If you have always thought you were a sexy bitch, here's a sure fire way to find out once and for all!!!!
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES READ FORWARD........FOLLOW INSRUCTIONS EXACTLY.....OTHERWISE YOU WILL DEVELOP HERPES SIMPLEX!!!!!
- Get pen and paper
- Number 1 thru 15
- Begin!!
1) Are you male or female??
2) Are you in a relationship currently??
3) Are you a virgin??.....If not when did you lose it (age)??
4) What colour are your underwear right now.......if any at all??
5) Do you have 20/20 vision, glasses or contacts, or you need them and
not wear them??
6) Would you have sex with your socks on?? Are you the type of person who would take them off during sex??
7) Are you satisfied with the length of your tongue??
8) Do you like breasts, or your own if applicable??
9) Do you prefer to be really hot or really cold??
10) Would you have sex upside down??
11) Have you ever participated in a fore-play game....(with others or alone......whatever!!)
12) Which of the following do you find the most enticing??
- nose
- feet
- knee
- back
- sternum (breast bone)
13) Do you have weird scary patches of hair on your body??
14) Are hands big/medium/small for your gender??
15) Would you throw fecal matter (POOP) at anyone??
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MAKE A WISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Analysis:
1) Male read on, females next section (Don't worry girls, we put the guy section first because we know your gender is superior to their's. Plus guys confuse way too easy, and I know that we are smart enough to skip past this section.)
2) Yes - What kind of ugly loser are you?? You have to devote your entire manly being to ONE stupid chic?? You better be planning on cheating in the future!!
No - What kind of ugly loser are you?? Can't even get with one chic??, well at least your hands are all to yourself.....(All by myself)
3) No - Under 16: way to go you da man!!
16+: Well at least you got something going for you.
18+: You missed your sexual peak.......loser!!
Yes - Don't even go there, it's a waste of my time.
4) Blue - Energetic.
Orange - Fly wit da ladies.
Black - Enticing.
White - BORING!!
Green - Horny.
Red - Sexy.
Pattern/Plaid - Freaky.
None - Ricco Suave.
Other - Good job, you managed to avoid another critical remark, but remember you're only on the fourth question.
5) 20/20 - Oh wow you proved those bastards wrong!! Masturbating doesn't make you blind!!
Glasses - Well I think that you know what this means DORK, or your just hopin' they'll make you look smarter so that you can score with chicks.
Contacts - Good save!! well at the very least.....you've accepted your blindness and learned to deal with it, good for you. And who knows, chics (or dudes) may find it sexy, we can keep our fingers crossed. (this goes for glasses too)
Blind and too lazy to do anything about it - What are you some kind of retard, walking into walls and shit, how are you even reading this!!??
6) Socks with sex - That's just dirty......how did you convince anyone to get it on with you in the first place??
No - You have some sense. Maybe you'll keep gettin' laid.
Take socks off during sex - That's a start.....preferably, you would have gotten rid of them right away......but you were horny....gotta cut you some slack.
7) Yes - You'll feel confident with chics (or dudes).
No - Too long? Too short? Get over it, no one likes anyone who's down on themselves, because of their tongue.
8) Yes - Chic breasts = good, bitch tits (guy breasts) = Not so good, you dig guys in need of a bro??
No - Come on......at least you're honest.
9) Really hot - Sultry.
Really cold - There's only one thing to do in cold weather!! (and ice stimulates the nerves!!)
10) Yes - kinky, you could tell everyone about it, it would probably be better sex too!!
No - Prefer the old fashioned.....time and place for everything.......get with the times!!
11) Yes - Daring, a lot of people find it dangerous, intriguing, and sexy.
No - Dignity is BORING.
12) Nose - Erotic lover.
Feet - Sensitive, you will do whatever your lover asks of you, you also prefer to be dominated in bed.
Knee - You love anal sex...there's no other kind!!
Back - You are very easily aroused, and tend to cum too quickly.
Breast bone - You like to practice Karma Sutra and use food with sex.
13) Yes - These patches often cause you to envision erotic fantasies at the most inappropriate times.........wax or grab some Nair, or something.
No - You already did something about it!!, and now you're gettin laid right??....well maybe not, but we can pretend.
14) Big - Strong, very alluring, you like to dominate, you also have a very strong penis.
Medium - You're good, if you wanna take it that far.
Small - Inexperienced.
15) Yes - Creative, witty, all around a decent guy.
No - Very conservative, kind of sheltered, try something new!!
Now for the chics:
1) Hopefully if you're not a complete idiot you're a chic, if not, you're section is above.
2) Yes - What you actually think he's NOT sleeping around??
No - Good job, slut girls like you make men cheat cuz you offer them free sex. Bitch.
3) Yes - Don't tell me you're one of those pathetic Jessica Simpson followers, if you wait till marriage, you're NEVER going to get laid, no guy will EVER wait around that long, you're so selfish to not consider his needs, it's always you, you, you.
No - SLUT!
4) Blue - Sleek, masculine.
Orange - Kinky, wild.
Black - Seductive, alluring.
White - Spoiled and 'pure'.
Green - Horny.
Red - Slut wannabe.
Pattern/plaid - Loser, what did your mom buy them for you at Kmart?
None - What did you loose them all in the back of guys cars??
Other - Looks like you won't be seeing anyone's O face for a long time.
5) 20/20 vision - Grow your nails, it adds extra texture and lets you reach the places you never could before.
Glasses - Feeling erotic??
Contacts - Would you like to fondle my boobie anyone.......anyone??
Blind and too lazy to do anything about it - You might as well stay home, walk around naked and get off in front of the window across the street from an elementary school.........cuz really, you have no real purpose.
6) Socks with sex - dirty cum burping gutter whore, it only takes like 3 sec to take your socks off, what's wrong with you??.....but on the other hand, if he likes your back, we see what you mean.
No - Traditional that's just the way he likes it.
Take socks off during sex - good job at least you're TRYING to get naked, and as a bonus, he might dig your feet too!!
7) Yes - Well I guess the REAL question here is: Is HE satisfied with the length of your tongue??
No - Maybe you should get HIM to lick you for a change........despite what he says, it feels REALLY good.
8) Yes - Breasts do come in handy in the odd situation.......YOU should know that.
No - You should try going without a bra for while, then see if it changes your opinion........trust me it will.
9) Really hot - Sultry.
Really cold - There's only one thing to do in cold weather!! (and ice stimulates the nerves!!)
10) Yes - You're a dirty girl.
No - Smelly cat.
11) Yes - At least you're not afraid to try new things, maybe you'll get laid.
No - Well you won't miss out on your sexual peak.......your's is at 35 (well we hope not).
12) Nose - At least it reflects the thickness of his penis, and that's what counts right ladies??!!
Feet - Oral sex is what you like best screw the rest.
Back - Sensitive and likes to be touched softly, gently. Try Karma Sutra pleasure pain, it's all good.
Knee - Like the skin on an elbow, you like it rough. Just beware of that whip and if you lose the keys to the handcuffs, it could get a little tricky.
Sternum - Multiple partners is the area where you shine. Your parents would be proud, not many girls are as brave as you.
13) Yes - Have you any squash genes in your family? Well its not all bad at least he has something to hold on too. Also very tempting.
NO - Normal. Boring!! Who's gonna want to fuck you when they know out there somewhere is a chick with built in handles??
14) Big - Hardworking, tough and eager to please.
Medium - You offer the best of both worlds now go and spread the word.
Small - Graceful sexy and femine.
15) Yes - Crazy, psycho, demented and inventive. You should seek help as soon as possible.
No - Tisk, tisk, tisk. What would your monkey ancestors be thinking now. Do you really think you're that civilized?? Be honest.
Ok now here is YOUR job you have to refer 10 people to my site, or you will never find a sexy bitch of your own!!!
0-3 Organisms: Development of chlamidia is unavoidable.
4-7 Organisms: Well even worse you will get ghonnera.
8-9 Organisms: Your genitals will shrink up and become useless.
10 Organisms: You won't have a terrible fate like the others.
11-15 Organisms: You will enjoy moderate sex. Ah could be worse.
15-19 Organisms: You will have great sex ALL the time.
20-25 Organisms: Your partner will do what you please sometimes.
26-29 Organisms: You won't have any trouble gettin' LAID!!!
30+ Organisms: Enjoy the pleasures of Milk and Honey!!!
If you don't have enough friends to tell 10 people about this, your phalanges will quiver and break off and your patellas will rot. If you don't know what those are then you won't be able to look them up in a DICTIONARY!!! Hurry up because you only have 9.09 minutes or elese!!!!!
