911

September 11th will be remembered for ages as the day America was embarrassed in front of the entire planet by what seems to be a group smaller than the number of guys on my floor at college. The greatest nation on Earth , and arguably the best civilization in history, 2nd only to the mighty Romans, was defeated. "But what about the Egyptians, they built pyramids and stuff," you may ask. I’ll simply respond to you by stating that the "Egyptians" were aliens and therefore can’t qualify as the greatest civilization on Earth. Anyway that’s beside the point.
What happened today was unspeakable, unbelievable, and scary. It makes me question how four guys could simultaneously hijack separate planes and no one in traffic control would notice it. As my fearless leader Colonial Pryor pointed out to me, each of these planes were bound for the west coast originating from the east. Did it seem normal to the guys in the air traffic control booth that the plane that embarked from Boston, destined for L.A. , took an southeasterly detour.

After I distracted one air traffic controller from giving himself a blowjob he was noted as stating, "I just thought they were going to pick up a six pack --BELCH--" After he responded to the question he proceeded to lick an electrical outlet. On a more serious note, however, warning that this runaway airplane was nearing the New York area could have saved countless lives. Hell, the whole damn thing could have been avoided if the freakin' Air Force had been notified by the Airlines.

Obviously, this crisis will change all of our lives possibly for the better. Wait a minute! Did he say this may have good effects? Yes I did, now let me explain. Who remembers the Challenger incident. Well, I realize that today’s tragedy is far worse than what happened back in the eighties but it’ll work the same way as the Challenger incident did. After the explosion of the space shuttle funding for NASA sure as hell didn’t go down. As a matter of fact, Reagan laid down legislation that increased funding for NASA and raised safety and security for the space program. The same thing is going to happen to security in general in America after this situation. We all needed a wake up call! Hell, anyone with a paper clip, some plastic, an ounce of semen, and a tennis ball can hijack a plane these days. Everyone will have an eye open from now on and everyone will generally be safer. Of course, I could be wrong. This could just be a precursor to nuclear death. Have a good night!