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the art of love - - roses

suicide note:
im leaving. dont ask where im going. i dont know. im not coming back. i cant anymore. thts fer sure. dont say it. i dont wanna hear it. dont miss me. i wont miss you. dont wag your stupid finger at me. ive done everything i could. and have asked nothing of you. so shut the hell up.i like pleasure spiked with pain. how would i do it? maybe with a blade. one or two slits round. slanted at an angle. maybe it'll work. i wonder how it'll look when im done. the blood flowing is like adrenalin to me. the pain? pure heaven. total bliss. i would have done this a long time ago. it seems to have happened a million times before in a timeless space. in MY universe. numb. weightless. even liberated. but my feet were bound. with ties tht bind. i dont care no more. i dont give a damn no more. dont you see? oh yeah. to my guardian angel who was nv there: did you know i dont believe in you anymore? so if you wanna find me, i'd be here. roasting in hell.

washing away the hurt
cleanse me of the guilt
scrub off the poison
soak the hell outta me.
************************************************************************************************************************************** will you ever see thru my lies? will you see wot i mean? will my eyes meets yours again? can i fall asleep without tears? can i always have you near? can i just feel less morose? can i just hold you close? will i be the one you adore ? will you ever set my heart free? will my lips be the one you kiss? will i live life with sweet bliss? can i ever dance again? w/o thinkin of you so much? will you ever look my way? will you understand wot i have to say? will you feel the way i do? will you love me the way i love you? will you ever watch me with the same wonder in your eyes again? will my dreams ever come true? will i ever have a chance back again with you?
************************************************************************************************************************************** I've loved you forever,
but I was too afraid to say it.
I was too afraid you'd laugh,
I was too protective of my heart.
Now slowly and painfully
you're killing me.
It's not your fault,
you don't know it.
But everytime you're with her,
everytime you kiss her,
everytime you whisper into her ear
the words I long to hear,
a part of my heart dies.
You seem so happy,
but I'm on the verge of tears.
You don't know I exist.
You can't feel my pain.
I don't know why it is I love you,
or why it is you love her.
I've never felt so empty,
I've never felt so lost,
but there is one place I'm happy.
It's in my dreams......
because in my dreams
you love me...
************************************************************************************************************************************** if you're so worth my tears..why not take them all..and put them i'd never need them anymore?
************************************************************************************************************************************** Go away!
Why are you acting like this?
I'm worth nothing to you...
so why should you even care?
Don't give me that sympathetic look
I don't need it
Don't touch me
Don't even come near me
I don't want to be hurt again
I might not take it this time
I'm already like a shell broken,full of holes
yet none to pour out my grievences
So what more do you want from me?
Get out of my mind
Disappear from my sight
Leave me alone
Go away!
=siN & miN=
************************************************************************************************************************************** My body is an empty shell
My soul's lost; my heart's broken
And I've nothing left
Yet here i am putting up a front
but inside me, it hurts so much
You've hurt me so deep
But I still love you so true
Tell me, is this Love?
Look into my heart and see it scarred
over a hundred times, by you
look into my eyes, the window to my soul
you'd see that they've leaked
over a hundred times, for you
To see that you don't care
it hurts me so much lyk barefeet on shards of glass
Are you really ignorant?
Or just putting up a front lyk me?
Tell me 'coz i can't stand it no more!
=siN & miN=
************************************************************************************************************************************** I hate myself
for not forgetting you...
I feel like a fool
whenever I think of you...
Pain went through my heart
and destroyed my soul
no matter how hard I try
thoughts of you still flood my mind
tell me what to do...
when the space of my heart's still for you...
=siN & miN=
************************************************************************************************************************************** The pain is so deep
The pain is so strong
It hurts so much
You don't even know what's wrong
Immerse the pain yet no tears at all
It hurts so much not crying at all
The desire to scream
The desire to shout
To let it all out
and be yourself
but when it's impossible
all you could feel
is the pain through your heart
************************************************************************************************************************************** Life is a journey
filled with ups and downs
times when you're in heaven
and times in hell
When life seems too hard to get on
you will then notice
among the people around you
who are those that really shone
************************************************************************************************************************************** why are you lying?
did you really forget her?
or me just a substitude?
No...don't tell me
'coz I dun wanna know
it doesn't matter anymore
all I know is that you lied
not to me, but to yourself
you don't feel good, do you?
I know it hurts inside you
why didn't you show it least let me know
you know it's unfair...
so stop lying anymore!
************************************************************************************************************************************** what am i supposed to do?
you promised to get out of my life...
so why are you back?
i noe it's not your fault...
i'm the one who can't let go...
i dunno wart to do...
when my heart is still with you...
i'm sorry i had to leave...
with you...i couldn't live...
it hurts in my heart...
to noe we have to part...
i'm being a fool...
but wart can i do?
************************************************************************************************************************************** i thot nothing could change the way i feel about you...
but i guess i was wrong...
feelings do change...
i'm sorry but i dun lyk you anymore...
dun ask why...
i'd rather say "bye"
so stop wasting my time...
and get out of my life
************************************************************************************************************************************** when will you understand?!
oh. it's not your fault...
you din noe...
i'm juz torturing myself...
in this living hell...
but wart am i to do...
when i cant live without you?
************************************************************************************************************************************** how could you do this to me? why did you leave this world without me? it ain't fair...i dun wan to be left this place...filled with lonliness...why did you make me promise you? you know i couldn't do know i couldn't live you know i couldn't feel a thing now? nothing matters to me anymore...i live in this fulfill my promise to you...but i have to put on a front of everyone...i'm tired...i dun wanna act strong anymore...i tried to move on...i reallie did...but i just couldn't do it...please understand...i cant fulfill my promise to you now...'coz i reallie dun wanna live in this meaningless world animore...
************************************************************************************************************************************** I was blind...
and out of my mind...
What did i see in you?
izzit something you do?
I dunno...
I dun remember...
All i noe ish that you hurt me...
deep enough for me to let go...
i noe it ain't fair...
but since when was life fair?
************************************************************************************************************************************** you asked me to believe in you...
and i reallie do...
you said you won't do such a thing...
and i believe you didn't...
everytime i see you...
i feel you walking right through...
i don't care what others say...
i'm gonna do it my way...
i can't control my feelings...
my feelings of loving you...
Doumyouji Tsukasa ==> Makino Tsukushi