I don't understand why people say or do, some stuff sometimes. I truly don't. Then I try to talk to them and understand it, and I still don't. Sometimes I can't even COMPREHEND it. And that really confuses me, because who's right then? I mean people can sit there with me, face to face, and tell me something that they think/believe, and everyone in the room will agree, but me, I'll sit there, completely stunned and horrified at how they think/feel about somethings. It makes me ashamed of them. But there are SO many people agreeing wiht them, so then I start to think, "well maybe I am wrong.". Because it's so much easier, and more accepted, to believe that one person is wrong; then a whole group of people. It's like that's the easy, and acceptable way out of problems. Adn I don't believe in that. Not at ALL! Not for ONE minute!! I know that I am not perfect, nor am I right about everything, but I believe how I feel, IS right. At least for me. And when the people whom I live with have the EXACT OPPOSITE feeling, than I do, I feel so lonely. How can four people, who grew up together, with the same world view, not agree?? I know everyone looks at each situation differently, but the ration was 3:1.. and of course, I was ALL alone!! They just.. They really, seriously DID blow my mind!! And then, after they embarrased me in front of my "family of friends", they walk about as if NOTHING had happened!! And I'm still sitting there, stunned, and ashamed.. and then I get up, and try to fix something that I didn't do, and can't comprehend.. And it just keeps happening OVER and OVER and I can't deal with it!! And the reason I can't deal with it, is because I know, in my heart, what they are saying/believing is SO extremely wrong and twisted.. Then I wonder how I turned out differently from them.. Gawd.. So many questions...
date written: january 27, 2002
