The Show

Before we begin, I want you to erase everything you think you know about Silverstone. I have seen the show on Disney a few times, and it’s not even about Silverstone. It’s about some spoiled rich black kid that is whiter than me (and I’m white). This kid is sissy, and by sissy I mean, Michael Jackson’s dog gets shot on his grandmother’s birthday sissy. He’s always bitching about being famous, “Boo hoo, I’m sixteen, filthy rich, and get more pussy than any of you ever will. But everywhere I go people want autographs and hugs.” What a fag. The way I see it, if people followed me around, I would just carry a loaded pistol. The REAL Silverstone would do it too, but remember, we’re talking about some wimp here.

Now, the part you’ve been wanting to get to. This is my overview of the REAL Silverstone show, played only in Thailand now after the FCC put a ban on the kid’s T.V. show saying it, “Promotes domestic violence.” It didn’t help that the producers of the show, being as hardcore badass as Silverstone himself, had strapped 50 pounds of C4 to themselves and detonated it inside the FCC’s headquarters. Nobody survived. So, to make a long story short, Disney bought the franchise, edited it, threw in some scenes about some kid and his loser friends, and BAM, instant success with a bunch of brain-washed idiot kids that soak up the media’s propaganda bullshit like Bob Marley sucked down blunts.

The first episode of Silverstone starts off with Silverstone and some kid in the street. The kid gives Silverstone a dirty look, so Silverstone spits in his eye. The kid gets pissed off and goes at Silverstone with a knife, but Silverstone stabs the kid in the stomach with it, before ripping it all the way up the bastard’s neck. This is where Artemis, AKA MANHUNTER WARLORD, comes up and is obviously enjoying every drop of blood from the kid’s body. This scene bothers a lot of people, but the producers of the show just felt that they needed to start off their series with a BANG. And they succeeded. Silverstone and Artemis become friends, kick some ass, maim some small animals, and in the end of the episode meet a magic faerie prince living in a dumpster (or a hobo). But this is no ordinary faerie, for he grants every person that kicks his ass 9 ½ wishes. So, without even saying, Silverstone takes a bat to the faeries head and bashes it in. This is giving me the goosebumps. Anyway, the mangled faerie gives Silverstone and Artemis:

1. A lasergun

2. A pocket-switchblade (Yes faeries can make them.)

3. An automatic rifle

4. Goggles that see through walls

5. A pen/detonator

6. A midget for a slave

7. A helicopter

8. A flamethrower

9. An everlasting pack of condoms.

His last ½ of a wish was half of a monkey. Silverstone figured it would be hilarious to see only the upper half of a monkey try and get around, and indeed Mr. Bojangles was good for many a laugh before he died of heart failure.

• The Ghetto Faerie Prince