How To Tell If You Or A friend Are Korean|
01. The furniture in your house never matches the
wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations or any of the rest of the furniture. I don't know much Korean people so I don't know how much of this is true.
02. You have rocks, sticks, leaves, deer antlers, and
strange smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use in medicine.
03. You own a rice cooker or two.
04. You buy soy sauce by the gallon.
05. Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.
06. You live with your Hal-moh-nee.
07.You parents own a liquor store, dry cleaner, or some
kind of discount
08. You drive a lowered, fixed up Integra, Eclipse, or
some kind of Honda.
09. You never tip over 15%.
10. You hate Denny's, even though you go there 24-7.
11. You love Sanrio stuff.
12. You have a pager.
13. You do that twirling thing with you pen.
14. You always have a box of Sapporo Ichiban ramyun or
15. Even though your family isn't super rich, you own a
16. You bring home all A's and one B, and your parents
yell, "Why did you
get a B?"
17 There is a 75% chance that you'll marry someone with
the same last
18. White people always say, "Say my name in
19. When you have a family gathering, 50 little kids are
your house, and YOU have to entertain them.
20. You can't stand Margaret Cho (that actress on All
21. When the bill comes, you practically beat each other
up- saying that
YOU'LL pay for the bill.
22. When you were in Junior High, you were either a nerd
or a little "kkang
23. Your parents say, "The reason why we came to
America was so that
you could get a good education, so go to Harvard."
24. You either have to be a doctor, lawyer, or some
25. Your parents say, "1600 isn't that hard... just
26. When some mega-mega nerd student is in the Korean
parents say, "why can't you be like him?"
27. If you're a guy, then you always have to put up with
questions" game when you call a girl if her parents
answer but if you're
smart, you ask, "Um hello? Is Bob there?"
28. No matter how well your parents speak English, they
can't say "wood."
29. Your dad hits you in the head with his knuckle, and
it hurts REALLY
30. Your parent's idea of a social life is church.
31. You have a container full of Kim-Chee in your fridge
32. You own a pair of BYC socks.
33. You or your parents start singing when drunk.
34. You have the Asian decals stuck to your car.
35. Your parents are still shorter than you.
36. You call a Korean older than you "Oppah" or
37. You make daily stops to the local "Hello
38. You know the "san-toki" song.
39. Your dad owns plaid pants.
40. You or your parents hand wash underwear.
41. "No-Rae Bang" is a common household word.
42. There's a bottle of Soju in your parents' fridge.
43. Your main source of income is New Years.
44. Your parents think anything goes with rice.
45. The rice you eat can stick to anything.
46. You can't believe your parents could have conceived
47. Your parents still spank you, even when you move out.
48. Failing a class means finding a new place to live.
49. Your mom rents Korean soap operas and watches them
50. You have naked baby pictures of you.
51.Your parents read the labels of everything to see if
it was made in
52. When you were little, relatives used to grab your
genitals or breasts.
53. Your parents yell out your Korean name REAL loud in
54. Ramen is the fifth food group.
55. You have to translate for your parents when ordering
56. Your parents are afraid of black people.
57. Your parents bought a gun after the L.A. riots.
58. Your parents used to cut your hair Okidoki.
59. You tell your parents you need to buy glue for
school, but they reply
"just use rice!"
60. Your parent's idea of a social life is
61. People ask, "Hey, show me some Jackie Chan
62. When someone points you out, they say "that one
Chinese girl (or
63. Your parents were ecstatic when the 88 Olympics were
held in Korea.
64. You know how to do the "kimchi squat."
65. If you're a guy- you talk about fixing up the car
that you will never
66. Even though you can't watch TV, your parents rent a
videos and watch them continuously for hours on end.
67. Your parents took the TV out of the house.
68. Your mom sings chan-son-gahs (hymns) while driving.
69. Your grandmother sings chan-son-gahs really loud,
while pounding her
thigh, which is TOTALLY off beat.
70. You have a million black leather bibles.
71. Even though your parents are die-hard Christians,
they don't want you
getting TOO involved with church.
72. When you ask your parents if you can go out, they
either reply "No" or
"hmph" which means yes.
73. You go out two Fridays in a row, and they yell that
you go out too
74. You have one of those silver kimhi-ttongs with
buckles on the sides.
75. You have a gazillion small containers in your fridge
with a different
ban-chan inside. but even though it smells pretty
raunchy, you still eat it.
76. When an Asian girl with a white guy (or vice versa)
walks by, your
parents STARE at them with their eyes popping out.
77. When you go to buffets, your parents make you eat
until you think
you're going to hurl, and even after you do, they say,
"good, eat more."
78. Your parents yell at you for being short, but they're
the ones that
gave you the short genes.
79. Your parents raise their hand as if they're going to
hit you, and you
totally shudder, shrinking back.
80. The main reason why you want to go to college out of
state is that
you can get away from your parents.
81. When you go to church retreats, you long for some
good ol' Korean
82. You have the ability to tell the different Asians
apart (i.e. Chinese,
83. You go to American restaurants, and your dad eats
really wide and
rudely, so you put your head down while whispering,
84. Your parents make you work at their business (i.e.
cleaners, discount store).
85. You bring home a white friend, and your parents
that he/she sleeps around, uses drugs, and parties 24-7.
86. Your parents have absolutely no color sense, wearing
87. Your parents verbally abuse you, even when joking
88. Your parents never attended your Back to School Night
or Open House
89. Your mom is the BEST cook!
90. When your mom hears or watches something sad, she'll
repeated sound really fast like "tte" a million
times a minute.
91. When you're sick, your mom will pink inside of your
elbow REALLY hard,
saying you have a digestion problem or something.
92. Your parents were supposed to get a divorce many
times, but they
never did for the children's sake, financial problems, or
"what would we tell church people?"
93. Your parents will be helping you with a math problem,
but when you
get something wrong, they'll start yelling and swearing
at you so loud, as
if you just committed some deadly crime.
94. Summer does not mean playtime to your parents. Summer
bust out those workbooks so you can get ahead in class!
95. Kumon is a household word.
96. Whenever guests come over, your parents make you whip
97. When guests are leaving your house, you have to stand
house saying bye to them, not to mention bowing a
98. You'll go to a movie with your parents, and
afterwards, they'll say "I
99. Your parents never participated in the
"American" traditions of Santa
Claus, Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy. You'll say,
"Where's Santa Claus?"
and they'll reply, "Santa Claus! Ptch! He's
dead!" And then you'll start
100. When you had your first loose tooth, your parents
promised to not to
pull it out but just to LOOK at it, but when they did,
they just yanked the
101. You'll buy a shirt full price, and your parents will
yell, "What! You
could have bought that for $2 at the swap meet!"
102. you're going out with a friend and your parents need
to know their
name, where they live, their phone #, what their parents
do for a living,
what kind of grades they get, what they got on their
SATs, how they
dress, if they go to church, and if they're male or
103. After you're get off the phone with someone from the
your parents will start interrogating you about that
person (except the
last one). You'll talk to someone from the opposite sex
two days in a row,
and your parents immediately think there's something
104. You bring home straight As, and your parents say,
supposed to get that!"
105. "When I was in Korea...."
106. When you get a car, the only places you're supposed
to go is school,
the library, and maybe the grocery store to do grocery
shopping for them.
107. When the doorbell rings, your parents get ALL
suspicious and prohibit
you from answering it. When they do answer it, they'll
open the crack like
1 centimeter and speak through that. And if it's a
salesperson, they'll slam
the door screaming, "we no interest!"
108. Your mom will laugh with her hand covering her
109. You'll be somewhere with your boyfriend/girlfriend,
and then you'll see
an adult from church, so you immediately start freaking
110. You had to miss out on Saturday morning cartoons as
attending dreaded Korean School.
111. While on long car trips, your parents will get
bored, so they'll think
about something that bugs them, and start bugging you.
(i.e., Why is your
room so messy! Why do you always fight with your
siblings! Why do you
always go out so much!)
112. You have a mini-van which your mom drives.
113. Your parents will be yelling at you (or each other)
and in the middle
of all the raucus, will close the windows so that the
neighbors won't hear.
114. You never feed your dog dog food but all your
115. You'll be cooking kalbi outside, and neighbors will
ask what the aroma
116. You think EVERYTHING is racial, like if someone is
mildly rude to you.
117. When a fixed up Japanese car drives by, you can't
help but look to see who's driving.
118. You go to church retreats to meet people from the
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