"This time I know you're not
the answer to my prayers
And I have grown with each
disappointment through the years
And as bad as I am,
and as bad as I am,
I'm still here"
- "Bad As I Am"
Séan McCann and Bob Hallett

I glanced up at the clock ticking loudly on my apartment wall. It was ten minutes past two. He was late, again. I sighed quietly and sunk into a chair to wait for him.

My best friend, Willow Rosenburg, poked her head out of the bathroom, "Buffy that's the second time Angel's been late this week. What's going on with him?"

I shrugged. "I really don't know Willow. I guess I've come to expect it now. After two years, why should I think it'd be any different?"

"Maybe because you deserve it to be different." Willow suggested. "This isn't the relationship you waited all this time for, is it?"

"No, I guess not."

Willow came into the room and sat by me, "Buffy, listen to me."

I looked up.

"He spent four long years in Los Angeles and you spent four long years in university dating Riley. You've both waited so long to be together and now you finally can and you're just going to let him get away with this? It's not right."

"But you did the spell Willow."

Her red hair swung as she nodded. "Only because you asked me to. I did what you wanted, I made him human. But I didn't fix this for him to start standing you up."

"I've come to expect it. It's been two years of him being late and forgetting my birthday." I sighed. "I knew it would be different but I didn't know he'd be like this."

"He turned into a full blown guy." Willow said, then returned to the bathroom.

I nodded slowly, "That he did."

* * *

It had started slowly, Angel's change, but it had come. After four years of university, Willow finally found herself a full time witch, she could do basically whatever she wanted. Amy was no longer a rat and her father was very happy to see her again. She found herself doing spells she could have only dreamed of earlier in her career as a wiccan.

"Change him back." I said, coming to her one day.

Willow glanced up, "What?"

"Change him back, make him human."

The redhead still looked confused, "Who?"

"Angel, silly. I know you can do it. I saw the spell in one of your books and you told me you could do every spell in that book. Make him human again." I stared into Willow's eyes, "Please?"

"Fine." She agreed reluctantly. "But I'm not doing this for him, I'm doing it only for you."

I nodded eagerly, not really hearing what Willow said.

"And I'm warning you now, in a year he'll take it all for granted. He'll be just like any other mortal male."

I nodded again, "Just get your stuff. Please Willow."

"Okay, come on."

We had done the spell and as far as Willow could tell, it had been a success.

But Angel hadn't returned to Sunnydale right away, it had taken him more than a week to gather up his courage and find me. We spent the following week together and, Willow assumed, we had been happy.

And for a while, we had been until Angel began to let me down like every other guy I had ever dated. That was where the 'happy couple' now stood. Angel letting me down every day and I was always scrambling for some way to make it better.

* * *

A loud knocking at the door brought me out of my memories and I rushed to open it. Instead of finding Angel there, Xander Harris smiled up at me when I opened the door.

"Hey Buff." He said cheerily, pushing his way into the apartment and looking around. "Is Willow ready yet?"

"Not yet." I answered. "She'll be out in a few."

He nodded and sunk down onto the couch before taking the strike I had known was coming, "So where's Deadboy? He stand you up again?"

I studied the man sitting on my couch for a moment before responding. So much had changed about Xander, but almost everything had stayed the same.

He had finally grown out of the goofy, boyish body and face, finally looking somewhere around his real age. His hair that had been long and shaggy at the beginning of university was now cut short and he looked nothing like he had when I had met him seven years earlier.

Other than the physical, he hadn't changed a bit. His goofy smile soon found it's home on his mouth as he awaited my response and he watched me carefully, his brown eyes full of laughter.

"No, Deadboy's not here yet." I confirmed. "Although you do realize calling him that just doesn't fit anymore, right?"

He shrugged. "It's an affectionate nickname."

"Sure it is Xander."

"Hey." Willow said, coming out of the bathroom.

"And the beautiful princess reveals herself." Xander teased, standing up and planting a quick kiss on her forehead. "Let's go Rumpelstiltskin, we're gonna be late."

"Rumpelstiltskin was the little elf guy, not the princess." Willow said as she shoved her feet into her shoes.

"Yeah, I know." Xander replied, then received a fist in his stomach. "Oof." He grunted, then held open the door for Willow, "See ya later Buff." He paused, "You wanna come with?"

"Yeah," Willow said, "who needs Angel?"

I shook my head, "No, there's something I need to do."

Xander shot me a concerned glance before nodding, "Okay then, if that's what you want. Talk to you later."

"Bye Buffy." Willow called.

"Bye." I called back, halfheartedly.

* * *

It had taken Willow so long to admit Oz was really gone, he hadn't returned since he had left in their freshmen year of university and no one had heard from him.

When she finally realized he was gone forever, she had become almost catatonic. She didn't move, didn't eat, didn't sleep or speak.

Xander had finally snapped her out of it one day by walking into her room and sitting on the end of her bed and staring at her for a full hour without saying anything.

Finally, Willow asked, "what?"

He grinned, "Will, if I got down on one knee right now and told you how much you mean to everyone would you get up?"

She shook her head.

So Xander moved beside her and sat on his knees, grabbing his friend's hand. "Willow, everyone loves you so much and we hate to see you like this. Having your heart broken is breaking ours."

She didn't reply.

Xander used his other hand to turn her face toward him, forcing her to look into his eyes.

"We all love you." He said again, "I love you."

Something had cracked in her and she finally broke down into tears.

I watched from the door way as Xander got up off the floor and held Willow in his arms while she cried. After a few minutes of watching this, I entered the room and sat down on the bed beside them, lightly stroking Willow's hair.

Xander's eyes met mine over the top of Willow's head and he smiled. I smiled back, feeling like we had finally gotten our friend back. It had taken a while, but she came back to us slowly and then their relationship hit me.

I had come across them kissing one day, but I couldn't run away in anger like Cordelia had done. It could have been the fact that I wasn't angry, I was just surprised. From then on, it had been a public relationship.

* * *

The doorbell rang and I glanced up, realizing I had been sitting there for over an hour and that Angel was late again.

"Hi." He said when I opened the door.

I nodded slowly, "Hi."

"Sorry I'm late." "Buffy that's not fair."

That made me really angry. "What's not fair? That I'm mad? Take a look around Angel, I sat here for an hour waiting for you. I could have been out having fun with my friends but instead I waited here for you."

"I'm sorry Buffy. It's the last time."

"Yeah, you always seem to say that Angel. 'I promise, I'll never be late again'." I mimicked him in a way I knew made him angry, "or it's 'I swear I'll never drink again Buffy.' or your favourite, 'that girl meant nothing to me'. You're always promising me something Angel and for some sick reason I've always believed you."

He looked worried, "I mean it Buffy. Honest, never again."

"I don't believe you anymore." All my anger from the past two years was finally being let out. "I love you Angel but this can't go on anymore. I've put up with this for too long now. Way too long." I turned to him, "My God, I broke up with Riley for you. He was probably the best thing that had ever happened to me. You know why Angel?" I asked. "He didn't do this to me. He didn't keep me waiting for hours." I paused, catching my breath, "And when he said he loved me, he meant it."

"Oh, so now you're comparing me to your last boyfriend. How fair is that?"

"I'm just realizing what I gave up for this!" I gestured wildly with my hands. "It wasn't worth it."

"But no one else would ever have you." He said, his voice turning hard and cold.

"And that's another thing I don't have to put up with anymore." I said, "If I'm such a bad person then why the hell do you stay with me Angel? As bad as I am, I'm still here aren't I?"

He didn't reply.

I shook my head. "Look, I think you should just leave."

"What?"

"It's over Angel."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

I nodded slowly, "Yeah, I think I am."

"But without me, you're nothing."

I pushed him toward the door. "Wrong Angel. Without you, I'm everything."

I pushed him out into the hall, then slammed the locked the door behind him. He banged on the door a few times before giving up and walking away. I reached over and flipped on the radio before picking up the phone and dialling Cordelia's number in Los Angeles. It'd be nice to see her again, she hadn't been down in Sunnydale since last summer.

"Hi Cordelia. It's Buffy." I said when she picked up, "I'm doing good. A lot better than I have in a long time." I paused, "Well, actually I was wondering if you'd like to come for a visit. Willow and I have a room you can stay in and it would be really great to see you again." I paused again and grinned, "Sure, next week is great. See you then."

I hung up the phone as a song came onto the radio and as I listened to it, I smiled. Then, turning I started toward the guest room. I would need to clean it out before Cordelia's visit.

"Here I go again, my heart's on the line,
I'm willing to pretend one more time,
I got some life to spend on even rhymes,
When I reach the end will you, will you, will you be mine?

This time I know you're not the answer to my prayers.
And I have grown with each disappointment through the years
And as bad as I am, and as bad as I am,
I'm still here.

On the road again, I pay the fine
Where now is the friend I leave, I leave, I leave behind?
I'm going around the bend, one more climb,
But when I reach the end will you, will you, will you be mine?

This time I know you're not the answer to my prayer,
And I have grown with each disappointment through the years
And as bad as I am, and as bad as I am, and as bad as I am,
I'm still here."

- "As Bad As I Am" Written by Séan McCann and Bob Hallett Performed by Great Big Sea

The End