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--[People Who Enjoy Rufus Wainwright…]--
Message: I’m still not done
with you fuckers. You think you can just
go along enjoying music and not hurting anybody? Well, I’ve got news for you flapjack. The gig is up…up your ass you green colored
pieces of shit!! Not only do I dislike
his music, but he seems to be really fond of his homosexuality! I don’t hate queers or nothin’ but boastful
queers…whya…
Punishment: Suspended from a
high rise building by reproductive organs until the inevitable snap and crash.
Ways of Avoiding Painful
Death: Zero.
--[People Who Dye Their Hair Black For No Real
Reason]--
Message: There is one excuse for dying your hair
black. That excuse is that you are
beginning to see your hair turn gray.
Otherwise you are either trying to be a genero-goth or…trying to be a
genero-goth. I thought the whole gothic
thing was about being different? Oh,
you’re pasty, bitter, have floppy breasts, dig synth pop and hate money. Stand in line you fucking queers.
Punishment: Strangling with
one of those long sleeve shirts. Yeah,
that’s right.
Ways of Avoiding Painful
Death: Sexual submission to James O’Brien.
Unless you’re a guy. Well, okay.
But you better do a really good job.
--[Michael Moore]—
Message: Was the point counter-point enough to show
that I really hate this trollish fuckstick?
Survey says: Eat some cancer fags!!
This bastard panders to the masses without shame and then expects me to
not want to kill him with a gun. I hope
that he goes to some screwy communist country and they force him to make
guns. I would also appreciate him crying
as much as possible.
Punishment: After working with no incentive in a Commie
gun factory, there will be a failed strangling by Parkinson’s plagued Charlton
Heston. After this, Dick Clark will run
over his fat legs with his van. As he
writhes in agonizing pain, McVeigh’s crazy relative will pee on him. We will leave him to the peril of McVeigh for
two days. If
Ways of Avoiding Painful
Death: Shit…I don’t know.
--[People known as “Cock-blockers”]—
Message: Y’know, it’s bad
enough you have to waste your life not having wonderful sex. Oh, but that’s not enough for you bible thumping’
fruitcakes. You have to go and blow the
fun for people that actually know what they want and aren’t just waiting to
die. I have a good idea. Lie in a busy road and imagine that you just
got married so you can finally have sex.
Maybe someone else like you will run over your stupid lying body.
Punishment: Tied to a bath
tub, we will hire fat assed, tired Mexicans to ejaculate on you as they please.
Ways of Avoiding Painful
Death: Have sex or stop getting in the way of my sexing.
--[People that Call Jeans Dungarees]—
Message: You know, it’s
really not that big of a deal. I just
feel like picking on another group of people.
Wrong place and the wrong time.
Punishment: Mockery of their
attire followed by unfair immolation
Ways of Avoiding Painful
Death: Switch to khakis.