This journal page created by Chris De Brocky aka Peanut
these are my personal thoughts kinda like a online journal thing so dont fuck with any of them
you know what when i started this website i didnt think anyone would go to it and i was right hahahaha well maybe i am not because you are reading this and obviously you are on my site and you found my journal page!!!
I dont wanna go back to school. I just want to go back for the friends but nothing else maybe the fact that i can get back into drama and all but nothing else because it will all be the same me finding a chick i like and then she will turn me down.
sometimes you wonder if the world is against you or if you just seem to make life harder by your actions.
its funny i have a lot of friends but most of them are only ones i see at school because i am always working and never able to do anything with anyone so thats why no one ever calls me and says hey wanna do something or hey come over everyone else is here why dont you come over.they all just go their own ways and do things amongst themselves and i always feel i am on the outside looking in just wishing i was there to be in their world knowing that the world they have is inpenitrable because of their strong friendship.
If there was one thing i wished it would be for me to be able to have a girlfriend and not have to be lonely because i am always lonely.
Well its wednesday night the 18th and and i went to hang with my friends and one i like and she allready knows but the thing is she just wanted to be friends and tonight i was driving in the car and her friend was with us tonight and she is all like say all the time i love you chris it probably doesnt mean anything but hey thats me reading way too far into things but i can just hope she has just changed her fealings for me or something but i dont know i just wish i could go out with her but i have a fealing it will never happen ='(
Well its september 2 and i got suspended from school its really great because of the fact that i didnt even mean to do it so i was being sarcastic if you didnt noticebut its just why must this happen to me i dont think i deserve it but i guess who ever is in charge of my life thinks i deserve to get in trouble but i guess you could call it life hahaha.
Yet agian the girl i like the one who already knows it has decided to go after another one of my own friends atleast i think he is my friend but anyways she asks me to help her find out if he likes her or not so i said sure because i am her friend and thats what friends do but i really wish that i could go out with her because when she told me she didnt like this one guy that she liked that i herd about him all the time i was thinking to myself thank you maybe i have a chance now but yet agian nope i dont have a chance i just wish someone would like me and not want to leave me ever.
I dont mean to sound like a baby but i wish i could get a girlfriend so i could be happy.
Its september 5th and i am at home because its the weekend and because i am grounded for getting suspended what a thought huh. Well the girl i liked now likes someone new, he is one of my friends and thats just great huh well i dont know about that but when she called to tell me that he was going to ask her out probably that night i guess to her i didnt sound too happy well its because i wasnt but then i thought that what i did was very rude and i should be happy for her because she is my best friend so i text messaged her last night and told her i was sorry for not sounding happy and that if she wanted to go out with this guy i was behind her i hope i did the right thing because i just want the best for her because she is a great girl and my best friend and thats all she will ever be i guess.
well i havent typed here in a while its Friday the 17 of september and i dont know why i am typeing here. I think its because life is soo crapy because everytime i think i have a girlfriend i seem to screw it up what is wrong with me? Well thats a stupid question dont u think i sure do but thats just me i guess, what a idiot i am at least i think i am for letting things get away from me but whatever. Wow a period i like never use periods kinda scary if i dont say so myself oh here goes another one. Ok enough of the period talk kinda makes me uneasy i dont know why hahaha ok whatever all i know is that i want a girlfriend and untill i get one i am going to go insane literaly no but seriously i need a girlfriend.
Wow havent typed in here in a long time well anyways its Sunday October 18th. Well Holloween in coming up and i guess i cant wait i dont know what i am going to do. I must say i am really sick of doing all this crap sign waving its really pissing me off. Oh yeah i am yet again likeing someone new i dont know if i really like her or what but i like more then one person now and i dont know what one to ask out i wish i could just have someone tell me who to ask out but that aint gonna happen ofcourse. Well anyways i am out of here enjoi reading this if u ever find it witch you wont bcause u cant get to this part of the site hahahahahaha. LATER
December 2 2004
Wow when i say wow i mean wow in this case because it has been way too long. I can probably say the reason behind that is because i thought i could have this page as a hidden page and well that back fired as you can tell if you are reading this because i have it now on the main page as a link but yeah whatever i dont care. OK well what has been going on with me not like you all care well maybe you do because u are reading this and if you didnt care you wouldnt read this, anyways i am out of the worst math class yeay and oh yeah the latest horrible thing that happened is i thought i had a girlfriend but turned out i didnt, but its ok because she is still my friend. Acctually you know what i have done. I have done the worst thing ever, well see my Best Friend got a boyfriend(yeay for her really great news) and she got her boyfriend the same time i find out i dont have a girlfriend and you know what i have been really depressed and i keep bringing her down and i really dont mean to do it, ohh i feel so horrible soo sooo sooo horrible. Oh yeah now for some reason my mom seems to hate me i dont know what is her problem i may have gotten in a fight with everyone in my family but her holding a grudge like that i mean come on get a life but you know what, i dont care anymore because she can do whatever she wants. So have to go to my next period, oh yeah bring on 3rd period.
December 12 2004
Ok well here i am agian typeing in a place where no one will see unless they take their time check out my site and look at absolutly everything. But anyways what i an typeing here has nothing about anyone finding site it is about this one chick who i just think of as a friend and i know she "really likes me" at least thats what her friend told me but whatever i dont know. But heres the deal i am a T.A. with her in one of my classes and i dont know what to do. AHHHH help me i dont know i kinda want a girlfriend but i dont know if i am ready to have a girlfriend because of the fact that i am trying to focus on school and if you really know me that is strange comeing out of my mouth, me focusing on school very strange. All i know is that she is a nice person and i dont want to be a jackass and give her that whole i just want to be your friend speech because i know how much that hurts so wont do that i dont know i just dont want it to be all wierd around her and shit. Oy oh god i am going canadian and a little british thats not fun at all because me not being very fond of the canadians i have no problems with the british. Oh speaking of that she this girl is british its kinda funny her accent at least, well we do some stuff in common I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! Well whatever it will all work out hopefully. Anyways i am done with this entry.
For me writting here does it make me a BLOGGER?
December 14 2004
Ok hey i am back on this page that not a lot of people know about which i guess i am fine with but anyways i have to say that i have finally taken care of my issue in the previous huge type deali. Yeah i told the girl that i really am not ready for a relationship and stuff thats all and the fact that i would like to just be friends and surprisingly she took it very well she did not get all emotional and sad at least she did not to me. I hope i did not hurt her feelings at all ok later!
January 4 2005
Ok i lied what a thought me lieing no not that hard for me to do because i do it all the time. Ok well i havent said what exactly i am lieing about well the thing i am lieing about is the fact that previously I wrote that i told that girl that i did not want a relationship well me being the liar i am went back on what i said and asked her out and it turned out so far to be the best thing i have done in a long time because i really like her and from what i can tell she likes me too i know i said that be4 but this time it is real! Well i dont want everyone reading over my shoulder so i will continue my typeing at home!
January 4 2005
Ok well i am at home! The reason i say it is real this time is because i have been talking to her a lot and also we have told eachother a lot and have worked somethings out when we felt they needed to be worked out so that is why i think it is real this time and also we have been going out for about 2 weeks now and for me that is a big acomplishment well i am out got to go do work.
April 16 2005
Ok well its like what 12:45 in the morning and i am talking to my beautifull girlfriend who at the moment is lookin at this page because i told her where it was. Oh and yeah taht right i have a girlfriend and this time i have a realy good feeling about it and i dont know what to call this feeling i have because i have never had this feeling before and it scares me because i dont want to call this love because i dont know if i can say i love her i can easily say that i really like her and want to stay with her for a long time if she is willing to stay with me and from what i get she is not going to leave me( i hope ) ok well i am just going to look on the positive side because taht makes me smile because the positive is taht she really likes me and wants me and she really likes it when i smile. Ok well now i must clarify something i am having totaly different feelings when i am around my new girlfriend because she is giving me the same affection that i give her and taht was not how it was with my last girlfriend so i am not going to say oh this one is the same as all the others becasue i have never felt this so i cant say oh i have said this be4 all i know is that this is definitally different from everything else bceause she is more special to me than all the rest because she acctually cares about me as much as i care for her and that scares me but makes me happy at the same time, it scares me because i want to but i dont want to fall in love agian because i allways seem to get my heart broken but its hard because i think this feeling might be the feeling of me falling in love which scares me bcause my heart is so delicate at the moment because its still being mended and she is helping it mend with every single hug and every single kiss it picks up the pieces and fixes my broken heart. Well i have made my every couple months stop here and typed so i am out, enjoi the read. P.S. Help me Monique i think i am falling fast.
August 4 2005
Ok well its not as early as my last entry was its only 11:10, improvement on my part i think well anyways i have finally decided to work on my site again partially because my girlfriend started to look at it and noticed nothing had been done to it so i feel i should change that and look i am changing that but the thing is i am changeing that on a page that no one really knows about and no one really trys to find even tho i said i had the game of trying to find my site but whatever oh yeah if you didnt know i am not going to use any periods on this entry i just think it will be fun that way i know i know i am wierd so what go screw yourself if you think i am wierd, wow i am talkin to a computer thats really sad well anyways i am still going out with that beautiful girl in my last entry who makes me feel like i am flying every time i kiss her its a forever good feeling but yeah our 4 month is in 2 days YAY that makes me soo happy i really love her soo much words cant ever explain how much i love her nobody knows how much be me and her and thats how it should be oh yeah sad thing the summer is almost over and then i am a senior not exactly what i have been looking forward to because i loose touch with all my friends and wont see some people ever again but its ok i guess that life right people who were meant to stay together will thats why i am not worried with me and my gf because i know we are meant for each other and nothing can come in the way of use being together forever at least thats what i think well anyways senior year should be a hoot but i cant for see the future(i wish i could that would be soo cool because then i could tell if we will get attacked by aliens or terrorist) so i dont know what is in store (what store am i talking about lol) for me this next year or the rest of my life all i know is that i will be with monique for the rest of my life through thick and thin nothing will come in our way as long as there is love present wow i repeated myself there but whatever you know what is wierd i noticed that i only worked on my site or wrote here if i broke up with a girl or if i had a delima but now i am writing here because i kinda want to and because monique wants me too so either way i am writting here at a happy time in my life and that makes me feel soo much better because i dont need anymore sadness in my life i only need my family monique and my job nothing else oh wait i need love but i already have that from both my family and monique and thats all i need, well wait there was one thing that was sad in my life just recently my grandmother (Nanny) passed away she was such a good women she could always put a smile on your face when she was in better health and sometimes when she was in the nursing home but you know what i know she is ok and that is what makes it all better because i know that she is watching over me and my family making sure everything goes right because she loved each and everyone of us even kevin my uncle ed's "partener" as much as one could love their sons "partener" because she supported her kids in every move they made because she just wanted them to be happy and thats what makes her such a wonderfull women i dont know what to say besides i really miss her presence even tho she was not really all there in the end i still miss her to death, even though i never really showed emotion for her at the viewing or the services i still wanted to cry so much but i didnt because i know she was someplace better and not in pain so i guess i accepted it, I know god has welcomed her with open arm and taken her in and is keeping her safe, well anyways i am done with this entry i think its long and cover all that i have not shared in a long time well i just wanted to end this with a period and also this I LOVE MONIQUE AND MY FAMILY AND I SEND A PRAYER TO NANNY I LOVE YOU ALL.
August 7 2005
i am eating ice cream!!!!
If you found this link to this page its because u acidentaly stumbled upon it or i told you about it but heres the thing there are no links out of it hahahahahaha no just kiding click back -_}-