On this site you'll find criticism of stupid shit and what I think is cool. If you thought otherwise about it...Well, you fucked up. Now put your head down in shame.
Has anyone honestly been to the movies nowadays? It sucks ass. I finally got off my ass to go see a movie after a shitload of time, because it has to be a pretty good fucking movie to get me to go. Anyways, the theatre sucks, the people who go there suck, the people who work their suck, and the prices suck. It all blows ass, period. The shit fest began when I arrived at the Irvine Spectrum Parking Zone (aka Satan's asshole in disguise.). It's a fucking joke. Not only am I parking my ass 3 miles away, I'm actually illegally parking. It's terrible, the entire place is double parked up the ass. By the way, if you double park behind my truck, not only will I smash your car when I back out, but I'll hunt you down and drag you around the city. I'd use the shuttle service the Spectrum provides, except for the fact they just blow by me when I put my hand up asking for a ride. Nice. Thanks asshole. I hope that piece of shit shuttle tips and crashes into Robinsons May.
Finally after we finish our fucking 3 mile pilgrimage, we reach a bunch of shitty palm trees, surrounded by even more stores that just throw you off from the actual movie theatre. Thus requiring another mile of walking until you finally reach Edwards Cinema. Low and behold, is the line of humanity that takes you another 20 minutes to get through. It's now that I realized I need to start getting to movies hours early just so I don't miss the fucking previews. By the way, the shit advertised before movies nowadays is bogus, but I'll get to that later. I grab a ticket to the only movie playing at the time, Terminator 3. The cashier at the front asks for my ID. Funny. They check for my ID, yet the acne faced teenager who's supposed to be checking tickets is nowhere in sight. Why bother stopping the hoards of people sneaking in when you can just check ID.
I dodge the dipshit junior high kids/old people/etc. as quick as I can and get inside the theatre. Although our ID needs to be checked outside, there's not one employee checking for tickets/ID at our theatre. Shit, why bother selling tickets? Grabbing a seat I finally believe the sheer frustration of the night is over. Yet, low and behold, I'm wrong. Before the movie starts we have fucking "Coke Classic" Propaganda bullshit trivia on the screen (I use the term "trivia" loosely.). Although the same 3 questions continue play for about 20 minutes, there's always some dipshit who finds it neccasary to yell out the answer every time, as if he's worthy of Jeopardy. So what if you know the answer dumbass? You want a fucking medal or something?
FINALLY the fucking movie begins. But this isn't the end of the bullshit marketing that hit the movie theatres. Previews have been replaced by ads for the L.A. times, Minute Made Orange Juice, and Viagra. The movies used to be one place you could go to avoid marketing being shoved down your throat, now we can't even do that. AHHHHHHHHHHH! Fuck the movies and advertising.
After another 20 minutes, the bullshit ads end, and the movie begins. Luckily the Cell Phone craze was in full force. It seemed like every 15 minutes a phone would go off to the tune to "Star Wars". Here's a tip:
What the hell happened to the Movies? (7-27-03)
After a few minutes of scrambling for the phone, Captain Dipshit finally grabs it, and hauls ass out of the theatre to take the call. Rinse and Repeat 4 more times...You'd figure he'd not only keep his phone off out of courtesy for other people, but avoid the full-speed sprint down the steps. Some people prefer a good "shoosh" to those disturbring others. Screw that. This dipshit deserves a clothesline and roundhouse kick to the balls. That'll teach his narrow ass.
BMC - Whooping ass at movie theatres world wide.
To serve and protect? Who? As of late, Cops have protected shit, and are busy fucking with random people to get off on their little power trip. Obviously there's good Cops out there who know what the fuck they're doing, who are out busting drug deals rather than waiting by my car and giving me a fucking parking ticket for being 1 minute over the limit. Bastards. The shit hit the fan when I was driving from the Irvine Spectrum at about 9:00 pm with some friends. Soon enough as we were pulling out on the highway, the siren hit, and a cop hauled our ass over to the side of the road. I was driving at the speed limit, and no one had drank, smoke, mugged old people, etc. I look through the mirror and the SOB is creeping up to the passenger window and pulls his fucking GUN. As I look death in the face, the cop decides to tell me the reason he pulled us over was because a tail light was out...Yes, that's right, a fucking tail light. I feared for my life because of a tail light. Because we know everyone who has a tail light out MUST be a wanted criminal, and MUST be confronted with a gun. Brilliant. In the mean time half the people on the road are going 90 now, but NO, apparently the interrogation of my tail light must commence with pointless questions that never lead anywhere, along with an unneccasary search. Instead of wasting everyone's time with what the questions were, I can tell you the exact reason why this bullshit even happened...Arrogant smug cops deciding when to feel like a hard ass by being able to point their gun and show off in public. While happening, everyone else observing believes this fool is doing his job, and shake their head at the "rebelious little bastard" (Yours truly.). There should be a new law for false arrest or other shit resembling this: Firing Sqaud...That's right. Screw taking his badge away, lawsuit, etc. Throw his ass in a room blindfolded, grab some rifles and enforce the law. I garauntee it'll keep these crooked mofo's in check. It'll be the last time a cop uses his siren as a free ticket to cut me off, and run red lights all the way to IHOP. Screw dumbass Cops.
BMC - Informing you fools about dumbass cops worldwide
There's nothing like coming home and turning on the T.V. to some of the stupidest shit ever. And I'm not talking about Ricki Lake, Reality Shows, or Friends. Shit that wastes our time more than anything; commercials. It boggles the mind how some of these dipshits got their job when I watch this crap. If their heads weren't so far up their asses, they'd hire someone who's fucking awesome to invent this. Say, like me for instance?
The Survival Insurance commercial pisses me off. It starts off with a dude hitch hiking on a highway in the wastelands of Arizona or some shitty place, when finally a red sportscar pulls up to him drove by a beautiful women. Pretty much starting off like a porn flick, but rather than getting it on in the back seat, the dipshit asks if she has Survival insurance. What the fuck? Real creative and original idea...Not. I know if I was in a hot desert, in danger of dehydration I'D be asking about insurance. Nobody cares if the commericial is supposed to be ironic. Not one guy would turn down the pussy in that car, despite how good insurance is. Survival insurance could be free for all I care, and I still wouldn't turn down the fine ass in that car. And who is he to ask about her insurance, or anything else for that matter? She's giving you a fucking ride you inconsiderate prick. I'd run his ass over right then and there if he tried to pull that shit on me.
Oh yeah, the McDonald's slogan blows. "We Love to make you Smile"? Funny, I've yet to smile when leaving McDonalds. Apparently they're not trying that hard. Lousy half-asses. I'm usually frowning, pulling my hair out, and cursing wildly at the dipshit who can't take my order at the Drive-Thru. A smile has yet to cross my face when the cashier decides to drop my change outside my window followed by an "Oops!" from his dumb ass. Maybe I should just "Ooops" my fist into your face buddy? "Oops!" That may just put a smile on my face. But of course, McDonalds has one last fuck up as they hand me either A) The wrong the order B) Fuck up my order completely C) Drop it between my window right with my change. Why exactly do you love to see us smile? What if some people don't like smiling? Some people are angry in life and just want some fucking food. We don't care what you like. In business what sells is what the people like; Fast food, coherent employees without vertigo or hands of stone, and people who can read our fucking orders.
People demand that BMC should be inventing commercials.
Is anyone honest to God sicker of this show than I am? The show is an old, tired act, with the same crew of goofs who have no clue what they're talking about. The only thing good about the show was Lisa Gurerro, and she left because she knew the show blew ass. I can't really blame her. I should hope my career can go farther than having to work with Tom Arnold every day. Do they honestly even discuss Sports? The majority of the time we see guests who are recognized by about 3 viewers who are simply interviewed about Sports in their life. Then before the commercial break, someone finally mentions an important story in the Sports World. Oh wait, the show returns and that important story seems to never come up. Wow...What a great show. Even better we get our gossip, "E!" ripoff off the Sports World called the "Best Damn Insider" (Wonder how they came up with that name.), where LeAnn Tweeden gives us "amazingly", "fun" facts such as Tom Cruise buying a race horse. Unless Tom is putting on the jockey suit, and physically riding the horse, nobody could give a rat's ass. I don't give a fuck if Barry Zito can play the guitar, or where Derek Jeter enjoys eating dinner. LeAnn...Get a new job honey.
Good ole' Fox's outrageous promos don't end here. According to Fox the Best Damn Sports Show Period is a "Two hour frat-party?" Excuse me? When John Salley is passed out on the couch, Tom Arnold is back smoking blunts, and Michael Irvin is getting lapdances from beautiful women on the air, then I'll believe it. Oh, and anything that involves Chris Rose, has nothing to do with a frat party. Young children wouldn't want this loser at their birthday party, let alone a frat party. Thank you for another meaningless show, and a pathetic attempt at humor. Please...Just say no, to the Best Damn Sports Show.
Why is that someone plays a new song, or shows you a certain part in the movie, they need to bring up that they "found it"? As if they need to flaunt their amazing abilities. You're not a detective, stop acting like one. Go solve some fucking mystery rather than grandstanding in front of me if you're so brilliant. And if you're in my car, don't play a song, then if I like it (Which I probably won't), claim that you found it. "Yeah, I found that." You did? I'm pretty sure the artist of the song would beg to differ. I believe there's copyrights to prevent people from claiming shit that was already there. Thief, you're lucky I don't bust your ass right then and there. Good work Columbus, now you can find another ride home.
*I fucking dominate at basketball, probably more than anyone else. If you disagree, read the fine print at the top of the page because you are WRONG.
Sick and tired of dumbass Cops. (7-4-2003)
Commercials that piss me off. (7-4-2003)
Why the Best Damn Sports Show Period Sucks Ass. (7-3-2003)
"Yeah, I found that." (7-3-2003)
Cell Phones - Turn them the fuck off. (7-3-2003)
*9 out of 10 supermodels agree that BMC is the sexiest stud alive. The other one out of ten is just a jealous bitch who doesn't know any better.
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