Pffffffffffffffffffft to valentines day
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Some wierd ass movie called videodrome...and I thought clock work orange was strange...
Pfffffft, that's all I need to say...

In the immortal words of comic book guy(from simpsons) Worst valentines day every! Well, okay so he didnt say that, but damnit that's what i thought of and no one can take that away from me...oh no, they can never have it! it's mine I tells ya, MINE!

Woo, where did THAT come from?

Annnnyways, today was ....meh, woke up, went downtown...had a bit of lunch and bought some tobacco, then I went to work...yes, work...on valentines day...almost seeems criminal, that is...if i had someone special to share it with, when in fact I don't...but, I'm sure i'm not the only sad single soul on valentines day...come on, show of hands...who else here is single? *crickets can be heard chirping* okay, well fuck you all anyways...wait, who am I talking to? damn i'm a wierdo....yeah, anyways...v-day sucks, being single sucks, and work sucks...but it could be worse, I could have 2 heads...then my chances of a girl wanting me DEFINATELY fades to nothing....damn, I guess it's not so bad after all...

A total lack of stability
Now Playing: Kyau Vs. Albert (Digitally imported)
February 04 2005

(Y'know, I've ALWAYS hated the way Februaru is spelled, Feb-Ru-ary) that R just seems out of place....

err, hi....wow, first line in and i'm already off topic...hehe, typical specially lately, I'm such a ditz the last couple months, I swear i'm blonde....okay, time to focus

Once again it's been quite a gap between posts, but this time I really have an excuse...a lack of net

Anywhoo, lessee...well, there was the end of summer, me and ben got into a huge deal, and we ended a 5 year business relationship on sour terms....he was more than my boss, he was a good friend too, and it's sad to see that something as small as money can be the cause....but i guess that' the way it is, after that incident I worked with C&C advantage...the evil cult that took over my life and made me believe in a dream, that in hindsight was not a reality....3 months wasted, but i did make decent money....working 14+ hours a day 6 ays a week and not seeing your friends or even sleeping far outweighed any income I had..

SO impulsively I quit....and from there, my life spiralled farther done....I had a stint living with brandon, moved in with amanda whom I was dating, we broke up, moved back with brandon and this time bill was living there....didn't work, moved out, my shit went missing, bill blames brandon, brandon blames bill, bill ends up hating me....fuck,

whatever moved back to moms, fight fight biytch bitch still no job, huge battle w/ soc over wether they should allow me to be broke and homeless whilst I find a job, long drawn out battle, move out and in with my friend and ex playmate taryn, still no job, still fighting with soc, bitterness with taryn, get a job finally, move out of taryns and now I sit at my moms waiting for my first pay cheque(wow, after months of being unemployed it feels wierd to be working again)

in between all this, so much else....christmas was coo, got to spend lots oftime with friends and family, got spoiled with lots of presents, had a great time at jennies xmas party, and at the rack at new years eve, and so many good times in between

this new year has been off to a rocky start, but I'm going to make sure it turns into a decent one....I just want to find some stability....stick with a job for mroe than 3 months, find a place of my own and rebuild my possessions....

When life hands ya lemons, say "fuck you, I hate lemons you mother fucker"

Exhaustion opens the gateway to morbid creativity
Well, once again I sit down at my computer, crank some music, and blow the cyber dust off my neglected blog...what an interesting, and somewhat physically and partially draining summer it's been...I've stretched myself far beyond the point of exhaustion in the fight to maintain my somewhat ailing social life...I spent a day out at joshs cabin boating around, tubing with josh, lorna bill and jennie...what a great day that was....so many sundays wasted at boston billiards and stats straining my poor vocal cords, and the ears of the poor saps that had to endure my singing :) got together with the gang to help jennie and linda move into their new place, and have since spent quite a few fun days there...had an EXCELLENT time at the exhibition with bill, linda, tish, his brother, miranda jennie and tara, and went on a lot of rides, including a few I never thought I'd have the guts to go on, and ended up working the next morning with roughly 3 hours sleep...and oh joys of joys, my failed attempt as a telemarketer for the charity cause on crack...Xentel...with its evil employs that I swear slept hanging off their roof for exactly 2 minutes a day, and yet managed to bounce about the room as if they were some sort of chaotic gnome on a combination of effedrin and pure adrenaline...and now, august 10th, the summer draws to a close...I actually almost look forward to the long, cold winter ahead, as if I will find some sort of respite from the insanity I have partaken in...maybe someday soon I shall get a decent nights sleep, and a well deserved day to relax...until then, good night

booze is not your friend
Alchahol does wierd things to people

It can turn the best of friends into bitter rivals,
It can make a meek person into a vicious fighter, it make a commited person cheat...sometimes it's effects can be pleasant and welcome, sometimes it can turn us into depressed, reclused individuals...

I've really as of late come to despise the way it makes me feel....lost deep in thought I tend to ponder towards the negativity I generally strive to keep bottled away...bitter feelings of resentment....pleasant feelings of deep fondness....many different feelings spiraling in an emotional blender, mixed together in an indecipherable thought....

in an already confused and clouded mind, this tends to make matters worse....endeavoring to make sense of my already complicated life

(lost my train of thought) goodnight

Just when you had things figured out...
Well, it's been quite a while, but what with the goings on in my life coupled with the fact that I until tonight forgot my own damn password to log into my journal, it's been impossible for me to write...

So much has happened since my last post, I cant even think of where to start....well, it's summer again so I'm back at good humor...working my ass off to make a living...bills living downstairs and has been for about 3 months now...and suprisingly we havent killed each other yet...although one night we came close...c'est la vie....

Tonight was an eventful night, Shyla of all people called me...the last person I ever thought would call me....so we hada nice long chat about what we wanan do with hunter, about visitation and such....looks like Im going to get to see her again on wednesday...*crossing fingers* not really much else noteful going on in my life...I wake up, Iwork I go hang out with someone...I sleep...same old ad nauseum....

Linkin Park - Numb
wow, quit the delay in posts....I've been busy though, I found work! W00t...well, I put in a couple days at the plains hotel, and that was....well...bunk, but I got a call from 24-7(which I start at tomorrow) new years eve day, so I quit that job, which worked out cuz I SOOOO didn't wanna work new years eve...

now THAT was quite the night....

Whitney had a party, and it was pretty cool, alot cooler than the party we ended up ditching off to go to for a bit....we ended up spending like 45 minutes in the cold waiting for a cab, PRAYING we'd make it back for midnight(which we did, with minutes to spare) so in the end it was alright, a good night....

this weekend kinda sucked though, specially since I sat at home on saturday night cuz everyone but whitney and I went to lin's christmas party....ahh well, no big deal really, woulda just been the same ole, I just HATE spending saturday night at home...

Nothing much has happened beyond that, I start
a new job tomorrow, so that should be interesting....

Ravers on Dope - Acid
Meh, a long put off post, too many things that have recently happen, and I've wanted to post them all, but had no ambition to do so....another "feelings post" tonight

having been laid off last thursday, I've been feeling rather useless...added to the fact NONE of the applications I've filled out all the resumes I've put out...not a single call back....I NEED a job, I need money...whits moving out in 2 weeks and I'm already half a months rent behind....I dunno what Imgunna do...I need a job and soon....other than that, I'm more or less....confused on everything that's been happening....everything around me seems to be changing, and people are changing and i'm just watching it all happen :P

Fuck you all
I had a great weekend....at least, I think I did....really, I swear I enjoyed myself....yet I'm so fucking miserable....I went to a movie, played some video games, DJ'd a family party and got to see some people I havent seen in ages....and even work was cool tonight....still, as soon as I came home, I just felt angry and miserable....shrug, dont know what my deals is, but I hate it here at this very moment....I wanna leave and stay gone for a long time....i just wanna pick up and go somewhere where no one can find me, and get away from it all for awhile....

I fucking hate people, I wish they'd just fuck off and leave me alone...sick of the bullshit, and the lies and the two-facedness of it all...people pretending to be something they aren't....

fuck it, I hate being in a pissy mood....Im gunna go to bed....

Tranceportation
it's Sunday, and I'm at my mothers as usual

My mom and brother are busy at work, making the frame for her new closet....the closet my brother might come out of some day....kiddding of course...

it's been a very good weekened indeed, i've had more fun that I can remember having in a long time :D

Friday night, I went to moose jaw with josh, lorna and jennie....kinda on the fly, jennie was over hanging out with luda and I, and out of the blue josh called her up and asked if we wanted to come for a ride, so off we went....we went to his apartment, hung out for a bit, and later ended up in the town and country mall...

now I've spent alot of time in malls, but it's different being in a mall in a different city....may sound lame, but everything seems so....fresh and different ....either way, after our little mall experience, we tried to find a place in MJ for coffee, but we ended up just going to smitties in regina...after they left, my buddy dave came and got me, we grabbed jeremy from my house and we went to the uni to play some UT2k3 with the "nerds" as I call them :D actually, they are pretty alright guys...

saturday was the "big" christmas party for jennies work, so a bunch of us(jennie, josh, lorna, joey) and I all met up at the rack, and played pool and drank til around 12(josh and lorna left at around 11) ....after that jennie had to go home, so garret(we ran into him there) joey and I were gunna go find something else to do, but stopped at BK along the way and suddenly joey wasn't feeling good, so we dropped him off and called it a night....

it may not sound like anything exciting, but it was definately a great weekend :D

and now it's sunday, I'm at my moms and I have to leave for work in an hour....weekends over, back to the real world for another week....poo...more later

-=- Justin -=-

Digitally Imported is my drug of choice!
*yawns* Here I sit, 3am and once again I'm well beyond tired, and should have probally gone to bed hours ago....oh well, I'm young and impetuous....the joys of youth....except lately, I don't feel all that young...I feel alot older, a lot wiser than I was even a year ago....alot has happened in the last year, and It's actually served a lot of good....I've found a new sense of discipline and ambition that I recently thought unfathomable...

I've been working at the call center for almost 2 months now, and for once in my life I feel like I'm where I want to be...It's not the greatest paying job in the world, but I work with great people and feel like what I'm doing is right, and I've never felt that before...

Unfortunately, the hours suck, and I've thus been prompted to aquire other employment to supplement it...at the moment I havent had much success, but feel as though I shall rectify that, and soon...until then, I'm not doing to bad off....my finances are in order, and with a roomate I don't feel to rushed....it all seems to slowly be coming together....

All I'm really lacking now, is a girlfriend....someone to share my joy with, someone to have fun with....to spare me of the loneliness I sometimes feel when I'm laying in bed at night...A slight tinge that reminds me that no matter what I do, I still lack a part of my life...a small void that needs to be filled...

at the same time, I cope, and I'm in no hurry...I've had several opportunities, but for once in my life i feel no hurry...I've realised that sometimes being alone is better than suffering with someone you don't truly care for...I'm content to wait, unwilling to rush into something I am not completely happy with...

Until then I work, I sleep....I spend time with my friends....in a way, with the good friends I feel less alone than I could ever feel where I with someone...