Definitions
The Lifestyles of Dominant submissive (D/s) and BDSM consist of
many styles and variations. In order for us to better understand the lifestyle
and how it pertains to us we must understand the terms and how they apply
to the lifestyle and ourselves. The following list of terms and definitions
are most common to lifestylers and though they may not include all of the
terms used, hopefully they will give you a greater understanding of what
we do and enjoy.
Abrasion A term applied to any form of play that consists mainly
of rubbing, stroking, pinching or gentle pricking the skin. Often referred
to as an "abrasion scene."
Age Play Play that involves taking on the role of someone of a different
age than one's own.
Algolagnia The derivation of sexual pleasure from the giving or receipt
of pain.
Asphyxiation Play Choking, smothering to prevent free breathing for
a determined amount of time. Some enjoy being choked while having an orgasm.
Also not meant for the novice.
B&D An abbreviation of Bondage & Discipline, which is an enjoyment
of putting another into bondage and of punishing them in a highly ritualized
manner or of being bound and punished ritually. The enjoyment is usually
sexual, physical and mental, and often spiritual. Either the bondage or the
discipline can be strictly mental or psychological, B/D does not require
physical pain, although it usually does. It's almost always ritualized.
Bestiality Simply any form of sexual contact with an animal.
Bondage Restricting movement physically with rope, chain, cuffs, etc.,
or mentally through psychological control and/ or commands. It's not necessarily
uncomfortable/painful, but can be. It's sometimes ritualized. Most S/Mer's
and D/Ser's and all B/Der's do bondage.
Bottom A name referred to the submissive person in a scene or session
or the person who things are done to during play.
Butt Plug A device about the size of an erect penis, designed to be
inserted into the anus. Normally, these are designed with a large flange
to prevent the plug from entering completely into the rectum. Used for erotic
physical stimulation and as a form of mind play. A butt plug can be left
in a suitably prepared rectum for extended periods of time, for instance
during the day at the office.
Caning Using a cane or thin rod as the main stimulus during scene.
Often during a corporal punishment scene.
Cat A whip with many braided tails. short for cat-o-nine tails.
CBT
(cock & ball torture) The erotic use of pain of the male genitalia. Methods
include squeezing, pinching, pulling, electricity, mild flagellation, etc...
Coming Out into SM The process a person goes through as he/she admits,
explores and accepts his/her SM sexuality.
Consent One of the three most important aspects of proper D/s BDSM
lifestyle. All persons fully understand the potential risks of their intended
and have consented to the activities. This consent can be withdrawn or modified
by any at any time.
Cutting A term used to describe a form of play which one person cuts
the skin of the other.
Depilatory The removal of hair from the body. Usually used in reference
to cold wax removal of hair.
Discipline Play involving one person training another to obey and act
in a manner the person wants. Also referred to as punishment given by the
Top to for a transgression by the bottom.
Dominant A person who takes the role of Dominating or controlling another.
Dominatrix A female dominant.
Dom/sub drop A term used to describe symptoms of depression or anxiety
which may occur after separation between a couple who has spent an extended
period of time within their perspective roles within the lifestyle.
D/S Is an abbreviation of Dominance/Submission, which is an enjoyment
of having control or of being controlled by another. This enjoyment is usually
sexual, mental and physical, and often spiritual. D/S does not involve pain
in and of itself. (That's Sadism.) It's almost always ritualized. Dominants
control and Submissive’s are controlled.
Electric Play Use of electricity to create a physical response from
the recipient. Generally a violet wand or Tens Unit are used for such play
their effects are harmless provided used in proper fashion. AC current is
never recommended and is dangerous.
Endorphins A chemical produced by the body to help compensate for pain
or extreme duress also referred to as a Runners high, the substance is a
synthetic morphine so to speak.
Fetishism The use of objects as one of the preferred methods of producing
sexual excitement.
Fire play The use of a flammable substance applied to a recipient and
then ignited and burned away as the substance evaporates. Usually done with
isopropyl alcohol. This is not meant for the novice.
Fisting Inserting the hand carefully into the anus or vagina.
Flagellation The use of a device to strike another person, often with
whips, paddles, canes, rods, etc.
Flogger This is a fairly recent term for a hitting implement that has
a short handle and many, flat tails. It is usually made of leather. The effect
of a Flogger is due to the weight of the many strands as they land, and the
texture of the material used to make it.
Gender Play Play in which one or more of the players take on the roles
normally associated with the opposite sex.
Humiliation Play where one partner makes the other feel shame and or
embarrassment, such as making the other urinate in their pants in public.
Infantilism
(see age play) A form of role play between individuals where one becomes
a child and the other the adult and interact in this fashion as a parent
may with their own child.
Masochism The act of enjoying, sexually or otherwise, being humiliated,
beaten, bound, or otherwise made to suffer.
Master A male dominant.
Mindset A term used to describe a behavioral or thought pattern which
comes from participating in particular roles with in the lifestyle (i.e.
The Dominant is in his or her Dom Mindset).
Mistress A female dominant.
New Guard The "new breed" of SM player, armed with knowledge of safe
sane and consensual play. Far more likely to switch from Top to bottom (and
back) than players would have two decades ago. Also, more likely to involve
spirituality in their SM play.
Nipple Torture Another term for tit torture.
Novice Someone learning about the D/s lifestyle and or BDSM play.
Old Guard The name of a group formed within the gay leather community
shortly after world war II, combining military formalities and European protocols
to produce a structured BDSM culture. With high standards and a chain of
command in which one would proceed with in the Old Guard Community, they
formed the basic principles adhered to in many current D/s communities.
Paddling Play involving striking another with a rigid item, such as
a paddle or hairbrush, usually on the buttocks.
Physical Limits The limitations of a person's body with respect to
a scene. Some people have physical conditions (such as not being able to
stand in one place for too long) that stop them from enduring the physical
strain put upon them during a scene.
Sadism The act of enjoying, sexually or otherwise, causing someone
to be humiliated, beaten, bound or otherwise made to suffer.
Sadomasochism A term coined by Richard Von Krafft-Ebing to describe
both the activities of sadism and masochism.
Safe All players have taken the necessary precautions to prevent psychological
and physical damage to themselves, including the transmission of disease.
Safe word A chosen word or specific action which when used signals
for all activities to stop. Most commonly used during sessions or scenes
when a bottom has reached a point where they can not continue any further.
Sane All participants are in full possession of their mental faculties
and are fully aware of the risks involved in the play that they intend.
Scat Play & Water sports The use of bodily waste as apart of a
scene or session,.. generally in humiliation play. For health reasons it
is not recommended. though some do enjoy this form of play.
Scene A scene is any interaction between two players, be it a fleeting
glance across the bar or a full weekend in the playroom.
Session Another term for scene.
Slave A role that may be taken up for a short scene or a prolonged
relationship where the submissive partner submits to one or more others.
Spanking Hitting the body with the flat of the hand... usually the
buttocks.
S&M Is an abbreviation of Sadomasochism, which is an enjoyment
of giving or receiving mental and/or physical pain. This enjoyment can be
sexual, physical, mental, spiritual or a combination of some or all of these.
It's usually ritualized. Sadists give and Masochists receive pain. (Note:
See D/S for control. See Bondage or B/D for binding.)
Submissive A person who submits to the control of another (also known
as a bottom or slave).
Subspace A state or condition generally brought about through a session
involving pain of sorts cause the release of endorphins in the bottoms body
creating a europhoric state.
Suspension Any activity in which the bottom is suspended upright, upside
down or otherwise.
Switch A person who enjoys both Active and Reactive roles within the
Scene, each at a different time, switching because of planning, stimulation
or on cue, depending on the circumstances and/or on the relationship.
Tit Torture Play primarily involving involving the stimulation of the
nipples with clamps, toothbrushes, teeth, etc...
Top A name referred to the Dominant person in a session or scene.
Torture Webster's - Extreme pain; anguish of body or mind; pain; agony;
torment; as, torture of mind. Especially, severe pain inflicted judicially,
either as punishment for a crime, or for the purpose of extorting a confession
from an accused person, as by water or fire, by the boot or thumb kin, or
by the rack or wheel. The use of erotic pain (without injury) during a scene.
Vanilla A term used to describe non D/s and BDSM play or players, participants
or lifestylers.
Whipping The use of fairly flexible instruments, such as cat-o-nine
tails and floggers to produce erotic pain during a scene.
Wrapping A term that refers to the unintended wrapping of the end of
the body of the bottom and landing on the side or front of the body. Often
leaves marks on the bottom. In bondage play, can refer to using strips of
material (bandage, rubber, etc.) to wrap the body of the bottom, sometimes
in the style of an Egyptian mummy.