***This Article was lifted off www.yolk.com, a very informative site for Asians and Non-Asians alike. I'm not sure if they still have the story or not. I just thought that it was a nice article and should entertain all people, especially Asians***

        Men, when you go to sleep at night, ask yourself this question, "Is my penis safe?" Statistics show that if you sleep in the same room with a female, it may not be. Well, put those fears and anxieties behind you. Because from the makers of the "Crypt Lock" comes the "Cock Lock." The Cock Lock secures your manhood with a metal sheath, that can withstand up to 2000 pounds of lateral, shear force. It's ram skin interior provides comfort and wear-ability. Best of all, one size fits all, except for Asians. Just slip it on, and she won't be able to pull it off...saw it off...or burn it off. With Cock Lock, your "wee-wee" won't go bye-bye. (Female voice: "I hate you Cock Lock!") -A mock commercial heard recently on a popular, L.A. morning-drive radio program.

        Poor, poor Asian males. We sure are taking a beating these days, aren't we? Just when we thought all was well after the release of Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story, a film that actually held Mr. Asian Male in a positive light, out came The Joy Luck Club, reigniting the current trend in belittling him. If it's not our height, it's our lack of might. We aren't handsome enough, loud enough, considerate enough, paternal enough, aggressive enough, masculine enough, horny enough. Well, maybe not that last one.
        So what about this Asian penis thing anyway? Doesn't the world know that we have enough to worry about other than the size of our "wee-wees?" It's bad enough that people think we're overcompensating for our inadequacies by setting outrageous goals in education and profession.If you didn't quite understand the allusion to the myth of the Asian penis in the mock commercial, then let me clarify it for you. According to the myth, Asian men have smaller penises.Smaller than what? Or, who? Well, that all depends on what standard of measurement you use.
        Back in college, I took a class called "Sexual Psychology 230," otherwise known as "Dirty 230." My professor said the average penis size is 5-1/2 inches, when erect. When flaccid or limp, the average size is about 2-1/2 inches. Dr. Sooth, Gentlemen's Quarterly's "Dear Abby" of the sexually sublime, wrote, "...the average erect penis measures somewhere between 5 and 7 inches."Let's pick an arbitrary average then. How about 6 inches? If the average guy is 6 inches, then, by the law of averages, most of the world's men lie, er, uh, stand around that number. That also means that a few men are below 6 inches long. They are the men that heterosexual women refer to as small fry, shrimp chip, pinky, the tiny tots of this world. Understand, however, that to be labeled as such, you really have to be "tiny tot" size. That means in the neighborhood of about 3-1/2 inches long, give or take about an inch. Then you have the men who are above the average. They are the Long Dong Silvers, the Wun Hung Los, the Ball Park Franks of this world. They are the X-rated movie actors whose prerequisite for a lead role is a tree trunk size, flesh monster that measures bigger than 8 inches. They are the ones that make the Playgirl centerfolds, and the Hustler pictorials. They are the ones that walk around the gym locker room without a towel wrapped around their waist after they shower.
        So, once again, what about this Asian penis thing anyway? Is it average, is it a tiny tot or is it Wun Hung Lo? Well, I'm afraid the answer to end all answers will have to wait. My methodology for collecting data fell short, so to speak. I sent out questionnaires to almost two dozen Asian American sororities and fraternities in California, expecting to receive hundreds of replies to the length of the Asian penis. ;Unfortunately, none of the questionnaires were returned. Well, I take that back. I did get one, by a female. To avoid embarrassing her, we won't publish her answers. But thanks for your effort, ma'am.Not to worry, though. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and the best way to get data is to ask the men and women directly. But before we get to those answers, let's beat around the bush for a while.

Male Anatomy 101

        Perhaps the class we really should be attending is Philosophy 101, to find out why men lie or exaggerate about their male anatomy. One answer is because they can.Women have a much harder time lying or exaggerating about their breast size, save for surgical implants or the use of a push-up bra. Women wear their "God-given glory" for all the world to see. Men keep theirs bunched up in an old pair of Jockey underwear for safe keeping. The old saw, "don't judge a book by its cover," wears true in this area. Despite a man's height or build, women just don't know what they're getting into until the heat of passion compels them to finding out.
        While compiling my data, a woman asked why men feel it so important to worry about the size of their penis. The average male chauvinist pig probably would have written her question off as rhetorical and moved on. I mean, come on! Isn't everyone concerned about the penis? Doesn't the world revolve around the male's sexual anatomy? Well, probably not. But I can remember the time a young boy who lived near the city of Seattle, Washington was kidnapped, molested and sexually mutilated by this crazy pedophile. A man in his late 20's took this young boy, mutilated his penis and left it in a rather unusable condition.I worked at a television station in Seattle at the time of this incident, and can remember the outcry of anger and attention surrounding this little boy's mutilated penis. The thing I could not understand was why the boy's state of mind was never brought up. What could this boy be going through? Would he ever be able to recover mentally from being molested, mutilated and scarred for life?
        The local media never really covered these points. Then, when the national media became involved, further outcry and support arose from all over the world. Several trust funds were established for this boy, thinking: "Well, he has a screwed-up penis. So, will a few hundred thousand dollars make it better?" All that attention, over a little boy's mutilated penis. I thought, "Wow, I've seen it all." Then came Lorena Bobbitt and her pair of scissors.
        Instantly, a story with very little worldly importance caused reverberations far and wide. It seemed like almost every country in the world with some sort of mass medium covered the story. All this attention over a man's severed penis. A severed penis that was later reattached and, through some strange kind of physical therapy, made to work again in every way except sexually.
        Yes, for the second time in my life, the world revolved around the penis. So, to the woman who asked in vain, "Why are men so concerned about the size of their penis?" I answer, "Why aren't you?" Frankly, I could give a damn too. But manhood is manhood, and when the penis is in question, so too the manhood.

The Men's Institute

        If you're looking for the Silicon Valley, try Northern California. If you want the "Silicone Valley," venture into Southern California. Breast augmentation surgery is as common here as going to the beauty salon. I haven't checked into it, but I bet there's a place in Beverly Hills where you can have both of those done in one stop.I can see it now. While having your breasts enlarged, you can get a French manicure, have your hair trimmed and styled, and your legs waxed, all at the same one-stop salon.
        Over a year ago, a man by the name of Dr. Melvyn Rosenstein combined his expertise in urology with the talents of a marketing expert named Ed Tilden. They developed the Men's Institute and made penile enlargement and lengthening surgery as accessible as, well, getting your hair trimmed. The Institute reportedly takes more than 2,000 calls a day at their 26 sales offices, resulting in more than 150 operations a month. They spend $200,000 per month on newspaper advertising and are starting to take calls from all over the world. Reportedly, the operation is only partially effective. Penile enlargements are the most effective since body fat is transferred to the shaft of the penis. (The glans or head cannot be thickened.) This process can add as much as an inch to the girth or circumference of the penis. However, the results can be temporary since the body fat can be reabsorbed. As far as the lengthening process is concerned, that's a little trickier and, at this point in time, experimental.
        Apparently, about one-third of the penis is in the body. The surgery involves cutting an incision at the base of the penis, exposing its root. The ligaments that suspend the penis at an upright angle are snipped, and the root of the penis is literally pushed out from inside the pelvis. The pubic area is then restitched preventing retraction. The actual gain in length is nominal (about an inch) during an erection, but most noticeable (by up to three inches) during the flaccid state. This increase during the flaccid state is obviously of no use during sexual intercourse. But depending on how much a man's penis retracts, the operation reportedly can give a man a great "psychological boost," especially in public situations such as the locker room. Since 1991, Dr. Rosenstein has performed about 1,500 operations on over 900 men at a package price of almost $6,000. Yes, penile surgery is big business.
        Which ethnic group tends to invest in this type of surgery more often is a well-kept secret that the Men's Institute's marketing department wouldn't divulge.

"Seven Inches or More"

        Vanity 6, the musical group inspired and created by Prince (or whatever his name is now), made it very clear in the song, "Nasty Girls": "I need seven inches or more." Through my research, I found one Asian male, a Japanese American, late 20's, who said he has a 7-inch penis. He even offered to show it to me, to which I immediately declined. He boasted that he gained instant notoriety after dating someone in the Los Angeles Asian American community.
        "Girls would point at me," he said. "It was a pretty big ego boost!" A Vietnamese American male, early 20's, admitted he was "below" the average of 6 inches. Asked if he was ever concerned about the length of his penis, he simply answered, "No."
        A Japanese American female, early 20's, said she has been with two Asian men: a half Filipino, half Chinese in his mid-20's, and a Japanese in his mid-20's. With the 6-inch rule in mind, she said, "Okay, let me think about this. I have to think how long six inches is. Well, I guess they were average. Yeah, they were about average."
        Among two Filipino women, late 20's to early 30's, one initially said "way above average." Then I found out she was talking about her fiance, who is African American. So much for that myth. The other woman said the Japanese man she dated was "average." She then added, "I can't believe you're asking these questions!"
        To be honest, I can't believe I'm asking people these questions either. Women probably think it's some sort of pick-up line. Men? Well, I'm sure they (including Brian) understand that this is strictly research. Remember now, the world revolves around the penis, and men understand this. A Columbian American female - we'll call her Donna - in her mid 20's could not disagree more. She said the whole penis size thing is a non-issue. "I think people spend too much time on issues that are stupid," she said. "I mean they concern themselves with things like, `why are blonde women stupid?' I know a lot of blonde women who are smart and a lot of brunettes who are stupid. I know a lot of Asian women who are stupid, whatever. I find that Americans are too concerned with stupid things."
        Yet, Donna thought the subject of this article was interesting since most of her boyfriends have been Asian. She explained that she prefers Asian men "because they're small." Donna, who stands about 5'1", thinks "body size" has something to do with penis size."Asian men are not big," she said, referring to their penises. "I guess that's always why I liked Asian men. I strongly believe that that's because of their bodies. Their bodies are not big." I told her the average size for all males is about 6 inches. She replied, "Yeah. They (Asian men) are average."
        Donna's friend, a Chinese American female, early 20's, said she currently dates African American men. She made it clear that it is "the whole physical package" of African American men that appeals to her, not their penis size. She said she has dated one Asian male whose penis was "about 6-1/2 inches, but it was big in circumference."
    Asked if she was familiar with the different ethnic-specific stereotypes, she replied, "Not all Asian men are going to have smaller penises in the same way that not all Black men have huge penises. There's exceptions to every stereotype. Just because I'm Asian doesn't mean I'm going to be passive."
        A Chinese American female - let's call her Marilyn - in her mid-20's explained that she hadn't been with a lot of men, but that she had "been very lucky. "Every single guy has been at least 6 inches," Marilyn said. "They were mostly Chinese men. One was 8 inches, another was 7 inches. I guess I've been pretty lucky."
        A Korean American male, mid-20's, recalled a conversation with his Caucasian girlfriend. He said they had just finished making love when she brought up the subject of penis size. She said she had heard about the size myth, and initially she was kind of concerned," he said. "It was something that was in the back of her mind, before we ever made love. But after making love, she found out it wasn't a problem, that [the myth] wasn't true." He said he was always a little uncomfortable with the subject of penis size because all of his friends who were White had joked about how little Asian men's penises must be. After a while, he began to believe in the myth himself.
        "It plays on your psyche," he said. "My friends used to joke and poke fun at me and say, `You know how Asian men are.'"

Does Size Matter?

        Remember the woman who questioned why men are so concerned about size? Well, she also said that even though women say "size doesn't matter," it really does. But she said women are just "too kind to shatter men's egos with a simple statement about something so sensitive to men." Back at the same college where I took "Dirty 230," I had the circumstance of being one of only about 200 Asians on campus, out of a total enrollment of about 17,000. Most of my friends, roommates, classmates, professors, etc. were Caucasian. I will never forget the experience nor the questions I faced every day. "Do you eat rice? Do you use chopsticks?" But those questions were nothing compared to the graphically sexual ones I heard about Asian women.
        "I heard that Asian women are `tighter,'" several acquaintances would say, in reference to the vagina. Another reference never ceased to amaze me every time I heard it: "I heard that Asian women's `slits' were horizontal instead of vertical so that it would get tighter as they spread their legs."You would seriously be amazed by all the questions I have heard about Asian women in the five years I attended that university. But back to this Asian penis thing.
        Donna, the Columbian woman, said she dated a Columbian man whose penis was "so big that it hurt. [The Columbian man] was someone who I could've married," she said. "But I wouldn't marry him for many reasons. One reason was because he (his penis) was too big. My friends said, `Oh, you'll get used to it.' But I never did. I couldn't stand it!"
        The woman I referred to as Marilyn admitted she doesn't particularly like sex with a man much bigger than 6 inches. "With someone that huge, it really hurts," she said. "I don't think I ever want something that big inside me again."

The Unbearable Lightness of Being Average

O    One of the females I interviewed was curious as to what the consensus was on Asian penis size. I told her that the results were about average. Some bigger, some smaller, mostly average though. She was surprised to hear "some bigger." I was talking to her on the phone, but I could just imagine her eyes growing wider with amazement. She was even surprised to hear that Asian men were about average, having heard the myth of the small Asian penis as well.
    I have to say that this story was a difficult one to keep objective, being an Asian male myself. My education as a journalist never quite prepared me for a subject like the "myth of the Asian penis." I suppose that if I had searched long and hard, I may have actually come up with more men who were smaller than average. There is a trick to being objective: don't look for certain results. If a non-Asian female or male were to attempt this story, the results may have been different. People, in general, tend to "find" the results that they expect. It's the self-fulfilling prophecy at work.
        I am an Asian male. I never expected to find results that were smaller than average. However, I never expected to find results that were bigger than average, either. I just found what I found: Asian penises are about average in length when erect, with the possible "absence of really big ones." My favorite interviewee, Marilyn, made an interesting point about men's penis size, but on an individual basis. She said, "There is an erection, and then, there is an erection!" Well put, Marilyn.

L.T. Goto is a Los Angeles-based writer. He wants everyone to know that the myth of the Asian penis does not apply to him.

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