“What were they doing?” Brett asked gently.
“They were…” Chris glared down at the floor. “They were naked, lying next to each other.”
“What else were they doing?”
“They were giving each other hand jobs,” Chris blinked rapidly as he scowled. “I interrupted them before they could do anything else like they wanted to.”
“That isn’t true!” Mathieu said, leaping up. Igor pulled at his arm to get him to sit back down.
“Quiet, Mr. Schneider!” Steve rapped on the table with the handle of the hockey stick. “Sit down, now, and be quiet. And Mr. Chelios, I will not tell you again. State only factual events. Strike his last sentence from the record.”
“I’ll tape over it later,” Kirk assured him.
Mathieu slowly sank back into his chair. Brett clasped his hands behind his back and gave Chris a serious look.
“What happened when you walked through the door?”
“They jumped apart and tried to cover up,” Chris said.
“Did you say anything to them?”
“I was real shocked, obviously. I screamed something like “what the fuck” at them.”
“Did either of them say anything to you?”
“Schneider kept saying my name,” Chris said. “He kept going “Chris, Chris, wait,” but I didn’t want to hear his excuses, so I told him to shut the fuck up.”
“Did Mr. Fischer say anything?”
“Yes he did.”
“What did he say?”
Chris sighed. “He said “I thought he was you, Chris! I thought he was you!” That’s what he said.”
Brett nodded grimly. “What did you say in reply to that, Chris?”
“I told them to both get their shit and get out of my house.”
“Did they do that?”
“Yes. They grabbed their clothes and left. Then I went down and told everyone else that the party was over and they needed to go home.”
“Did everyone leave?”
“Yes. They were surprised, but they left. The mood I was in, no one was going to argue.”
“Thank you, Mr. Chelios,” said Brett. “No further questions.”
“Mr. Larionov, you may cross-examine the witness,” Steve informed him.
“Yes, your Honor,” Igor said. As Brett took his seat he walked toward Chris.
“Mr. Chelios,” Igor began. “How long have you and Mr. Fischer been lovers?”
“About two years,” Chris replied, fixing Igor with a hostile stare.
“Other then the night of July 4th, has he ever been unfaithful to you in that time?”
Chris shifted in his chair. “No.”
“Has he ever given you any reason to believe that he would be unfaithful?”
“No. That’s why I was so hurt… surprised, I mean.”
“During the time you and Mr. Fischer have been lovers, have you ever been unfaithful to him?”
“Never,” Chris answered firmly. “Not once.”
“I see,” Igor said. “Of course, the classic definition of faithfulness to your partner includes deeds in action and in thought.” He stared sternly at Chris, who, after a few seconds under that gaze, moved his eyes elsewhere.
“Objection, your Honor,” Brett said. “I thought we were supposed to be talking factual events here.”
“Sustained,” Steve said. “Get to the point, Mr. Larionov.”
“Yes, your Honor. Mr. Chelios,” Igor continued. He turned his back on the witness stand and walked slowly toward the tables. “Have you ever fantasized about bringing another person into your sexual relationship with Mr. Fischer?”
“Damn,” muttered Derian. “Nothing is private on this team.”
Chris spluttered. “That’s none of your fucking business!”
“Answer the question, Mr. Chelios.”
“Objection!” Brett said again. “This is irrelevant.”
“Overruled,” Steve said, to Brett’s chagrin. “I want to hear this.”
“I bet he does,” whispered Brendan. “Horny bastard.”
Chris glared at Steve and everyone else. He fidgeted.
“Well?” asked Igor.
“Fuck you, of course I did,” Chris admitted angrily. “Everyone fantasizes.”
“Did you ever want to act on your fantasy?”
“Yes.” Chris’ teeth were gritted.
“And who did you consider asking to join you and Mr. Fischer in bed?”
“Objection!” Brett said.
“Overruled,” Steve said.
“Schneider,” Chris said. So low that only Igor heard him.
“Who?” Igor asked him. “I don’t think the jury heard you.”
“Schneider!” Chris spat out. “I thought about asking him, okay? But that was before. He can go fuck himself now.”
“Why did you pick Mr. Schneider?” Igor said. “Why did you fantasize about him?”
Chris flushed and refused to meet Igor’s gaze. “Because he… he looks like me.”
“Why is this important?”
“I thought it would be hot to see Jiri with a guy who looks like me but isn’t!” Chris cried angrily. “Are you fucking happy now?”
“My happiness isn’t the issue, Chris,” Igor replied calmly. “Did you tell anyone about this fantasy?”
“I told Jiri,” Chris said slowly. He glared at Igor. “That’s why it was so easy for Schneider to trick him!”
“How do you mean?”
“Look, Jiri was drunk, okay?” Chris said, leaning forward. “He wandered upstairs, and he found THAT prick waiting for him, in MY bed,” Chris pointed toward Schneider. “He was confused, he had the idea of the two of us mixed up in his head, it was dark in there, he thought it was me, and he…he… did what Schneider wanted.”
“That is, in your own words, your opinion of why Mr. Fischer and Mr. Schneider acted the way that they did. Is that correct?”
“Yes.” Chris crossed his arms.
“Have you spoken to Mr. Fischer or Mr. Schneider since that night?”
“No.” Chris snapped. “They’ve both been leaving me messages but I erased them all without hearing them.”
“So, you’re telling us that you haven’t heard Mr. Fischer’s or Mr. Schneider’s side of the story at all. Is that correct, Mr. Chelios?”
“They have nothing to say to me that I want to hear.” Chris said with finality. Jiri looked down at the floor. Chris wiped angrily at his eyes.
“I have no further questions, your Honor,” Igor said.
“Thank you, Mr. Chelios,” Steve said. “You may step down.”
Chris stalked to his seat and collapsed into it. Brett rubbed his back comfortingly.
“It is now the defense’s turn to call their witness,” Steve said. “And make it quick, I have a golf game to get to.” He looked toward the jury and rolled his eyes skyward. “Someone please wake up Kris.”
Manny Legace thrust an elbow into Kris’ ribs, who immediately yelped awake.
“I heard everything,” Kris said, holding his side. “Barbeque, drinking, fireworks, fucking, screaming. It was a great party.”
“Your Honor,” Igor said, still standing. “The defense calls Mr. Jiri Fischer to the stand.”
The members of the jury who were still paying attention gasped as Jiri sighed, and rose slowly to his feet.
Jiri walked in between the tables, shrinking back from the gazes of the accuser and the accused. He crept his way up to the platform and stood in front of the chair. He eyed the jury nervously.
“Swear in the witness, Bailiff,” Steve said, taking a sip of his water.
“Put your left hand on Boyd’s Gay Sex for Dummies book, and put your right hand in the air,” Darren told Jiri.
“It is NOT MINE,” Boyd cried.
“Quiet!” Steve said, rubbing at his forehead. Jiri did as Darren commanded.
“Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”
“I do,” Jiri whispered. He looked at Steve. “Can I sit down now?”
“Yes, you can sit,” Steve said, and Jiri sat quickly with a grateful look. “Go ahead, Igor. While most of us are young.”
“Like that includes him,” Brendan snorted, not so quietly. Steve glared at him as Igor began.
“Let the record show it has already been established that Mr. Chelios revealed to Mr. Fischer his sexual fantasy involving the two of them and my client,” Igor announced.
“OKAY, Jesus,” Chris muttered.
“Mr. Fischer,” Igor said softly, as Jiri looked like he wished for nothing more than the earth to open up and swallow him whole. “Do you remember Mr. Chelios telling you about his fantasy?”
“Yes,” Jiri said, his voice low.
“When was that?”
“It was a couple days before the party. Maybe Tuesday or Wednesday, I can’t remember for sure.”
“What did he say to you?”
Jiri flushed, if possible, an even darker shade of red. “He just asked me what I would think about Mathieu joining us.”
“What exactly did he say, Jiri, to the best of your recollection?”
Jiri sighed. “He said that he had fantasies about me and Mathieu Schneider in bed together. He wanted to know if I would be willing to let them come true.”
“And what was Mr. Chelios’ role in his fantasy?”
“He said he wanted to watch first, and then join in.”
“Objection, your honor,” Brett said. “It’s been established there was a fantasy. This is unnecessary.”
“I’d agree,” Steve said. “Sustained. Igor, get on with it.”
“Just establishing the facts, your Honor,” Igor said. He turned back to Jiri. “And what did you say when he asked you to make his fantasy come true?”
“Well…” Jiri looked at Schneider. “I said I thought it was a hot idea but I needed to think about it.”
“And what did Mr. Chelios say?”
“He said that was fine.”
“So we come to the night of the party, July 4th, 2003. How much do you remember, Mr. Fischer?”
“I remember everything.”
“But Mr. Chelios has made it clear that you were very drunk.”
“Well, I was… but you don’t forget things like that. And I sobered up pretty quick when Chris walked through the door.”
“Please tell us what happened, in your own words, from the time you decided to go into the house.”
Jiri looked up at Steve, who nodded encouragingly at him.
“Well, Chris was right about me being drunk, and about me wanting to lie down. I wasn’t feeling very well after what I had to drink, so I went inside. I was going to lie down on the couch but I got a better idea.”
“What was your idea?”
“I was going to go lay down in Chris’ bed upstairs. I knew he’d come looking for me, and I wanted to surprise him when he found me.”
“What do you mean, “surprise”?”
“Well, I was going to go upstairs, strip, and wait for him naked in his bed, so we could…” Jiri trailed off and coughed. “You know.”
“That’s vague, but I think we get the idea,” Igor said. “What happened when you got up to Mr. Chelios’ bedroom?”
“There was already someone in his bed,” Jiri answered. “I thought it was Chris, I really did! It was dark and he was laying facing away from me. I didn’t think Chris had gone inside but I was drunk and figured he did and I just didn’t notice.”
“So you thought the man in the bed was Chris.”
“Yes.”
Chris nodded, shooting a glare at Mathieu.
“What did you do then?”
“I stripped,” Jiri said. “I threw all my clothes in the corner and I climbed into the bed.”
“What did the man in the bed do?”
“Nothing,” said Jiri. “He was out cold.”
“Was the man dressed?”
“He was only wearing his pants,” Jiri said. “His shirt was off, and his shoes and socks.”
“What did you do next?”
Jiri glanced fearfully at Chris, who for once seemed composed. “I… pulled his pants and his underwear off.”
“And you still didn’t realize it wasn’t Chris?”
Jiri shifted in his chair. “Well, everything was kinda blurry, my head was spinning, and… who else would be in Chris’ bed?”
“When did you know it wasn’t Chris?”
“When I got his underwear off,” Jiri said immediately.
“And how could you tell?”
Jiri coughed. “That’s a part of Chris I know very well,” he replied, his face turning a nice, dark shade of purple. “And Mathieu’s was circumcised, so it really took me by surprise-”
Jiri stopped speaking, his eyes wide. Mathieu dropped his face into his hands. Chris’s mouth fell open, and various snickering could be heard from the jury.
“I mean, uh… his was different.”
Igor coughed. “After you saw Mathieu’s… after you realized it wasn’t Chris, what happened next?”
“Well, that was about the time Mathieu woke up,” Jiri said. He looked down and studied his hands.
“What did he say?”
“Well, he was shocked, to say the least,” said Jiri. “He wanted to know what the hell I thought I was doing.”
Chris, from his seat behind his table, blinked in surprise.
“What did you tell him?”
“I sputtered for a second, and then I told him I was sorry, I thought he was Chris.”
“Tell us what happened next, Jiri.”
Jiri sighed again. “Well, it was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life up to that point. A new one would come in a few minutes, when the door opened. But to kind of just… fill the air I guess, since we were just staring at each other naked in bed… I told him about Chris’ fantasy.”
“What did he say?”
“He was really surprised. He kept asking me if I was for real… He was pretty drunk, too. That’s why he was in Chris’ bed.”
“He’d gone in to lie down?”
“He wandered into the house and decided to explore. When he ended up in Chris’ room the bed looked so good, he said, that he just decided to lie down and take a nap.”
“He’s like Goldilocks!” said Dandenault.
“Yeah, and the Two Bears found him. One was too horny and the other was too pissed,” Boyd added helpfully.
“Will the jury please shut the hell up?” Steve asked, losing patience.
“So… we started talking,” Jiri finished.
“About the fantasy?” Igor prodded.
“Yes,” Jiri admitted. “We both decided we were into it, and for the same reason. And well… you know, two naked guys talking about sex… well, things came up.”
“And after that you began to engage in sexual activity.”
“Objection, he’s leading the witness,” Brett stated.
“Sustained. Let Jiri do the telling.”
“I apologize, your Honor. Mr. Fischer, what happened after… after you both got aroused.”
“We began to engage in sexual activity.”
“See?” Igor said.
“Don’t push it, Igor,” Steve warned him.
“We started touching each other,” Jiri admitted miserably. He squirmed under all the eyes in the room. “I knew I shouldn’t without letting Chris know, but I was drunk and horny and…We didn’t mean to go any further than that, I swear.”
“And then?”
“We only just started putting our hands on each other when Chris walked in.”
“And the court knows what happened then,” Igor said, walking toward the jury. “Mr. Fischer, you said that you and Mr. Schneider decided you were both “into it”, Mr. Chelios’ fantasy, that is, for the same reason. Correct?”
“Yes.”
“And what reason was that?”
Jiri looked pleadingly at Chris, stared back at him. “We both want Chris.”
On to Chapter Three
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