Disclaimer: I think I’ve apologized enough to Matsushita-sensei, but I’ll do it again. Further apologies to the people at BONES, especially Nobumoto Keiki (series creator) and Kawamoto Toshihiro (character designer).

And we’re back. Now not even Rakuen is safe from Watari…

Watari: Er…I think I’m allergic to dogs…achoo!

Tatsumi: Here. Have a tissue.

Watari: Thanks.

Kiba: Temee…

You won’t hurt me. Animals like me, especially canids!

Hige: She’s right. Hey, scratch my ears, will ya?

Sure.

Tsume: Hige! What are you – hey, that looks kind of nice. Ano…d’you think…

I got two hands, what the heck. *Skritch skritch*

Kiba: *sulks* Hmph. Fine, don’t scratch my ears.

Er….anyway… on to the chaos!

Watari rubbed his hands together, making sure the small pool had just enough potion in it to work without being overly scented, or he knew they’d never drink it. Their noses were quite keen.

He checked his watch. “I’d better get back to the lab,” he said out loud, tucking his coat more tightly about himself and hurrying away into the distance.

A broad-bodied tan wolf loped over the rise, pausing with one foreleg held up as he tested the air with his sensitive nose. The oasis ahead seemed normal – there was no scent of humans nearby. Relaxing slightly, he continued on. Three more wolves appeared behind him, of varying sized and colors.

The first wolf was completely white, his yellow eyes watching cautiously for signs of movement. On his back he bore a precious burden – the Flower Maiden, Cheza. Her hands were tucked comfortably into his thick fur, her legs wrapped around his ribs. He knew she only permitted him to carry her because he wanted to serve her; but he was happy to do so.

Behind him came a gray wolf with an X-shaped scar on his chest, and a brown yearling, all gangly legs and eagerness. The youngest wolf ran ahead to catch up with his tan companion.

At the fountain, two human figures straightened. The first, a somewhat husky young man wearing a comfortable sweat suit, with a shock of brown hair that sprouted randomly like a chia-pet, waved to the others. “There’s water here,” he said. The youngster beside him, with a somewhat girlish face, leaned over the water eagerly, lapping it up. “Not so fast, Toboe, save some for the rest of us. Cheza needs water.”

Toboe straightened and said indignantly, “There’s plenty of water! We’re all thirsty, Hige, so we might as well all drink!”

Hige grinned. The white wolf, now a dark-haired young man with blue eyes, bent and took a handful of water. Cheza wandered into the water. “Thank you for carrying me here, Kiba,” she said. “And Hige – ” The tan wolf’s human illusion blushed as she turned and smiled at him. “Your wonderful nose found this place.”

The fourth wolf, now a tall man with silver hair and, for some reason, a rat tail, came up behind them. His leather clothing looked like it was for a much smaller man, the shoulders torn and the waist barely covering his hips. “C’mon, Tsume!” Toboe said. “This is a perfect place to rest.”

Tsume shrugged noncommittally, but drank no less eagerly than his companions. The road to rakuen was long and hard and he was damn tired of running. But because of the hana no musume, he continued to run in this peculiarly assembled pack they had. It was her scent that had gathered them together, and it was her that they followed, because she was the key to paradise. Glancing at Kiba, Tsume’s mouth twitched in what might have been a smile. Granted, Kiba followed Cheza like a puppy for other reasons…

Hige stretched and flopped down on the grass beside the pool with a contented sigh. He had no idea if they would ever reach rakuen – and if they did, he wasn’t sure it made much difference to him. Just to be around the Flower Maiden, however, made him feel good. “If only,” he said sleepily, “there was a big old dead deer around somewhere… haraheta da…”

“You’re always starving,” Kiba noted, sitting down next to Cheza. He yawned, and lay down, his head in Cheza’s lap. It would be a good idea to get some sleep; they still had a long way to go in the morning.

Tsume became gradually aware of an uncomfortable sensation emanating from his butt. What the hell> he thought drowsily. He sat up and rubbed his eyes with the backs of his hands before it occurred to him that wolves don’t have hands. He looked down at the singularly human palms, his mind whirling.

The itchy sensation on his butt wouldn’t go away. He sprang to his feet with a yelp as he realized two very important facts:

1) he was in a human body, and

2) he had a super leather wedgie.

His outcry roused the others, who, finding themselves similarly trapped in their normally illusory bodies, seemed alternately annoyed and confused. “Wha…when did this happen?” Toboe demanded.

Kiba pulled down the sleeves of his jacket, finding that bare human skin was little protection on a cold morning. “While we slept – Cheza!” He turned quickly, but the hana no musume was in the pool, standing in the middle of the water with her face toward the rising sun. She seemed unaffected by whatever had happened to them, or by the fact that they were, technically, no longer wolves.

Tsume was too busy trying to keep his pants from crawling up his backside to worry about what had happened. He threw a look of mixed envy and irritation at Hige. Why didn’t I picture myself in comfortable clothes? he wondered with a disgruntled grimace. How the hell do humans actually wear this stuff? I feel like a cow is attacking my prostate…

“Well this is going to make getting to Paradise really difficult!” Toboe said. “Humans don’t go to rakuen. And I don’t think I can run as well…”

“We’ll just have to try,” Hige told him. “Why don’t you climb up that rock face over there and see if you can spy a city nearby?”

The young wolf nodded and ran to the bottom of the rocks, preparing to spring in normal fashion up the nearly sheer outcropping. He hovered about a foot off the ground for a moment before falling back down in an ungainly heap onto his butt. “Itaaai!” he said, rubbing his offended posterior.

Hige tried very hard not to laugh. He’d suspected their abilities would be curtailed in these bodies, but he hadn’t wanted to be the one to discover how limited they were now. “Oi, Kiba. What does Cheza say about all this?”

The former wolf went to the edge of the pool. “Uh…Cheza…”

“Yes, Kiba?”

“Do you have any idea what’s going on? We’re kind of…well…human.”

She looked at him for a moment, her red eyes sad. “I’m sorry, Kiba,” she said. “Humans don’t go to rakuen.”

“I know that! But…”

“There was something in this water,” she said. “A potion of some kind. It made your illusions real, and your reality illusions. Until it wears off, I’m afraid you’re going to be like that.”

He snarled. It was less effective than his wolf snarl, but he had no choice. He glanced at the others. Toboe was still trying to climb the rock, while Hige leaned against a nearby tree, and Tsume attempted to adjust his clothing to a more comfortable arrangement. “Kuso,” said Kiba. “Where’s my pride now…”

Watari rubbed his hands together in the lab, 003 perched on his shoulder. “Amazing!” he said happily. “I can turn animals into people. Granted, I don’t think it would do much good on an animal that doesn’t think like a human.” He looked speculatively at his own. “Hm…”

Tatsumi, walking into the lab two seconds later, was just in time to see 003 turn from an adorable little owl into a very confused and very naked human. “Wa-ta-riiiiiii!” he groaned, reaching into his pocket for aspirin.

Hana no Musume: flower daughter (Cheza)

Kiba: fang

Tsume: claw

Hige: whisker

Toboe: howling

Haraheta da: I’m hungry

Itai: ow!

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