Chapter Nine:  Lessons

 

To:  Wendella K.

Wednesday 2:00 p.m. my time

Date: Thursday, April 20, 2000 7:44 AM

 

 

Hi Wendella!

 

WENDELLA: Hi. Thank you for your reply again.  Do you know how to contact the authors of the book?  I have many questions.  If you can answer them it would be great.

 

Well, prepare yourself for a minor shock. XXXXX XXXXXXXXXXX, who wrote the book(s) is NOT what he lets us believe he is. I have (as you know) been in contact with quite a few survivors and find his books pretty accurate (with some minor errors), so I thought he was okay. Now I know better. He wrote those books to pull in renegade survivors to RE-program them, not DE-program them. He is himself a mind-controlled victim and works knowingly or unknowingly for the Illuminati. I know persons who have been "treated" by him and the stories they tell are horrifying. His name is not XXXXXXXXXX  by the way but XXXXXXXXXXXX. He has maybe six or seven aliases (I have proof). The story is long and not so uplifting. XXXX XXXXXXX, the co-author, is currently under re-programming by him in Portland. So I strongly advise people NOT to contact him. I still keep his books on my page, as they contain a lot of good information. I am currently writing an article to expose him for what he is - a con man - but I need more information to prove it all the way out. No doubt however that what I'm saying here is the truth. This is a very complicated world.

 

 

WENDELLA:  The water torture implies to me that I was more involved than I can almost deal with. I have something happen to me when I read.  It started 2 years ago when I was reading out of a book on confronting abuse. At times when I would read a picture would pop up in my mind and it would stay. I thought that I was making up pictures possibly like all the SC----OLOGY stuff.  I never remembered any current life memories in all of the OT 7. Only past life stuff. So when the picture would come I didn't look at it as a memory but only as something my mind had made up.  But after reading what I did in Chapter one of the book I am not so sure.  Here is what happened.  When I was around 21 I met and married a man in SC----OLOGY in CA.  His name was XXXXX.  He was very ill, but in my naiveté thought SC----OLOGY technology could cure him.  He was nice I thought.  Before we married he took me dancing one night.  I don't remember how he got into where we went; just that he knew someone up there.  We went to China Lake in CA.  We went dancing at the military base.  It’s the only time since I left Alaska in 196X I was anywhere near a military installation.  While dancing, I had nothing alcoholic to drink, I felt really strange.  I became almost orgasmic.  But it didn't feel good.  As I sat down I remember seeing a picture come into my mind.  It is still there as fresh today as it was then.  It was a picture of a conveyor belt underground where I was dancing with what appeared to be body parts on it, alive, dead or metallic I don't know. It really freaked me out. I never told anyone.  In all my reading this book is the first one to mention China Lake.  I have been afraid of it all my life since I went there.

 

XXX: Yes, China Lake is a BIG place for the Illuminati, where lots of SRA and mind control is going on. It's very ill reputed. Do you think you could have been there before maybe? Repressed memories of abuse and strange rituals? Not uncommon. I know many people, survivors, who told me the same thing you told me above. However, I strongly advise you to be careful when you read the book on my site. It CAN be very triggering and you may feel not so good ... If you feel bad when you read it, please stop. I KNOW how curiosity works. You want to know ... But sometimes it's pretty rough and more than one can handle without help.

 

WENDELLA: Then in reading more in the book on China Lake other pictures came into my mind. Earlier before I read this I had a memory of a prison or cells with old men in them waiting to die.  This came a couple of months ago.  Last night I saw the babies in my mind.  Now did I imagine it or? Then as I kept reading, Bingo another place I have been that is listed, Sheridan, Oregon.  It’s not far from Portland where I grew up as a teenager.  I joined SC----OLOGY in Portland. Their C/S remember was at De--hi Foundation in S----dan.  I went there one day for a tour.  They wanted to recruit people to go live and work there.  I didn't go.  I was at war with the C/S at the time. I was a paid customer and was being treated badly.  Then I read about the train stations.  I had no idea there was so much so close to me as a teenager. I didn't sleep well last night and have been angry and depressed all day. I think that I have to learn if my grandfather was a 33 degree mason. I am not sure how to do it safely.

 

XXX: You have lived and been at places where there is a lot of Illuminati, satanic activity - I can see that. And those memories you tell me about ARE memories and not fantasies, I do have to tell you that, as I have heard identical things from others ... And again I advise you not to dig too deep, Wendella. When you feel bad, please stop and try to concentrate on other things. Actually I'm a little ambivalent about the books - if they really serve a good purpose or not. People who have been subjected to stuff mentioned in it are so eager to find out about themselves, but I'm afraid the books trigger things which can be hard to deal with.

 

I wonder ... when you have the time and when/if you feel like it - can you tell me a bit more about your bad experiences with SC----OLOGY? I am currently investigating them as well, as I consider them to be a very dangerous cult and it is growing rapidly due to their excellent promotion tech, which is directly taken from Goebels and Nazi Germany.  About your grandfather ... do you mind if I ask you of his name? I might be able to find out - and maybe not. Don't give it too much hope, but I will certainly do the best I can. I have contacts who can help me if you like.

 

WENDELLA: How could I find out if my XXXXX who is still alive was involved in any way. I sent him a letter for the first time in 30 years asking about my eye surgery my parents claimed I had at 3 years old.  They said they sent me to Portland Oregon from Alaska. I remember the flight and they sent me with a neighbor.  I remember the operation sort of. I have called all the hospitals there in the last two weeks and no one has any records of my operation.  Got any ideas?

 

XXX: Maybe ... But first I want to ask: Why did they have to send you to Portland for surgery? There must have been other doctors who could have done the surgery ... Do you know the name of the doctor or the hospital where the surgery was done?

 

WENDELLA:  My XXXXX said in his letter he didn't think we had any genetic defects in our family. I didn't mention genetic defects in my letter to him, but I did ask about medical history.  He worked for US Geological Survey.  Could he have been involved?

 

XXX: Yes, could have. I have to know more to be sure ... Have to know more details about the surgery. Has anybody ever told you exactly what was done to your eye? I mean in the surgery. Any details, big or small are valuable ...

 

WENDELLA:  The part about teaching love and then pain is very real to me.  I associated pain as love until recently and am still trying to sort it out. Its not easy. Do you know if the XXXXX  group has contacted you or read the book on the net?

 

XXX: No, I don't know.

 

WENDELLA:  It doesn't appear so as they ask too many questions that could be answered by the book.  How did the authors survive and not be killed in publishing it?

 

XXX: See my explanation above on XXXX ...

 

WENDELLA:  Do you know what their real names are if they are different? I am very curious about the information on the  XXX group.  I have been where the XXX was built.  All XXX are built on a XXX. It is inbetween two freeways out in the middle of nowhere. I can’t imagine anyone having a secret facility there. I have been in a XXXX and found no evil there.  There is no killing or animosity.  I was only there once about 1X years ago.  If the XX group is involved, it’s very secret.

                                                                      

Do you think you want me to be a part of what you are trying to do?  I know I really said alot but you are the only OT 7 I have talked to in 20 years.  Thanks Wendella

 

XXX: XXXXXX name is her real one, XXXXXX  name I gave you in the beginning of the letter. About secret facilities. Many churches and temples have satanic facilities BENEATH the church building. The entrance is often connected to the altar - a hatch on the floor. Sometimes satanic rituals are practiced in the real church building as

well - at night of course and on special magical dates. So it's no wonder it's in the middle of nowhere so to speak. The XXXXXXX church is deeply involved - high up as you say. The XXXXXXX church is pure satanic and 99% of its members has no idea.

 

Wendella, I am really glad you share this with me. Please be as open as you possibly want. Whatever you say stays between us - always. And if I can help in anyway, I will. I can give you some information on the XXXXXXX group if you want to. Just let me know.

 

About joining the group. I can't advise you. It's all up to you - how you feel about it. One option is to send a letter to XXXXX or XXXXXX and see what you think. If you don't like it, you can always withdraw from it. No one will ever force you to do anything but what you yourself want.

 

Love

XXX

 

 

  

 

    Sent: Wednesday, April 19, 2000 8:04 AM

    Subject: SV: YES...

 

 

      Hi Wendella,

 

      Another OT 7 :-). It's a small world sometimes. Well, I agree with you. Everything was not bad with SC----OLOGY - it's the truth which appeals to you and the lies sneak in as we go along and then we're trapped until the day we wake up - many never do.

 

      XXXXX  has been subjected to project Montauk - you might have heard about it. The Government's experiments with time travel. And she seems to have got much of the SRA Monarch programming as well. Its interesting to read what she has to say. Montauk is known to researchers, but I have this feeling we have only scratched on its surface. The government is playing with energies they can't even handle...

 

      So sorry to hear about all the pain and struggle in your life. I'm so glad you are as causative as you are anyway. In this way you remind me a lot of XXXXX and XXXXX, another survivor I know extremely well, as I have lived together with her. The two are now working together. You asked me how to keep the project secret ... well, I'm not sure we can. Some of those survivors are monitored via implants and the computers are (as you say) monitored as well. But I don't go into it - I just continue and see what happens. All those people have tried to survive on their own and its time they connect and find out that there actually ARE more people who have been subjected to this, others from themselves. I think it often will be a big relief ... no one feels good fighting alone.

 

      I saw you mentioned both XXXXXXX and XXXXXXXXXX. Yes, both of them are 33rd degree masons and Monarch victims themselves - following orders from the top Illuminati. XXXXX is gathering patriots from all over the country with a false attempt to fight the secret government and overthrow them. What he's actually doing is to gather them together to register them, so the Gov. will have an easy time later, knowing which people to "take care of" later on ... XXXXXX is covertly recruiting people into New Age beliefs and even Catholicism ...

 

      I want to thank you for this letter of yours, and for being so open. It's a long letter and I read it all - carefully. If there is anything specific you want me to comment on or if there is something you want us to discuss, please let me know.

 

      I am also glad you have found faith ... I need to tell you I am not a Christian myself and hope you don't mind. I do believe in God, but not in Christianity ... But please don't feel rejected because of this, to speak your mind about your experiences. I am listening and I am never judging anyone for his/her belief system.

 

 

    Love

    XXX

 

 

 

Another letter ….

 

      Guess what? I am OT 7 too!  The SC----OLOGY have never bothered me. My files are at the S-- Org which I joined in 198X I believe.  When I read my personnel file they had accused me of having relations with the 10-year-old boy I found to watch my baby boy XXXXX who at the time was around 2 years old. If I ever got brave and smart enough and could prove things I could sue them. I had two abortions. I haven't forgiven myself for because when I went to join them they told me I couldn't have any children. There was also emotional and physical abuse in Portland Oregon where I joined and in Florida and California. I met XXXXX's father in SC----OLOGY. He is no longer active but still believes in it.  He lives nearby and is a nice friend.  I saw H---r J---z on Ophra a few years ago and he looked terrible. The questions they asked him and his answers showed me how much respect for himself and intelligence he had lost since I worked as a volunteer underneath him in the late 19X0's.  He wouldn't remember me as I worked under another man under him. I learned how to do research then. I went to the local library in Hollywood California and sought out names and associations through magazines and then put the information on file.  I learned about how the CIA was spreading rumors about the org via the media internationally. I was also there standing on my balcony from my hotel room the day the FBI came with their rifles or shotguns hanging across their shoulders to take file cabinets.  I actually expected to see my picture in the newspapers because I was on the balcony that was closest to the front door of where they were entering. I may be. I never pursued looking at all the published pictures. I learned then, it was around 197X that our government was corrupt.  The only good things I keep from SC----OLOGY are the communication skills I learned and the study skills. Everything else I let go of.

 

New subject.....  Well where do I start. XXXXX is learning similar things as to Deepak Chopra. He has a video in our local library about quantum physics and how you can heal yourself with it. I never paid for anything else because I always see money become the issue along with glory for self and power.  I still get mail from them but never buy anything. I believe all knowledge that is good comes from Heaven.  Whether it is educational or revealing.  None of my associates here believe that when I prayed Heavenly Father would never reveal terrible memories to me. But I am more calm and self-productive and stable than I ever believed possible.  I know more memories will come.  It’s hard as I have to keep and maintain a normal life style for my kids and I guess the order of it helps me.  I have the 7 kids and their friends, 6 of them are in school but its four different schools with homework and meetings with teachers etc.  It takes a lot of time, but that's okay.

 

I have tried to start writing my own experiences.  Each time I would just list out the memories and then go to write it later. I found myself on the net searching for answers. I have printed out 9 notebooks one to two inches thick of articles, books and documents mostly on mind control. I have almost finished reading John Mark's book on, "The Search for the Manchurian Candidate."  I have found that for myself knowledge brings Peace and Contentment.  Learning helps me to heal.  For many its makes it worse. XXXXX must be the same way. I have many memories I haven't written out yet. I get so wrapped up in learning and living life even when I spend 8 or more hours reading and writing I can't get enough done. I was going to catalogue all the info on a database re: mind control and make it like a research file where you can punch in a name or place or date or group and get a list of everything related.  There is so much...... Every day on the chat line another doctor or place is listed as people remember.  I may still do this. I know from observing chat lines that there are multitudes of people trying to heal with no one to talk to and not any foundational information on how to heal.  Each chat line seems to gather people in the same area of healing.  Some are all spinning, trying to stop.  XXXX is trying to find connections to her past about genetics. Her uncle is a professor as this is what she wrote one day.  On XXX they didn't like my questions even though I tried to follow their guidelines closely.  I guess its just like the statistics of who remembers, 1/3 this and 1/3 that.  Everyone has their own level of confront, SC----OLOGY remember, and they can only deal with so much at once.  It would take a lot of effort to create a safe place where anyone could go and glean just that which they needed at the time.  It would almost have to be like a maze and as you healed you chose on your own to go to the next place. Knowledge has never scared me, only people who hide secrets do and they were clever and always made friends with me first.

 

It’s surprising to me that no one ever referred me to your web site; yet I can answer my own comment by what I just said.  The ones who are healing and still afraid of fear may be the ones who would come against someone the most or with the most force to stop them. As I recover and learn how my mom was used and forgive her and love her and feel great joy. 

So, I hope you can follow me; if lets say we had a new member come in and they weren't really ready to deal with what was happening they would become a greater threat or hindrance as our healing brings them pain they cant deal with.  My counselor wants me badly to join a local group here of four people. The Holy Ghost has restrained me repeatedly warning me not to go. There is someone there who with my presence and what I would say would somehow hurt us all. So I don't go.  I believe you may already know this. Use your testimony to discern and listen to who can deal with things and who can’t.

 

Different subject:  All my life people tell me I talk to fast and change subjects on them when I am just relating one subject in my mind to another. I love it. They get confused!

 

I married a man 1X years ago who joined the XXXXX church via his brothers influence.  His brother joined via the John Birch Society.  I was taught all about Constitutional Issues for 10 years. I learned about the original forefathers intentions and how legal and lawful are different. I learned about common law versus equity law and statutory law.  I learned how the Communist Manifesto was actually in place and most US citizens are raised not knowing what Sovereignty is or what rights actually mean.  I have a 60 cassette course from G----e G---on that no one will listen too.  They are so afraid of taxes and police etc., they just act like trapped sheep!

 

I have lived with nothing. I lived in a log cabin that was 100 years old.  We heated with wood and cooked on a wood cook stove.  I ground wheat and learned how to make bread. I hung up clothes on clothes hangers in my living room to dry. I at one time was stuck at home for 5 months straight as I had no phone or car and no friends. Prior to that in Washington State I lived in a bus, a converted school bus and gave birth there to my daughter XXXXXX with the help of a midwife. Later in Missouri I fought the local authorities for the right to have my other daughter brought home for two years and won.  My recent ex-husband brought all those records here locally in an attempt to take his daughter away from me. He was the father to my 5th daughter. He lost. He is not mentally sound. He had a sad life. When I came here from Missouri I got on government assistance so I could start over.  I went from rags to riches doing that.  I could write 20 books and not even touch mind control. Sorry it’s so confusing. Its hard to summarize so much.

 

I read about ELF and HAARP, I heard about that 5 years ago in Missouri.  Lots of people who are called Patriots know much. They like to communicate by short wave radios and HAM sets so they feel they can talk freely.  They all believe that it’s safe that way but no one really ever does anything.  XXXXX became a favorite hero in Utah but I saw his name on Newsmakers.com.  Maybe he is not a good guy either. With all that you know and I am still learning more of, how do you know who to trust?  That has always been my biggest weakness. When I trust myself I failed.  When I trusted my family I failed.  When I tried to trust groups I failed. Jesus Christ’ sincerely with all do respect to Him and what he represents’ never failed me. I could write a book just about my experiences with him. Few would believe it, but it would be true.

 

New subject:

 

Very few people ever do this. Yesterday I read somewhere, maybe it was Newsmakers, about Billy Graham. When I was 1X in Portland, Oregon my neighbors took me to see him. I never met him face to face but I heard his speaking. The crowd became what I would call ‘euphoric’. They went nuts with a feeling they called ‘joy’ over their new found salvation.  I was taken with many others to see individuals privately to accept Jesus as my personal savior. I will never forget the experience.  I was smiling I guess because everyone else was.  As I walked up to this person, I think it was a lady, she said something like this: "Look at you. You're so happy. I can see from the look on your face that you have accepted Jesus Christ. That is wonderful !!"   She gave me a smile and some pamphlets and let me pass.  I will always remember how dumb I thought she was and it taught me how naive they were.  They weren't much better off than robots.

 

I feel to include here how I did find Jesus. I was pregnant with my second child with my new boyfriend who had asked me to have his child and said he would marry me.  We were in Salt Lake City at the time working.  I told him one day I believed in SC----OLOGY as then I had just left a few months prior.

 

Note when I left it was awful. No one since then have I met who might understand this. Sorry. Here I go.  I took my son, still about 2 years old and called my mom.  I didn't want to go home. A few years prior I knew she almost hired deprogrammers to get me out of SC----OLOGY. I wasn't aware then what I know now. I didn't want to go home. I had become a S-- Org member.  They leave you trapped because all your time is theirs and there is no money. You have to earn on a graph points system any money you get.  Even if its money for gas to go to work for them. It was bad. So when she said she would pay my way home, airfare,  I never went back. I had to agree. I got my son and some few belongings. We lived in a hotel just for SC----OLOGY's, and drove to the airport.  I was so scared to leave and become labeled a suppressive person. I went past the exit two times before I could concentrate enough to find it. I left my car and all possessions I couldn't take at the airport.  When I got home I was so scared of people I stayed with my mom for 3 months and never went anywhere.  The only thing I had left was my son and a bible my grandmother had left me.  That was like a sign to me.  This bible must mean something so I started to read it. It is very hard for me to work in groups of people.  I must disassociate somehow to do it as I do now when I have to work.

 

Soon after this, my baby’s father at the time dad moved to Oregon and I lived with him as a friend until I met this man who took me to Utah; I would go anywhere and follow anyone. I am better now but If you are a bad person in disguise I will be yours until the pain gets so great I have to leave.  The natural protection abilities a child is born with have been taken from me.  It is called common sense. I may never have it. The teachings of SC----OLOGY were actually a blessing for me at the time and later.  It started to teach me about human nature which I knew nothing of.  Anyhow, that's how I left SC----OLOGY.

 

So, I am in Utah and my to-be husband tells me if I don't accept Jesus Christ as my Savior he will kick me and my son out on the street. I am pregnant by him remember.  Well, I went downstairs and sat on the edge of a bed and with all my heart said, "Jesus if you are real, would you please love me?"  Well, he heard my prayer and little by little my life has gotten better. That was 17 years ago.

 

In the last 3 years I have learned to take my fears that I am aware of by the hand and make them my friends. It gives you back control. Its like this. I have shared this with a few people and I believe its true. You might already know this by your own experiences. Here is an exercise to teach you how it works.  Okay.  Stand up. Walk over to a wall and put your hands on it up above your head. Now push. The wall actually has control over you as long as you are pushing on it. If the wall was to represent a fear as you resist the fear it takes control over you.  By this process I have healed myself.  When ever I see another really resisting something that I think this might help I teach them. It seems to work. If I really fear the govt. coming and taking me, that fear creates a tension where by I could actually have a self-fulfilling prophecy whereby it happens. (In my case I am so naive that they could be watching me now and not be afraid and me still not know it!) Whenever I have a memory coming I can feel it. When I sit down and write I am in control of the memory and then after it comes and I deal with the emotions I am better.  Its hard though as my time is too limited. Yet I am doing okay.

 

 

New subject: I guess you can tell I haven't had anyone to really listen for years. I am usually to up front and ask too many questions. I will probably turn you off too........(smile). I tried to work in a factory and I had 4 people tell me how to do the same thing in 3 days. So I went to the sup each time. Well when they laid me off they said I didn't have the skills to work there. Again, even when I am silent in my mind I always ask too many questions.  It took me years to learn that people would tell me asking questions is what they want, but that they really didn't.

 

You may ask me any questions you want about anything. Privacy doesn't exist in my life. Here goes some more personal history. My mother interfered and involved my brother to take custody of my daughter (my oldest one) away from me. I have since forgiven my brother and the father. In that instance the father used a personal letter I had written to my daughter aged 4 years in court records to show I had given him custody voluntarily.  The letter expressed all my personal hopes and desires for her life. It is now a public document.  Latter I wrote letters to my then husband to his brother in Washington State. These letters were very emotional asking for help as my husband, his brother, was very ill and wouldn't go get any medical help.  These letters were taken by his brother to Church authorities, read and then sent from Wash. to Mo. where we lived.  The authorities read them there also and sent them back. I finally got them and burned them.  Because of the letters my husbands family so gravely misunderstood them, they thought I was trying to kill him when I was trying to save his life. After 2 years of my ex going and living with his family in Washington. They finally realized that I had spoken the truth but in the meantime I was an outcast as usual.

 

Then again just last month personal entries from my diary while I was married to my last husband (#6) were admitted in court as evidence that I am crazy. He stole them when we were getting along to beat all! Also as I mentioned before all my previous court records from Missouri were brought here and are now on file.  My only escape has been my honesty and innocence. I guess my fruits of happy, healthy children saved me.

 

So to sum this up, if others say ‘Boo’ about me I am now used to it. I have had 1, 2, 3, 4 counselors here locally all treat me telling me how intelligent and wonderful I am. Some were Ph D's and all are respected members of the community. It has become a protection for me to be involved with them. For me and my kids.

 

New subject:

 

For myself for 10 years I have wanted to write my life's story. I can’t keep up with it though. Writing is easy for me as you can tell. I still want to find a link between my mom and intelligence agencies. Just one. I heard about the Illuminati years ago. Never believed that they would ever have anything to do with my life.  I have always had a great desire to help people.  It takes lots of knowledge to do so. I have enough now to begin. Exposing what is happening is a goal of mine. I don't know how to help. I don't know what danger I would put myself in or my kids. I really don't know. I know there is SRA groups locally, but in this town no one talks about such things. I know someone who could really use my help but she is related to my landlord.  If I help her I threaten my own self existence. So I wait. The counselors here in this valley treat SRA as "real but phony". I know this from first hand experience. It takes a lot of courage to accept the truth. I am good at researching information. I don't know what I could learn that you haven't already. You saved me allot of time. Thanks. I have checked out currently from XXX  State University which is one mile from my home the following book: “The Nature of Hypnosis Selected Basic Readings,”  edited by SHOR and ORNE. It is copyrighted 1965. I checked it out to learn what they believed and teach myself that way.  Another book I copied is  “Hypnotically Refreshed Testimony: Enhanced Memory or Tampering With Evidence”,  National Institute of Justice Issues and Practices  U.S. Department of Justice  National Institute of Justice Office of Development, Testing and Dissemination. Library call numbers J 28.23 T 28 1985  I haven't even had time to read it. It lists in it:

 

About the authors.

 

      Dr. Martin T. Orne has worked in the field of hypnosis for over thirty-five years, with special expertise on hypnotically induced testimony. Well my daughter got home and this went because I pushed the wrong button... so when I finish delete the first message. I don't know how to clip things yet. Sorry.

 

      Testimony and its use in the criminal justice system. ..... It goes on to expound on his life. In this book which is about 50 pages long. In it are several court cases referenced where they used hypnotically retrieved memories in court and there attempts to make this legal. I found this while waiting for my daughter to do research on her school subject.

 

I don't know how much info you have or what you are looking for.

 

Well, I hope you will understand my long communiqué is normal for me when I feel accepted. Its not often I feel that way. Kind of like a little kid who finally gets to go to the Circus and has waited all year.

 

I don't know what plans you have for your group. How do you stay secret? There is a lady who calls herself XXXXXXXXX who says she was a CIA Black Ops Monarch survivor.  She has an email address and seeks help for people to believe her. She claims she is followed, harassed physically and by electronically means. She claims they have interrupted her Internet service several times. I read in our local newspaper how Microsoft had a backdoor password put into Windows 98 where they could come into your computer and read it all. I have windows 95 updated but not 98. I have no idea who or what can listen to my phone conversations or here electronically or how they would read my email and what they would do if they did. I know keeping quiet about things is good, secrets cause people to do things out of fear which is bad.  I guess I don't know how to keep it secret especially from the groups we would try too.

 

I included the book info in case you want it. I have a scanner and could with help from my son send it to you that way or copy it and send it in the mail, if the mail to you is safe.  One day XXXXXXXXXX was complaining on her chat line that they had stolen some books via the mail system, i.e. post office, she had sent to therapists who were going to be at the SRA conference she would be attending. The receivers never got the books. I suggested to her to make up the same boxes but filled with popcorn or something and send it and let them (people interrupting the mail could receive the popcorn and not her books.) eat!  She got angry and said I shouldn't play with them.  That's my whole point in being a part of your group, I am so naive I am not really afraid.  I would make a similar package even put bricks in it so it would weigh the same and send it to the therapists telling them what I was going to do and see what happens.  If you don't fight back you never win. Every time on any chat line I suggest any form of fighting back they kick me off. It usually takes a week or less.  I haven't suggested any form of fighting back yet on the XXXX forum so I am still on.

 

Well, my daughter needs a ride to her dance class.

 

Forgive me my loneliness.  It has been great.  I won’t always write so much but I can write.  Communication has saved my life. I hope you can make some sense out of my life's summary so chopped up.  I love you for your heart ....

 

Love and God Bless

 

Wendella K.      

 

 

   

          Dear Wendella,

 

          First of all I want to tell you that nothing of what you wrote came to me as something new or "unbelievable" or anything. I am in contact with quite a few people who have gone through the similar experiences as you have, so there is nothing unbelievable at all about your story. And I guarantee you, you are NOT insane. Your memories are true memories which have started to surface ... This often happens when the abuser(s) dies. The hypnotic tie between the abused and the abuser disappears and the abused person starts remembering ... There can of course also be other reasons for sudden memories to pop up.

 

          Both Freemasonry and the Eastern Star are satanic organizations, but as you say, most people involved don't know this and think it's charity, good morals and interesting. Only the 33^rd Degree Freemason knows that the Order is pure satanic. Same with the  Eastern Star ... always the upper echelon that knows.

 

          I'm so glad you have your children in a situation like this. It would be abominable to be totally alone, although I guess you feel quite lonely anyway. I'm also glad you don't consider yourself an MPD. And the way you write doesn't indicate MPD at all. People who suffer from real Multiple Personality Disorder write differently and are very confused. I am in contact with survivors from both MPD and those who don't have it. The common thing among all survivors is SRA.

 

          By the way, I was a member of the Church of Sc----ology in the late XXs as well, so you and I have that in common. I too asked too many questions, which they didn't want to answer :-). I am an OT7, so they didn't just kick me out, as they always are afraid people will go public with what they know. So I just left and am not bothered by them anymore - another satanic organization of course ...

 

          Recently victims from SRA were compensated in Canada - 7 million dollars. Not much, but an acknowledgment that the government  knows what is going on and the survivors are acknowledged they are NOT insane. They have paper on that.

 

          Wendella, if you have any questions, comments or if you only need to talk - don't hesitate to write. I am very happy if you do. I'm working hard to try and handle this situation with SRA and MPD. Not many people are interested to help. They think it's too complicated - so even the therapists. But I will not give up until all this is  totally known among common man and there is a stop to it! This is so

inhumane that people have a very hard time believing it.

 

All my best wishes,   XXXXXXX 

 

Subject: SV: Hi.

Date: Friday, April 21, 2000 10:14 AM

 

  Hi Wendella,

 

  I have deleted some parts of your original letter and kept it elsewhere. The deleted parts are the ones I need to look into for to try and give you the best answers I can. But instead of waiting with answering the rest of the letter too, I have replied on the stuff I could comment on instantly. Hope you don't mind. The rest I will come back to you with as soon as I have been able to look into it.

 

  WENDELLA: Wow! I stumbled on how to reply to you without having to attach all the previous stuff. I save it in my computer so I have it later but don't know how to inter-space things.  I have allot to say again. First thank you for being there. I guess because of my trauma all through life if I don't receive immediate acceptance I believe I am rejected. It happens automatically and its hard for me to see past it. Forgive me if I ever assume you haven’t accepted me.

 

   XXX: Don't worry Wendella. This "acceptance" thing is nothing unfamiliar to me. You share that with all those people who have been subjected to these kinds of things. I don't mind at all if you write me and say I don't accept you. Under your circumstances I don't find this very strange. It must be real hard to trust anyone after having been betrayed most of your life. I have patience :-). I'll be here and you can communicate anything with me - I will never take offense or suddenly stop writing etc.

 

  WENDELLA:  No one but my belief In Christ has kept me alive. Just so you know suicide has never been a part of my life. It disgusts me. In my SRA memory Christ himself comes to free me. Real or not it helps me. I will answer all of your questions.

 

  Today I called XXX in British Columbia on a 1 800 number to order the book as I wanted the bibliography and lists of sites.  We talked. He said he knows XXX and was very friendly. He also recommended the book, “The Trance-Formation of America.”  He said he knew them personally and that they had 100,000 pieces of documentation.  Now after reading your note about XXX and connecting the two if you believe what the book says that documentation is hard to find how can they have so much and it be real unless they are a plant.  They have been allowed to testify in court. Maybe they are plants too to pull in people. He gave me  XXXX email but didn't have one for XXX.

 

XXX: Yes, XXX  is playing double, that's for sure and I am strongly suspecting XXXXXX is too. I have quite some info on him too and it seems to be a similar situation XXXXX . But I will start looking into XXXXX  after I'm done with XXXXX XXXX works like this when survivors come to him: he asks questions about your case so he knows your trigger words, then he pushes the buttons to restimulate you and reprogram you. XXXXX is currently no more than a zombie due to witnesses who managed to escape.

 

  WENDELLA: Here is what I know about my eye surgery.  I was living in Alaska. My mom had probably just divorced my natural father  and remarried my dad .  She told me I was sent to Portland because I talked too much and they wanted my brother who was younger than me to learn to talk.  Because of the incident I explained prior of falling off of a chair my eyes permanently crossed and the right eye was into looking at my nose all the time.  I was sent to Portland with a neighbor. I remember the air flight because a lightning bolt came and struck the little trap door above me and it scared me.  New thought: I know that I was on airplanes allot as a child but now that I think of it there wasn’t any other time I can logically recall for going anywhere.  So where did I get the relaxed feeling of traveling on an airplane? I have no other conscious memory of traveling on an airplane with my parents or anyone else even until I went as a grown up...... So where did I get the feeling I have had all my life that airplane travel I did allot as a child ?  I am telling you the truth. I have told lots of people I traveled allot and now realize it doesn’t make sense. Okay, lets go on. My surgery. I remember, its in a dream or something like it; being on a hospital stretcher going down the hall and seeing:

 

I have the thought to tell you about a dream I had allot as a child. I am in bed in my bottom bunk bed which I had in a room all to myself and my mom comes and gives me a shot to make me tell the truth and she turns into an Indian with headdress on during the time she gives me the shot. End of dream.

 

The lights above me like a mirror. The walls are white. That's all I remember.  My mom told me I was sent to Portland. In the last 3 weeks I have contacted by phone all of the following hospitals and none have any record of me being there under any name I could think of. Good Samaritan, Providence, Emanuel, Oregon Health Science University, Schriners, and the VA hospital.  Almost everyone has been really kind. I sent a written request for records to OHSU and they will look deeper. I have no memory of ever arriving at Portland and staying with my grandparents there, I think. I have a request currently into the National Records Archive Center in St. Louis for my medical records from Elmendorf Air Force Base where I was born. I haven’t heard back yet and my records could have been destroyed along with others in a fire that was in 1973, yet my grandfathers records would have maybe been in that same section according to the information I was given and his weren’t destroyed.  So I am lost. I wanted to find out exactly what surgery they did. I was told that they shortened the muscle in my right eye.

 

XXXX: Thanks Wendella. This is often very complicated ... there are real memories, implanted memories, lies and cover-ups when it comes to such things as these. Could be one of many things. Maybe you were never sent to Portland, or if you were and you really stayed in a hospital there I'm not surprised there are no records. Well, it depends on what the surgery was really about. If the masons were involved in a way that is unknown to you, there will be no records ... Eyes (or eye) looking in towards the nose can also be a sign of child sex abuse. When I read your former letter another thought came to mind. People subjected to SRA are very often implanted with microchips. My thought was if the surgery was basically about that. That they put a chip behind your eye. I only list several options here for you to look at if it's of any help. It's impossible to say which one is the right one .. Only way to know is to try and pull strings and see what's on the other end - if possible.

 

WENDELLA: Next subject: I joined SC----OLOGY at Portland in 197X. I was introduced there by XXXXXX who is a story in itself that's horrifying. 15 years later I went back to Portland and looked him up and he tried to kill and almost succeeded in killing my daughter XXXXX  at 11 months old.  XXXX was chaste when we met 15 years earlier. I sought him out. He is very sick. Whether he has real schizophrenia or it is from mind control, I don't know. I believe he killed his sister in Missouri from awful things he told me.  He told me how she had died and he saw her on the sidewalk dead as if she had been hit by a car.  When I found out XXXX  had lied to me about everything else he had told me, like he was a murderer, etc.  I called the Missouri police and  they told me his sister had been chopped up into pieces and they never found all of her.  When I was with XXXX  the second time he hurt my daughter.  He was real weird about washing his hands and blood. I am very lucky I escaped.  He was never prosecuted for what he did to my daughter. He had a lawyer friend; never heard his name and XXXXX  took a  lie detector test and passed.  They never let me take one. Back to story. XXXXX  told me I could see 360 degrees around and leave my body.  That got my curiosity up and I went and took the communications course. To make 6 years short will not be easy.  I borrowed   $XX,000, yes, dollars from a man I never had to pay back ( I wish I could pay his family back as now I know it was wrong. I was 19 at the time and never gave him sexual favors which he wanted.)

Anyhow I was a public pre-clear. I went all the way up to; can’t remember the name on the bridge, and then went to Hollywood Ca to finish to OT 7.  At Portland an auditor wouldn't let me out of session. I had already learned somehow to tell them what they wanted to hear.  He blocked the door and wouldn’t let me leave. I had ep'd on the process and was fn’ing but he wouldn’t listen.  So I had to leave my body and ignore myself and let him be in control and do the process all over again. I had taught myself how to get an fn when I was out of my body and under duress.  I guess I know how to disassociate at will.  When I learned to stop fighting people who won’t listen to the truth, I regain control by doing what they want until I am free. It usually works.  He finally let me leave and in the process I remember a bruise on my face. I then had to go to a group meeting and tell everyone how wonderful it all was.  I tried to fight the C/S at Delphi but no one would listen. They finally said I was done and got permission to go to California I remember the registrar trying to get more money out of me. I and my friend had no more to give.  In California I was treated like royalty until my money ran out. I wanted so badly to be a part of the group I joined.  When I read Staff Status  1 and 2, I actually tried to do what they taught. In my writing up reports on people who didn’t do their work no one liked me. I was ostracized and didn’t know it. I went to Florida later and worked. I had an abortion in Portland, went to Florida. Left to Tustin, California; met XXXXX, XXXX father and then went and married another guy.

Divorced him.  I was a mess.  In Florida they wouldn’t let me bring XXXX.  I got real emotionally sick.  They had their own people called Medical Officers.  You had to go to them and they had to decide if you were sick. I was.  I don’t know; couldn’t eat; couldn’t sleep.  They made me stay in a special room near his office.  He was not a medical doctor.  You have no money; no means to contact the outside world.  You are totally dependent on them.  You are terrified to leave and then you can’t anyway.  I stayed there a couple of days and listened and watched, as no one would hear what I had to say.  I saw how they ignored everyone else's complaints.  I guess I had learned how to disassociate again as I decided this wouldn’t work and got better almost instantaneously.  I had a very heavy feeling and couldn’t hardly move.  I had no food either given to me that I remember or offered.  You either had to decide you weren’t sick or ???  Anyhow, I got “well” enough to decide to leave the organization and went back to my post.  In Florida I was a waitress in the restaurant for a while. Then I guess I was so naive they trusted me as they made me in charge of their rebate program.  They started to give back to completed public paying clients a percentage of what they had been charged.  I wrote the checks. I laugh at myself  because If I had had the courage and wasn’t so damn honest I could have stolen any amount of money I wanted. I was so afraid of everybody I never even considered it until years later after I had left. My work was so demanding as people wanted their money I tried to work nights while everyone else slept and sleep days. I don’t remember how long I was at that post. It was in Clearwater Florida. I think I was only there a total of 6 months.  In my efforts to get away I asked to be transferred to Hollywood CA. It took allot of effort. I became obnoxious until they let me go. I wrote around $XX,000.00 worth of checks a week. This is true. They knew they had a succor on their hands didn’t they!  I have had no one since I left to tell anything too. Forgive me. You will probably never get emails this long from anyone else.  I got me and my son to California again. (Portland, Hollywood , Florida, Hollywood then left home to Portland.) Okay in Hollywood the second time my boss was a woman who hated me. I could do nothing right.  I also worked in Tustin Ca. where I met XXXX  dad that would have been where I was;  (I am confused,  I will think about it later.)  I lived in a hotel for SC----OLOGY and had my own car. I was never really given a job there. I don’t remember my post. They were mean to me the whole time I was there. In there training when you are recruited for the S-- Org they teach you how to confront MEST; that stands for Matter, Energy, Space and Time.  I think this was in California but also in Florida. You are taught to work. I painted walls and spackled them. The idiot who was my boss had never done it. I had done it with my dad in Portland and tried to help him do it better. I was written up. I was punished. You had x number of hours you had to do this and pass some qualifications to get onto a post. This guy was bad. Later I found out he had been written up several times and no one ever did anything.

 

There is a whole structure in SC----OLOGY staff organization.  I know it.  I will explain it latter. Its written up in about 10 volumes of data like a set of encyclopedias. It would take allot to teach you everything. I get in trouble for asking questions. I also wanted my free 2.5 hours a week of counseling you are supposed to get.  No go.  I am now working down underneath the hospital complex they bought cleaning out gutters with dirty water in them and cockroaches, this was in Hollywood the last time I was in SC----OLOGY, I had to clean underneath a dish washing unit in a kitchen full of cockroaches. I am not afraid of cockroaches anymore. I got lice from the hotel. Never had it since I left. I don’t know how long I did this. My memory was very stressed. One day I was so bad I had what I call a body ache. If you have ever had a migraine let me explain a body ache. In a migraine your head hurts BAAD. In a body ache your whole being, aura and all, hurts like a migraine. It was so bad I stayed in bed and couldn’t move for 3 days. My boss angrily brought XXXX to me from their daycare and bitched that I hadn’t gotten him or come to work.  She didn’t care if I lived or died. Another scientologist there befriended me and helped me escape. I got rid of body aches by walking. This one I will never forget. I couldn’t move. My whole being was paralyzed. If I knew I could sue them and not loose my kids I would sue them 100 million dollars....... including paying back the family who's money I borrowed.

 

I will answer specific questions but don’t expect the answers to be short.....

 

XXX: Thank you! Yes, this is similar to my own experiences. I was never a S-- Org member but I saw the abuse ... Will tell you more in a personal letter about ME.

 

WENDELLA: Comment: You know something my friend, they could have tried to make me a multiple and somehow I escaped it. I have survived so much I think I could survive anything........................

 

XXX: Sc----ology creates multiples, that's for sure ...

 

WENDELLA: Well  If you can handle all my talking your wonderful.  There is a lot of evil out there. I don't know if I can do anything that will help or not.

 

XX: Of course! I asked for it, didn't I? LOL. And don't worry about how to help etc. Let's just communicate for now.

 

WENDELLA: Helping others keeps me happy.  I would like to join your group, just be sure I will be an asset and not a hindrance.

 

XXX: Well, in a group like this people are both assets and hindrance from day to day. One of the purposes is to heal a bit with time, by meeting up with people who have had similar experiences. Create a closeness to others - something that is difficult for many who have been abused. But everybody has their bad days and good days - very much so ... more than people who have not been abused of course. But that's all right. No one will blame anyone for that.

WENDELLA: I will try to check my email Saturday or Sunday. I have to start working again.  I don't want to. My unemployment runs out. I wish I could find a way to get paid to write and do research. But I haven’t a clue how to do It.

 

XXX: Yes!!!! Tell me about it :-). I wish I could find a way too. That would be a dream come true!!!!

 

Thanks.....

 

Love Wendella

 

No problem. Thanks to you too :-)

 

Love

XXX