I'm a plentiful 9 inches and complete with love handles.

I think i'm responsible for riffage and general sexual inspiration.

I combine the indulgances of rock 'n' roll with the laziness of student life, which I have found can be less than productive. I'm trying to finish a degree in Chemistry according to my Welsh housemates, which rather ammuses me.

When not anally snorting tip-ex, or what ever it is you crazy kids do, I like to read authors including George Orwell, Anthony Burgess and Karl Marx. And the Beano.

My boring list of musical influences is available on request. It'll probably include Deftones, Nirvana, RATM and The Pixies. I doubt it will feature Bosomunkee.

When I grow up I want to play Raoul in Les Miserables.

My favourite films include The Godfather trilogy, Goodfellas, Teenwolf and Back to the Future.

My favourite food is anything Indian, I smoke Golden Virginia and prefer Eastenders to Coronation Street.

I lack friends. Please like me.