Thanks for the notice, asshole

Head back for even more ass kicking.

Ok, so my friend Harrison wanted to go up the elementary school to get information for a music product he was working on for our "senior exhibitions." In short, he wanted to have two groups of kids take a test, one which listened to music before hand and one that didn't. Now I know this has been done about 800 times and is completley unoriginal, but it doesn't seem like it would be that big of a deal to comply with right? Wrong, apparently. The head honcho over there at the Elementary School (who of course is a woman) wrote him a nasty little email which in effect told him where he could shove his project. I thought this was rather rude, so i composed a little reply of my own:

Dear (and I use that word loosely) Mrs. Frye,

You seem to be experiencing a lot of pent-up frustrationÖ..menopause so soon? Oh well, I suppose we can work around that. What I am asking of you is not at all difficult to accept, andÖ.wait, I really donít believe that Iím asking anything of you at all. Why on Gods good earth was this matter brought to you in the first place? Youíre an incompetent, illiterate moron who didnít have what it took to become a teacher, so rather than actually try, you took the easy way out and became a principal. Why help kids when you can just piss them off by abusing the power you donít actually have, right? Well, let me be the first to say that you seem to be doing an excellent job. Your emails, aside from be grammatically inadequate , also make a huge number of ridiculous assumptions about what you seem to think I plan to do. This matter has nothing to do with you, or your abnormally large ego. You claim to be an educator, and yet you insult someone who merely asks for permission to do a simple study so that he can do well in school. In fact, all of this is irrelevant. Disregard it. The real issue here is that you shouldnít insult people who, unlike you, have an IQ above room temperature. Although your ďIím better than you because I weigh 400 pounds and wear an incredible amount of makeupĒ tactics may work on students in grades K-4, most students in the high school have seen enough circus shows to realize that hey, caked layers of makeup arenít really that scary after all. Your letters have only proven to me two things: 1), that youíre incompetent, and 2) that youíre incompetent and should be shot. (I hope that you get some small amount of pleasure when you realize the fact that this redundant and point it out to your mother, after all, you are the most well educated person I know.) Oh wait. God I hate you. Donít bother to respond to this email, Iím normally against wasting my time responding to crap. Actually, I just donít like you and donít want to hear from you again. Regardless of your decision on this matter, I plan to do my research. Whether you decide to look reasonable (though we all know your not), and back down, or whether your decide you let everyone know the full extent of your idiocy, is your decision.

Respectfully yours, Harrison DePew