Facts about BDSM
Columbia University
Mutual consent is what distinguishes BDSM from abuse and assault, just as
consent distinguishes sex from rape.
Context is what determines whether or not pain is experienced as pleasurable,
though the context depends on the individual. An example of "good" pain may
be getting scratched during sex, while an example of "bad" pain may be stubbing
your toe.
Some individuals view BDSM as their sexual orientation, like heterosexuality,
homosexuality, and bisexuality. Others view it as a chosen sexual practice.
In either case it needs to be respected.
Not all BDSM play is between heterosexual couples.
People who practice BDSM may be either monogamous or polyamorous.
BDSM may or may not include sexual contact. For example, during a "scene"
which centers around the use of floggers the partners may not have physical
contact which goes beyond friendly hugging, yet, to each individual, the
scene may be sexually arousing. This sexual energy may be used at the end
of a "scene" either with that partner, another partner, or by the individual
alone.
People who are submissive with their partner in a BDSM "scene" may not be
necessarily submissive in other aspects of their lives.
BDSM can encompass physical and/or psychological interactions.
Ligature marks around wrists or ankles cause safety questions to be raised.
Warn patients about erotic asphyxiation -- choking play or hanging play is
very dangerous but common.
Accidents can happen in BDSM, just as in any other physical activity, but
this isn't abuse.
Rings, collars, brands, piercings or tattoos can be symbols of commitment
which are as sacred as marriage bands.
Both "tops" and "bottoms" can have bruises or soreness from a play session
(scene).
Both "tops" and "bottoms," regardless of their sex, can be abused.
Not all women "sub/bottom" and not all men "dom/top."
Some people are proud of their bruises marks/cuts just as they might be proud
of a hickey on their neck. Don't assume it is a problem or a mistake.
Partners who know each other very well may sometimes "negotiate" a scene
without a "safeword" -- this is still not abuse but a matter of profound
trust.