My dear class,
I apologize that it has been so long. I think of you often and wonder how you're doing. Are you making friends? Are you lonely? Are you finding classes easy, or are you working harder than you ever had before? And more than that I wonder how you're doing spiritually. Has God been at work in your life? Have you let Him? Are you like me in that you are learning how to be broken?
Brokeness has influenced my life greatly in the last week, perhaps because I'm experiencing a degree of it. Let me define it for you: brokeness is a state of realizing how utterly worthless you are, that even the goodness in your lives seems so tainted. You feel like you are worthless, and helpless, and have nothing to give. It is painful, and unpleasant, and also where God can use you best. Basically it is summed up by this: "The height of holiness means the deepest sense of sin."
I don't know about you, but I have to constantly fight against the lie that I am morally better than others. We have been blessed with a wonderful Christian upbringing, but that often means it is so easy to see what is wrong with the rest of the world. C.S. Lewis says, "Whenever we find that our religious life is making us feel that we are good - above all, that we are better than someone else- I think we may be sure that we are being acted on , not by GOd, but by the devil. The real test of being in the presence of GOd is that you either forget about yourself altogether or see yourself as a small, dirty object. It is better to forget about yourself altogether." Brother Lawrence says, "I consider myself as the most miserable of all human beings.... Far from chastising me, this King lovingly embraces me, seats me at his table, waits on me himself, gives me the keys to his treasures and treats me in all things as his favorite...Although I beg him to fashion me according to his heart, I see myself still weaker and miserable, yet even more caressed by God." That is brokeness! The more we know of GOd, the more we realize our need to know Him more. The more God is working in our life, the more we will see our own wretchedness. Doesn't sound too fun, but there is a flip-side to this:
As we grow more aware of our sinfulness, we will also grow more aware of God's holiness then perhaps we can reach the stage where, as Lewis says, "we forget about ourselves all together."
Picture this < (sideways v) and imagine that the line going down is our growing awareness of our own sin and that the line going up is our growing awareness of God's holiness, now imagine that all that space in between is filled with crosses, so that as our awareness of God's holiness and our sinfulness expands, so does the space God has in our life. He can fill us. In the words of John 3:30 "He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less."
Think about this: "Each day, and many times each day, we return to Square One: God says 'I want to simplify your lives. When others are telling you to read more, I want to tell you to read less; when others are telling you to do more, I want to tell you to do less. The world does not need more of you; it needs more of God. Your friends don't need more of you; they need more of God. And you don't need more of you; you need more of GOd. THe Christin life consists in what GOd does for us, not what we do for GOd; the Christian life consists in what God says to us, not what we say about God." (Eugene Peterson)
So, to those of you who are feeling broken, be encouraged, it only means God is growing greater. For those of you who are not, perhaps it needs to be something we all seek more.
My final thought (there were a lot of them, sorry about that!) is from one of the best kid's books ever, the Chronicles of Narnia:
"Welcome, child," he said.
"Aslan," said Lucy, "you're bigger."
"That is because you are older, little one," answered he.
"Not because you are?"
"I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger."
My prayer for you is that as your grow, you many find God bigger!
Love and prayers, always,

Becca Boo :)