AIM: Malfoypatriarch
Lucius: "I think, I shall first be Lucius. And then I shall be Malfoy. It's only fair after all. Lucius does come first in my name."
Severus: "Not in official records."
Lucius: "True. But in official records it states that I was under the Imperius curse."
No finer words can best describe Lucius.
He's not that much better on the RPG.
Lucius whines and bitches when he can't have his way, which isn't all that often. Born with the ability to manipulate people, he refined the talent to an art form. He takes great pride in convincing people of the impossible. He is vain, cocky, conceited, arrogant, snobby, and a damned bastard at most times.
But he hasn't fallen down a flight of stairs yet.
He was practically brought up by Voldemort, or Tom Riddle at the time, since his father died when he was young. He was taught many curses, learned strategic fighting and warfare, and how to run when the fight got too intense. Which is probably why he's such a damn wuss when it comes to anything physical. Lucius is a guy who needs a hidden advantage in his corner. He prefers his battles to be of the intellectual type and will not step into anything when he is not fully prepared for it.
During the war, his main job was to formulate strategic operations and, on some events, lead them to victory. He does not mind warfare and has developed a taste for blood over the years. He has very little tolerance for stupidity or the shortcomings of others.
After the war had ended, Lucius ended up doing about a week's worth of time in Azkaban until the Minister found out about his incarceration and took him out. The stay with the Dementors taught Lucius three things.
One, Severus Snape was not a good man to cross.
Two, Azkaban is not a fun place.
And three, don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me! Anyone else but me!
The stay also made him a bit loony. And that's putting it very mildly. Lucius walks a very thin line between sanity and utter madness. He uses this mental instability of his as either a handicap for his actions or an excuse. Either way is nothing short of a fallicy. But because of this, he occassionally suffers from sharp headaches which only go away after a long time of calmness.
The stay also left large, gaping, black holes within his memory, shutting off certain images of his past both during the war and before. Unfortunately, it wasn't until later on when he realized just how important those damn holes were in the fight to destroy Voldemort.
Besides being a pathological liar, he is also short-tempered, easily insulted, and a bit neurotic especially when it comes to his car. He cares about few things, most of them are material possessions. He bares no love for his wife, but deeply loves his son, who he wishes would pay a bit more attention to the lessons Lucius has to teach him.
His relationships are as such: Severus, whom he alternately fears and loves with a passion. Snape has a way of bringing out his cheerfulness if only because Sev makes an excellent straight man to Lucius' carefree comments. Lucius enjoys talking to him because Severus can hold his own in a verbal match against Lucius. The fear Lucius holds for him is tapered off by his attraction for the man. In short, Lucius has a deeply masochistic and sadistic streak running through him when it comes to foreplay.
He's also a bit of a horny sex-crazed freak.
He is slowly looking at Harry Potter as less like an annoyance and more like a person. Granted a person who is screwing his son, but a person nonetheless. He has no tolerance for Hermione Granger or Ron Weasley for obvious reasons.
He is torn between feelings for Voldemort but has made up his mind to do whatever it takes to kill him.
Lucilla inspires jealousy within him, for he does not relish the thought of her beneath Severus, but he does care for her in his Malfoyish way.
Despite popular opinion, he holds Black in blatant indifference, as he barely knows him to formulate an opinion of the man.
Lucius: I would really like the chance to speak sometime today.
Did I mention he's very talkative? His one weakness is silence, which Severus normally gives to him ten-fold. Moving on.
Draco is his other weakness. His son is the only thing he really has for a family and so he guards the boy with his life. If asked as to who he loves more, Severus or Draco, he would not be able to give you a straight answer.
A few miscellaneous things about him. Lucius is a talker. His sexual conquests run almost as high as the Muggles he has hit with his car. He loves to spend money on himself. And the only thing he truly fears is losing control over himself completely. He can snap under pressure but only after severe periods of stress and pain.
Lucius: You did say I would get to talk.
He's also very annoying at times. *sighs in exasperation* Fine! Let me get you the survey.
Lucius: What survey? You didn't say anything about a survey.
*slams down the survey in front of him* Write.
1. What's your name: Lucius Malfoy
2. What do you wish your name was, instead: I don't think there's anything wrong with it as it is.
3. How are you: Never better.
4. Would you ever eat sushi? I have before.
5. Would you ever eat sushi off a naked body? Depends on their physique.
6. Have you considered homosexuality? Consider it? I live it.
7. What's your sexual preference? Everyone and nearly anything.
8. What were you in a past life? God.
9. I punch you. Quick, what do you do? Get aroused.
10. When confronted with Britney Spears, you...? Make her a woman now.
11. What's your favorite coffee? Black, untouched, untainted. Like my women.
12. What's your political perspective? Depends on which side. When confronted with a choice between Fudge, Dumbledore, and Voldemort, I will go for Voldemort. Fudge is an idiot and I can't stand anyone who's more insane than I am.
13. Are you my Angel? I am your Light. Angels are beneath me.
14. Do you consider yourself a poet? Only when looking at Severus.
15. What do you wanna be when you grow up? Minister of Magic and Evil Cult Leader
16. There's a naked man in your living room. What do you do? Is this an awkward situation?
17. How stupid do you think you are? I believe I am quite intelligent.
18. How stupid do other people think you are? Not extremely stupid. Else why would they follow me?
19. Who the hell do you think you are? Lucius Malfoy.
20. Is the Wonderbra good or bad? I'll let you know as soon as I try one on.
21. If you could levitate, who would you scare first? I don't think floating people would frighten anyone.
22. What's your favorite fruit? Severus.
23. Can you feel the love tonight? Why? Is Narcissa away on vacation?
24. On a nude beach, you would...? Probably bury Narcissa in the sand and make out with the lifeguards.
25. Make up a story with yourself: Once upon a time there was a man named Lucius Malfoy. He singlehandedly defeated the Dark Lord, got the position of Minister of Magic, managed to cut the incompetence out of the wizarding world and slept every night with Severus on one side, Draco on the other.
26. What do you think about contemporary art? To me, art is the blood that spurts out of the victim's neck and lands upon the wall in such a manner as to suggest an eggplant escaping from the vegetable bowl on his way to freedom. All other forms of art escape me.
27. Do you like being naked? I don't believe in modesty.
28. If we had proof God didn't exist, what would happen? Last I checked, I exist.
29. Do you enjoy cheese whiz? I'm sorry?
30. What's your position on virginity? Should be taken slow at first, then hard and fast. Slicing the upper arms aids in the pleasure as well.
31. On civil unions: Anything civil does not sit well with me.
32. On RuPaul: Who?
33. On mosquito bites: I do not care for anything that sucks my blood and does not give me a blow job in return.
34. On bad sitcoms: What are those?
35. On Fran Drescher: Who?
36. Are you left handed or right handed? Ambidextrous. It helps in a threesome.
37. Are you smart? Brilliant.
38. What's your middle name? Depends on who's asking. And it's invariably a lie.
39. How many personalities do you have? Many according to most people.
40. How many piercing do you have? None. I don't believe in putting extra holes in my body.
41. What was your first word? Daddy bad.
42. Are you superstitious? No.
43. Do you read your horoscope? No.
44. Do you believe in that stuff? No. After Trelawny, who would?
45. Can you do cartwheels? Depends on the sex.
46. Do you have contact lenses? No.
47. Do you have a retainer or braces? My lawyer handles all those affairs.
48. Can you drive? Yes. And badly, just ask Severus. Though I do believe I maintain perfect control.
49. Do you snore? No.
50. Do you drool in your sleep? I should say not.
51. Do you lick your envelopes or use a sponge? Sealing wax.
52. Do you keep a journal? No.
53. Do you like onions? Only if I can shove them into a Mudblood's eyes.
54. Do you like cotton candy? Only if I can shove into Severus'...nevermind.
55. What instruments can you play? Piano and I can do a mean spoon.
56. Do you like to dance? Love to.
57. Do you like to sing? Only on special occasions.
58. Are you any good at it? See previous answer.
59. Do you like to talk on the phone? Phone?
60. Do you like where you live? I had better.
61. Are you organized? Very.
62. Do you sleep with socks on? I sleep with nothing on.
63. Are you shy? No.
64. Do you talk to yourself? If there is no one around. Me and my words, eh, Severus?
65. Are you a morning person? So long as the mornings start at 3 PM.
66. Are you a virgin? I don't believe I ever was.
67. Are you proud of that? Very.
68. Do you believe in reincarnation? Yes.
69. Do you believe in God? I believe in myself, yes.
70. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes.
71. Do you believe in bigfoot? Yes, Blaise's father.
72. How old do you wish you were? I am at the perfect age right now.
73. What will you name your daughter? Justina Miriam Malfoy.
74. Son? Draco.
75. Have you ever thought you were gonna die? Many times over.
76. Where do you wanna go? Right now, my choices are quite limited. A nice visit to the Cajun Islands would be preferred.
Ever...
1. Been kissed? Yes.
2: Done drugs? Only prescription for my migraines.
3: Eaten an entire box of Oreos? I have no idea what those are.
4: Been on stage? Yes. Had a piano recital at the age of eight and when I was fourteen, I managed to get onto stage in the middle of a concert.
5: Dumped someone else? That would first involve being in a relationship. Does my wife count?
6: Gotten in a car accident? Nothing has been proven so far.
7: Watched "Punky Brewster"? Never heard of it.
8: Been in love? Yes.
Favorites...
9: Shampoo: Some blueish liquid the House Elf buys.
10: Toothpaste: I don't see why this should have any relevance to anything.
11: Soap: I really thought I'd be able to tell them something important.
12: Type of soup: This is all well and good but...*sigh* Tomato. I like the redness, the slight salty taste. Like licking a wound.
13: Room in your house: Library.
14: Instrument: Violin. I can't play it but desperately love to hear it.
Either/Or..
15: Coffee or hot chocolate? Coffee.
16: Big or little? Wide and thick.
17: Lace or satin? Silk.
18: New or old? Old ways of thinking are the best. New ways of achieving the old ways must be found.
19: Neve Campbell or Jennifer Love Hewitt? Excuse me?
20: Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt? Who?
21: Vogue or Material Girl? Materials are nice. It's always best to be materialistic.
22: Jeans or cords? Dress pants.
23: Sweater or sweatshirt? Both are unbecoming.
24: T-shirt or tank top? Suits.
25: Skirt or dress? Gowns.
26: Wool or cotton? Muggle. I will get a nasty letter for that one. Fine. Leather.
27: Rose or Lily? Poison Ivy.
28: The way it is or the way it was? My way.
29: Oldies or pop? Classical and jazz.
30: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? I am married. And so, I shall say I have a mistress. Severus will love me in the morning.
31: Do you have a best friend? I like to consider him to be.
In the last 24 hours, have you...
32: Cried? Malfoys do not cry.
33: Helped someone? If I did, I do regret it.
34: Bought something? Yes.
35: Gotten sick? No.
36: Gone to the movies? No.
37: Gone out for dinner? No.
38: Said "I love you"?: Yes.
39: Written a real letter? Yes, but I'm not quite sure what a fake letter is.
40: Moved on? Moved on to what? It's impossible right now to go anywhere.
41: Talked to an ex? Does my wife count?
42: Missed an ex? I never miss my wife.
43: Written in a journal? No.
44: Talked to someone you have a crush on? I don't have a crush. Everyone I ever want comes to me.
45: Had a serious talk? Yes.
46: Missed someone? No. Again, everyone comes to me.
47: Hugged someone? Yes.
48: Fought with your parents? My parents are long dead.
49: Fought with a friend? Yes.
Do you.....
50: Wear eye shadow? Only for parties.
51: Put on a "front"? Which one?
52: Kiss on the first date? Only if he's ugly.
53: Have a crush on someone? No.
54: Eat with your mouth open? No.
55: If you got a tattoo, where would you get it, and what would it be? I already have one, thank you. And it's on my left forearm.
56: What color is your floor/carpet in your room? Since Severus and I were, erm, busy on the floor the other night, it is now white with several red stains upon it.
57: What was the last CD you bought? CD?
58: How did you spend last summer? Lying to the Ministry, lying to Voldemort, lying to Narcissa, and sleeping around with Arthur.
59: When's the last time you showered? Last night.
60: Are you tired? Immensely. No rest for the wicked.
61: Are you lonely? No.
62: Are you happy? Slightly.
63: Are you wearing pajamas? No.
64: Are you talking to someone online? On..line?
65: What are the initials of your crush/interest/spouse? My interest is S.S. My spouse is N.M.
66: What is your astrological sign? I distinctly remember saying that I don't believe in that.
67: What is the sign of your crush/interest/spouse? The only sign he holds up is the unrelenting glower. And she's much the same.
68: What time is it? About dinnertime by my watch.
Lucius: That was ridiculous. You said I would get a chance to speak! You said I would get a chance to tell my own side of the story! Dammit, Severus got his chance, why in hell can't I get mine? And I don't much care for this background on my page! It is *my* page so I should be allowed to pick. I would like something with a little more green in it and another thing...
If you like to gamble, I tell you I'm your man,
You win some, lose some, all the same to me,
The pleasure is to play, makes no difference what you say,
I don't share your greed, the only card I need is
The Ace Of Spades
Playing for the high one, dancing with the devil,
Going with the flow, it's all the same to me,
Seven or Eleven, snake eyes watching you,
Double up or quit, double stake or split,
The Ace Of Spades
You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools,
But that's the way I like it baby,
I don't wanna live for ever,
And don't forget the joker!
Pushing up the ante, I know you wanna see me,
Read 'em and weep, the dead man's hand again,
I see it in your eyes, take one look and die,
The only thing you see, you know it's gonna be,
The Ace Of Spades