i hate that i can't say that i don't think about your kiss or your touch. i hate that it didn't mean anything because it was a game, and that i played, even though i knew the rules, because i wanted to break them. i hate that i'm not able to force myself to remember you as a friend instead of as a lover. i hate that i'm still glad it all happened, even though it hurts and i didn't get my way. i hate that you are the only one that understands me and the first one to make me realize that there is better, and that it's not allowed to mean any more than it does. i hate that i have to pretend that i don't feel these things because of all the respect i have for you. i hate that i love you much more than i ever should have, and that i can't tell you that. i hate that i have no regrets about any of it. |
