#1 Don't Get Caught.

That's the big one. I mean, women have the unfortunate ability to make your life not so good. And when you've got two chicks mad at you.....eew, bad news. To avoid having the wrath of feminine nagging lambasted upon you....just don't get caught.

#2 Don't Treat Each Girlfriend As Just A Half Girlfriend.

Listen men, the fundamental reason to two-time is not to look cool (although that is a big part of it). But the main reason is so that you get twice the girl. With one girlfriend, the girl affection is limited, with two, it doubles. Twice the girl, twice the fun...don't lose sight of that.

#3 Don't EVER Tell One Either (any) of the Girls, EVEN if They Say It Would Be Okay.

First of all: IF THEY SAY THEY'D BE OKAY WITH IT, IT'S PROBABLY A TRICK! Girls do that, you know. Second of all, if you tell one girl, she gains the ability to blackmail you, and hurt your other relationship and/or future relationships you may have. Third of all, she might want to start dating other people, too. That would suck. You don't want your girl seeing another guy. That would be sick and wrong!

#4 Don't 2-Time On A Girl You Actually Love.

Listen men, dating is just playing the field, feeling things out until you find "The One". That is why two-timing is so good, it cuts the searching time in half. So, for Heaven's sake, if the search is over, stop looking. I mean, imagine yourself with dating Katie Holmes . You gonna two time on her? Huh? First of all, she's so hot you can't go on living if you've had her and lost her; and second of all, when she finds out, she's gonna be mad, and probably violent, and Katie for instance, is so hot, you won't be able to fight back, only stare at her beauty. So, if you accidentally stumble upon a good'in, keep her.

#5 If You Can't Handle the Stress, GET OUT!

Okay men, we all know how stressful it can be to date even one girl. So it is entirely possible that dating two will just be too much nagging to take. Especially due to certain time constraints brough on by two-timing. So remember that you are two timing for good reasons, and one of those reasons is fun. If it ain't fun....you shouldn't be doing it any more.

Special Hints

Be a Great Boyfriend to Both.

Okay, listen, if you don't treat your ladies like princesses, two things are going to happen: 1)She's going to nag you to death; 2)She's going to suspect two-timing. In your case, this would be especially bad, because YOU ACTUALLY ARE TWO-TIMING!. Now remember, too that the nagging is multiplied by 2! So, the easy solution is to be a great boyfriend. Buy them gifts. Pay geeks to remind you of birthdays and anniversaries and such. They'll never suspect anything. Plus, anytime they do lose control and nag at you, they will soon feel guilty, and soon come crying home to Papa. And the making up will begin!

This may sound crazy, but this is extremely important. Joking about it will give you a feel of how mad she would be and how far out of the country you would need to run if, unfortunately she ever found out. Also, believe it or not, if you drop hints like that she will be less likely to suspect you. I know, it sounds crazy, but it's not. It's when you never joke about it that she starts to suspect something. Finally, if she does find out, and you are unable to get out of the country in time, you can say that you tried to tell her, and it will almost be the truth.

Two-Timing Classifications

The Seasonal Two-Time

Seasonal two-timing is one of the easiest ways to get into the two-timing groove. Seasonal two-timing simply means that you only have one real girlfriend, but the girlfriend depends on the season. For example, let's say you are a college student whose home is in oh, let's say Iowa, and you're going to college in oh, let's say Tulsa, Oklahoma. So, growing up in Iowa, you have a girlfriend, whom you love, and you want to stay with in Tulsa. However, Tulsa is so far away that you get lonely without her. So, in Tulsa, you get yourself another girlfriend for the schoolyear. No harm, no foul. In fact, this wouldn't even have to be called two-timing if it wasn't for those punk girls and all of their rules. This is the perfect way to go also, because there's virtually no way you can get caught, unless you're an idiot.

The Casual Two-Time

This may also seem like a risk-free way to go, but the consequences can be brutal. This method means that you two-time, or even three-time but never officially commit to one of the girls. To a guy, this seems like a great way to go. No agreement on exclusivity, no reason for the girl to get mad. Right? Wrong! If you don't verbally commit, the girl will imagine that you meant to. She'll be just as pissed, only also very sad if she finds out. And that sadness will equal her and all of her friends coming at you. Bad news

The Back-Up Plan Two-Time

Occasionally us dopes will actually get the opportunity to go out with someone way out of our league. This can be dangerous,and the chances of it lasting probably aren't very good. But does that mean you say "No"? NO! At least not according to the Back-Up Plan Two-Timers (BUPTT's). Using the BUPTT Method means to get yourself another girlfriend, in your league. That way, when you're intimidated or scared of your goddess girlfriend, you can fall back on you loser girlfriend. And when the end inevitably comes, you're not single! But you are availbale :)

The Maniac Two-Time (aka: The Man's Hero Two-Time)

And we don't mean that in a bad way. The Maniac is the guy who just loves girls so much that one, or two, or three isn't/arent't enough. The Maniac just likes the ladies, as many as he can handle. The Maniac is also called "The Maniac" becaue there is so much stress associated with one chick that it is quite a task, or shall we say, "Endurance Test" to have more than 2.

Okay, bottom line people: Two-Timers love the ladies. In a good way. If they didn't truly love all of the ladies with which they go out, they would never two-time, it's too much stress. It's about love. So ladies, if you're reading this, and you have caught or think you will catch your man two-timing, remember: He's doing it because he loves you.

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