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Two weeks ago, the Shadow Synth band ALTAiR created the first man-made planetary system around the nearby star Sirius. There was no warning that such an event would take place, and in fact, the new system was not announced after its creation. Astronomers performing routine scans discovered the recent addition to the heavens late last night. This lead to all sorts of conspiracy theories and wild accusations, as ALTAiR's three members all hold positions in the senate.

A spokesperson of Greenpeace said the planets' gravity would create conditions that would lead to species extinction. ALTAiR was quoted as saying, "Those assholes at Greenpeace don't know what they're talking about. All they say is 'emissions this' and 'toxic that'. They have NO IDEA what the big picture is, man. We at ALTAiR World Headquarters know the big picture. We live it. We love it."

The new planets come as a shock to those in Congress, who in the past have been firm supporters of ALTAiR's plans. But recent rumblings in the Federal government regarding the possibly sinister intentions of ALTAiR's Galactic Battle Cruiser fleet have temporarily snuffed any hopes of congressional support for this move.

When questioned about the federal government's dissatisfaction, ALTAiR responded with this taped reply.

"The entity known as ALTAiR has no future goal of manipulating the populous of planet Earth. We consider ourselves to be somewhat the benefactors of Earth, and as our actions in the past have demonstrated, ALTAiR will continue to be on the cutting edge of Human development. The notion that our nationally independant offshore oil drilling platform poses any significant threat is pure heresay. Our armed jet helicopter force exists only as a means of safe transit to and from concerts, and the so-called "Attack Tank Brigade" is used merely as storage for our instruments.

In recent discussions with the press, the subject of our vast stockpiles of "energy weapons" has been mentioned. This, you will find, is wholly untrue. These are not weapons, but are tools of science. And as a show of good faith, we will allow a small group of observers to survey our premises on a date of our choosing.

As for the idea that we, the members of ALTAiR, have any misguided intentions, we respond by saying that myths are created from bad information, and we are not responsible for the things others say. Our intentions are completely benign, as far as we know the meaning of the word. Thank you."

Legal experts have poured over the tape since its release, and have been unable to determine what is actually being said. They assure us, though, that nothing ALTAiR states in their tape is intended to be misleading.

More news soon on this most perplexing story...