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The story that once happened to someone that is in this story that just happens to be me the character in the book that you are about to read“but he could” “but he wouldn’t” “but he could”... this wonderful hour long conversation all started because I ,me,( yes I know I should say a name but I don’t want to so live with it) for some reason that till this moment I cant comprehend decided to go up to some really religious nut (if there were a god I bet “he’d” prefer atheist over religious nuts.) and start a conversation on god one thing led to the other, and I said “you know what I bet if god wanted to he could just turn evil even more than Satan himself and just kill us all or find some other form of torture, after all it is god its not like anyone could stop him” and then this religious nut lets call her A. S. said “but he wouldn’t” Back to the present...
“Would you just shut the hell up I can’t stand it anymore no one cares” this very subtle remark care from well mark. “you mean you wouldn’t care if “god” (I actually did the quotation thing with my hand) suddenly decided to kill us all” he stared at me in disbelief “your stupid” he said “oh good comeback” I said mockingly (is it me or is all this he said I said crap really annoying) then I was woken up by my enemy the alarm clock. I graved my enemy and threw it out the window (you can hear some pain coming from the outside) all while screaming you have made a fool of me for the last time then I gave my ever so choreographed evil laugh. Which sounds a little like this... hmm...ok I forgot I was writing and I can’t actually insert sounds...or can I...
? half an hour later.
Yeah I was right I can’t insert sound into writing but that’s what the imagination is for isn’t it, you do know how to use your imagination don’t you... it went like this “mwaaahahahamwa” trust me it’s much more impressing in person.
Oh don’t be discouraged that conversation did actually happen it just happens that I was having a dream about it when I was writing this. (Is it me or did this just go from a slightly mediocre book to something that one would read on a bathroom wall) once again back to the story.
First of all I live in a roach infested apartment in the middle of nowhere USA well at least close to the middle of nowhere. I actually know the person who lives there, in the middle of nowhere that is, all I’ll say is that its one insanely disgruntled blonde. She lives near a burro if that helps you complete the mental picture and if it didn’t then I don’t really care. The apartment that’s right we were talking about my apartment, is a three story apartment making me the avocado in a idiot/vegan sandwich.
My upstairs neighbor just happens to be some weird comic book selling guy (oh behold the wonder that is my vocabulary) who by the way once screamed at me for not knowing the name of the cripple guy from x-men. But he paid for that didn’t him DIDNT HE!!!!(Insert evil laugh). His name is Montgomery and he lives upstairs... awkward book pause. The downstairs living person is a girl, I think; it’s hard to tell because in all honesty “it” has no fat or muscle of any kind. _ that’s a picture of it laying on the ground.-that’s it floating / that’s it leaning = that’s it lying on top of another it. This it is called Cory which again didn’t help me in my search for its sexuality. Cory is a vegan or at least that’s what it says I honestly don’t believe it. It’s all just a lie so we won’t know that it’s an anorexic. It is also a moron who enjoys harassing me at every step. Cory usually follows me after I do my grocery shopping and tells me all this crap about killing animals I tell it they want to be killed and take a bite of whatever fast food thing I have.
After taking a quick shower and putting on whatever clothes I find on the floor that doesn’t smell, I run outside so the vegan won’t see me. This is sort of my usual morning commute. Did I mention that I work at a guacamole dip factory? It’s actually even worse than it sounds and it pays less than McDonalds to a dishwasher.
So I enter the senor tako dip factory and am greeted by mark the to-be jr-jr-manager at least that’s what he calls it. He’s basically the same thing I am the avocado squishier.
“So what’s up”
“About 8 minutes worth of sun” (behold the sarcasm) I said as I graved the avocado “ah...yeah”said mark as he shoved his hand into the avocado plate and started making a little ball of avocado with his bare hands.
“awkward pause ha"
"No not really just concentrating on my masterpiece"
"Your masterpiece?"
"Yes, hahahaHAHAHA!!!!... Ah screw it" mark then threw his giant avocado ball at the tube thingy that puts the avocado in the can. <
"You know I don’t think your supposed to put the avocado in the tube if it’s shaped like a ball, someone’s gonna get a solid green thing"
"Well you’re also not supposed to put the bone inside the machine" "What...oh crap!"
One thing led to another and well anyway all the workers ended up in front of the now ex-senor tako dip covered in avocado mix.
"Ok everybody quiet if you’ll just let me talk I can explain everything about what just happened and how this will affect you" said Steve the manager.
“first of all as many of you may have noticed the factory blew up"(no shit)"one of our staff members informed me that apparently someone put a bone in the machine which caused some kind of mal function that cause the whole thing to blow up"(kaboom) " the worker also told us who it was that put the avocado in the machine"(damn you mark you will pay) "and about your jobs your all fired , so you can all leave"
As everyone was leaving I was called by the manager. “I was told YOU left the avocado bone in the machine"
"Ahh...yes"
“So what do you have to say for yourself” (what the hell I say everything for myself you don’t talk for me that sentence makes no sense)...
“So”
“Cow”.
“Were suing” “Damn” (my ego just deflated)
On the walk home I started thinking about my life and how messed up everything was. I don’t have friends I virtually hate everyone.
After having gone to court they decided that I should go to therapy and not pay or spend time in jail
"I work in an avocado dip factory and well spending my Sunday squeezing avocadoes isn’t exactly my idea of fun. So after having accidentally blown up the factory the boss came up to me to have nice talk about how everything is ok and long story short I am now here."im at the therapist right now really phony guy can’t stand him can’t stand the fact that I have to pay 200 bucks an hour. To be continued (insert suspenseful music)
