If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?

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A husband shopping center has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 123,456,789,012,345 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at HusbandMart and have a nice day.
--Thelly, the Storylady, Cardiff by the Sea

**HUMOR Winners:
Subject: La or Le
Women are very clever!!!!
A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.
"House," in French, is feminine--"la maison."
"Pencil," in French, is masculine--"le crayon."
One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?"
The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender, and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
BY Daniel H. Milligan

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

"By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates

A Good woman inspires a man,
A Brilliant woman interests him,
A Beautiful woman fascinates him,
And a Sympathetic woman gets him.
--Helen Rowland

"A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days." -Tim Allen

"My girlfriend is at that stage when her biological clock is telling her it's time for her to be making me feel guilty and immature." -Kevin Hench

"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something which you'd like to have dinner with." - Anonymous woman

"My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.'" - Unknown

I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you. If you upset her even more you get the silent treatment
Don't you think it's worth the extra effort?

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
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"I wouldn't mind being the last man on Earth - just to see if all of those girls were telling me the truth." -Ronnie Shakes

Finally, looking strained, her companion took her hands, "silencing" her. The he signed, very small and slowly, "You don't have to shout, I'm not blind."

Like a lot of husbands, Noah Webster would sit down and try to talk to his wife. But, as soon as he would start to say something, his wife would ask, "And what's that supposed to mean?"
And the rest is history

Maturity:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Handwriting:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.
Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their "i's" with circles or hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's".
It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley-face at the end of the note.

Bathrooms:
A man has six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, a razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Groceries:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things.
A man waits until the only items left in his 'fridge are half a lime and some mold. Then he goes grocery shopping.
He buys everything that looks good. By the time that a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

Going out:
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out.
When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be ready to go out, just as soon as she finds her earring, finishes putting on her makeup....

Cats:
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Offspring:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Low Blows:
Let's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on TV. One of the boxers is felled by a low blow. The woman says, "Oh, gee. That must hurt."
The man doubles over and actually FEELS the pain.

Dressing Up:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
A man will dress up for: (1) Weddings, and (2) Funerals.

Laundry:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were "hip" about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes,he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth.

Weddings:
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony." Men talk about "the bachelor party."

Socks:
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks.
Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have pictures of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

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Two confirmed bachelors were sitting and talking. Their conversation drifted from sports to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy cooking in it?" asked the second. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way, "Take a clean dish and...'"

Bought my girlfriend a mood ring the other day. When she's in a good mood it turns green. When she's in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on my forehead.

MEN'S UNSPOKEN RULES..........By Mark Canter
Nobody knows who wrote them, but every guy knows them.
When the movie E.T. first came out, a woman I know was surprised that her husband had shed a tear or two during the scene where the alien munchkin dies. This same guy, see, hadn't so much as misted an eye at the "Terms of Endearment," but a kid's movie got him where he lived.
That's not so odd, I said. Her husband was just following the rules: Guys must stay strong and tear-free through tragedies, but are permitted to cry over the death of a pet (and E.T. was essentially Old Yeller from outerspace). The only time I ever saw my father cry was the day we buried our beloved dog: As we lowered Duke into a hole in the backyard, he hung his head and bawled.
Men follow a covert propriety--a set of unspoken rules that govern our ways and define what it is to be MALE. It's more than just knowing when it's okay for a red-blooded all-american guy to cry; there are dozens of inner "prime directives" that tell us how to act like a real man.
Where do these by-laws come from? From everywhere: Dad, first-grade readers, coaches, the Hardy Boys, baseball players, Ben Cartwright, Captain James T. Kirk, older brothers, the Boy Scouts and Ozzie Nelson; and from hanging out with the guys.

Some anthropologists say the codes we follow today were set down way back when men got together to paint bison and saber-toothed tigers on the walls of caves. "Many of these behaviors have been selected by evolution," explains Warren Farrell, Ph.D., author of the book "Why Men Are the Way They Are." "For example, it's a rule that men are supposed to be tough and protect women. This traces back to acient times, when if women bred with men who were gentle and sensitive, those guys got wiped out by invading tribes. The men who were able to bash in some enemy skulls and save themselves and their women and children were the ones whose genes were passed on."