This article was lifted directly from because they are just so cool

text: Chris Tsubamoto

"You yellow-bellied chicken."

Well, that's not exactly WHAT I'd call you, but just in case there might be some twelve year-old punk asses reading this article, I'll refrain from the swearing. I just finished reading an amusing stat that I found online, and I thought I'd share it with everyone. Check this out…

Men who were successful when they used the pick-up line "Hi"
Women who were successful when they used the pick-up line "Hi"…

Who would've thunk it eh? After all the Miller Lite commercials and all the practicing in the bathroom and all the stress associated with making the first "move," turns out you got a better than average chance to get some if all you say is "Hi."

Well I'm sure what comes after the "Hi" plays a large role in if you're gonna be getting nekkid that night, but seems nothing is better than just comin clean. Maybe that's why that loser a couple chairs down is mixin it up with that hottie. Or maybe that's why that skank ho with the sick panty lines is gonna get laid tonight. What an odd world we live in Charlie… odd indeed…

So I says to myself, "If hi works so damn well, why do men and women (men especially) always come up with the stupidest things to say in order to break the ice?" It makes me think of days past, cruising down the strip in Palo Alto with a couple high school buddies, having a competition on who could come up with the dumbest pick-up lines…

"Excuse me, what's your favorite kinda cheese?"

"Excuse me, did you get that on sale?"

"Excuse me, do you have any Grey Poupon?"

Needless to say, I remain a virgin to this day. Still though, we got plenty of laughs, plenty of smiles, and only the stupidest chick in the world would've thought that we were serious. We was in it for their reaction… and every now and then we'd be rewarded by a blown kiss or a lift of the shirt. Did I mention that I was in high school?

And like all good anecdotes, they eventually take you somewhere. Over the course of seven long days, I scoured women of all ages, professions, and backgrounds on what were some of the most cheesiest, most ickiest, most stupidest pick-up lines they've ever heard. Most of the women responded with lines actually used on them, and I'm sure most men still believe that these things work. I guess we just don't get it.

I must say though, most of the replies that I got were drab and unoriginal… kinda like Courtney Cox. Only a few were good enough to be deemed "worthy" to make it on II stix, so I went and scoured some other ones down too.

So behold, the greatest compilation of dumb ass pick-up lines anywhere! But a word of caution before advancing any further. Actual use of any content provided below may result in death and/or serious injury, and II stix is not responsible for any cracked heads, squeezed penises, or unwanted babies that may arise from our study.

With that being said, godspeed fellow reader… godspeed!


  • Baby, you must have a mirror in your pants cause I can see myself in them.

  • Your father must be a baker, cause you got nice buns.

  • Are you tired? Cause you've been running around in my mind all night.

  • If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

  • Which is easier? Getting into those tight pants or getting out of them?

  • I like to enjoy myself. Maybe sometime we can let our bodies enjoy each other.

  • If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.

  • You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

  • Come over here and get a taste of America's Most Wanted.

  • Hi, I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.


  • If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold IT against me?

  • I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I am the only guy talking to you.

  • You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book… so what's one more?

  • Pardon me, but what pickup line works best with you?

  • I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

  • Uh, oh. My parents met at a place like this. Let's get the hell out of here

  • Do you mind if I end this sentence in a proposition?

  • If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep in until the afternoon.

  • Are you interested in anybody here? Then I guess you're stuck with me.

  • Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?


  • Hey baby, wanna go halves on a bastard?

  • Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No? Damnit!

  • Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.

  • I've gotta thirst baby, and you smell like my Gatorade.

  • Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.

  • Did you know that the word 'motel' spelled backwards means 'letom'?

  • Ya know, if we cut your arms off, you'd look just like Venus de Milo.

  • I wanna floss with your pubic hair.

  • Do you like chips? Because if you are "Frito Lay" than I'm willing!

  • I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk.


  • Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or should I nudge you?

  • Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I'm here after.

  • Hey babe, do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?

  • Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?

  • Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

  • Are you free tonight or will it cost me?

  • I'm drunk.

  • That's a nice dress. Can I talk you out of it?


  • You MUST have a nice personality.

  • Perhaps you recognize me from one of the popular adult movies I was in.


  • Your face or mine?

  • My face is leaving in 15 minutes… be on it.

  • The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

  • Excuse me. Do you wanna have sex or should I apologize?

  • Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.

  • It's not just going to suck itself.

  • Wanna play carnival? That's where you sit on my face and I try to guess your weight.

  • If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?

  • Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.

  • Pardon me, do you mind if I push in your stool?


    Here Are The Top 10 Pick Up Lines Used By Asians

    10. I may look like a nerd but it's only a disguise.
    9. I carry this beeper not to feel important but so my mom knows where I am. I carry this phone to call her back.
    8. Uhhhh, no, I didn't play football in high school but I did letter in varsity volleyball and tennis.
    7. Has anyone ever told you you look like Chun Li? You know, that chic from Street Fighter 2.
    6. What do I do? Gee, I thought you would never ask. Y'see, I'm finishing my first year of residency in internal medicine.
    5. Yeah, (sniff) I cried during "Joy Luck Club."
    4. Do I cook? Well, not really but I can whip up a pretty mean fried rice!
    3. You know what? It's strange, but I get mistaken for a white guy all the time!
    2. Hey baby, wanna ride in my 16-valve, twin-cam lowered Acura Integra with BBS gold-spiked rims and a subwoofered stereo that'll leave you breathless?
    1. My eyes may seem small but I've got a HUGE personality.

    A few good pick-up lines ...

    01. I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.

    02. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

    03. Hey baby, can I buy you a fish sandwich?
    04. Nice legs...what time do they open?
    05. Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
    06. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
    07. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
    08. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
    09. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?
    10. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
    11 Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
    12. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.
    13. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
    14. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked
    15. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?
    16. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
    17. Are those real?
    18. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
    19. You can feel the magic between us...No, lower!
    20. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
    21. Girl, if you were a porch I'd take out all the nails and screw ya.
    22. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
    23. (Look down at the crotch) It's not just going to suck itself.
    24. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
    25. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any Questions?
    26. Fuck me if I'm wrong but is your name Helga?
    27. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
    28. My name is Mike...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.
    29. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
    30. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
    31. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute."
    32. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
    33. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.
    34. I know milk it does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
    35. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
    36. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? What you don't like pizza?
    37. I may not be Dairy Queen but I'll treat you right.
    38. Baby, I'm an American Express shouldn't go home without me.
    39. Do you sleep on your stomach at night? Can I???
    40. Do you wash your pants in Windex because I can see myself in them
    41. If I told you you had a nice body, would you hold IT against me?
    42. I lost my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
    43. If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put you and I together.
    44. Let me check the tag on your shirt, I want to see if it says "Made in Heaven"
    45. Hey nice shoes, wanna fuck?

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