MARCH
3.31.02
I
want ecto 1
So,
jesus is risen. Which is exciting, because that whole Good Friday, Sadurday
thing just doesn’t jive with me...I was glad when everything turned out all
right. Great service, but without my dad, mom, and brother...damn stupid broken
leg. No matter...afterwards we watched my new copy of GHOSTBUSTERS which I just
got on DVD.
Ghostbusters is quite literally one of the funniest
movies ever. Watch it again. Here’s pretty much my favorite line:
“Back off man, I’m a scientist.”
Oh man, I laughed so hard watching this movie...ok,
after that, I went over and hid easter eggs, than with emily to watch the
angels play.
jesus CHRIST the angels suck.
I was at the season opener today, and christ almighty (he is risen indeed) the
angels will suck until I die. They can never get good. I mean, it reminds me of
a famous movie line:
"Dad, when you think we're gonna be a family again?"
"When the angels win the pennant."
Yeah. Right. Tonights game, if you are a Cleveland fan, was just a great
steamrolling, but if you were an angel fan, it was flat out embarrasing. I
think to three best things all night were, in order:
1) The Indians have a player named Milton Bradley. All game we yelled
"monoooooopoly!" or "scraaaaaaable," us sly hecklers. EVEN
THOUGH SOME OF THE GAMES WE MADE WERE BY THE PARKER BROTHERS!
2) So, the pitcher for the Indians, well, for most of the game, was named
Colon, and on the billboard...it said:
"COLON
BALLS :"
Which cause me to giggle, but only slightly.
3) We were more interested in hitting the beach balls than the game when it got
pretty late...to the point of cheering when we got it and booing the security
guards for taking it and booing the kids who hit it down levels. bitches.
Afterwards emily and I had a nice evening watching six feet
under and talking and laying around, and kissing, and she gets next week off. I
love you emily.
So, going to bed.
What I’m listening to: Me First and the Gimme Gimmes. An old
favorite among theatre-folk, I just got their punk cover showtunes CD. It’s
pretty damn good.
What I’m reading: http://www.moviequotes.com
What I’m thinking:
<“You
know, it just occurred to me that we really haven't had a successful test of
this equipment. I blame myself.”
“So
do I.”
“Well,
no sense in worrying about it now.”
“Why
worry? Each one of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his
back.”>
3.30.02
fall
down
I am really really tired, my dad is at the ER for
quite possibly a fractured knee, and it’s Easter tomorrow. I really want to
write about today, but what could I even possibly say?
-
I worked all day. Almost made another Harry Potter
leaguer never come back, due to my pushing someone juuuuuust too far.
-
Ryan and I worked today, and it was kind of
distracting because we talked, but eh.
-
I played Sega Soccer Slam and Agent Under Fire, and
while I HIGHLY recommend SSS, AUF is good...it’s not Goldeneye, but it’s not
crap. I mean, the bullets are like tracers, which is kind of strange...but SSS
is like this fighting, soccer game. Awesome.
-
My dad fell down and into the pool, almost
fracturing his knee in the fall. No bueno.
-
I get to go to a baseball game tomorrow. Ok, night.
What I’m listening to: The crazy James Bond theme
from downstairs.
What I’m reading: The manual for Sega Soccer Slam
What I’m thinking: <I hope everything’s all right
with my dad>
3.29.02
god
damn those half emilyse girls
Well, in keeping with the
boring starts that develop into full fledged hurricane of fury that IS my
online journal, today was great. I woke up (ALWAYS good. I’m thankful for that)
and immediately went to samantha’s to pick her up and go to El Modena. We saw
emily perform her second place (mind you) MORP performance, and as usual, I was
astounded by how absofuckinglutely amazing my girlfriend is. She was so cute,
and so funny, I kept having people come up to me and telling me how great she
was. And I just smiled. I know. That’s why she’s my girlfriend.
Then, I went and saw my bigoted, loud-mouthed pain
of a Econ/Govt teacher at El Modena, Mr. MacLaughlin, or Mr. Mac. for short. I
really like this guy, he was such a great teacher, great enough that he wrote
my teacher recommendation that eventually got me into Harvey Mudd. We talked about
video games, with Jim, Ryan Q, and Samantha...and about how our lives are. Mine
is the evidently, the most boring...but I still have the most zany madcap
adventures of the four. Anyhoo...after they left, the four of us got to
talking...and we decided to form a school of literature. The four of us. I
mean, we’ve got a philosopher, a dreamer, a writer, and a scientist...I want to
write the next On the Road for another generation of teenagers to pine over.
booyah. Well, more on that as it happens.
I then took Samantha out, and we ate and played Chrononauts, the greatest card game OF ALL
TIME. Imagine...a card game, where you scoot around through the temporal ebb
and flow...KILLING HITLER...saving Lincoln...BLOWING UP THE TITANIC...and
collecting faaaaabulous prizes? Awesome you say? And a steal at 24.95!
Greatest. Card. Game. Ever.
<but that’s just a stupid dream that I won’t even
realize...sorry, those lyrics JUST came on>
Then, I was supposed to go out to eat with emily,
but she worked, for money, and I went and took Samantha on another wacky road
trip to the Block <read: vacuous, horrible bastion of mental
speciousness> where we walked around, played more chrononauts, and then went
to Ryan Quinn’s humble abode (he needed to put on pants when I called...which
naturally assumes that he wasn’t wearing pants at some point. why wasn’t he
wearing pants?) where Ryan Quinn and I busted some Nerd Club, including a
new song Ryan wrote but now HAS to be part of our repertoire considering I
doo-doo’ed to it, and it was hilarious. Ryan sings it, and I doo-doo in the
background. Caliente. We have two and a half songs. When we get to three, we’ll
have a fucking SET. Booyah2.
Afterwards, I went and got an EB app, bought a
weezer tribute CD (awesome, more on that later) and bought Sega Soccer Slam for
my brother and I on GameCube. We had the Good Friday service, and it was great.
This week is my favorite religious week...and if you read the Bible and
understand how the week went, it’s a very scary time...anyhoo...
Afterwards I went to emily’s house and it was great,
because we were with each other for a brief snippet of time, just talking, and
reaffirming why we are perfect for each other. If I lose that girl...
What I’m listening to: The Weezer Tribute Album.
VERY VERY good. Buy it, if you can find it.
What I’m reading: Chrononauts rules.
What I’m thinking: <“Don’t forget to hit the goaltender if he has held onto the ball for more than 5 seconds. In fact, never let up on him.” – Sega Soccer Slam Rulebook>
3.28.02
...the
smell of martyr in the morning
Well, I’ll make this short and sweet, because I’m
really tired and I have to get up early.
I woke up, ate breakfast,
totally forgot my exercise routine, but remembered to draw my living room, then
went to class. Class was great...I sat outside in the cold and finished my
drawing of the drab building next door, and was used as a model for other
people’s drawings...I swear, like five people had me in their sketches...and
only one of them was good. I left early and went to work, where I was ready and
willing to play a huge all out Mage Knight brawl. Skip ahead if you don’t
really want to read about it...but here goes.
The combatants:
Dan
Fingal
Kevin
Hainline
“Tommy”
(last name unknown)
vs.
Ryan
Quinn
Ryan
Young
Jim
Fingal
I was playing an offensive Atlantis army with the
all-important Magus...Tommy was playing a rather strange weak army with a
Draconum healer, and Dan was playing the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, four
quick ranged attackers. Ryan Q was playing an army de lost muertos, under the
command of the King of the Dead...Jim Fingal was playing a strong army with a
Draconum, and Ryan Young was playing a Knights Immortal army with a bombass
Martyr, probably the best healer in the game. We went at it across two monster
tables, and I was scared, because our armies were not even. My side wasn’t as
strong as theirs...but I persisted...Dan flanked the horsemen around the left
while I pulled up the middle with Tommy. Ryan and Ryan just pulled their main
guys out, with my head Magus as a focal point...and then Ryan Young dropped his
Martyr right in a spot for me to literally DESTROY him...I drew first blood
with an amazing hit. The game went downhill for the other side quickly, with
them all trying to get at my Magus, and failing miserably. Dan just cleaned up
the little figures, and I took out the big ones...we kicked some major ass. I
was proud. Great game.
Ok, end of the nerdiness. I finished up work and
went over to emily’s house, where we just talked for five minutes because I had
to get home and babysit my brother and his tall, candy-loving oaf of a friend,
Matt Huber. AND, Matt is spending the night. <raises finger, twirls it>
woohoo.
So, tomorrow I’m going to see emily’s morp
presentation, and that’s going to be great, I’m excited. AND, it’s Good Friday,
so I’m singing tomorrow night. Well, I’m going to bed, because I have to wake
up eaaaaaarly.
What I’m listening to: The sound of sweet sweet
victory.
What I’m reading: The Stars by H.A. Rey.
Great great book.
What I’m thinking: <And I used my army like a scalpel,
cutting into my opponents and watching them crumble...bwa ha ha...>
3.27.02
in
which kevin has a grand day
So, I’m going to recall my day, but not long and
elaborated, because most of you don’t give any amount of rat’s asses. Even
seventeen. And I’ve been offered.
I woke up, and after doing
my usual morning piddling, I decided to do some exercise, and for a half-hour,
I really and truly exercised. I’ll continue to do so, doing all the dumb stuff
I did this morning, because I need to get in a little more shape than I was. It
was kind of fun, listening to jimmy eat world and exercising. I’m such a geek.
Then, off to emily, where I picked her up and went
to the mall...I got my check in the mail from the govt., my tax refund, and boy
oh boy, money is cool. Although it took ten to twelve days just to get the
money deposited (which reminds me to do something...thanks me!) we got to the
mall, and emily and I had just a grand ol’ time looking at clothes and music
and the like. I took her home and to her tutoring session, and then I left to
go tutor samantha’s sister. I feel bad for samantha, because she’s kind of
bored, and I can’t see her as much as I’d like to...dammit, Ryan Quinn, you’re
a fuckface, or fuckwad, or assclown, or whatever you’d like to call it.
We learned math, and I got paid 15 dollars for one
hour, and then I talked with samantha, and came home, where I spent some time
with my brother, and went to choir. God, this sounds boring. Jesus. Ok, I’m
going to skip over some stuff...I went to see emily perform her third place
winning thespian conference scene, and it was awesome, we got coffee...good day
all-in-all...oh! And job offers:
1)
Maybe I’ll work at EB now that Ryan Young is
quitting (to bigger and better things? nah. I’ve heard the word “bigger” used
in a sentence with ryan young, but never “better.”)
2)
I think it’d be cool if I was a contributing editor
over at nsider.com, so I’m going to ask, very nicely, if I can. And hopefully,
they’ll let me.
So, I’m tired, and I need to make another army for tomorrow
night’s fracas...and in a strange note, it turns out that ryan young and his
girlfriend (insert witty insult here) were caught making whoopie at a park by
their houses. If you could see me...I’m bent over. hurling. If I ever had to
see that, I think my skull would explode. Just imagining the noises....sorry
readers.
emily - tonight was nice in my car. I love when I’m
with you.
What I’m listening to: The Strokes. I’m sorry,
emily, I forgot to let you burn the CD.
What I’m reading: http://www.nsider.com
What I’m thinking: <if this ford tempo is a
rockin, JESUS GET THE HELL AWAY>
3.26.02
and
one day
Ok, so, I found that days like today are definitely
welcome...today was a great day marred by a few stupid stupid things, which
I’ll get to...first...lets wake up.
I woke up, and went online, hoping to find ryan or
samantha on, but no luck. So, instead, I just got ready for school, ate a bit,
discovered I’m starting to take on some weight, which I really am not keen about,
but it’s ok, and then I went to school.
We had to do the whole “group discussion” thing
about our works, and I was waiting for the inevitable tear-down about my latest
drawing, but I got praise, and only a scant few comments...which made me
uneasy. Maybe my teacher will come back on Thursday and praise me as her god,
because these kids need some reason to hate me...I started working on the next
drawing, and got bored, so I doodled and then left for work.
At work, I got all of my boss’ Mage Knight figures,
and right now, they are laid out in front of me, beautiful...I have a great
number of incredible figures, and frankly, I’m excited...because Thursday will
roll around, and much as will be kicked, by me. I worked for a while, then
started my Harry Potter league, but the one thing that really screwed up an
otherwise awesome day was when I jokingly accused my adult member of
stealing (it was a joke we had, we had a bunch of jokes tonight...ARGH) and she
flew off the handle and is NEVER COMING BACK. She’s evidently, according to
emily and dawn, showing real manic-depressive tendencies, which scares me...I
feel bad, but I don’t, you know? So, she came back after five minutes and she
asked dawn for joshua’s name and the phone number of the store because of my
rude behavior...dammit, If I get written up there will be HELL to pay.
After work, I don’t really want to talk about how
BORING the rest of work was, I went over to emily’s, and we just sat and talked
for a few hours, which was great, just awesome. Emily and I are just perfect
for each other, and that was reinforced tonight as we just were with each
other...I should’ve taken her out for coffee, but my stomach was acting
crazy....it’s sort of acting up right now, I need to go to bed.
What I’m listening to: nothing at all, really.
What I’m reading: my SSB FAQ didn’t have Donkey
Kong! Now, it does.
What I’m thinking: <I wish my friends would call
ME on their week off. sad face>
3.25.02
ugly
people go to ren faires
Ok, I’ve been putting off having a nice long, funny,
journal entry, so I guess I’ll do it today...
I woke up, and went online, finding that samantha
had a free morning, so, after getting washed and ready, I scooted on over to
her house, and we went to everfresh, this little cafe we used to go to...and I
bought a sprite, and samantha a tea, and lo and behold, ryan quinn and jim
fingal are standing outside to whisk us away down the street to In N’ Out,
where we feasted on fine delicacies of burgers and fries.
Which brings up two good points:
1)
So, I think In n’ Out is in league with some secret
organization...they have secret menu items (4 X 4s, and Animal Style Burgers),
bible verses on the bottoms of their cups, and everyone that works there has to
be mormon...
2)
And, if you go to the register, order, and then say
you forgot your wallet...they’ll give you your food for free. really. REALLY.
I point out the odd assortment of people that were
in this lowly In N Out:
~ Harvard student, James Lyons Fingal, who made the
day by splashing water on his pants as he left the bathroom to make it look
like he peed himself...
~ Chapman student Ryan Patrick Quinn, the
esthete...nerdy, skinny, coughing boy with the strange female problems...
~ UC David student Samantha Marie Ketcham, happy to
be home with her friends, but repeatedly bringing up the fact that another
friends girlfriend wants to “claw her eyes out” (I’d like to see her try, the
whorish troll)
~ Harvey Mudd...student...ish...person, Kevin
Nicholas Hainline, sporting a Nintendo controller belt, and leading entire
conversations with his wit, charm, and ravashing good looks.
It was a strange table, indeed. Afterwards, I went
to work, and it turns out that Joshua is quitting! Giving his two weeks! And
giving me his Mage Knight figures! haHA! But still...I’m going to miss Joshua,
because now I have to work with Chief Steals-from-the-till and Arthur “Head too
big to fit through most doorways” Adolphson. Not a good future in sight. Oh
well, I will survive, as gloria gaynor once put it.
I worked, I made a bit of money, and had to deal
with the enourmous Magic players...I swear, this one guy has kneecaps the size
of my head! They were talking about how when you give a tip at a renaissance
fair, you have t oput it in your teeth, and the lovely waitress will, very
classy now, pick it up with her CLEAVAGE. see kvein. see kevin vomit. vomit,
kevin, vomit.
And then I went and saw emily, and she didn’t want
me to leave, which made me feel special. I love you emily.
So, good night.
What I’m listening to: The Strokes. Samantha has
never heard them. Shame on her.
What I’m reading: New EGM in the mail. woohoo!
What I’m thinking: <If you don’t want me to talk
about Emily, raise your hand. Now, all of those people raising their hands,
cram it in your ass.>
3.24.02
for
once
Today was wonderful, but now there’s this nagging
bad part...
I woke up early, and went to church, and sang. I
sang nicely, but a little rough...but my partner, the wife of the choir leader,
was very nervous it seemed, and she sounded forced, thereby heightening MY
performance! haha! I also had a good time with the rest of the service,
but the sermon wasn’t too amazing. Holy Week is this week...I’m actually really
excited, because I always like the Good Friday – Easter Sunday services. Oh,
and the day between them is “Sad Saturday,” or “Sadurday.” Jesus is dead.
Then, my family went to Watson’s Drug store, and had
a great time eating, and talking, and eating, and I was stuffed, when my
brother and I went home, and I took a nice long nap. Man, that was great. I
needed it. I woke up, mowed the lawn, watched some oscar pre-show, and went
back to choir practice and fellowship...but I was so tired I left early, and
went to emily’s, and we watched los oscars, and then 6 feet under, which is
going to have an AWESOME show next week.
Oh, and my take on the oscars is found here. I am RubixsQube.
Afterwards, emily and I studied. Yes. We studied for
her tests...but anyways...I came home, and in a few minutes I’m going to eat
some snacks, IN MY ROOM...and go to bed. Tired, and I don’t know when I work
tomorrow. hmmm...
Ok, so tonight I read that my friend is going to
have some real family issues soon, and I just want her to know that my prayers
and my heart is with you, samantha. I’m sorry...
What I’m listening to: Cibo Matto,
Flowers. They’re this crazy Japanese girl band, and this song is like
this jazzy, spanish...awesome song.
What I’m reading: The Oscars list...stupid No
Man’s Land.
What I’m thinking: <And just when you thought
things were good, you realize that there’s a lot more to good than just simply
the good part.>
3.23.02
helping
out
Sorry about how short these last few updates
are...it’s because I’ve been busy with friends...today will be as short, but
I’ll write about it tomorrow, maybe when I get a free second.
I volunteered at the Food Bank in the morning, and
had a fabulous time, just helping out, and I will continue to help as I
can...in the future.
Then, I went to work, and worked all day, had an
insane Harry Potter tournament, which was fun, but I was stressed and tired
afterwards...
and then emily and I went to Disneyland, and it was
very very crowded, but we had an awesome time. Next week, on SNL, Jimmy Eat
World plays, which is good. Boring, but short...
Oh, and I’m so pissed at how people keep telling me
that this journal is boring, or not about anything interesting, or just about
emily. And I have two words: Fuck You. This is MY journal, and I write about MY
life. Emily happens to feature heavily. I don’t tell you how to write YOUR
journals, do I? Wait, raise your hand if you even keep an online journal!
(raises hand) SEE!?!?!
What I’m listening to: Greg Altman made a CD for
emily, and it has some awesome tracks...but as of right now, I can’t think of
any of them. I’m falling asleep here...
What I’m reading: I really really have to finish One
Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
What I’m thinking:
<sorry about how harsh I am above, but I hate it when people criticize
things so quickly. And have you ever thought about what Disney characters you’d
have sex with? Jane from Tarzan, and Megara from Hercules. In a
split second.>
3.22.02
coming
home
Today will feature a quick little entry, partly
because I’m very tired and have to wake up early, and partly because I’m really
trying to piece together my own thoughts enough myself.
So, I didn’t really have anything to do today but
work at five, so I spent the morning with my dad, which was good, considering I
hadn’t seen him for a while, our schedules being ass-backwards from each other,
and then I went to work to pick up my check. I also bought emily a new shirt
from el gapo, and then a box of mage knight, and included was my very own bladesmith
draconum, an incredible figure, who’s listed right now on ebay for like twenty
buckaroonies. Yippee! I’m such a nerd.
I went over to Ryan’s to celebrate/brag/see him, and
he’s sick, like a dog, he had to go to the emergency room a few days ago. Our
heartfelt prayers and sympathies go out to you, ryan, in your times of grief
and sorrow.
I then went back home, and my brother and I ate big
bowls of macaroni and cheese as I played around with my new mage knight
figures...then, off to work.
I worked only four hours, but I got like five people
to start playing mage knight and buy starters, and sold almost all of the other
boosters, and made enough sales AND I got to play around in the store and make
some nice trades. I did all the work I needed and had a good time doing it.
Then I went over to samantha’s, and she’s back for
spring break. And I’m still unsure of what to make of it all. I mean, it was
wonderful that she’s back, because her and I are such good friends, but I just
hope that it stays wonderful, and doesn’t get all strange because we have such
different worlds these days...but somehow, I think it will. Next week, emily
has spring break, and I didn’t get to see her today, I hope she did good at
Morp, I hope that I can see her tomorrow...I love you emily. and samantha, and
I hope ryan gets better...<exasperated sigh> tomorrow tomorrow.
disneyland with emily. <HALLELUJAH>
What I’m listening to: nothing. the sound of
computers humming.
What I’m reading: www.mageknightguild.com
What I’m thinking: <it’s good seeing old friends
again, even if you’ve kept in contact for like the entire time, and even if
you’ve only been away for a small amount of time...it’s good. very good.>
3.21.02
head
to toe, head to toe
Today had a series of good things. So I will post
them:
1)
I woke up, and although I was tired, I wasn’t
depressed or angry. I apologized to samantha (and to the world. Sorry world)
and I realized I shouldn’t leave my head up my ass like that, because if you
were to check, the inside of my ass smells.
2)
I went to the Gap and bought a jacket I really
liked, and that emily thought was cute. If anyone. ANYONE, thinks that the gap
is for gay men, they can shut up, because I’m so tired of people always
insulting me for shopping at the gap. Tough.
3)
Then, I went to school, and the heaps of praise my
teacher is giving me is working. We opened the floor to constructive criticism
of our last homework assignment and this really pathetic girl in my class
ripped my drawing apart...going after everything. In my head, I was humming the
song in Blue’s Clues where they get excited over the mail. Except every time
they hit a syllable, they slash a part of this girl’s body off.
4)
Then, I left school early, because I had finished,
and went to work. Tonight was supposed to be my first Mage Knight
League, but only Ryan Young showed up. So we traded. Then we played. It was my
new army, against Ryan Young’s invicible unbeatable army. And I creamed him.
200 points to 30. It was horrible. I won’t go into the details, but I surprised
the hell out of him by my speed and mobility. Ryan Young just got foolhardy,
and I steamrolled him.
5)
Then, I worked, and made pro. Exactly. I actually
didn’t sell that much to make pro, a little here, and a little there. Nice
night for me at work. Thanks be to God for a good night at work...we need it, I
need it.
6)
Then, over to emily’s. She’s so cute...in her little
jacket that I’m starting to really think is darling. Her hair was really nice
tonight, and she was happy, and tomorrow I wish her the best of luck at MORP,
and hope she has fun at the show she’s going to.
Now, home, online, talking
to friends, having a good day. Thank you world, for sticking with me.
I love you emily louise. I do like the jacket now.
you’re cute in it.
What I’m listening to: Open Up, by Dispatch.
A really cool, down to earth reggae-ish song.
What I’m reading: Super KKK Bros. I’m sorry to all the black
people out there for everything the white man has done.
What I’m thinking: <200 points to 30. It was a
massacre>
3.20.02
not
today
Well, today had all the makings of being a great
one. All of them...
I woke up to my brother
telling me I got a phone call at like 7 in the morning, and I went to bed at
1:30, so that wasn’t fun for me. It was my church choir minister, asking me to
come to his house at 4:30. Well, I dropped the phone on the ground and fell
into a deep sleep, during which, at least ten people called my house while I
tried to sleep, and rather than hanging up, they just let it ring and ring, so
I got like not enough sleep at all...but it was ok, because I, surprisingly,
woke up refreshed and renewed...and ready for work.
I had an awesome morning, and I just tagged and put
out product on the shelves and made like 300 dollars worth of sales in my hours
there. I didn’t get to eat anything, though, so much stomach was just eating
itself through and through the entire day.
I
don’t feel like writing this right now. Nobody really reads it much and really
cares, I don’t get people who care much. I’m stopping. good night. Let it
suffice to say that I’m tired, I feel like a terrible person, and I’m stuck up
beyond any help. I’m frustrated. I’m angry I’m hurting, and I’m so encapsulated
in myself, I don’t know what to do. I feel like crying.
God
dammit, I need to just get my head out of my ass and write this. After work, I
ate, and went to Irvine, and dropped off my broken CD player at Sony technical
support. They’ll have it fixed in hopefully ten days. Then I picked up emily,
and went up the hill to my choir leader. I’m going to be a cantor at the Palm
Sunday service and sing the liturgy! woohoo. I’m actually excited, it’s a real
honor. After that, I went home and then tho choir practice, then home and my
mom, brother and I went out to Denny’s and had some fun eating...my brother
made us all laugh because we were talking about a kid in my brother’s class who
kept losing points, and the teacher kept yelling at him.
Then
over to emily’s for 6 feet under, the videos of the past few episodes I’ve
missed. They were excellent, and afterwards the trouble began. I hate myself
for how I treat my girlfriend, and it makes me want to just die that I make her
feel so stupid because I’m good at math, and she won’t let herself believe
she’s any good. Math has always been easy to me, and I’m sorry that I’m a
horrible teacher, why do I want to be a teacher if I can’t even teach the
person I love...I just want to die for how I treat other people, my head hurts
so much, I don’t know what to do about anything, about trying to help her, she
has too much to do these days and is so worried, and life is too hard for
teenagers these days. College, high school, it’s too hard.
3.19.02
because
hoes gotta eat too.
I’m going to write
this...and it’s going to be short because today was rather ho-hum. I went to
school...and the teacher is apparantly trying to make EVERYONE hate me, she
keeps referring to me as the “fast one” and using me for demos, and I keep
referring her as the “stupid retarded one” and using her for “examples of american
dumbshits.” Seriously, she has to explain to the class at least twenty times
about drawing a hallway, and when they can’t do it, she uses me to tell them
the same thing, but in like half the words. While she says “and then, we’ll
use, what’s it called everyone? Yes, the horizon line, to find the, what’s it
called? Yes! Vanishing Point, and all the parallel lines will converge there!”
I say, “Everything pulls together to this point here, and so if you have it on
your paper, it’s a breeze.” And the people rejoice.
On a side note, there’s this girl in my class, and I
have never ever ever ever seen anyone who is more annoying. She has to do
something annoying specifically to me every day. Today, it was sit in front of
me (she’s quite ugly, too) right as I’m about to start drawing the hallway...a
few days ago it’s coming in late when I’m talking in class and interrupting
everything with her babble about her boyfriend, who likes to make run-by cookie
drop-offs outside the door many many times...jesus. Hell. Don’t bug me.
So, after school, I had four Harry Potter leaguers,
including emily’s sister, for the first time in forever. I made a very small
amount of money, and nothing really important or fun happened all night, so
after work I went over to emily’s, kissed her, and well, I love her. I really
do, emily, see? Here’s my secret stuff for you only!
Now, I’m home, samantha is home in three days, and
I’m tired, but I won two ebay auctions for mage knight figures, which is
exciting.
What I’m listening to: Ryan’s CD he made for me is
so good...so good.
What I’m reading: Reading the secret messages on the
nintendorks DRCs...bwa ha ha.
What I’m thinking: <I’m trying to get it so that
Ryan Quinn can post what he wants after each of these, his thoughts per se, but
I don’t know how to do that. Oh, and post in the message board. Here’s a topic:
me.>
3.18.02
good
day for a change
Well, I’m definitely on the upswing...today was
great. Great, good day. I woke up, and just tooled around on the internet in my
pajamas, wrote some, and then ate some and went to work.
Work was busy. Busy...all
day, but not with a lot of people buying things. With fat magic
players...so...I present my list of how to tell a Magic Player from a normal
person:
HOW
TO TELL A M:TG PLAYER FROM A NORMAL PERSON
Well, there you have it. Be afraid of these people.
I had to deal with a lot in a huge group tonight, and I wanted to hit most of
them...but you know what? If I had, they would’ve sat on me.
Then, I went over to emily’s house, and I love her
so goddamn much...and we were together again, and she messed up my hair, and I
smiled at her, and we kissed and joked around...and I love her. I missed you
emily, but you’re back.
Well, goo-night. Sleep tight. See you all tomorrow.
What I’m listening to: You’s A Hoe by Ludikris. Nerd
Club is going to cover that motha.
What I’m reading:
Corporeal, by Nerd Club Can't tell if I exist anymoresince you, haven't seen me.
Can't seem to find the words anymore.
It's new, this silence...
And I have to sit in front of a mirror
just to know I'm visible.
And I have to cry so hard, just to feel
the weight of the tears on my cheeks..
CHORUS:
remember how we were before the things that came up
remember how we were when I just couldn't shut up
remember the stinging cold I gave you my long coat
remember us...the way we were.
can you see me I can't see myself
I'll close my eyes but I'll just look right through them
did I go so far away in my mind
to just fade out?
I just wish that things would get better,
because they'll get worse
I just know that one day I'll just take you
in my arms and I'll hold you
but until I am corporeal,
I don't think I can support you
What
I’m thinking: <when emily and I are together, I’m really happy>
PS,
I got some sort of call from the church choir director, who wants me to sing
with his wife...for something...keep you updated?
3.17.02
leprechauns exist
Well,
due to popular demand, I’m updating. Ok, first things first, I revamped the
archive, and added a message board button, a link to the Writer’s Bloc, an MB
consortium between samantha and me. If you like what you read here, and want to
just post a message to me, I frequent there. Also, on the same MB, is my and
samantha’s story about time travel, which we’ll get around to finishing sooner
or later. But, go, post, and be merry.
So,
with that out of the way, today was better. I’m pulling out of the depression,
which is so good, I’m really digging that. I went to church this morning, and
Nicole and I danced to the hymns...which we do. We should teach a class on
Freestyle Hymn Dancing, because Nicole and I are the supreme allied commanders
of the ancient forgotten art. After church, I scooted over to Emily’s and we
were together for an hour, and I love her, but I need to back away from her
life right now, for her sake. I’m smothering her, because I’m afraid of losing
her...because I’m insecure. Enough said. Emily and I spent an hour just with
each other, having fun. It has been a while.
I
went home, and spent a few hours playing Game Boy, fixing my website, and just
chilling around the hizouse. My brother had pre-pubescent girls over to film porn
greek theatre in the spanish style for a high school class. I should’ve taken a
nap, but nah. So, instead, I went to church and sang.
I’m
a singer, but you knew that, because I sing for nerd club, but I’m also the
lead tenor in my westminister choir, and I have been in choir since fifth
grade, so for a while. I love singing, and I really focused tonight and had a
good time. Then, we ate Tac O’Salad for St. Patricks day and had green Rice
McCrispies. Good, I was stuffed. We played a really dumb game about allies and
streets, and I ended up being a lone wolf wall that was apart from the pact,
and it was excellent...then fellowship, and I had hoped to go over to emily’s
and watch 6 feet under, but she had homework, and so I left rather than bug
her, to leave her to her homework. I need to not miss her so much, so I guess I
won’t. I don’t need to be depressed, because come September, I’ll have a reason
to be depressed...but not until then. I just want to have like some time with
emily...but not right now, because she has enough going on....meh.
Sleep...sleep...
Oh,
and I have another friend who cares about me...and I love her....but right now
she needs some help with a crazed ex, and so she’s in my prayers. So is Emily,
and Nicole, and my friends, and most of my enemies too.
What
I’m listening to: Michael Jackson, Smooth Criminal. Booyah.
What
I’m reading: Nintendorks Movie Script
What
I’m thinking: <you’ve been struck by...a smooth criminal>
3.16.02
i i i like you
I
think that the quote for today is:
“Kevin,
what if you still love me, but I stop loving you?”
i’d
rather emily be happy and me be sad, because I can get over it, then emily in a
terrible relationship with me...
***note
to anyone who reads this:***
never.
EVER...ever...get in a relationship with me.
So,
I’m going to just skip this afternoon...I mean, emily and I were ok by the time
I had to go to work, but the above words really hit home how much of an ass I
can be.
moving
on.
work.
I had five harry potter leaguers, and they’re great. mossimo, tony, sarah,
cathy, and cathy’s daughter. All fun...all great people, and they have a good
time. That’s a small glimmer of joy, knowing that there are people who are part
of a league that need my guidance, and ability to stamp and give out free
cards. After that, Ryan and I had a really busy night, and we both made lots of
money, LOTS of it...and we had a good time, passing off the guests, and just
being a great duo. Afterwards, I wanted to see Emily’s show another time, but
she was adamant about me NOT seeing it (sigh) and so Ryan and I wrote another
song...and it’s pretty goddamn good. No title yet, but it’s about being
invisible to a girl. Which means that if we can get another song written, we’ll
be money, yo. Also, Ryan and I played and talked video games, which was just
really fun...and I came home and started talking to samantha, and listening to
hellogoodbye. Jesus, they’re good.
What
I’m listening to: hellogoodbye. DOWNLOAD EVERYTHING
What
I’m reading: My own website from yesterday.
What
I’m thinking: < “Can't tell if I exist anymore
since you, haven't seen
me.”
3.15.02
the ides of march. creepy.
I
really wish that I wasn’t so depressed these days. I’d actually be a little bit
happy...I mean, today was an awesome day, with one glaring sadness
inducer...but...that’s life, eh?
I
woke up, and had the morning to just do what I wanted...so I modified my Mage
Knight Army, and then went over to Ryan’s, where we got the trade on, and so I
modified the army a little more, and then I started a totally NEW
army...and...you don’t care. Well, replace the above paragraph with this:
“After waking up, I realized that my arms had turned into robotic CLAWS! So I
used the jetpack to fly to the Moon, where I battled Gothnar The Totally
Wicked, trying to gain control of the living stone of ultimate power!”
So,
after going to see Ryan, I went to work, and had this stupid hope that Emily
would come and visit me, so like I kept like looking out for her every five
seconds, like a dope, and although I did make some nice sales, I just wanted
emily to walk in the door, and tell me that she missed me, and that she loved
me. But, time dragged on, and no emily. So, I went and called her, and she
didn’t know I was working, which is ok, because she has more important things
to do, with the show and all, and I almost broke down on the phone because I
don’t think she wants to see me at all, like ever anymore. She got kind of mad
at me because of this all, but meh...it doesn’t matter. So I went outside and
put on a happy face (it helps, to show the world that whatever is wrong with
you doesn’t matter, especially on the sales floor) and then Joshua and I played
Mage Knight with my new army, and I beat him into the down. It was pathetic. He
just got really lucky on the dice rolls, but still, it was an all out massacre.
<upon reading this, I’ve
realized that unless I stop talking about dice rolls and miniature figures I’ll
turn into that which I hate...and that means I have to have long hair, and I
have to be fat. boo. – ed.>
And
Joshua and I bought more Mage Knight...and he got a figure I wanted, but he
better trade....and my life is pathetic. I did manage to make like 100 dollars
more than my pro, making up sort of for the crappy week I’d had, which is ok in
my book. I dragged myself home to see that my family was watching <insert
vomit noise here> Bring it On. They need to make a movie where nerds
aren’t portrayed as they are in every movie. It needs to be called: Geeks
Can Get Pussy, Too. So, I watched it and then went upstairs and retook an
SAT test because a friend was taking it too, and in like ten minutes, I had it
finished, in 1/3 of the alloted time, mind you, and I scored a 700...because I
was also trying to talk to people on AIM, and...I guess I wish that my life
wasn’t like totally crappy, and I wish that I wasn’t me these days. I wish I
were, say, Jack Black. Because then, it wouldn’t matter...because I’d be Jack
GODDAMN Black.
What
I’m listening to: Tenacious D, Star Trek Lyrics
What
I’m reading: I read this book on Monopoly, the board game, tonight. And it was
very very interesting.
What
I’m thinking: <please let things get better>
3.14.02
p “pi day” p
Well,
luckily, today was good. I mean, there were some down times, but all in
all, it was awesome. So, I woke up and finished my bomb-ass drawing for drawing
class, then actually went to drawing class and finished an in class drawing, as
quick as possible...I got it done, and raced over to buy two nintendo
controllers...and then to emily’s.
I
have a feeling like she doesn’t want to really spend time with me. Maybe it’s
paranoia. Maybe I just need emily right now more than anything and I don’t
think she knows or really cares...meh.
Then,
I came home and made Nintendo controller belts. I mean, I had to go buy belts,
but once the things were made...they are sexy...imagine wearing a
belt..but...at the front is a NES Controller...booyah. If you want one, email
me and I’ll make you one, for 10 bucks, though. Ryan Quinn, Chris and I have
them...and we and Carly went tonight to see Ozma...all the way in Pomona. It
was such a goddamn amazing show...
First
up, there was this crapariffic band named...New Maximum Donkey, and they were
terrible, but sort of funny...I mean, if you think songs about mexico and
getting high are funny, and they like spasmed when they weren’t singing, and
the lead singer looked like a guy I know named Chris Geer. But anyways, on to
the second band:
SNMNMNM,
or, as it’s pronounced: “S&M, and M&M” They were so sweet. The lead
singer had an accordian, and instead of a bass guitar, they had...get this...a
tuba. Then, the songs were all awesome, and well, their entire set was just
perfect. They came from Oklahoma City to play, and I’m glad they did. check
them out, HERE.
Then,
an INCREDIBLY bad band called Locale AM was up, and they were this shameful
psychadelic Sum 41/ Limp Bizkit ripoff, and they sucked...so...hard. It’s
amazing that bands THIS bad can even make it on the bill with Ozma.
Ozma
was...well, words can’t really accurately describe how cool this band is. They
played all my favorites except for Natalie Portman, which was ok,
because other than that, they played everything good. They played No One
Needs to Know, Korobeinki, Apple Trees, Domino Effect,
Battlescars...and...the non-acoustic Game Over,
which had the nerd club swinging our Nintendo Belts in geeky sweet victory. It
was an awesome night, I just wish emily could have been with me. I miss her.
Well,
we went to 7-Eleven, and got slurpees, and I’m still humming ozma. Good day...I
miss emily, I want to go to her, and...ummm..good night all.
What
I’m listening to: Ozma. Duh.
What
I’m reading: the website for that crappy full maximum donkey. crapsite.
What
I’m thinking: <So sad, Princess isn’t here, she’s hiding out, with all my
fears>
3.13.02
It’s getting harder and harder to convince the world that everything is all right. It isn’t. I hate myself more and more, as I drive around, crying because I’m a total screwup...I just wish I could go away for a while, then come back when people start missing me. I should go back and change that to if people start missing me. Once again I’m home, by myself upstairs, and Emily sent me home because she has homework and thinks I’m sick, and I’m worried that she sent me home because of other reasons, because I’m a crappy boyfriend and she deserves better...god I’m crying why am I crying.
let it suffice to say that today was the worst day
ever.
Emily was in Grease tonight, and it was a great
show. There were a million strong points, including emily herself and yet there
were some faults, most noticeably a rather retarded dj and his girlfriend, but
I’m not up to insults right now...I just want to stop crying, and I just want
emily, and I don’t want to have to worry again. I need to go away from this
stupid journal and try and hope and hope and hope...
I miss you emily. I really really really do.
I love you.
3.12.02
Better day. Not amazing...boring, but better...
Woke up, did some work,
piddled around, and went to school... where we drew. It was fun, but the class
is the slowest class ever. The teacher has to repeat over and over and over
again, and I just wish that I could get to the work because I understand how to
do it on the first time. You have to repeat things to the blatantly stupid to
get it through their skull I guess. Then, a girl kept talking to me, while I
was playing Game Boy and enjoying a soda, and I really wanted her to leave me
alone, I was trying my hardest to impart a “go away” attitude, and she kept
right on talking, and man, today I’m just not up to really heart to heart
talking, so I sat there and listened to her just ramble on and on, and apparantly,
she worked in my store before I did, and she works at a comics store and knows
my girlfriends brother...and it was like a seinfeld episode, playing out right
next to me. And I just let it, but I was nice, and did respond in grunts and
nods. Meh. Not up to talking...or really typing...
I went to work, and had a terrible sales day, but I
did get three new Harry Potter league members and the three others came back,
so I had six leagers playing...and on Saturday, more will come, AND we have a
free tournament in the future. Harry Potter TCG looks bright! Then I cleaned
the store and tomorrow I open. Ho-hum day. Emily is at school, and I miss her
more than anything, because I know that she doesn’t even have time to think
about me....sometimes I feel that I’m a burden for her...and she should
probably find someone who isn’t so clingy and stupid. Dammit. I’m not really
very happy for myself. dammit, I feel bad. samantha, I’m not meaning to be
cruel to you, but I’m just not really wanting to dwell on the “what’s wrong”
aspect. I just want to get over this myself, because I don’t want to push this
on anybody. I’m surprised people read this. I’m so tired, and I have to
open the store tomorrow, and I wish that I could just go away...I see emily’s
show tomorrow night, that should be good...dammit, I’m worried about
everything.
I still hate myself.
What I’m listening to: the Amelie
soundtrack...hopefully that’ll cure what ails me.
What I’m reading: Nintendork
Oscars...and...I’m....not directing them! Oni is! Jealousy abounds.
What I’m thinking: <”this time it’s on my own.
Minutes from somewhere else. I’ll catch up when you get home. At home I’ll
leave, a dollar under water keeps on dreaming for me”>
3.11.02
I really hate myself.
Like...I’m just starting to realize the fine details of my depression, and what
brought it on, and what I need to do to fix it...the core of the matter is that
I hate myself. I hate who I am, I hate how I treat other people, and I hate
what I think about myself...I hate the fact that I can’t change all of these
things...because that’s just how I am. I’ve come to realize that not a lot of
people really care about me...I mean, I have friends and all, but the only two
people I can really tell my problems too are so far away...one of them lives at
Davis and has infinitely more problems than I (which makes me feel terrible...I
want to go away) and the other lives at El Modena and also has more problems
than I do...argh. I just don’t want people worrying about me. I’ll worry about
myself, thank you. Right now, I’ll just go over my day and go to bed, because
wallowing in self pity sucks...but I’m good at it.
Wake up, sit on computer. Boredom. Go to emily’s and
I see her for ten minutes, tops. Ten best minutes of the day. But, alas, she
leaves, and I go to work, and have a miserable time. I make like 130 bucks, and
an insanely stupid person comes in threatening to call the cops on me because
Wells Fargo shows that we charged her twice (pending, mind you) for a puzzle
caddy...and Wells Fargo does this on their online site many times to show that
they are cautionary and....well) I hate people like that. Bring in honest to
god proof and I might believe you. Our records showed that we only took the
original 96 bucks, not a second time, so the problem didn’t lie with us, but
she was adamant that we were playing her for stupid, and only when Arthur (he’s
back! and 75 dollars richer!) defused the situation did my temper boil down. I
even got my ass handed to me in Mage Knight with my own army. Jesus, I’m a
dick. Then, I waited for Emily at her house, went to pick her up...and realized
that I hate myself...because the only time anyone cared about me all day was
when Arthur came back from vacation and read the reports and thanked me for
covering for him, and for doing the Mage Knight section...and well, thank god
for Arthur, because as simple as he might seem...he’s not. Emily was frustrated
because I’m in a slump, and I hate the fact that I’m driving her away, when I
don’t want to...dammit. I’m doing this all to myself and I need to stop. I need
to go away from everything for a while...and come back later. Meh...I think I
might...Good night.
What I’m listening to: nothing. stupid cd player is
broke.
What I’m reading: nothing. don’t want to read.
What I’m thinking: <I’m sorry samantha, I don’t
want to talk about this...I want to mope. Yes. Mope. Tough>
3.10.02
As I said yesterday, I’m sick. I’m tired, and sick,
and I hate being sick. Especially since it makes you want to sleep through alarms
before church. I bolted out the door a scant ten minutes before the service,
and actually got there before we were to sing, so that was good, because I
could practice and not look like a retard...
Oh, about yesterday, not much happened. I worked a bit,
made some money, and then went with Emily to see Amelie again, and it is still
the best movie I’ve ever seen. I love that movie. I love the girl I’ve seen it
with four times. Emily, I’m sorry if I seem kind of lost these days, it’s
because I miss you and I...and how we used to be with each other. So focused on
just everything that we did together...but you have a lot to do anyways,
so...when we have time, I love it. I can’t wait for Grease on Wednesday. I love
you.
So, church was good, the sermon was excellent...about
the type of people called to do God’s work, and about finding spirituality and
goodness inside yourself....and my once captive audience is now sleeping. So,
moving on, I went home, whomped on my brother in Mage Knight, and fell asleep for
an hour.
I woke up to explosions as my brother played counter
strike, and I had an hour before church, so I spent it watching him, and he’s
really good if he’s not playing against cheaters...he also speaks another language
when he’s playing, so I need constant translations.
I went and sang, and it was good. Very good...our
choir is really good, and when Fransisco isn’t angry at us, we sound excellent.
Nicole and I are speaking again, which is so good. I missed talking to her. And
I’m so proud of her and the 3rd place Aeronautics Squadron...of
emily and her first time at science olympiad and her stunning 4th
place finish....and I’m jealous and want to help out. Meh. I need to do
something with my life.
Then, I had youth group, and we talked about how god
calls people to do things...but man, I wish he spoke through burning bushes and
the like again. That’d be damn cool. And easier.
Then, went to Emily’s for 6 Ft. Under, but she’s at
rehearsal and couldn’t watch, so I watched the episode ii trailer, here are my impressions at the bottom of
this thread, and so, with that, I go to bed. Good night, all.
What I’m listening to: More anniversary...yummy...
What I’m reading: Gangs of
New York looks pretty damn cool.
What I’m thinking: <I’m going to make Nintendo
belts soon>
3.09.02
I’m
sick. I got sick from Joshua, and I have a stuffy nose, and my throat is
scratchy, and I’m going to bed, so good night. You go to bed now too, because
you’re up way too late. It’s Sunday tomorrow. I’ll sing. So, until then, you
take care of yourself. I’ll write up what happened today tomorrow, but here’s a
sneak peek, Amelie, work, math, emily.
3.08.02
You ever just feel like the entire world has just
squeezed it’s way into your head? Yeah, that’s pretty much how I feel right
now...well, let me just begin from the morning.
Morning. 9:00, and I wake
up to Emily’s face at my doorway, smiling. She woke me up in one of the most
pleasant surprises ever...she had to get a lab coat for science olympiad, but
she was here a little bit to wake me up. She did it very well...VERY well...she
was so cute coming in on me...I love her.
The morning was rough, tiring, but rough. I went
over to Ryan’s and we perfected “a moment in plaintive” and well, I had a
massive brain fart, and couldn’t write anything new. So, until next time, I’ll
have to find inspiration. Later, after a brief hiatus to eat, we went to
Funcoland and bought Mage Knight figures from the original set for cheap, which
was good, then he bought this orange beanie. All day I worried about emily at
Science Olympiad...and then I went to work.
Ok. I worked for 4.5 hours. The longest 4.5 hours of
my life. I made more than 100 dollars an hour...way more than anyone else that
day even though I worked the shortest shift. I should be paid more for what I
do.
So, it was hell. We have a promotion on kids games,
like hungry hungry hippos, operation, and don’t break the ice.
You knew that. But combined, these games make the loudest noises ever...and
that, combined with the fact that it was busy like the wolf, and I was working
with Van, who really doesn’t have much leadership ability, AND I had to contend
with this strange old man who played Magic and Pokemon in high brow
tournaments...I had a hellish night. All night I heard Wheels on the Bus, the
screams of pain from Cavity Sam (the name of that naked operation guy) and the
horrible tap tap tap crash of ice breaking...The words “must kill small
children” don’t really describe the feelings and thoughts I had. And to think,
I have three more weeks of this. Describe the worst hell you can imagine. We’re
talking constant theatre showing the directors cut of Biodome with new nude
scenes of Roseanne Barr kind of hell. I can beat you.
Then, I went to emily’s and she got fifth place in
Disease Detectives, and we talked, and I am so proud of her, because she’s so
smart...she’ll be an amazing medical examiner someday. I love her.
Good night, I need sleep.
What I’m listening to: New anniversary CD. Droolioso
What I’m reading: http://www.mageknight.com
What I’m thinking: <Mario Tennis...on GameCube...droolioso
to the EXTREME!>
3.07.02
Today, well, good. Very good. I mean, I’m still way
depressed, but some of that was alleviated just by seeing Emily. So, in the
spirit of another one of my long, raucous tales of adventure on the high seas, here
we go!
I slept in an extra forty-five minutes, and when I
woke up, I shook off the feeling that my entire body was being eaten alive from
the inside...well, I tried to shake it off, but...imagine an elephant. This
elephant is big, and grey...and has bugs, all over him. But only in his mind,
and they’re like, really scary, for the elephant, but he’s schizo, and thinks
that bugs are crawling all over him. Got it? Isn’t that a strange idea? I think
so.
I loafed around, and actually made some intelligent
posts online, then, I went to drop off some science olympiad stuff at El Modena
for Emily and Aaron Vaughan for their event tomorrow. Then, I went to school.
If you’ve ever read Ender’s Game, the teacher’s at
Battle School show Ender off as the head of the class, the best, and praise
him, in order to make everyone else envy him, and to make him strive to be
better himself...today, my teacher made me give a demo of current drawing
project in front of the class...and I know she isn’t smart enough to be pulling
one of these psychological Ender’s Game things, but in my mind, she was. So,
everyone in the class hates me. Because I’m too good. She had to
say...shudder... “:can anyone tell me the term for this, not Kevin?” because I
was answering so much. Bitch.
Aside from that, everyone in my class is stupid. I
guess that’s all I need...I’ve realized how hard it is to explain, to the
moderately stupid, how to draw a box.
“So, start with a corner...” <easy>
“why a corner?
“Well, it’s just a place to start” <dumbshits>
“but if I wanted to start with the...edge?”
“Well, ok, we’ll start with the edge.” <argh>
“what about the corner?”
And that’s an actual transcript.
After school, I went to work, and Joshua was sick,
so I played the great game: “Try to make Joshua laugh and sneeze at the same
time!” So the entire night I kept telling him jokes whenever he sniffled, or
made stupid noises, and I won the game. Go me. We made a lot of money. A BUNDLE
OF DOUGH. And, I’m currently trying to figure out, in my head, the maximum
number of Don’t Break the Ice blocks I can fit in the frame so when I knock one
out, the rest automatically fall. I think it’s 9.
Then, I saw emily. I love her. I really don’t need
to go into it, but because of her, I’m not as depressed as I was. Because I
love her, and am proud, and don’t care how she does tomorrow. Good luck.
What I’m listening to: Foo Fighters, Everlong,
acoustic.
What I’m reading: online chat sessions.
What I’m thinking: <I’m kind of cold>
3.06.02
Man, I’m too tired to sit and write anything that
will make sense to anyone but myself.
But here goes anyways.
One, I worked all day
today, and didn’t quite eat enough of that...what’s that called? That
stuff...oh yeah. Food.
Two, I worked with a female employee from the Westminster
Wizards, and she was nice, and we got along. That’s it. woohoo!
Three, It’s raining, and I love the rain. I love the
rain with a passion unmatched by any other weather pattern.
Four, Either emily’s pissed at me...bah...I hope she
isn’t. I love her, but she avoided saying it to me all of today.
So...paranoia...meh, I just want to be with her, and not be worried that she
doesn’t!
Five, I kind of want to know if Arthur has seen any
ladies of the night in Vegas. I kind of want it to rain all day tomorrow.
Six, pick up sticks. We don’t sell that. Odd...I’m
going to bed. G’night.
Seven, Samantha, come home. we miss you. I miss you,
people need some samantha in their lives.
What I’m listening to: Nothing, the ringing in my
ears.
What I’m reading: an old issue of next-gen magazine.
What I’m thinking: Eating. Now there’s a
novel concept.
3.05.02
I woke up after not sleeping enough to the fact that
I still didn’t finish my homework for class, and I wasn’t gonna. So, I blew it
off, and went online, then read more cuckoo’s nest, and beat the last castle
before Bowser in Super Mario World. Then, I went to class.
Apparently, everybody in my class, except for me, is
ridiculously stupid. I’m used to answering questions in class...but I’m the
only person who reads the assigned text...and even when I don’t, terms like
“focal point” and “horizon line” and “picture plane” aren’t really that hard to
spit out on command like my teacher wants...but jesus. Everyone sits there, and
gives me these looks when I answer like I’m goddamn Einstein...I’m shedding a
single, solitary tear for them, right now. Anyways, we watched a good movie on
perspective...but then, we spent the rest of the class drawing, in a real
stretch for the artist...a box. A big, white box.
<eyes narrow...one eye twitches>
I need to move on. I DID manage to beat Super Mario
World...which was good. Super Mario World + cherry coke + M&Ms + the
satisfaction of knowing that you’re playing the goddamn gameboy in drawing
class = heaven. So, after class, I went to work, and we were busy off and on,
and I had no league tonight! No league members = no league! Huzzah! If you
could see me now, you’d see a dumb grin on my face. That meant I could stock
items and sell stuff, instead of wasting my time playing Harry Potter with one
kid. Bah. So, sell things I did. I sold to all sorts of people, and made all
sorts of money. I am, the man. Then, this guy, Mike, came into the store. He’s
our oldest pokemon fan, probably a 30-something guy, who likes to wear
metallica shirts, and has a bad BO problem, who reeks of cigarette smoke, and
who has the constant shakes...he’s a really nice guy. He works at a Goodwill,
and well, he’s not all there upstairs, but he’s actually a very cool person.
And he gave me a butterfinger. (Hint: Giving Kevin candy makes him happy) So, I
ate a butterfinger, and played a lot of kids games with the kiddys, and had a
good time at work. A few problems have arose, with timing issues of me working,
and emily in grease next week, and ozma...and, I need sleep, so I don’t wake up
and have both halves of my brain bloody pissed at me for waking them up. bon
nuit.
What I’m listening to: The Strokes. Dammit, they’re
very very good.
What I’m reading: http://www.laughingplace.com
What I’m thinking:
<bondjbondjr: I think it's pathetic that I
measure my life in paychecks.
Oni Locke: yeah
Oni Locke: oh well
bondjbondjr: hell, when you live on
like 10 bucks a week...
bondjbondjr: because you spend money faster
than imelda marcos....
Oni Locke: who?>
3.04.02
Today, today was fun. Work. I mean, that’s really
all I did. I woke up, drew kitchen tools...watched the television, piddled
around on the internet (isn’t piddle a kid’s word for pee? Because if that’s
the case, then YES. I did piddle on my computer.) I then went to work, and
spent 8 hours, working. I made like 480 bucks, but man...it was grueling. We
started a new promotion on kid’s games (like the godly Hungry Hungry Hippos,
the game about Rosie O’donnell at meal time) and we had to take down signs, put
up signs, move all of the games all over the store...and stupid Arthur is in
Vegas getting blow-jobs rest and hot sex relaxation.
So I worked with Joshua, and
I was so tired I goddamn almost fell asleep while I was on the ladder, which
would have hurt...not the fall, but the fact that I would have potentially laid
there...knocked out, while people could just come into the store and inserted
small games into my rectum. And man...that’s not a good feeling. Nosiree.
Then, Van
came by, and she’s this employee over at Westminster who covers shifts over
here, and basically, all she did, all night, was put stuff on shelves. I made
the money. It’s so like a woman to...er...be...umm...<blink> Then, I had
a Magic League, and the kids in it reaffirmed why I hate goddamn stupid gamers.
This girl, she had the most annoying laugh EVER. EVER. Bar none, if there
exists a more annoying noise that the ones emanating from her mouth when she
chortled, I’d like to know. Because we could stop all wars with such a noise.
We really could. She joked about Magic cards, and she joked by quoting
the goddamn flavor text...the least funny writing on the FACE OF THE GODDAMN
PLANET. Then she laughed...and she talked to “Squirrel Boy.” This kid gets off
on his Squirrel Deck, a deck capable of launching a full on squirrel
offensive...and that’s all he talks about. His deck. And in my mind, I think
“wait, where is his life? Is his life really a pathetic pack of 60 cards? Will
he ever find love? Will the laughing/choking/causing babies to cry girl and the
squirrel boy make beautiful mutant children?” The answer, folks...is no. To all
of the above questions. I haven’t wanted to vomit this much...since...since the
Rosie O’donnell joke above.
So, I
went to emily’s and we kissed. And once again, I love her. Good night, all.
What I’m listening to: Right now? The Beatles. That
“1” Album
What I’m reading: Magicthegathering.com...boredom...ensues.
What
I’m thinking: <why is it so hard to come up with something humorous for this
little blurb? Oh, wait, poop. That’s funny, right?>
3.03.02
Well, depression hit me
full on in the face today. I guess you never really see it coming, do you? I’ve
been having the symptoms, for a while now. Maybe I’m bipolar...you see, the sad
thing is, I don’t have any reasons to. I guess that I needed the reality check
emily gave me tonight. I just wish that I could be happy, and really really
mean it. I wish that I could look at myself in the mirror and not feel like I’m
being fake to myself...and I wish I wasn’t lazy, and mean...I’m mean, and I’m
just in a rut. I need to get out and do more. Not stay online all the time.
Maybe, even pull myself away from the internet...and maybe, maybe, seek out
some sort of volunteer job, I need to turn this life into something
productive...so that when I go to Harvey Mudd I don’t flounder.
Let me get my mind off of
that. Let’s go over some of the high points in my day.
So, we sang in church
today. This song about feeding the people...and giving them drink...and it was
strange because it had these subtle cannibalistic undertones...and since later
on, my brother was watching this show called “Cannibalism, the Last Taboo,” and
since WE SELL A GAME CALLED TABOO, I think somebody, somewhere is trying to
tell me to eat people. Which, I am not ready for.
yet. <devilish grin>
Then, I went home and my
brother and I played Sonic Adventure II, and it’s so NOT fun after a few levels
because it just gets really hard to play, and then he went on and played
Counter-Strike...but really, when is he NOT playing that game? I took a nap.
And we got another foreign exchange student! She’s from Korea, and her name is
Le. She seems nice, I really didn’t get a chance to talk to her, but she
smokes, so...eh. I don’t like smokers that much. moooooving on.
Then, I went to work
early, and Joshua made me make copies. So I went to copy club. And it was like
this surrealist nightmare. Me, and two copy guys. An empty copy club. Dialogue.
“I’d like...”
“Yes?”
“100 of these.
In...orange. The paper. Orange”
“100?”
“Yes.”
Then, he goes to the
machine. Presses buttons. ~ Comes back over with copies.
“$10.78”
“Here” hands him money. Life
hangs in the balance. The world, turns underneath us. The copies...are
beautiful.
fin.
I went back to work, and
Joshua left, and I was working, helping guests, when a kid, in one of my old
MLB leagues, comes in. He has this lisp...this funny lisp, and he’s a great
kid, intheresthed in Wawhamma Fouty Thousthand. We talk, about armieth, and
he’s thinking about Thpathe Mawines, and then his mom comes in. And she’s so
yuppie...but I remember her. Because she was interested in that horrible france
trip that never was. (remind me to tell you about that) And she wants to know
tonight how the trip was, and I explain that it wasn’t, and she’s sympathetic,
and wants to know about my plans for college, and I tell her. And she cares.
Which is cool, because afterwards I showed her son Mage Knight, the cheap
alternative to Warhammer.
Then I
went and watched the new season of 6 Feet Under. It was good. So. Good.
One of the title characters got high on Ecstasy that he thought was
aspirin...and man, it was so funny. Watch that show. Watch the reruns on Monday
at 10 PM.
Then I
broke down with Emily, and the depression hit me. I’m only happy when I’m
not thinking about what’s wrong with me. There’s a lot that’s wrong with
me.
Good night.
What I’m listening to: The theme to 6 Feet Under
What I’m reading: Samantha is talking to me.
What I’m thinking:
<TempoDrew: the sophomores blew like
monstro
bondjbondjr: monstro blows pretty bad.”>
3.02.02
Today
was better. Not a bad day. I like the fact that it wasn’t bad... I like it a
lot. Yesterday, we'll just forget it ever happened. Today, that is the new. I
woke up at like 12:00 and apologized to everyone for being a dick last night.
If you got worried for me last night, thanks, but it just was a terrible, no
good day, so I inserted lyrics from our song in there, and emily was worried
for my not sleeping, and wanted a small update. So she got it.
What
did I do today? Well, I cleaned the house. Every Saturday it's cleaning day, or
as I like to call it "We're too cheap to get a maid service" day. We
cleaned, and I got the toilets again! <if you could see me now...>
afterwards, I realized that my hands get really ugly when I clean the
toilets...all dry...and bleachy...then I mowed the lawn! Our lawnmower, was
birthed by the devil. It never works, and well, remember that scene in office
space, where the workers beat up the xerox machine to the song "Die
mothafuckas Die?" I want to take this lawnmower, and jettison it into
space. To the tune of "Tiptoe through the Tulips."
After
the mowage (I make up words all the time! Man, aren't I clever?) I went to
work, and almost had a panic attack in the drive-thru for Del Taco, because I
swear, I went through the period of time it takes for Kevin Costner to make
four horrible movies before I got to the front. That long. And I was almost
late to work. But it's ok, because when I got there I learned that I HAVE TO
WORK TOMORROW! I NEVER WORK SUNDAYS! <blind rage, like a bull, thrashes
around> HULK ANGRY! HULK SMASH!
So,
I make some moola, and then get off work, and emily and I try to go to stupid
Disneyland, but it's a stupid blackout date, and so we instead go to the Napoli
Restaurante, which would have had really good food if it wasn't served to us
OUTSIDE, in the FREEZING ASS COLD. We complained like old bitties, and ate, and
then went back to her place, and watched SNL. And I tickled her, and she mussed
my hair, and I came back and wrote this.
Oh,
and Ryan, if you're reading this, we need to cover America's Ventura Highway.
We need to. Please. Learn it. And Question.
Ok,
so I'm going to bed.
What I’m listening to: The
Anniversary. Again. They're THAT good.
What I’m reading: Metroid Prime impressions.
What I’m thinking: <
I'm sorry about yesterday, everyone.>
3.01.02
One day, I’ll say
Wake
up, next to you.
One
day, you’ll sway
Maybe,
in my dreams
my
dreams
of
you.
bad day.