sensitive there or it was just a personal thing. But Buffy was not
asking Willow to do it because she liked it. No, Buffy wanted the pain.
Needed it. Her lover could become so self-destructive without her help.
Willow's answer was "Lean over the end of the bed and I'll get what I need.
Buffy, are you sure about this?"

"Willow, I just need it." It was said in a whisper. Buffy had spent too
many years hurt by fate and this was the price. Buffy bent over the bed in
the right position and waited. Willow got everything she needed and then
kissed her lover's back, letting her fingers run down the still healing
scars. She slid the phallus in the slayer's back side. Buffy made a noise
though Willow doubted it was in pleasure. The doctor slowly began to work
in and out of the blonde.

"Will, harder please."

Willow increased both pressure and speed. Buffy made a few sounds but, on
the whole, there was silence. Willow just kept at her work until Buffy
began to moan. Willow had unconsciously begun to play with the slayer's
clit, trying to make it pleasant. When Buffy began to moan load and rock
with Willow's motions the witch increased her actions until Buffy began to
shake. Willow then let herself feel her own orgasm but it seemed empty
somehow. When they were both finished, they cleaned up separately and went
to bed.

Hours passed and Willow lay in bed next to Buffy, feeling empty and thinking
about the night. She went over everything, step by step. Work, Pam, their
lovemaking. Over and over again. Then it hit her! The scars on Buffy's
back. Open scars on Buffy's back. They should have been completely healed
by now. Willow quickly turned on the light and threw the covers off of
them. A confused Buffy awoke to find Willow tugging on her pajama top.
"Willow! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Taking your top off."

"New side of you, Will?"

"Just do it Buffy. It's important." Hitting Buffy with her resolve face,
Buffy pulled off the top and Willow practically flipped Buffy over.

"Damn it! I'm a fool. I've got to call Giles."
Continue on to Part 6-10