NOTE YOU SHOULD READ BEFORE READING THE STORY: This story is very, very, "AU." It is not what actually happens to Ton and Skysong.

- Skysong

Everlasting

Life is all about choices. What to eat, when to sleep, where to go. Some choices are easier that others. Some are as simple as: "What will I wear today?" Some are hard. Some break your heart. Life is like a pendulum, swinging back and forth, back and forth. A wheel that turns too fast at the wrong times.

My name is Ton Phanan, and this is my story.

I was born on Rudrig. Always had a fascination with bugs, even more when I learned I could make some girls jump with them. I was a model child. As soon as I graduated from high school I enrolled in the Coruscant Medical Academy and became Dr. Phanan- as I once told another pilot - I was fully licensed to cut you open and weld you shut again.

I ended up a medical officer on a - at the time "Rebel" - ship. Then came the battle of Endor, and with it an involuntary career change. I became a fighter pilot. This was where Bacta made the biggest difference - I am allergic to it. When my friends crashed, it was into the Bacta tank, and they were good as knew.

I am not so lucky. By the time I'd been in five live fire missions, I was a fifth mechanical and gaining. I was an expensive proposition for any commander. That was when Commander Wedge Antilles invited me to join the new squadron he was forming, later known as Wraith Squadron.

After a near fatal crash on Halmad, I was given medical leave on a planet called Earth. At one of their primitive airports I met Skysong Rândess. We fell in love, and have been through hell and heaven together. I wonder which we're in now? Harar na Ahakma ke Gaidon (literally Harar of the Ahakma clan, Chief, if I got that right) just had me adopted into the Ahakma clan. Skysong already was a member. The fire just went out. Shapes are coming from the ashes. Figures. Skysong whispers their names to me as they come.

"S'yal Rânithil, hunting god. My father. Y'al'tek, goddess of light, wisdom, and elements. Demoted to Yaltek, but raised back with T'al'zed - Talzed's- death. My mother. Y'man, patron god of the Y'mani. Ramar, patron goddess of the Hundess."

Well done, my daughter. The one she called S'yal. Ramar cleared her throat.

I agree. This one I like far better than Talzed.

I think she is D'eve'nir. Said Y'man.

Foretold by the Creator, this was. Ramar said.

The patron goddess of all Miravin is a big post. Glad it is not me.

I also. Said Y'man. The one Skysong had named as her mother walked forward.

Welcome to full Goddessship, my daughter. Because you killed Talzed, you gain his power of Enithalpy. You, too, shall join us in the curse of immortality. Is there anyone you would bring with you? She looked pointedly at me.

I think you would miss him more than you know or admit.

I believe that should be his choice. She said. They turned to me.

Well, son of Rudrig?

"Uh . . ." I stood there, on the edge of a decision. Yes . . . no . . . yes . . no . . . yes . . no . . yes . no . yes no yesnoyesno . . . It was as if my heart beat faster and faster.

"I- I do not know." Y'man nodded.

That is expected. He is human. He said.

The Doorway of Decision, the Door of a Thousand Lives, , we could use. Help him know, it would.

Son of Rudrig?

"Yes, I guess. It won't hurt will it?"

No. A shimmering line appearing in the air, then it split to become a doorway. It looked ordinary unless you looked at for a long time, then you realized it was twisted, in a sense. I stepped through.

Skysong walked towards me, "How can you leave me, Ton?" She said. I was confused.

"What, do you mean, 'Leave you?'"

"You abandoned me. I got shot and you left me in the alley to die." Memories that were never mine came to me.

"I had to save the children."

"I wasn't dead, you could have saved me. And now they're dead too, because of you!"

"No, I-"

Snick.

I was starring at a white ceiling. Where was I? Was I in prison? I tried to sit up, but fell back. I was to weak to sit. I turned my head and saw a medical droid hovering nearby. Skysong was sitting next to me, her eyes full of sadness. She looked as young as she did when I first met her.

"Ton?" She whispered.

"Why are you whispering?" I asked. She began to cry.

"I'm not. I'm shouting." I stared at her.

"Ton, you lost most of your hearing because of a bomb explosion ten years ago. Don't you remember?" The memories came. I reached an unsteady hand to my head and pulled out a hair. It was snow white.

Snick.

"Daddy!" A little girl with blond-brown pigtails and a boy with dark brown hair came running towards me.

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" They flung their arms around me. I instinctively pulled them closer. Memories.

"So, how are my little twins?" I asked. The boy pulled back.

"I's not little!" I felt someone kiss my cheek. Skysong.

"Of course you aren't." She said. I walked with them into an apartment. It was nice, though sparsely furnished. We passed a mirror. My hair was blond.

Snick.

"I love you, Ton."

"And I you, Skysong." I said. I rolled over onto my stomach, so that we were side-by-side on the picnic blanket.

"Can you believe it's our hundredth anniversary?" She asked.

Snick. Snick. Snick. A thousand scenes whirled by me. Then, all was gray, and I hung there, suspended in time and space. Part of a balance of years and life. A man materialized in front of me, this time from my own, real memories. It was my father, the time we first learned that I was allergic to Bacta.

"Well, son. The doctor suggests you lead a gentle lifestyle, no real antics, no more flying vehicles, no outdoor activity really. I disagree.

"Life is too short not to live it to the fullest. Many fear death. It is not death you should fear, even if it does come sooner for you than most. It is the life you didn't live that should make you fear. When death comes, meet it with courage. Life is too short to let fear slow you down.

"Nothing is forever, Ton. But take what time you have, and use it!"

Another memory, my mother, after my first girlfriend dumped me when she found out I was already five percent mechanical in high school.

"Love, real love, is powerful. If you really, truly care for someone, you'll know. You'll know because you'll realize you want to spend time- forever- with that person."

Another memory, this time from my grandfather, on why he had had to abandon my great-uncle in a street fight.

"Sometimes, it can't be about what you want, about your love for someone. Sometimes you have to do what you do because you know, deep down inside, what is right. Even though it hurts, you have to give up love, family, what is dear to you. I abandoned my brother to save some young children. To this day I still question that decision."

Back to the gray, timeless space. Time stood still. Life stood still. The doorway reappeared. I walked back out. I looked at Skysong.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?/ And everything I would like to be . . .

What do I chose? How to I chose? I love her . . . I can't. It is not death you should

fear . . . It is the life you did not live. . . . Love . . . is powerful. . . . You'll realize you want to spend forever with that person . . . Sometimes you have to do what you do because you know, deep down inside, what is right.

I turned to Skysong, and the other deities. I gave my answer.

I'll go with you, wherever you want to/ You came to save me from myself/ you took the blame/ you love me like nobody else/ so I say/ Now and forever, I am with you/ Wherever you lead me, I'll go too/ We'll be together, I know it's true/ Now I know that you are, you are forever in my heart . . .

"No."

This is my December/ This is my time of the year/ This is my December/ This is all so clearly real/ This is my December/ This is my snow covered world/ This is my December/ This is me alone, and I/ and I/ and I/ and I/ and I/ Give it all away/ Just to have somewhere to come to/ Give it all away to have someone to come home to/ This is my December/ This is my time of the year/ This is me pretending/ This is all of me/ And I . . .