Where's The Beef?

This just occurred to me two nights ago. Fuck you vegetarians. I hope every one of you accidentally gets beef broth in your vegetable stew.

My friend Drew recently left a sub shop and was accosted by a large group of people who had doused themselves in fake blood. At first he assumed there was an Insane Clown Posse concert going on sale, but sadly he found out this wasn't the case as several of the protesters shouted, "Meat is murder." Shame on you vegetarians. You try and claim a moral superiority with a campaign like that? All you're really doing is saying that you value so called "sentient life" over plants. If you're going to to try and make me feel guilty about eating meat you shouldn't have such a gross double standard. That's basically saying, "We like blacks but Mexicans should have no rights." Just because the Mexicans pick the fruit and vegetables you so frivolously take for granted doesn't mean you can just discount them as a people.

Let's look at the facts. Human beings are omnivores (That means we eat plants and animals, kids). It's in the tooth design. This is a scientific fact (Like people choosing to be gay). Now while it is entirely possible to survive without eating meat (Even though most doctors don't suggest it) the only real argument for doing so is that not consuming meat is somehow more noble than being Joe Blow Medium Rare. It seems some vegetarian is always on my back about eating a Big Mac and I think that's horseshit.

Don't get me wrong. If you can prove to me that you respect all life equally and you put no more importance on your best friend than you do your rhododendron than by all means, lecture me on cow flatulence. But taking a gigantic, bloody, bite of veal should be no more different than eating a carrot if you hold all life sacred (Coincidentally if you held all life sacred you would die from not eating anything).

And yes, that's right, I'm basically comparing your lifestyle choice to that of a woman only allowing gentlemen she thinks are attractive to pinch her on the bottom. People become vegetarians because it's good for the environment. So if you're a vegetarian and you use aerosol cans, you're basically saying, "No, I'm not a Nazi but the world would probably run a lot smoother without all these Jews." And if you're a vegetarian because it's good for the environment and you drive a car... Start eating as much red meat as you can. Hopefully you'll have a heart attack because the world is better off without your dumb ass.

Until next time, True Believers...
The bottle is empty
And the well is dry
October 2008

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