Scribbles of an Ex-girlfriend

-Scribbles-

In My Head
smile
Bait
I Dare You
Bread Crumbs
Win Today
You're My Man
Need To Know
To Yuki
Harmony
To Susie
Barely
Obsession
Dear Friend (To Gerard)
Shattered
SNAP
Divinity
Dancing With A Murderer
I Can See The Surface
simple

Wise Words:

-In My Head-

Open up the golden gate
Walk into my world
Take off your hat, stay awhile
And see the colors swirled
Close your eyes to reality
Open your heart to dreams
All around is chaos
Yet perfect as it seems
Thousands of colors and colors bare
With polka dots of pink
Stop a minute to scream outloud
But please, don't stop to think
Step into an imagination
Sit upon a kiss
Hundreds of words in a single wink
But none as quick as this

-smile-

Why don't you hear me
Could it be I'm not speaking?
I feel the words pressing me
And I think I see them materialize.
What I see is false.
Why is it you're not listening?
Standing alone I see you,
In the distance you smile,
But your glow is not for me.
Between myself and happiness
Lay countless miles of gravel,
Drowning worlds of quiet
That always seem to shout.
Like an awkward child
I stumble away.
Meakly, I cry longing for you
While tears fall on my side
Of those terribly quiet worlds,
But tears are also staining your cheeks.
The beauty of your eyes has melted
And tiny dots fall upon the ground.
Your world is breaking apart.
For what reason are you torn?
Do you also stand alone?
I wish again to see that smile I once saw;
The one that was not for me,
But never again will I see that smile.
It has died.
You argue the death of your smile,
You say it never left.
Again it is I see you,
In the distance you smile,
The same smile, only new...
For me.

-Bait-

I feel like a fish
That's been lured by a worm,
But this time the bait,
Is none but your charm.
You draw me so close,
Then you pull me right in,
Just a hint of your touch,
Sends a rush through my skin.
Don't want to admit
But, lovely, I know,
That, like that fish,
Back to the water I'm thrown.

-I Dare You-

Nothing at all is what I feel
Not even a little-Get out of here
Look me in the eyes. Tell me I'm a fool
Push me over the edge, I dare you.
You've ruined everything,
All the things that I worked for
You said you were in love
Then you left me for that whore
Tell me how good she was
Tell me you love her more
You can't, can you?
Well, you go ahead and move on
Without me. I dare you.

-Bread Crumbs-

When the night has fallen
And stars are visible
It's my name you're calling
To not answer is my will
I left you for one reason
And this you know too well
As I finished with you
My heart beating like drums
What I did not leave, my dear,
The path of bland bread crumbs
The angelic illumination
That lights your every step
Has crashed and burned into flames
So from your grasp, I've leapt
Sorry it has to happen
Has to go down like this
But from every aspect
Here's a simple twist
As the victim, I have broken
Your heart of solid stone
The victim is the victimizer
But who must also be alone

-Win Today-

At night, I lay and think of you
In day, I sit and stare
The beauty that is your down deep
Follows you all the where
The pain that which I've dealt with
Has left a steady scar
Reappearing when I find someone
Who won't just stay afar
But you're changing the subject
Loving me from the start
Giving kisses that are bandages
Made to heal my heart
This, it seems, is working
Although too soon to say
But if we continue at this place
I'm sure we'll win today

-You're My Man-

When summer dies
And winter's born
I'll be with you
The sky's to moarn
For I have you
The jealous moon
Shall glare away
Shall be so blue
You light the sky
Such like the sun
Body and soul
Are now as one
You and me
Like he and she
Together now
Like we should be
Infinite love
Unlike the rest
We're above all now
We passed the test
To make it through
To take the pain
To be with you
To understand
That I'm your lady
And you're my man

-Need To Know-

If I had a value
For all the stress you've caused me
I could simply buy your love
And maybe we'd be happy
Late nights on the internet
And 2 minutes on the phone
Aren't enough for this girl right here
She needs your hand to hold
She needs to know that
You need to know she'll always be there for you
She needs you to know
That she wants to know
If you could be there for her, too

-To Yuki-

Yuki, baby, the love of my life
Causing, everyday, just a little more strife
You cute little thing with the way that you talk
You draw me to you, but I’d rather not stalk
Yuki, baby, the apple of my eye
This poem is lame, and I bet I sound high
Well, you’ll see, when we go to lunch
That your wanting to see me is more than a hunch

-Harmony-

Dance a little longer
Little ballerina
Show me your dreams
Hide away that little frown
And the tears that burn
Your angel eyes
Steer away the evils
Of this world
Stay the way you are
As your little spirit shines
Spin a little spin for peace
Show us what is love
Glitter as you spread around
Exactly what you're made of

-To Susie-

When you laugh and when you cry
I see something glitter in your eye
Something says a special thing
Something unlike anything
It’s a flicker of a friendship
A moment of our love
And although this phrase might be cliché
It’s something from above
I’ll always be right by your side
And always be your friend
But there’s something that I am to you
To no one else you can lend
It’s the love of a sister
Which is what you are to me
A sister that is not of blood
But of love and memories.

-Barely-

Barely missed a thing you said
Barely left your gaze
Barely let my hand leave yours
You were the thing I craved
Thought you'd always hold my hand
And walk right by my side
Thought you were truthful in words
Until I found the lies
Now I barely hear a thing you say
I barely meet your gaze
Don't even let my hand touch yours
Since I walked away

-Obsession-

My love for you is like the sun
It burns forever bright
Although sometimes it may not be seen
This is known as night
Lately all the days seem bleak
And the nights are even darker
Will this go on for a few weeks
Or maybe even longer
I’ve tried to look at other boys
And see just what’s to offer
But they just all seem hypnotized
By sluts and sex, don’t bother
I guess just what I’m trying to say
I’m sure this will cause a hush
Is that the way I feel about you
Has grown somehow too much
Every thought I come across
Revolves around your smile
During my every day humdrum
I think of you all the while
There is no way around it
I’ve loved too strong, too long
Now that I know I’m in too deep
There are some things I must do
But all the things I think of
Take backseat to thoughts of you

-Dear Friend (To Gerard)-

Dear friend you know I’ll miss you
But you know you’ll be in my heart
Dear friend I hope you won’t forget me
All the time that we’re apart
Dear friend I know you’re leaving soon
And that you’ll be far away
But dear friend please promise me
That gone you will not stay
Dear friend we have our memories
Our moments of sadness and cheer
It’ll feel like eternity
All the time that you’re not near
So dear friend in closing
There is one thing more I’ll say
Oh dear friend how I’ll miss you
Miss you more each day

-Shattered-

locked
locked up
this is no home
it is a jail
prison

stuck
stuck here
this is no life
it is death
dead

abhor
abhor you
this is not love
it is hate
hatred

break
break me
i am not whole
i’m in pieces
shattered

-SNAP-

Why can’t I stop crying?
My head hurts; my throat is dry.
Can’t you see you’re killing me?
With every scream you break my bones;
With every shout you rip and tear.
Jesus, I’m so lonely.
Who am I supposed to call to
When you’re breaking me like this?
Everyone hears, but are they listening?
Wait; stop yelling for a minute-
Did you hear that?
That was the sound of my heart breaking;
Flesh tearing;
Mind stopping;
Life ending…

SNAP

-Divinity-

Who is this God they are praising?
Who is His son sent to save me?
What are these feelings I’m not feeling?
Where is my faith in the Lord?
I’ve looked all over for that Divine love,
But unlike most things, it isn’t hiding.
I can see it in the eyes of children.
I can hear it in the sound of falling rain.
I can feel it in the wind’s fingers through my hair,
But I need to feel it in my heart.
I need You to show me Your love;
Please reach your hand out to me.
In my time of darkness I need Your light.
Walk with me.
If you lead, I will follow.
Love me, for I am Your Lamb.

-Dancing With A Murderer-

You offer me a seat in your electric chair
You ask, “Can I take your coat”?
I make myself too comfortable
With your knife pressed against my throat

I’ve come ready in my dancing shoes
I’m warming up for our waltz
And although it’s your gun to my head
I’ll be the one at fault

And as we tango, lights dimming
The music growing fainter
I surrendered to that one perfect kiss
Though I knew your lips were tainted

The pain now is numbing
But I guess I got my deserved
I should know better than to be happy
While dancing with a murderer

-I Can See The Surface-

I can see the surface
Swimming as fast as I can
I know that I can make it
I know I can, I can
I’m holding my breath
My lungs begin to ache
But I know that I must make it
And through the ice shall break

simple

I am everything and nothing all at once
I am the sparkle in your eye
I am a little glimpse of Heaven
I am the Devil in disguise

I am the brightest star in the darkest night
I am your favorite song
I am the first present at Christmas
I am the secret you’ve kept too long

I am the calm before the strongest storm
I am the first warmth of spring
I am pleasant conversation
I am the song the songbirds sing

I am all to some and something to all
I am all the world, abridged
I am sure one day you’ll notice me
I am sure someday, I’ll win

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