You know what I hate most about myself? I hate the fact that I miss her. I know that she said that she doesn't want to see me anymore, nor does she want the relationship to continue… but I can't help but remember every single event that's happened in the course of the last three months. The smallest details ranging from the sweetness of her voice or the touch of her hands to those long hours of just sitting beside each other, gazing at everything and nothing, hoping that the moment could go on forever.

     I can still remember when every time I'd try to leave, she'd cling to my arm and force me to stay for a few more minutes (which then turned to hours, hehe), how she tried resisting being tickled (resistance was futile of course coming from an expert in the field), or when she asked me to kiss her after she drank milk (I hate milk). I remember my first kiss (she was after all, the first girl I've ever kissed), my first date, my first tears in front of her. I remember going on our second date when from out of the blue, my entire family walked in. I remember almost fainting after that. She'd laugh, she'd smile, sometimes she'd cry or be as quiet as a stone, but in whatever she did, it always made me happy. Being with her was bliss.

     I can even recall the sweetest thing she ever did; every second of it. It happened when I was about to break up with her a few weeks ago. After hours of solitude and silence, after she cried for so long for something she lied to me about, she looked at me with those beautiful, tantalizing eyes and asked for a second chance. For a moment there, I was speechless. I mean, I'm no expert in relationships but from what I see in movies and from what I hear from actual experiences, it's the guy who asks, who even begs for a second chance. I recovered quickly though and ofcourse made no hesitation in answering yes. I guess I'm either too nice or too much of a fool to have done so, but at that particular moment, it seemed like the right thing to do. Denying her that second chance would have made her sadder. And, quite honestly? I didn't think I could have lived with that.

     Now I have to forget everything. Forget the dream-like memories, forget her scent, her smile… forget her. I need to in order to get on with my life. It's just too damn hard, too bloody painful to reminisce… too hard not to miss her. Going to the life I once led without her in the picture is almost close to impossible. I look back and wonder how sane was I to have had that kind of life in the first place. So now I have to forget everything and start anew. Whether I live up to the task or not is really not that important; what is, is that I try.

     She broke up with me for one mistake, my first and apparently my last. Of course, I pleaded for a second chance but she wouldn't have it. Unfair? Yes. But nothing in this life can truly be considered fair, right? Makes you wonder how sick life's irony can be sometimes.

     This is a period most people call Closure. And believe me, it's not a very pretty picture. I've been miserable for almost two weeks now but it seems like it's been going on for years. Friends say that it'll last for a month, maybe two. I remember last year, a friend of mine was suffering from the same dilemma and I shrugged it off as being an exaggerated response to a small insignificant problem. I am eating my words. To be heartbroken is truly a problem equal to that of Apocalypse or perhaps losing your best friend. It's not something you'd like to experience just for the hell of it… rather, I'd say that to experience it is to see something of Hell.

     In a few more weeks, I'll probably get over it. It's just a phase anyway. Many others have gone through the same experience; some have killed themselves because they couldn't handle the stress, some have found other girls to take away the misery. I will do neither. Time will heal all wounds, no matter how deep the cut and how bad the injury. In time, I'll have the luxury to laugh at what's happening to me at present and slap myself silly for thinking what I'm thinking today. But till then, I will sit the minutes, the hours and the days, hoping and wishing that when I wake up the next morning, I won't grumble because the relationship is over… but smile because it happened.