Chapter Five:  The Rest Comes Forth

I obtained 9 notebooks, 1 and 1/2 inches thick on articles downloaded and copied from the Internet on mind control alone. I didn't even have a full one on sra abuse.

I decided because of all the evidence that maybe I had been a part of something like many others had experienced, but it was only an idea.  Then after a counseling session one day this memory came, and it was nothing like anything I had read or heard about.

Body Memory

I wrote this in an email to a friend.  This was the first memory I had which indicated any kind of government experimentation on myself.

Friday, March 17, 2000

Dear XXXXX,

I am writing this to you because in my heart I believe you can handle what I will say, also because I believe it has been revealed to me in the beginnings of what my search on the net re mind control could not bring me. Please keep a copy of this letter as a witness for me in case sometime in the future anything unpleasant happens to me.  I don’t know if this will be triggering to you except that I know you will feel my pain as I write.  I love you for your courage. 

Love and God Bless,

Wendella K.

TRIGGER; MEMORY; MIND CONTROL; WATER; ELECTROSHOCK; DRUGS; BABIES

Here goes.  Let me give you a little background on how I know this is true.  In 6 weeks of almost 2 hours daily surfing the net and reading about mind control, I haven't read anything on what I remembered today.  Not even a hint of it.  I have never seen it in any movie either and no counselor ever suggested it to me.  I did one night of scrap booking about 3 weeks ago.  I made balloons out of solid colors in magazine pictures.  There was 5/6 of them.  One had a man’s face, one a women's face, one was blank and I am not sure of the others.  Then in my mind, the letters of the word balloon were separated and started spinning and fell respectively to the balloon that they belonged too.  Then there was colors coming and going.  I left the scrap booking and a few days later began to write about the pictures in my mind that came from doing it.  One scene was me going in an airplane with a man in a military uniform.  I was little.  I was taken to a fancy hotel with glass doors.  I was taken to a specific room.  I was previously trained in how to entertain an old man.  I was trained to be mean to him (details not included here) and this meanness was what he really wanted.  After this I went to another room and was used sexually there and finally by a woman.  Then I was returned to the airplane.  After writing this down I remembered having a dream years earlier about the hotel incident.  So I decided to write more when it came and not resist it. Then a couple of days ago I was reading some information I printed off of the net.  The paper I had was yellow.  It was very hard to read it and I knew it was triggering something but I continued to read it. 

The day following this, my whole mind inside and outside of me was consumed with yellow.  It wasn't warm, cold, or anything but yellow.  You know how a memory has a size and this size is smaller than you are inside yourself, well this yellow was bigger than I was.  I looked at it off and on for about a day. Went to session today with my therapist, and talked about a lot of things but nothing that for me was hard or heavy.  When I left his office I went and parked in a nice warm spot (parked my car).  I knew the memory was coming.  Also I almost forgot to mention I was having body memories in my right eye, right shoulder, neck and right side of my head the whole day.  It was awful.  If I hadn't known a memory was coming, I would of thought someone had beat me up the day before.

So what I am going to write now is exactly what I wrote by hand today.  I will preface it by saying that all of a sudden a picture came to me in my mind of me as a baby swimming in a pool with some sort of thing on my head.

******Yellow one day    - yellow black center session    - eye head right side hurts    - right shoulder arm pain    - see me as a baby in swim pool  underwater   - blackness over right eye    - needle injection into right upper arm    - needle injection into head lower  rub neck (..........means I cant read my hand writing) dye watched flow into brain, causes convulsion, seizure; put in water to stop seizures.  Did stop seizures.  Black man in swimming pool; head helmet over right side of head.  "She is dead."  "No". Electroshock woke me up.  Saw yellow light some time during this experiment.  Always had fear of being underwater. Dye in head; had helmet to see images on screen.  Couldn't keep head up.  Fell down allot.  Thought this was why I grit my teeth when I am stressed.

Right eye held open, hurts; pain.  Numbness right side of body.  Needle in eye in center? Probe? See picture on screen of dye in brain. "She won't remember a thing.  You did well.  Come back tomorrow."

Drug to relax me, can't see.  Black thing on in near head.  Cause cross eyedness?  Experiments, experiments.  Apparatus on head to breathe.  Blue purple plastic like?  Tube.  Feel something in my mouth right side, maybe numbness upper back mouth back molar (I actually had a physical feeling of something being in my mouth when I wrote it).  Small tube into right nostril.  Dot on ear, something about ear pain.  Lights hurt my eyes.  Too bright.  Can't see.  Noises hurt my ear, cover my ear.  Drug made me very sensitive to light (right eye had always been overly sensitive to light and is usually closed if I am looking into the light at any time).  Eye always shut bright light, ear not so bad.

I drew a picture of my hand with a ring on the end of each finger and possible wires.

Picture screen lines graph touch body different places get reaction in wavy lines see dye screen electric nipples...

Knees top foot inside nose inside ear behind eye probe see if they could get my pictures I was seeing and put on camera.

Drew picture of probes into both ears long on outside.  Probe into eye deep hurt made eyes water ear hurt.

Probes; right eye between eyeball and nose, right ear, right hand, left foot, left toe, different places different times.

Pressure inside head, head right side hurts needle in left-hand deep hurt emitting tingles up arm, hurts makes me pee.

Hand pressing on stomach finger bowels blood, "She is bleeding internally.  We have to stop."  Needle spine?  Face down had immobile (drew picture of long probes into each ear) were probes in each ear can't move, numb touch feet.  Finger in bottom man licking sucking bottom sexual fantasy he had numb too numb to move sex feelings too numb to move; all blank dreamer Satan Candle.

"You can hear me now Wendella.  I am you...  He is a...  They are ... We are...  Play is not consistent with our... and policies."

Black red light

White head hurt

Dream

Evil face

Screams

Swimming pool

"Take her up.  Her heart rate has stopped."

Ice chest cold.  "She has no heart beat."  Pounding (reviving me) I don't feel anything.

Death:  Memory confused Heavens voices with those on Earth; too little and drugged to know who saying what:

"I love you dada."                                                    

Vision being held in arms by circle of glorious angels.

"We bless you to accomplish all that our Heavenly Father has sent you here to accomplish."

"You will have myriads of angels to help you."

"You are as a Rose in Bloom."

"Peace".

"Friendship".

"Knowledge".

"Love."

"Complete Trust in Christ".

"Brother".

"Sister".

"Friends in Combat."

"Accept our gift.  As these we shall be one."

"Her mom is outside waiting.  Is she well enough to take home?"   "Mrs. K., would you please wait a moment?  Your daughter had some difficulty today."

Warm blanket all over all of me.  Cold, cold can't feel.  Warmness, peace.  Blue, purple, green.  Stars, black, sky.  Red, orange, fire, brown.

"The colors of the rainbow will heal you."

Wrapped in blanket.  "Give her this medicine and she will be fine.  Keep lights off so it won't hurt her eyes."  See ya next week."

Close eyes blackness.  Warmth.  Sunshine.  "Boy, she's got a cute ass.  How long can we keep her here?"  You're the boss, Mr. Goethe (fictitious name).  She is all yours until the 20th.  Then we start on a new batch.  Older, already programmed.  You'll miss her but there will be others."  It's sad we don't have to kill her.  She will be crippled for life.  Her right eye will never heal and she will probably walk with a limp.  Maybe God will see her through if there is one.  We will call her Rosebud.  Somehow I think she loves us.  Tell her mother not to bring her in for 2 weeks and we will do the final op then."

See me in chair helmet.  Colors on wall moving.  Voices: "Your drowning - you're drowning, you can't breathe, you can't see.  Open your eyes, look - look - and

                           "The fishes won't eat you!"

"Come to dada", man with gray hair balding was dada, (I believe there were others too I don't know yet there were all dada's to me.)  He killed himself and said good-bye.

Feel something stuck up inside roof of mouth can't close mouth, hard to swallow, tongue bothered, dada's hands on right side of face caressing me, “I don't want to scare you . . . do it differently."  He took out my right eyeball and placed the probe in underneath.  He carefully injected the dye and took out the needle leaving a tube in for draining.  He put my eye back in, couldn't see.

"You have a cute nose my dear", (he is touching his finger to my nose)  (see blood).

His finger is in me and he is masturbating in his mind...  "I love little girls like you."  Takes his finger out and licks it.  "Time to go back to work."

Pain right eye.  Try to talk.  Can't.  Something covering my mouth.  Can see blurry left eye.  Blink.  Hurt.  Can't move.  Feel left toe.

Body memory, jumped.

Something inside me (vagina).  All black.  Don't know if penis or electroshock.  He made me bleed from eyes, nose, ear, rectum, and vagina.  He likes to see bodies jump.  "Give her the... for pain."  (A drug)  (Dr. talking).  "I said good-bye to her today, but she didn't die (as if death was the only kind of good-bye there was).  I wonder if she'll remember me.  "Bye, pumpkin".

(I could actually taste something just like the taste a drug would leave in your mouth while writing this down on paper for several minutes.)

(Me asking mom); "Where is dada?"  "He is gone.  We won't see him any more."  (Me to mom); "Can I play now?"

Idea: Chemical and neurological brain tracing of electrical stimulations to body under stress.

After this came I lost an old habit of rubbing the back of my neck.  It was as if the cause or source of the pain had been released.  I know this would sound strange to many, but I had seen it happen to a lady friend while living in Missouri.  She was in her fifties and had a terrible bowel disease all her adult life.  She had believed that her sister was abused sexually by her father, but never herself.  One day I gave her what is called in Sc----ology as a "touch assist".  One is awake sitting in a chair, fully dressed, under no duress to be there.  The process simply touches one part of the body (usually starting at the toes and going up to the rest of the body touching no private places), by saying, "Feel my finger." And when the person acknowledges this then you say, "Thank You."  This process is repeated until the person says something to indicate that they feel better.  I had done her toes, feet, legs, and stomach and went to do her back.  As soon as I touched her back once she screamed out loud, "No Daddy".  I stopped the process and watched my friend totally overwhelmed with grief and pain.  She then told me she remembered her father sodomizing her.  I ended the process.  A couple of months later I went to see her.  She told me how she had gotten very ill after the session and had to go to the hospital. It was something to do with her bowels.  She was very happy.  She said that emotionally she had been able to release all the pain of what her father had inflicted upon her and the sickness was a release of that pain.  She said she had never felt better in her life!  She looked at least ten years younger and like she had regained a greater sense of self esteem.  Happiness was all around her.

This experience, along with my knowledge of herbs and how the body cleanses itself, i.e., when you go to cleanse your system it will become ill with the toxins you are releasing that has been stored within the fat and other cells of the body, and in a short time the illness dissipates and you feel better than you have in a long time.  As a parallel way of healing I could see how pain and emotions from traumatic events were stored in the body causing unknown ills and can be released under the right circumstances.  Everyone is entirely different in this, but it's very real.  So when I lost the habit of rubbing the back of my neck several times each day, I knew the memory was real because I had lost a long time source of pain in remembering it.