Things That Jimmy Needs
Holy Crap
ooOOooh!
Good times
Academia Batesina
The iBook Kid makes more music
IT IS A REVOLUTION!!!!! THE EMPIRE WILL RISE AGAIN!!!!! After the tragic, tragic death of our beloved site, The iBook Kid's homepage + greeley, due to the oppressive establishment, popular demand has inspired the ibook kid TO FIGHT FOR FREEDOM AND CONTINUE ON!!!!!! TOGETHER, WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
seanny g says: "My woman left me and I'm too drunk to do a damn thing about it." that's a blues problem. none of this jimmy took the pills and didn't understand the government. to all the oppressors, narcs, assholes and reamers out there trying to bring me down, i say SHUT THE HELL UP! THE IBOOK KID'S FIGHT FOR FREEDOM WILL RISE TO GLORYYYYYY!!!!! it won't be easy. it won't be quick. but somehow, some way, our future will hold glorious things, such as this site!!!!! HAMMOND B-3
help the ibook kid's fight for freedom by going to the MESSAGE BOARDS and adding your material. the unfathomableness of how the worst shanon is boggles the MIND!!! at academia batesina the students share post office boxes with like two other people, and one of mine is named carolina caceres, which is some kind of spanish-sino-russo-canadian name no doubt, but one day i got a piece of mail in the box addressed to carole caladrone. CAROLE CALADRONE. it's like a person that doesn't exist. it's like carole caladrone. unnghhh. carole caladrone.
fellow revolutionary johnny cornbread has contributed this to the struggle:
WE MEET IN THE FIELD OF ONION!!! in hopes to find our freedom. To help
plot for this course of action I
dedicate the "TOP 25 BEST
MAXWELL AND RYAN JOKES:"
1. Hammond B-3 / Casio SK-1
2. How Goes? huh huh huh and/or
hee hee hee. GWAND WOUNDS!
and high pitched wie-nuh version
3. da wizid? da wiiiiiiiizzzzziiiiiiiiiiid?
4. duh dut duh nut nuh nut nuh nut
duh dut duh (stomping foot and
bobbing head back and forth)
5. (puts head up to other person's
shoulder and stares)
6. naw I’m smoooooooooooth!
7.here’s a cakes. . . . . . . gu-bye!
8. one one one. . . .one one. . .one. .
.one one one. . . (seanie hurt beans)
“SAAAY TWO!!”
8. TIMMY
9.BLAAAUUUUUUUUGGHHHHH!!!!
10. I always come out on to. . . . . . . . P
11. TAMMA
12. boom shank a boom da doom da doom: soooooooo goood to yoouuuuu!!!!!
13. those were the glory days
14. T'BE HONNESTHST I CUDDA USTHESD STHUM PUTAYTOEHTHS
15. OH, OH GOD, THAT'S TERRIBLE
16. EEYYYYYEEEEEHHH! I just diiiyyyyyed in your arhms tonihhhgt! MUSTHA BEEN SOMTHIN YUH
saaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiii. . . .
17. that vintage jewelery. . . . . takes me back!
18. d'you wanna knowwwwwwwww wha'dis? d’you wannaaaaaaa know wha’dis?
18.DAZZLE US! (smiles, then stares with blank face)
19. hee hee hee hee at hi-hat/leslie etc.
20. it's gonna be total carnage!"
21. mmmm these are good!
22.unnh! / cuuiiiiiiit!
23. i'm in the band!" I’m in slow leslie!
24. China low
25. the TRICKster
matt polski is undoubtedly a camel, and blakesley his roommate is an insane clown posse. he is a nightmare on bittersweet 5th and street mimicry. blakesley was trying to be funny on the message boards but may have come off as a bit of a douchebag. he's a good kid though, don't blame him. we all love blakesley, and he's a good drummer too! but he plays the TAMMA, so i don't know. but remember, this is a revolution, perhaps he can be forgiven. oh blakesley. he's a good kid.
matt ugly on the other hand. that kid. fuckafuckafuckafuck. i hope that a 1939 Buick crashes into shannon's house and her head explodes that way the revolution will be seamless. it was a good night. i can't wait until JB and the SDs is reunited. we will help incite the revolution. has anyone seen that fuckwad budris? i need him. i never thought i'd say that, but i need budris!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not like shannon does, but i need him to write a statement allowing the site as a part of its revolution to make fun of him. after all the empire is rising budris. what do you expect. wie-nuh is the googliest truffle flag under the bridge i know i'll be over the cowscape into the coffecans jump to the jam boogie woogie slam jam ham scam jam i do not like them sam i am i wonder if vegans protest winnie the pooh because he eats honey and those morons are all opposed to honey jesu CHRISTO!!!!!!! sanctus sanctus sanctus it's sports fan nirvana think outside the bun. help us. heaven help us!!! so yeah that whole women in romania deal that sucks eh i think romania is one swingin place just call it up call up romania for a good time www.romania.romania and see for youselfes. i'm carmen fricking miranda monkey pet monkeys monkees doug and mina in the morning!! we will have a grand old time
so this oaf, al oaf swatkins, is on aim for once., and he has the internet girlfirends. what the hell! he has bitches in new zealand. what the sheepshit. i am the queeeen of france. i guess i just don't understaaaaand the ladies. has anyone seen that polahk budris? who ate all the capicola. he et his biscuit . once the ibook kid was like who ate all the gabagoule. hahahahaha. no you can't keep a good man down. and then i fell asleep. down in the junction by the riverboat queen i fell into a campfire still i can't open the beans, can opium smoke is the dank. oli is the hurtest. oli oli oli. once upon a time down in the jungle the ibook kid fell in love with jungle. boom chicka boom. and a sweep sweep skink is all you need to do the trick. i listen to randy newman. the big game with john elway, now there's entertainment. dude that's where my FUCKIN' joint's goin. that's where my FUCKIN' joint's goin. lobdell smoked joints. rise up from this city says willy mason. i can't wait. holy crapshit. holy shitshit. and we were wayyyyyy doownnnnn
The following piece is from our new Deputy Chief of the Revolution. His name, we hear, is S.O.S.
Ok, so lets focus on something here boys and girls. We've got injustice, we've got intolerance and we've got certain unmentionable parties, well call them the Lithies. These lithies have a clan on a certain island this clan we'll call sirdu-b. From now on i will refere to them only as the Dubs. This is to prevent any possibility of the clan leader finding this post. Hence the little dash, to further confuse the unbalanced enemy. We all know why this golden haired leader of the Dubs is unbalanced but we shall refrain from mentioning it here. This is going to be a glorious rebuilding, and we must not forget the foundations that the old site was built on. And we should not let pursecution stop us from pouring the cement of hatred again for this clan. Only we must step carefully so that they cannot catch us again in their traps. Rather we should mock them openly but be so subtle about it that they have no power to stop us. Would not that be of even greater effect? For surely the most pursuasive arguments are made from subtle suggestions and insinuations. -Remember the fat always rises to the top.
click here to see the current ranks of the revolution!!!
coming soon, the cast page will be rebuilt!
shannon has admitted numerous times to me now about her undying love for that special man. she craves that Dubbian double. holy crap. so she's like, on AIM, and keeps telling me about this kid and her sweating this kid. she's like "I LIKED HIM, OKAY????" after which i laughed and laughed and she's like "stoooooooooop" but how can you stop when you hear someone admit that they liked sir dub. i'm sorry that's just too funny. so we welcome stormtrooper and mm+tk to the fight. fear not, we will persevere. but i must remind you that our actions are strategic. some have feared that we are practicing censorship. no indeed!!!! for if we aren't careful, then we will not win. anything can be put here, it's just a matter of foiling the enemy so they have no power against us you see. it's like peaches and cream. swingline. southern-style. so i prank called like four people last night. it was great. we made these kids on the third floor think they had a pizza being delivered, and then we called up pete and stu and were like "WHAT ABOUT THE WEE BAIRNS?!" twice. hahahaha. and we had DE WIZID on campus. DE WIIIIIZIIIIIIIID??! remo. ree-moh. nov. 21 is ramona's birthday. weww's mawzipan? she's supposed t'beee heeewwwwwwwwww.
and a one and a two and a one two three four fucking shannon. reeee-moh. i'm so glad i havent seen shannon yet over this break. its like a godsend or something. i ate an entire corned beef. i dont mean like a corned beef sandwich or some slices of corned beef. i mean like a whole side of beef, corned. i want four fried chickens. FOUR FRIED CHICKENS. ah ah ah hey marzee-payan, it's homsar! oops, i farted. ryan does the absolute BEST homsar voice. it's a very difficult voice to do. i mean, its easy to do homestar, but homsar is another story holy crap. luke bartkus is to luke bailey as homsar is to homestar. wie-nuh had to suffer the torturous agony of doing some recording with bronwyn, also known as manwyn, also known as blaurnwyn, also known as blaurn-fuck, and he laid down the funniest bassline in the land. seriously folks, they're the best. it's like bailey did it or something. we were at wie-nuh's house and we listened to it over and over, and could not stop laughing. it was so hilaiouss. hilarious. and JB and the SDs are making a song out of the foot-stamping thing, you know the dunnuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh, dununnuh dunnuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh thing. you know what its all about. rip, rap, a rippy to the rappy to the rip rop rippidy doo. hip hop you dont stop to the BEAT old gray mare she ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be, sir dub makes me cry because he is a baller. ball penis. pall mall, ball point penis. hyeliors sake!! back in the charter behwn, emily wanted abe so bad the polar ice caps were melting. she was bangin', the ibook generalissimo would forgo his duties as revolutionary to get a good porkin' in with her, but she was more holy than a paper towel trying to clean Gillette Stadium. and her parents were like "have you ever heard of this christian right-wing nazi fundamentalist wacko christian rock band?" holy moses. holy moses is right. i was like "oh my god" and she's like "can you not say oh my god, it offends me." then i saw abe the other day and wie-nuh was saying how weird he is. hes like "you never know what he's going to say." jimmy is like "i hate you. hhuhhuhuhuhuhuhuuhuuhuhhhhhhuhuhhh." and stormtrooper is like "wwwwwwwwwwwwwww" all over town oh nadine i mean he had some freakin muscle. tube. call matt pooley for a good time. he's a stupid camel. i hate martin peterson. millie partridge. matt polski. oohhohohohohoho. and seanny hurtbeans is the worst. noot really. but he is like motion sensor and ups the ante. tom vogl tom vogl. some day the tom vogl movie will be the biggest thing and you will say i know that guy. then tom vogl will be all like 'but no, i have my rights, i demand $$$$$$$$$" and his wife who is a man will run him over with a lawn tractor like she would because shes a man with the plan with a penis. up the avenue, electric avenue.
excuse me for being of lazy mind and pallid spirit. i hate the website interline. these computers can't be trusted. i go to get online and my computer's like, "naw i'm smooooth" so i finagle and fandangle and heliotrope until i can get the internets back again. it's a pie in the sky operation. it's because of sir dub, he's in collusion with jimmy, zero sperm, he wants to bring down the new empire before it even reaches glory!!! death. snedsd. shannon is the crappiest man. god. and now there's finals to worry about. and then i fell asleep, i ended up in a tree and fell into a dumpster. dumpsky. chumpsky. apparently matty b. says chump means jizz but i don't know about him. he's a questionable man. he's a republican man child. i hate finals. all i need is the worst thing ever like matt pooley running around campus crying. and then ol' dubs comes along and joins the party. now dub says no mention of his woman. this is terrible. well, we shall see about that. where's that s.o.s., he'll make the world go round. yama yama yama yama yama yaaa-ma. yama yam yass kass kant. do the hitch bick bane. it's like carole caladrone. oops, time to use the facilities. someday the cast page will return.
click here for the comprehensive, growing list of chaunceys
jimmy has zero sperm. look at this. there are some chauncey chauncelsteinbergers at bates. this is so classic. a person asking for an extension on their final project. you see, each class has an email list. professors send out an email to students and whatnot, but when you click "reply," the reply-to address is the list email, not whoever sent it. so here we have a student in one of my classes asking our professor for an extension. jesus. you can already tell the person is an idiot because she puts TWO SPACES AFTER A PERIOD. you DO NOT DO THAT ON A COMPUTER, FUCKWAD. THEY ARE NOT TYPEWRITERS.
Dear frank,
This might be a ridiculous request, but is there any way that I can get an extension on the final till Monday, or even Sunday after noon, and email them to you, I would have the portfolio done and handed in. Just I am so stressed out and having issues with writing the papers. Anything you could do to help that would be amazing, but I understand that it is an unnecessary exception.
Thanks,
~Nikki
Ps my exam schedule was one Tuesday( which is done, but I havn't slept for more than 3 hrs in three days) and two Friday. Thanks for you consideration.
boo fucking hoo. cry me a goddamn river you flaming flagrant masturbation festival. jesus josephine. you're damn right that's a ridiculous request, you sack of horse bile. oh, whaa whaa frank, i have THREE WHOLE EXAMS TO DEAL WITH!!! I DON'T KNOW HOW I'LL EVER DO IT!!! not only that, but they're THREE DAYS APART!! damn cock ass fuckshit. i can only imagine what his response was. probably something along the lines of "why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself" or "you deserve to be eaten by a snowblower and used as kindling." i'm thinking probably the latter. oh yeah, i almost forgot. anyone who signs their emails with a tildae (~) should be shot thirty-five times with a TEK9 and beaten with a steel girder.
OK YOU FUCKERS. THIS IS FOR THE RECORD. now i have a relic of the SITE. and here it is for the glory of the nation in the voice of god-american-jesus.
the name of the game is bdris. Hes a faggot. As in he likes to have butt sex with other creatures with penisis. However this is not all there is to little faggot boy bdris. Sometimes he almost throws up, immediatly following an almost throwup incident, Budes Ludes then must undergo a series of rigorous testing in Boston, where a team of doctors take blood, semen, semen, semen, and guts to determine whether or not he is a man pudding. And he can't ever talk on the class because if he talks and doesnt sing his body will die and his throat will explode. He can only sing and be gay, thats his only function. His oneballed father is always jealous and horrible. hes like bdris come over here so that I may kick your face in. He is absolutely ridiculous looking. With his little face and his disembodied face. I think that if bdris was killed in the head then it would be better for everbody, though perhaps he would miss it when he was used as a lap dog for the dean of students at harvard. He stayed at harvard for a month and a day sleeping at the foot of the dean of students bed. In the day he would crouch naked in the cage with its leaded bard and sing for the dean of students and his family with his little children inserting various objects into bdris various orrifices.I LOVE YOU YOU LOVE ME WHERE A STUPID LITHUANIAN FAMILY
WITH A FUCK FUCK HERE AND A STUPID FAGGOT bdris THERE, LETS SHOOT UP WITH PCP,
AND DIE, HE HE HE HE HE HE.
AND NOW FOR EXERPTS FROM MATH CLASS: one so thats just the constant one i just wanted to show you so the answer to 3 dx is 3x what does the dx stand for so just forget about the dx so you wanna know the integral of the square of x ill quickly get lazy and not put it these are basically the rules and in a way the deriviaive of a function is x prime if i give you a function f of x and i ask for capital f x basically its just a long squiggly thing. these are not. dont make it an s if you can just put a lil one on top and a lil one on the bottom but i want to talk about em cause really monday were gunna integrate so were doin the basic pollyynominals then monday well do exponential and log
then well have a test on that
then were gunna do definite integrals
whatever but theres a couple of days on that kind of stuff will be an intireif you redu the three tesrts the exact tersts the final that you will take in here will be VERRy familiar to the c ombining of those three tests. BACK TO bdris: ok so bdris is like i haD A RELAPSE IN MY COLD he had a cold and now hes relapsing on his cold he said this cold will kill me what are the symptoms? well first you have to be a melllon balling tool freak and then you have to be bdris then bdris said that every once in a while hes having oral pleasure with his beast of a mother and he almost throws up, he said that he doesnt think it could be how his mothers smells like a giant ces pool because he said hes been used to it since he was 2, then he said "2 bdris!" like its a good thing, he said that his almost throwing up means he has a cold, and hes a fagoot. and that he must not go to school for atleast 4 weeks cause he sucks a real lot more than life and hes a rediculous horrible fool.
I LOVE YOU YOU LOVE ME lets join hands and kick bdris in the balls
phump stain bdris hurt land
It would be funny if we took bdris and put him in a giant cabbbage and mad e him shit himself out. ANYWAY heres what we do, we take a big fat kid, like AL OAF, we take AL OAF and say, hey AL, CLONE YOURSELF. AND AL is like OK. Then we take bdris, little naked Budes Ludes, and we Cover his body in Marmalade. Orange marmalade. Then We say Hey Al Oaf, Bend over, and he does, so bdris obviously crawls into Al's bum hole, like a little burrowing animal, scoop scoop, breast stroke it up into Al OAFS prostate, where he sits and suckles on the gastro intestinal walls of AL OAF. THEN we say, he AL get your clone and then both bend over like in a mirror, then we say hey AL 1, shoot bdris out and pass him to AL 2's Butthole. so he does and we all watch as bdris is passed from ass to ass, little marmalade and brown spraying out, bdris wwaving. as he goes bye.
HAHA EAT THAT SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCKKEY i like this. the site must rise, we cannot forget. we are still here. the ibook kid was on hioatuss because he is a wax paper museum. i'd like to give a special thanks to my penis. and you cant spell "entities" without "tities"
SOS tells us how it is.
YOU PEOPLE!!! SHANNON< ALL THIS INNANE TALK ABOUT PEOPLE WHO DONT MATTER< GET WITH IT< KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE TIGER< B-DRIS B-DRIS B-DRIS< FOCUS YOUR HATRED< WHERE HAS THE FIRE GONE? WE NEED TO REFUEL OR LAMPS OF HATRED FOR THIS ENDEAVOR TO BE SUCCESSFUL> KILL DEATH DESTRUCTION YOU MUST REAP< DEATH DEATH DEATH DEATH MURDER TURTURE HARVARD B-DRIS' LITTLE EYES AND FACE STUPID STUPID HAIR CROCKODILDOS LITHIES UNIBALL HAIRY VAG DEATH ENFLATED ENGORGED DECAPITATED COCKS TRAPPED IN THE HAIRY VAG OF DEATH--- THESE THINGS U MUST KEEP CLOSE TO YOUR HEART AT NIGHT VIVA LA REVOLUTION!
AND NOW FOR A NEW RECRUIT
THE BLACK JESUS OF ETERNAL B-DRIS IS PROLIFERATING IN THE INNER RING OF DARKNESS. CRUCIFY HIM, HIS LITTLE SMILE, AND COLLECT THE SOFT HAIRS OF HIS BODY INTO A SMALL PINK PLASTIC BUCKET TO BE EJACULATED IN BY A THOUSAND ANGRY LITHUANIAN SLUTBUSKETS. HE, THE WART ON THE ASS OF HUMANKIND, SHALL ENTER A GHASTLY, TERRIFYING SPHERE OF ETERNAL BLASPHEMY AND ANAL WARTS AND BUTTS. BUT NOT WITHOUT A SMILE.
THAT WAS A MESSAGE FROM THE HUNGARIAN FRONT OF THE WAR AGAINST BDRIS, CODE NAME, UMBRELLA.
rock ON and BRING THE FIRE TO BEAR BROTHERS!!!
REMEMBER THE GOOD OLD DAYS, LAY NOT THE HAND GENTLY ON OUR ENEMIES.
wo wo wo life goes on in the poop pavilion. the ludes are for crudes. ludes's budes want the fried penis of glory. i come home and i meet the fat man of death. johnny cornbread does the noise. DE WIIIIIZIIIIID
this has been a co production of ugly white pasty buderis and his prongs incorporated(be forewarned, this aforementioned site is terrible and should be destroyed but it is so pertinent to the case of budes and/or ludes) oops, i farted. ok enough with the sex and stupidness. i feel we need some law and order in this land. like martial law, only with more galloping ninjas and cow pastures. and the electric boogie woogie disease. SOS is hot on the trail of goodness, he is concockting a special treat for the Site. we mourn the loss of australia as well. oh my heavens to betsy. the blackness will lift forever once we win!!! i wish it wasn't so cold in this god-forsaken state of whatever its called, Maine or Moon or Myanmar. jimmy lives in jimmyanmar with the nosperm. how could we forget him. listen to pablo honey. it will make you yelp.
and thus saith the SOS:
Sir Dub's name has been dragged through
the mud. Been beaten and eviscerated,
been raped and pillaged and yet he still
prospers! Clearly he is not a witch to be
burned at the stake, clearly he is not a
vampire because I have seen him out in the
light. If he bleeds we can kill it, but how? O
how! Clearly this is no simple staking or
dismembering. Theres an old motto thats
been passed on in my family from
generation to generation:
" There's nothing that a surgical nuclear
strike won't fix."
-I think we must all keep this in mind during
the up coming Jihad.
Now for a good old fashioned Dris beating...
Budes Ludes Rude Crude MotherFucking
Lewd Nude Screwed Pooed Gooed Mooed
Shoed Brood Spooed Mood Tooed Acrewed
Spewed Dude!
You have to click here. This is the utmost example of the stupidity and worthlessness of american youth. In this prank IM, the ibook kid pretends to be a 16 year old girl. He snags a real suave winner on a public chat, then switches screennames...just read.
wie-nuh wants penie penie penie. oh man, i wish that things wern't so crestfallen. matt pooley should write a song in the key of penis minor. OOHHHHNNNNNGGGHHH he wants hootars and the intarnet, like drew and alex want yodels and truffle-cakes. sweet sweet tyrone of the marshlights. absecon lakshmee of the marshlights. wie-nuh is like "he was just like, so retarded." i hate stupid little kids. death to conformity. brian vanderhoop told the teacher and i got a pink slip when i called his mama a llama (which is about as light of an insult as you can get with his mama, you should see this situation) and it was hilarious. penie penie penie
found on the internet: "when i sucked my own penis and licked by my girlfried to my under ass *asshole *. she plays the fuckstick to my asshole. ummmmmmmmmhohohoho. painful when my small asshole was made by fuckstick. i withdrawal my sperm to her mouth. hoho muak meseeher. she has a great vsgina hole luppp!!!! down and up my body to feel her clitoris*she has a black cli8toris. muak iseeher"
so i think bdris is a dipthong masturbation guggle-zatch. tpv hee hee hee once talked about how he was getting surgery and he got the knife cut on the problem areas. jimmy do the axe blow. fat al is the terrible man of the century...we were going to call fat al, al oaf, but we chickened out, wouldn't you know it. oh bejesus is the word. once i ate an entire salmon. matt polski is like "have you ever ridden a green tornado" let's smoke as many bowls as possible and see what happens to the gross national product of comoros, which is a nation of dandertwats and jackanapes, like bdris beedris boudris buedris budras budros. he's the terrible. he makes me itch with the worst pain of the marshes. sheep. bdris buudris.
found on the internet: IMA STICK MY FOOT 6 KILOMETERS UP YOUR FRENCH CANADIAN ASS, ay FUCK YOU BITCH ay, YOU DRIVE A HYUNDAI ay ILL RUN THAT BITCH OVER....dig it ay?
The other day I received a lovely email from one Michael Sullivan of ebaltz.org (a site which, after entering the URL into IE in an effort to see what they were about, does not exist). The salutation was "Dear Student." Oh, that old Mike! He was always the chummy type. In the missive, he offered me a chance to MAKE MONEY $$$ filling out surveys, anywhere between $25 and $$$$100!!!! It seemed like a foolproof situation. So I decided to write Mikey back, with a letter of enthusiastic acceptance!
YES HELLO COMRADE SULLIVANS, ESQ. I BE TO THINKING VERY GREATFULS FOR YOR
MISSIVE. AND I HAVE THE FOREMOST INTREST IN YOR CORPARATIAN. PLEAZ MAKE TO TELL
INTO MY COMPUTUR TEH BENIFITS OF THISS SURVAY BUSINENSEZE. I LOVE TO PHILL OUT
TEH FOARMS, IN MY HOME COUNTRY THE GUVARNMENT REKWIRES CITAZENS TO PHIL OUT
MENY FORMES TO BE ABLE TO EAT. AND SHURELY I HAVE NOT TO ENGAGE THE
RECIPIANTITUDE OF SUCH MONEYS AS YOU PROFFER. I WANT DOLLARS 100. NOT 25. I
WANT DOLLARSIGN 100 OF DOLLARS PLEASE, SEND SURVAYS ON NEXT FREIGHT LOCAMOTIVE
OUT OF KIEV. MY FAMILIE THEY NOT HAS THE DOLLARSIGNS TO MAKE THE GUVURNMINT OF
AMERIKA PLEAZED. MY HOME COMPUTAR SHE RUNS ON TEH VAKUUM TUBES, MY CAT MUST
DRINK FROM TEH OIL SUMP OF TEH YUGO! I WNAT TO NOT SEE THE SUNSHINE THROUGH
GRAY BARS ANYMORE!!!!!!!1 PLEZE, MONSIGNORE SULAVIN, FOR THE MOTHERLAND.
MIKHAIL SULYEVSKI, I MAY BE REACHEDD HERE-IN-AFTAR BY MBUTLER@BATES.EDU, MY
EMAILS, FOR YOUR PAPERS AND SIGNING OF MONEYS AND DOLLARSIGNS TO THE ESCROW OF
MY MONEY-BANKERAGE. PLEASE NOT TO BE SLOW IN THE ACELERATION OF THESE
DOLLARMONEYSIGNS. ####### THOSE ARE NUMBARS LIKE THE MONEYSIGNS YOU WILL SNED
MY TO THE BANK! PLEZE ARCHDUKE SOUSLAVANNE, IT IS SERIOUSE!
VERY WARMLY, MACKBEL
now, Old Mickey has yet to respond. But when he does, oh boy, I bet he'll be overjoyed!!!!!!
found on the internet: crap crap shit damn crap hell damn crap crap shit damn crap hell ass crap damn shit ass crap hell hell crap hell shit damn crap hell damn crap crap shit damn crap hell damn crap hell ass crap damn shit ass crap shit damn crap hell damn crap
so i says to myself, i says you're a lonely man. grist-mill. 'twas the pride of the peaches. so i need good lovin'. i don't anticipate any good lovin' anytime soon. fuckafuckafuckafuck. fuckin' john wayne. this is totally douchebag mccoy, bdris is responsible, jimmy has zero sperm as always, i talked to that kid tonight and he was like "you like the drink." jimmy needs to understand that the tropics are hot. if he can't take the heat get out the sauna. he uses ultra-fine hair wax removal kits for his hinie. i dislike this predicamentds. it's open season for the wild arabian thornberry ramathorn chickadee. halls non-mentholated. dip trip flip fantasia, like that song with the biddy biddy bop funky funky jump to the jam boogie woogie slam jam, hey what's up this is super doop, i'm a rapper hired by burger king here to tell you about a burger. 99¢ only for a limited time. and then i get into bed. with many many ladies, over an extended time period, so as not to have more than one, perhaps two on a good night, in bed at once. that would be flamboyant. god damnit, i'm never going to find that special lady at this rate. penis factory. perhaps i can resort to anime porno. or stileproject. maybe not stileproject. oh well. i bet i can find the light at the end of this creamsicle.
Yet another hilarious but somehow depressing prank IM. up with socialism.
i'm utterly ashamed that the following is my younger sister's profile on AIM. where did i go wrong?
derick-i luv u soo much babe and i always will dont ever 4get that!!! beating the sun:-*
ben(britta)we have 2 many! U R SICK! =-Ocake fights lylas!!
benjermine(meggers)i luv u sweetie! "homie!" crazy leg club!
cait-omg spence-hes your lover! soo many mems baby its time 4 an epic battle! ima fuckin kill u!
emmers-i love u 2 death babe! swampscott
jackie- writing my name on the poster! lol luv ya
tom- jelley bean, snap bracelets, chinese food & sun glasses buddies! hehe
daph- u make me laugh sooo hard! text books! i luv u
david- ur madd chill luv ya.. thnx 4 calling me
od- ur a good person 2 talk 2 lol u shld b a therapist lol
krispy- the guy at friendlys!
eiw bourne grls suck at life
sweet jesus. i don't know where these kids pick this stuff up nowadays. this is about as depressing as a clown show on public access television in black and white. and it might as well be written in the cyrillic alphabet, it's about as comprehendible to your average sane american. jesus. i'm of the mind that it is through adolescent AIM profiles that today's terrorists/communists/french people communicate. and i would like to reassure bourne "grls" that they do not, in fact, suck at life.
i would also like to reassure the public that president bush is quite possibly the stupidest man alive. he gets my vote! oh wait, voting isn't part of the bush experience. he'll tell me whether or not he's the stupidest man alive! he calls the shots! he's prez'dent of th'Yoonahdt States'vv 'Merickuh!
it has come to my attention that the bawdy restaurant chain Hooters has founded a regional airline, Hooters Air. oh man. oh man. now i've heard that these flights, which i think will run between atlanta and charleston, SC, or florida or something, will be complete with hooters girls on every flight. two fucking Hooters girls on your plane while you fly. i hear it'll mainly be sports teams and such that use it. however, here's what i wonder about. how do you think Hooters Air will be received by its fellow airlines and the air traffic control network? i can just hear the conversation on the VHF radio between the cockpit and the tower now. it's like, pilot: "control, this is...um...Hooters Air flight 232...." tower: "i'm sorry 232, what carrier is this?" pilot: "...Hooters...Air." tower: (restrained laughter) "yeah ok Hooters 232, proceed on taxiway 3-4, be advised of tailwinds at 12 knots. oh man, i'm sorry 232, i forgot to record your data for the logbook, what's your carrier again?" pilot: "this is Hooters Air." and so on and so forth. that must just suck to be a Hooters Air pilot. they might as well just call themselves Fat Penis Airways. it's like "arriving at Gate 34A, Fat Penis Airways flight 138 from Newark." that sucks. Hooters Air. "control, this is Fat Penis 138 requesting clearance at Gate 34A." hahahahahaha!!! oh man.
