By Arete Vésilagor and Pictures done by Aidenmare Morwen. Unfortunately, for you out there reading this, I (Aidenmare) was unable to get the pictures. You poor unlucky people. Only I can see the pictures, hahaha. But because I am so nice, I put up some photographs anyway. But they are not nearly as good as my drawn ones.
AN: After this, read the 2nd Leia Story!
When Alice was four, a couple found her while vacationing in Africa. They found her while on a safari. She was wrestling with a killer elephant. They followed her back to her tribe and convinced them to let them adopt her. They traced her parents to Mongolia. It turned out her father was a warlord who ate human hearts and hunted with a pack of killer Chihuahuas (Taco Bell dog). Her mom was a concubine. When tribesmen who lived in yurts defeated her father, Alice was left for dead. She wandered to Africa and was adopted by African tribesmen. Her adoptive parents took her back to her new dad’s Brazilian cocoa plantation. Unhappy with a life of luxury, Alice ran away at age five. She went to live with Amazonian headhunter/cannibals. She became known as Quetzechal Zumania (Little Warrior Who Wrestles Alligators). One day, at the age of six, she was kidnapped by guerillas! She learned the way of the gun and at age ten, she assassinated a Brazilian official. She was arrested, but when the authorities saw she was just a kid, they sent her to Antarctica to aid the scientists in their research. After robbing the ATM by cross wiring the system and programming it to give her all the money, she fled the research station and stumbled upon an intelligent talking penguin. Her crafty mind figured if she brought the penguin (killer, due to its unusual fangs) to the scientists, they would forgive her for stealing the money. They did, but overnight the penguin killed and trashed everyone in the camp except for Alice, who killed him. She managed to make a radio out of the broken equipment and S.O.S.ed for a ship. They picked her up, but the ship sank and Alice swam to shore. She ended up in a strange place. She had no clue where she was. 
A guy with a blaster told her she was Princess Leia. Being very smart she figured she was in a new dimension. She was crowned Princess Leia of Alderaan. For thirty years Leia/Alice defeated the Empire, married Han, had kids (Stars Wars books), and decided to go on a trip to an asteroid belt. She was sucked into a black hole and blacked out. She awoke as Alice on Earth. She was ten and couldn’t remember anything. She was on a little island somewhere in India. She was immediately “escorted” by a bunch of Kali worshippers. She was enslaved and sent to work in the mines under a palace (Pankot Palace). Being the genius she was she escaped and fled down further into the mines. She found an orc camp and two hobbits, stole their ring and flung it into the Crack of Doom (Like what Tolkien wrote). She went back up to the mine and found a guy with a fedora and whip had freed the slaves (Indiana Jones, if you couldn’t tell). She suddenly had an overwhelming sense of déjà vu (Indian Jones = Han Solo). The guy with a whip took innocent looking Alice to Chicago. She went to a bar but almost got kicked out, but a dude named Gary 
recognized her and let her have some ice cream. It turned out that he got tomorrow’s newspaper today, and if she had left, a psycho maniac would have shot her. She decided she didn’t like the crowded streets of Chicago so she stowed away on a ship headed toward England. She went to Stonehenge and ran right into a ceremony being performed by druids. She became a druid (Duh, what else would she have done?). She was known as Keri the Sacrificer. She soon started to think being a druid was boring and journeyed to the outskirts of a town. She found a university called oxford. She sat down on a bench and began eating a squirrel she had shot that morning. As she started eating the tiny but delicious brain, an old man came by and sat down beside her. She immediately liked him.
“Hello, little girl.”
“Hi.”
“Will you help me on a story I’m writing?”
“Sure.”
So she told John (that was the only name he gave her) the story of her perilous journeys with the orcs and about the ring she had found. John (If you haven’t figured it out by now, it is J. R. R. Tolkien) decided to write a book about her story. (And of course it was The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings) They became very good friends, but when Alice turned twelve she moved to Hollywood. She ran into a TV show producer who asked her to help him write a TV show. She told him to write a show about a guy who gets tomorrow’s newspaper today. He loved it. Soon she met a guy named George (Lucas). He needed ideas also. She told him about a dream she occasionally had about a bunch of dudes running around saving the galaxy (Star Wars). Then she told him about the guy with the fedora and whip that was named after a dog. He loved it, too. Alice got sick of Hollywood and moved to Egypt. There she started a mummy making business. She robbed graves and then brought the bodies into the desert and let them dry. She then would bring them to her basement, pull out their brains and organs, and mummify the bodies. She enjoyed this illegal line of work until she was thirteen. The Egyptian police got too close for comfort so she moved to La Cañada.
This may make no sense, but I hope you enjoyed the story anyway!
