Profiles I Have Had

The following are profiles I have had on AOL Instant Messenger. All of them are my ( TwentyTwoScado22 ) intellectual property (with the exception of a few), so don't try some half-assed rip-off attempt to use them. It just goes to show how uncreative you are.
They are in no order whatsoever. New ones are added as soon as they are remembered. Enjoy.

1)
Attempted Humor is on Fridays @ 7:00pm, channel 17

Looking at others' profiles can be a fulfilling and overall enriching experience. Take Mr. R. M. Smelting, for example. He was another lifless loser who sat on IM all day with nothing to do. Nothing to do, that is, untill he read a friend's profile. The profile contained an inspirational message about how good life is, and why one should enjoy it. Since Mr. Smelting enjoyed every minute he was on IM, he continued to do so, and died sitting behing the keyboard.

Super Rad!

2)
Attempted Humor is on Fridays @ 7:00pm, channel 17

[insert shout-out here]
[insert complaint about life here]
[insert either how much love you have for a person, or a complaint about how hard it is to find love here]
[insert crappy song lerycs here]
[insert stupid quote here]
NOTE: Be sure to use "lol" "j/k" "ur" and many other ridiculous and unecessary misspelled internet shorthand phrases.
Congratulations! You have just made a boring and stereotypical profile.

I shall call you..... PASTULLIO!!!!!!

3)
Attempted Humor is on Fridays @ 7:00pm, channel 17

"They're pirates...if it's warm and concave, they'll probably hump it."

RissRiss666: cca looks nice, we have xmas decs and lights in the commons
TwentyTwoScado22: cool. D.Y. looks nice; they cleaned up the bloodstains.

4)
Attempted Humor is on Fridays @ 7:00pm, channel 17

Vote Dave Horvath for Sophomore Class President-- if it's anyone else, we're screwed!
Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Vote Horvath for Sophomore Class President:

1. George Bush is his homosexual lover.
2. He has a nifty haircut.
3. He's a sex machine.
4. He reads books about war.
5. He lives life on the edge: wears a white shirt and eats a meatball sub on the same day.
6. He wants a couple of fine "country boys" to cook for him.
7. He dislikes terrorists.
8. He wears golf clothes daily.
9. Gives out free sugary golf course-shaped foodstuffs.
10. Because having any other class president just isn't feasible.

5)
Attempted Humor is on Fridays @ 7:00pm, channel 17


And now, Internet Shorthand Made Easy:

j/k- I just said something extremely stupid, but do not want to apologize for it.
lol- Whatever you just said was not funny. I am simply typing this to seem polite, even though I do not want to talk to you.
u- You are simply not important enough to me to type out your entire pronoun.
luv u- If you were really special to me, I would have typed out the entire sentence, not just some half-assed attempt at a term of endearment. Hell, if you were that important to me, I would be talking to you in person.
rotfl- Random string of letters.
b4- Obviously the coordinates to the location of your hidden destroyer, in Battleship.
r- the letter after q, and before s.

Please, stop the shorthand.

6)
Attempted Humor is on Fridays @ 7:00pm, channel 17

So, what do you think of Freshmen year?

BohemianJAVA2: school sucks.
Dr uM P rO 44: school fucking sucks.
StonyTony385: school sucks.
TheChad385: school really sucks.
betharooni15: school sux
CrazyJojo678:School fucking sucks!!!
OCLAF TAP:school sucks shit.
CutiePy47: school fuckin sucks!
EagleAce533: school sucks...
grasshopper399:school sucks.
jenksman97:school really sucks.
LittleMarcy663: school sucks!
MongerFoot:school sucks ass
sandysands556:school sucks a lot.
katiezurowick116:school sucks.

CaTiEfAtHeAd: school fuckin' RULES!!!!!!!

Hmm. . . .I wonder whose gonna get their ass kicked. . . .

7)
Attempted Humor is on Fridays @ 7:00pm, channel 17

What I learned in school:

-"Props" are not used to support things, nor are they used in movies.
-You do not keep "dawgs" as pets.
-"Cigaweed" is a delightful blend of tobacco and marijauna.
- If you are white and decide to have cornrows braided in your hair, you will live. . . but not for long.
-"Heat" is both something you can pack, and something that can be kindly given to your "dawgs" as a greeting.
-There are seventeen words in Thug that describe undesirable females.
-All of the gang colors in the school mixed together make light purple.

8)
Attempted Humor is on Fridays, channel 17 @ 7:00pm

You think you know, but you can fuck off.

Funkisms:
-Huh?
-What's that mean?
-Gotta lift.
-I want yas to excell.
-Quit being a jerk.
-There's the door.
-I would hate. . . I would hate to hafta send yas to Mr. Morrison.
-When I went to U-Conn. . .
-This is some pretty intense stuff, youse guys, so pay attention!
-Name that fight song.

"Huh?" he would say in question
As we asked about one of his lessons
He'd flirt the girl-chicks
And call Chad Lohr "Chad-wick"
Yet he still got payed for this profession.

9)
Attempted Humor is on Fridays, channel 17 @ 7:00pm


You think you know, but you have got to tell me where you got those fabulous shoes!

You think you know, but rabid chipmunks are tearing out your trechea.

U think u no, but u dun no how 2 spell.

You think you know, but you drank too much and passed out.

You think you know, but you forgot to phrase your answer in the form of a question.

You think you know, but you overconfidence in your personal knowledge simply reflects your insecurities.

You think you know, but I think therefor I am.


You think you know, but you can fuck off.


This next one was my friend Cara's profile for a while. I find it amusing . . .

10)
VaVaVirgil: Hey, can you tell me one reason Y smoking isn't stupid?
ME: no because smokling is stupid
VaVaVirgil: Because smokling is stupid?
ME: because smaoking is stupid
VaVaVirgil: Smaoking is stupid?
ME: smoking is stupid
VaVaVirgil: About as stupid as it gets.
ME: yup
VaVaVirgil: Hey, what do you think of smoking?
ME: hey can you just stop talking about smoking all together?
VaVaVirgil: Huh? I did'nt get that. Try saying it differently.
ME: shove it
VaVaVirgil: OK. What about smoking?

I miss SmarterChild

11)
Attempted Humor is on Fridays, channel 17 @ 7:00pm



Dan Irvine likes ska.
He drives a Geo Prism.
Got any questions?

John is a quiet
kid who likes Japanese stuff;
Especially girls.

Bart can run quite fast.
He plays football well. Has no
fear but Joe Mochi.

Brian Cornet has
a fatal addiction to
Counter Strike. Fux0rz!

No matter what we
tell Cara about her weight,
she says she is fat.

Shrooms, weed, and natural
drugs are the kind that Sherry
uses when Phish plays.

Once born in Thailand,
resembles different cultures.
Chad's not hawaiian.

Dave Horvath for Pres.
Wants to make school better, but
That's not feasible.

12)
Attempted Humor is on Fridays, channel 17 @ 7:00pm



Comic genius or
just a chronic complainer?
Tony's quite funny.

Want to sleep in late?
At the Johnson house, it's hard.
Bill's dad is his boss.

Jo's dad teaches well.
Compaired to Bart, he's a geek.
Don't be jealous, dad.

Les doesn't care what
people think about his looks.
Please, cut your sideburns.

Has a plum Saturn.
Chip is hardcore to the max.
Hey, shut up you guys!

Slammin' Sammy, what
a guy. He plays in eight bands.
Where the hell is he?

PT cruisers are
nice, but Pat likes to steal cars
in GTA 3.

Not a sportsfan. No
girl. Writing, music, drama.
I swear I'm not gay!

13)
Attempted Humor is on Fridays, channel 17 @ 7:00pm



Oh Alex Jenks, you are not alone.
King father; you're heir to the throne.
Although you're made fun of,
You will become one of
The higher-ups who'll send those kids home.

I'm sure J.C.'s emotionally scarred.
After all, he was hit by your car.
You love David Bowie,
but cannot stand Moby.
Oh Melissa, what trouble you are!

All caught up in teen punk-rock fury.
Down with you all, post-haste: hurry!
Rancid's alright,
think I will mosh tonight.
So Brian, spicy or masaman curry?

14)
Attempted Humor is on Fridays, channel 17 @ 7:00pm



Talented, refined, and collegiate.
AP placement is nothing to sneez at.
This extra-curricular demon,
is honking and squeezin'.
Cos Emily plays tuba for Jesus.

Some say Pete's ill-tempered and rude:
"He's nice, but he's not a cool dude."
It's hard to explain,
Red-heads always feel pain.
Maybe that's why he's in such a bad mood?

Do Kate's parents over-protect her?
From this data I make a conjecture:
All of her time spent
is locked in the basement.
With video games, her only true pleasure.

15)
Attempted Humor is on Fridays, channel 17 @ 7:00pm



Way back when Jim listened to Ivy,
Spiked collars, punk patches, hair dyed green.
Reverted to emo,
Lets his feelings all show.
"I'd be punk, but my girlfriend won't let me."

John Cornet, the brother unknown.
Upstairs, studies Wicca, alone.
Please convince yourself
That you are not an elf,
And you can't get your powers from stones.

Kelly Robinson's
mom is a hippie who has
a Lesbian Strat.

16)
Attempted Humor is on Fridays, channel 17 @ 7:00pm



Jim, I'm a doctor, not a prom queen!
Jim, I'm a doctor, not a naughty jungle of love!
Jim, I'm a doctor, not a street vendor!
Jim, I'm a doctor, not a space cowboy!
Jim, I'm a doctor, not a Singer/Songwriter!
Jim, I'm a doctor, not a licensed bartender!
Jim, I'm a doctor, not a shetland pony!
Jim, I'm a doctor, not a gay rights activist!
Jim, I'm a doctor, not a sports editor!
Jim, I'm a doctor, not a sado-masochist!
Jim, I'm a doctor, not a bank manager!
Jim, I'm a doctor, not a lunch lady!
Jim, I'm a doctor, not a beltsander!
Jim, I'm a doctor, not a Depache Mode fan!

17)
Attempted Humor is on Fridays, channel 17 @ 7:00pm


I could never get used to the squirrels. Where ever I went in my new apartment, which I'd recently bought from that smelly Latvian realestate agent in Southie, there they were. Always, with their little beady black eyes that shone mischievously at inappropriate hours of the night. Staring into my kitchen windows as if to say: "Goodmorning, sexy." Only it wasn't morning, and I'm not very good looking. Apart from being visually irritating, the squirrels also scared away most of the neighbors. Although, I have to admit that I didn't really want my neighbors around most of the time, so in that area the 'lil fleabags helped out.

18)
Attempted Humor is on Fridays, channel 17 @ 7:00pm

You're All A Bunch Of Wankers! (Euphemisms)

Slogos With Fuck!

Pictures by me.