"LIPSTICK"
According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria
recently was faced with a unique problem.
A number of year 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would
put
it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their
lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens
of
little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next
day, the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She
called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the
maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were
causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the
mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she
asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was
required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the
toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers, and then there are educators...
The Story of the Three Bears
It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear
family
is just waking up.
Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits
in his small chair at the
table. He looks into his
small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my
porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair.
He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty!
"Who's been
eating my porridge?" he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the
kitchen and yells,
"For Pete's sake, how many times do we
have to go through this?"
"It was Mummy Bear who got up first.
It was Mummy Bear who woke everybody else in the house up.
It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last
night and put everything away.
It was Mummy Bear who went out into the cold early morning
air to fetch the newspaper.
It was Mummy Bear who set the table.
It was Mummy Bear who put the cat out,
cleaned the litter
box and filled the cat's water & food dish.
And now that you've decided to come down stairs and grace me
with your presence....
listen good because I'm only going to
say this one more time.......
I haven't made the fucking
porridge yet!!"
=== Roll em all into one ===
One day a guy dies and finds himself in Hell. As he is wallowing in
despair, he has his first meeting with the devil ...
Satan: Why so glum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in Hell!
Satan: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here.
You a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Satan: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays,
all we do is
drink. Whiskey, tequila, beer, wine coolers - whatever we have.
We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! And we
don't
worry about getting a hangover, because we're dead anyway.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great!
Satan: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it!
Satan: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars
from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get
cancer no
biggie, you're already dead, remember?
Guy: Wow ... that's awesome!
Satan: I bet you like to gamble too.
Guy: Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Satan: 'Cuz Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack,
Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, who cares,
you're dead anyhow. What about drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean ...
Satan: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a
great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a
submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who
cares.
Guy: WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!
Satan: You gay?
Guy: No ...
Satan: Ooooh (grimaces). You're gonna hate Fridays then!
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