1.20.03 - 2.11.03

1.20.03
      -"Am I just paranoid, or am I just dumb?" That's what I was asked by Shiba (chocolate lab) after she saw me cleaning myself for 3 hours nonstop. I asked around, and an overwhelming majority said I'm dumb..

1.21.03
     -My mouth smells bad. Humans say that animals don't need their teeth brushed because the hard food kills the tartar, or something. That is a LOAD OF SHIT! My breath smells of tunafish, cat food, and poop. I'm going to breath in humans' faces.

1.22.03
     -When I run around in circles really fast, dart back and forth in the room, and perk my ears back, it's apparently called "the rips." I get these "rips" whenever I have to pee really bad and the basement door is closed (to use the litter box). I see humans grabbing their butt cheeks and squeezing their crotch when they have to pee, I guess ya gotta hold it in sometimes.

1.23.03
     -I'm sick of calling myself "Manx-angora." It takes valuable time to type that while I could be sleeping on my fat ass, so I will come up with a nickname. It shall be called...*I can't think of any*....2 hours later....Mangorax! Yes, I am Mangorax! I searched google and I only found 13 results! I am special!

1.24.03
      -Today is the first official day that the Mangorax is writing, so I did something to celebrate. I licked up an entire tub of butter, chewed up some towels, and took a steamy pile in the center of the living room. And you know what? It will ALL be blamed on Shiba!

1.25.03
     -Today was a sad day, because GP (one of the guinea pigs) died. A short ceremony was held for the cavy, which I attended, but I fell asleep and dreamed of eating tuna.

1.26.03
     -The owners let Shiba outside to do "business", and when she returned she had blood all over her right eye. I heard one of the humans scream, and he quickly soaked the blood up with a rag. What they don't know is that I went outside and planted a pipe bomb near the picnic table. I shuffled back inside and sat by the window. When Shiba went outside, I detonated the bomb and nails, broken glass, pins, needles, and other sharp objects flew everywhere. Unfortunately, Shiba only was cut above her eye. She looked at me and barked: "This means war, pussy."

1.27.03
     -Day 1 of brutal cat-dog war: There are four dogs, one cat. Approximately 13 times today, the dogs committed acts of guerilla warfare on me. Luckily I escaped with a bruised shoulder, and went upstairs to dream of salmon and recline in a safe place.

1.28.03
     -A treaty was signed today to end the brutal war. I sprayed my territories to show ownership; however, I am neutered so I realized that it would have no effect. Damn.

1.29.03
     -The stove is near my cat food, so naturally I jumped onto the stove to get some munchies. As I was walking across it, I felt a sharp pain and realized the stove was on. I hissed as my paws burned and I fell onto the floor. I heard the humans exclaim: "Was that an earthquake?" Weight watchers, here I come.

1.30.03
     -Instead of eating a whole bowl of cat chow, I'm only going to eat 19/20 of it. Then I will have a Slim Fast shake with it. This way I MAY lose pounds, but do I HAVE to exercise?

1.31.03
     -I was reading the comics page, and my favorite funny, Garfield, was very coincidental. John saw a girl he used to date in high school. She said that she lost a lot of weight. Garfield then said, "Why would she want to do that?!?!?!" After one strenuos day of dieting, I am going to give up and become Garfield.

2.1.03
     -Possible names for my future kittens:

Baxter II
Boomer
Buster
Bemidji
Barry
Billy
Binky
           Oh wait, nevermind. I'm never going to have any kids because I have no nuts :(

2.2.03
     -You know how humans, whenever they have to pee badly, and they're near water they have to go even more? Think about that for a second. Cats are scared of water for a reason; our urges are SO strong to pee when near water that we freak out and run toward the litter box. It's true...

2.3.03
     -Today I was called a whipper-snapper. I've been confused most of the day trying to decypt this term: I like to whip, and I like to snap is my conclusion. First I need to learn how to whip, and then I have to learn to snap.

2.4.03
     -Today I spent much of the day whipping about. What I do is run really fast and stop, do a 180' and run really fast.

2.5.03
     -The finale of whipper-snapper happened today; I learned how to snap. What I do is first I do one whip followed by jumping four feet in the air and when I fall back on the floor I do a 360.' This is a complicated trick.

2.6.03
     -On the fourth I whipped, and on the fifth I snapped. Today I whipped and snapped. I was hoping for one of the humans to call me a "whippersnapper" as I did my whips and snaps, but instead they called me a crazy little fucker.

2.7.03
     -Today my humans bought me a half-ounce. It's in pure form and is VERY potent....what are you thinking, you nerd? I bet you were thinking of catnip! No, I don't do catnip....catnip is for pussies, I do marijuana!

2.8.03
     -I have discovered my fetish: plastic bags. I enjoy crawling into them and batting at invisible dragons in front of my nose. I also take pleasure to wrapping the bag's handle on my thigh and having a cape-type dealie hanging off me. I then run around incessantly and try to fly like superman, jumping off furniture...no such luck.
    
2.9.03
     -This morning I was bathing myself. I looked down, and I saw.....nipples.....nipples, *sigh*....and they look like female nipples, like my mom's! Male cats don't have nipples!! Wait...I'm nuetered.

2.10.03
     -Today was my first day of using kitty steroids. From what I've heard, they make men more manly. I hope peanut butter is a synonym for steroids, because that's what I've been taking....

2.11.03
     -End "steroids"; they gave me shits....In other news, I measured my whiskers today. Most people don't know this, but cat whiskers AREN'T touch receptors; they're wires that emit waves, causing humans to getting brain-cancer.

2.12.03
     -I farted just now and it smells like cabbage. However, Shiba received the blame. Upon her punishment she received three punches, a kick, and a body slam. I don't know how to end this daily news, so I'll say a word and let you think about it: pickles.